From the moment our eyes connected I could feel the burn. I was shocked to see him standing there, but even more shocking to myself was that I felt ashamed. I felt my heart beat quicken and my palms become sweaty, as I watched his reaction to my reckless abandon. I had drunk quite a bit in the last hour and was feeling pretty good, but no so good that I didn't realize what I was doing.
There was a hurt etched in his face that I couldn't explain. A look in his eye that told me he'd never think of me the same way again. It wasn't fair, the way he looked at me right then. He was one to talk. Bosco had had as many women as humanly possible and he was king of the one night stand. Hell, I think he invented it.
I know that he was thinking that I was a newly separated woman and I shouldn't be prancing about, looking for an easy night. He had different ideas about how women should behave. At that moment, my feelings turned from ashamed to anger. He was judging me. Always judging what I was doing, even if he was doing no better. He had probably come here to do the same thing anyway.
I let Jimmy pull me along up to the front of the bar. The smell of stale whiskey and smoke, coupled with the low lighting and small candles, made me think of a bordello. I knew I should just go home and sleep it off, but I felt almost compelled to show Bosco that I was a big girl and could handle myself. He wasn't the only one who could have fun.
In my own mind, I was fighting a battle of wills. I knew that I loved him and yet, I knew he didn't feel the same way. I wanted him to be jealous. It was the truth. I wanted him to hurt, the way I hurt every time I saw him with another woman. I wanted him to want me back and to pledge himself to me forever.
I decided right then and there to end it all. Bosco wasn't going to pledge his love to me. He had already pretty much betrothed himself to Sarah. These new feelings were going to have to take a back seat, especially since they weren't going to get me anywhere.
Going home with Jimmy would cement my freedom. It would take me to a new level within myself. From now on, I would live my life the way I wanted to, with no reservations, no rules and absolutely no attachments. I'd become like.....a man.
We got up to the front of the bar and I stood beside Jimmy who had stopped to talk to one of the waitresses. Bosco and I were now face to face. He was sitting on his stool, taking large gulps of his beer and not looking me in the eye. He was definitely angry. Well, not so much angry as disgusted. His foot was tapping a mindless, but speedy tune on the bar stool, which was something he always did when he was irritated.
"So, you taking it easy tonight?" I asked, more out of nervousness, than anything else.
"Yup."
"Where's Sarah"?
"Home".
I rolled my eyes in exasperation. He could be so overdramatic by times. What was the big deal? He had something else to say and I knew he was contemplating how he'd say it. It wasn't very often that Bosco took the time to think about the words that came so freely from his lips. I could tell by the very look on his face. He just couldn't leave it at that.
He turned to face me fully and leaned toward me, narrowing his blue eyes and nailing me to the wall with his truth.
"You really think you're gonna feel better about yourself after you go home with him"?
My breath caught in my throat as he confronted me. There was nothing I could say.
My mouth fell open and my eyes widened as I tried to think of a snappy comeback.
Before the words could form in my alcohol soaked brain, he finished his beer and clanked his glass on the bar. He stood up and reached over and tucked a stray hair that had fallen loose from my poorly secured ponytail, behind my ear. His hand lingered on my cheek, his thumb gently pressing on the side.
"You're better than that, Faith." He stated simply.
He turned and walked out the door without looking back. Leaving me stunned from the gentleness of his caress.
I didn't even notice Jimmy standing beside me, until his arm snaked around my waist.
"You ready"?
"Uh, huh."