Despite the fact I feel much better after our 'conversation', my night is still the same. I slept on and off, because of the nightmares, as usual. But in the morning I finally get some rest.
I feel something on my cheek, something soft, something warm. It feels good. I don't move, still half asleep. It puts a streak of hair behind my ear. Then it returns to my cheek, caressing softly, as if it was afraid to touch me.
"Syd?" I know this voice...
"Syd?" I stir a little.
" Hey, time to wake up..." he speaks in a soft tone. I slowly open my eyes and see a pair of green eyes looking at me. He smiles.
" Morning."
" Morning."
" It's almost noon, I thought you should eat something." A smile crosses my face. I've been dreaming of a morning like that since I've been back. It's so domestic, it reminds me of a time some years ago when Vaughn brought me breakfast at bed. We used to stay in bed as late as we could, enjoying the few days off we could have. It was heaven.
I sit on the bed, the sheet still covering me, and he puts the tray on my lap.
" I didn't know what you'd like, so I brought different things."
" Thank you." I look at him smiling.
" What?" He asks.
" Nothing... I'm just...happy I guess..."
" I'm glad you're happy." He smiles as I nod and look down at the tray.
" Vaughn! You didn't have to buy the whole store!"
" I wasn't sure about what you wanted, so..."
" I haven't changed, I still- " I look down. I shouldn't talk about the past. The past is the past. And we are in present. I don't have to live in the past anymore.
" Then just eat what you want, I'll take the rest."
" You didn't have breakfast?"
" Uhm, no. Actually I woke up pretty late too."
" Oh. OK." I grab a croissant and start to eat. He chooses a muffin. We eat quietly for some minutes, enjoying the morning.
" So...what do you want to do today?"
" I think I'll go back to my place. I've been here enough." I sip my coffee.
" You know you can stay here as long as you want."
" I'll be fine."
" I'm not sure Weiss will let you go." I smile at him.
" I think I'm gonna take a shower. I kinda...smell."
" You're not that bad..." He smiles.
Vaughn takes the tray back to the kitchen and washes the dishes. I try to stand up slowly. It's better than yesterday. I'm still dizzy but I don't fall on the floor. I start to walk toward the bathroom. But the problem is: I have no idea where the bathroom is. Vaughn hears me and comes and stops in front of me.
" What are you doing?"
" I'm gonna take a shower remember, I'm pretty sure we talked about it "
" You should have called me, I would have helped you." I smile. He always wants to help...
" I'm okay. It's just spinning a little."
" Oh." He grab my arms and leads me toward the bathroom.
" You want me to help you?" Suddenly he blushes, realizing what he just said.
" I mean...if you need something...if you want..."
" I got it." I smile and search for his eyes.
" Uhm...do you know where I can find a towel?" He quickly grabs one in a cupboard and hands it to me.
" Need something else?" He looks embarrassed and doesn't look in my eyes.
" No, thanks."
" OK...I...I'll be right there, if you need me...I mean..."
" I'll call you if I need help." With that he hurries out of the bathroom and closes the door. I look at the face staring back at me in the mirror. I look horrible. I have dark circles under my eyes, I look pale, and my hair is dirty and tangled. I pull my clothes off. I'm looking for something to brush my hair when I hear a knock at the door. It starts to open slightly. The towel is too far away for me to catch it. So I cover myself with my arms.
" Don't open-" He closes quickly the door, and waits a few seconds before speaking.
" Oh.... Uhm...Sorry...I...I was just thinking, you can take a bath if you want...it'll be more relaxing..."
" Uhm...okay...thanks!"
Now I really need something to relax! I fill the bath tube with hot water and slide in. It feels so good. I let my body relax in the hot water and close my eyes, getting lost in the sensation. I feel the warmth first in my toes, slowly reaching my knees, then all my legs. My belly slowly warming up, then my torso, my throat. I slide further in the water and shelter every inch of my body into this warm cocoon, from toes to head. I stay like that some minutes and reluctantly pull my head out, needing oxygen. I clean myself and relax until the water is getting cold. I step out the bathtub and wrap myself in the towel.
I pick up the tee shirt on the floor but let it fall on the floor. It smells a lot...I can't believe I wore that and no one told me...I have to find something to wear...but what? I can't go to my apartment wrapped in a towel! I open the door slightly and pick out my head.
" Vaughn?" He's immediately in front of the door, avoiding looking at me, staring at the floor.
" You...you need something?"
" Actually...I have no clothes to put on, so...maybe you could go to my apartment and bring back some clothes?"
" Uhm, no... I don't have the keys. Weiss has them."
" Oh."
" You can borrow my clothes...if you want.... if you don't want to, it's ok...it's just...I thought..."
" Vaughn, stop rambling."
" Sorry..." He finally looks up at me.
" So...you wanna borrow some clothes?"
" Yeah, it would be nice."
" OK. I'll be right back." I close the door and he knocks some minutes later.
" Uhm...there's a tee-shirt, sweatpants and a sweatshirt." I grab them...but I need something else.
" Vaughn?"
" Yes?"
" I...erm...I don't have you..."
" You want a pair of boxers?"
" Uhm...I don't know….if that's okay..."
" Sure...be right back." I don't look at myself in the mirror but I must be red as a beet. He quickly gives me a pair of boxers and goes back into the living room. I get dressed and step out of the bathroom. Vaughn is reading the paper on the couch. I clear my throat. He looks at me blushing to the roots of his hair.
" Hey..." A smile crosses his face.
" You still look good in my clothes..." We both are turning a shade of red once again, avoiding each other's gaze. Why is it so hard talking about the past, about what we used to have? I used to borrow his clothes almost every day. He always told me 'And what am I going to wear now?' I'd run toward the kitchen, knowing he wouldn't run after me before checking if we were alone. He'd take back his clothes, using every charm he had, and we headed back toward the bedroom very often...replaying this scene again and again before realizing we were late for work again.
" Uhm...if you want to take a shower..."
" OK, I'm gonna go." He stands up and brushes against my arm slightly as he walks toward the bathroom. It sends goose bumps all over my body, from head to toe. I turn and watch him walking graciously toward the bathroom. I shake my head, clearing my mind, and decide I should change the sheets on the bed.
I find clean sheets and change the bed, putting the dirty ones in the washing machine. I sit on the bed and start to read the paper, when Vaughn knocks at the door.
" Come in!" He enters only wrapped in a little towel, his wet hair dropping on his bare chest. I swallow hardly.
" My clothes are in this drawer." He points out the drawer in front of the bed. Drawer remember me...I shouldn't think about that. I nod, not remembering how to speak.
"You...want me to go out?"
" No, no, I'll go be dressed in the bathroom."
" OK." You can change here if you want, I thought to myself...I wouldn't mind... I look down at the paper again, trying not to be lost in thoughts I shouldn't have, trying not to stare at him like he was dessert.
He walks out and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
He comes back about ten minutes later, the towel over his shoulder, his hair still wet. He sits down on the couch, where I'm reading –or at least I'm trying- the paper. He looks over my shoulder.
" The economics?" he smirks.
" Yeah..." He knows I wasn't really reading now...
" So, what do you want to do?" he asks me while he's drying his hair with the towel.
" Uhm...I dunno, nothing particular..."
" It's almost five...we could watch-" His phone's ringing. He stands up and answers, still looking at me.
" Vaughn..." he smiles.
" Hey man, where are you? We were about to call the police!" 'Weiss' he whispers, I nod, smiling. I guess he was too busy for calling earlier...
" Yeah, don't worry about us...no, no... No, your house hasn't burnt down, don't worry...uhm..." He looks down
"...yeah, we...we talked..." he looks up at me. Weiss must have asked him how things went between Vaughn and I. "Great! OK, see ya! Bye." He hangs up and sits back on the couch.
" It was Weiss."
" Yeah, I figured that out..."
" He was checking up on us..."
" What did he said?"
" He was...busy earlier, that's why he didn't call." I smile, and Vaughn looks at me smiling too.
" What?"
" Nothing. It's good to see you smiling again, that's all."
" So...uhm...what else did he tell you?"
" Oh, he won't be here before tomorrow, or later, he didn't know."
" That's great!" Vaughn looks at me strangely.
" For him. I mean, he deserves to have a life...he's been with me so often this year." I know Vaughn is about to tell me again that he's sorry he wasn't here for me, but I don't let him.
" So, what were you going to say before the call?"
" Uhm..don't remember."
"Oh...OK...so, what do you want to do?"
" Well...you're still a little dizzy so...it'd be better if we stay here, what do you think?"
" You can leave me alone you know, I can survive."
" I don't want to leave you...or maybe you want me to-"
" No, no, that's not what I was saying..." An awkward silence fills the room and I shelter again in the paper.
Vaughn finally breaks the silence after some minutes. " OK, given it's almost six thirty, how about ordering food and watching a movie?"
I look up at him." Uhm...yeah...why not..."
" If you want to do something else..."
" No, it's a really good idea!"
" OK. What-"
" What about pizza? Sorry..." We spoke at the same time.
" Pizza?" I nod.
" You still like pizza, don't you?"
" Yeah...yeah...I thought you didn't like it much..." he questions me.
" I've been eating things like that for almost one year, so..."
Vaughn stands up and give me his hand. I look at him quizzically.
" Come with me. We're gonna cook!"
" What?"
" You heard me! Let's cook!"
" Vaughn!" I laugh.
" Tell we you don't want to on, I know you love cooking!" He amazes me, I can't believe it! He's so wonderful! I take his hand and let him help me up. My hand still in his, we walk toward to kitchen.
" So, what do you want to cook?" Vaughn asks me while he turns to look at me, still holding my hand.
" Uhm...I dunno...what do you want?"
" I asked you first!" He smiles at me, looking straight in my eyes. I smile with him, and get lost in the green ocean up there...We stare in each other's eyes without saying a word. He leans slowly towards me and...