Author's note: First of all, you're probably as surprised as I am to see this chapter. I mean, wow, I thought this story was dead. Actually, I was definitely sure that this story was dead. But… it's somehow managed to rise itself back to life and this is what's its come up with. Welcome to chapter five.

Oh yeah. I finally gave my chapters names. Yay . I used the titles of songs that inspired me during the writing of that particular chapter. Chapter One is About A Girl by Nirvana. Chapter Two is We're In This Together by Nine Inch Nails. Chapter Three is Right On Time by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Chapter Four is I'm A Monster by Ours, and last but not least is Chapter Five Walking After You, which is by the Foo Fighters. Alright, now that you're updated on the chapter titles, please continue .

Disclaimer: As you all hopefully know, I don't own any of the FY stuff, yada, yada, yada. You know the drill.

Storytelling

Chapter 5: Walking After You

I was starting to get anxious about getting home. How long had it been since I had left? Two days? Three? Time was flying by so quickly it was hard to comprehend. I knew that the time in the real world ran slower than the time in the book world, so I wondered how long it had been since I had left in the real world. Did my parents even know I was gone yet?

I was still in the cold room, smashed against the wall, huddled in blankets, wishing I could disappear. Cassian hadn't come back yet. I have no idea how long I had been lying there. I had no idea what to do.

Cassian had killed me. Wow, I had not seen that coming. He hadn't meant to, of course. He had just snapped. Like a little bell inside his head clicked and the next thing he knew, his hands were around my neck. Just like that. All he could think of was making me stop. Making me stop. That's all he had to do. Make me stop.

And that's exactly what he did, just, not the way he had planned. He had shut my mouth, that's for sure. But he had always shut everything else about me off. He had killed me and I could no longer open my eyes.

I guess in a way that it was my fault. No, I know it was my fault. But how was I supposed to know that he would snap like that? How could I have known that deep down inside, he was even capable of that? But now I knew. Only problem was, it was a little too late.

Okay, so Cassian hadn't really killed me.

It felt like he had, though. Or maybe it was just my guilt that made me feel so terrible. I was pretty sure I had just crushed any chance of friendship with him, even though that had seemed unlikely in the first place.

Finally I pulled myself up and fumbled over to the door, still wrapped tightly in my blanket. I creaked the door open an inch and peered outside. I blinked my eyes heavily. Small white flakes were drifting down from the sky, riding gently on the wind. It was… snowing?

I pushed the door open even father and stared out at the night sky. It was filled with thousands upon thousands of the white specks, twisting and whirling and falling to the earth. I was spellbound. I had always loved the snow. Winter was my favorite season. With it every year came a sort of sweet dejavu, as the holidays began rolling in, one after the other.

The undeniable cold that came with the first snow suddenly started to push at me, and I felt my fingers and toes beginning to numb. I was about the pull back into the room when something caught my eye.

I knew it had to be Cassian. He was slumped on the floor a few feet down from the door, back against the wall, just staring out at the sky. I felt myself freeze even more than I already was. What was I supposed to do? I could feel my eyes watering up just at the pit in my stomach.

I moved out of the room and he seemed to catch notice of me for the first time. My socked feet padded lightly against the wood, the blanket dragging against my heels. I stopped when I was about a foot short of him. He had gone back to gazing at the snow and was apparently choosing to ignore my presence. I leaned against the wall and let myself slid down the ground, my gaze flickering over at him.

We sat there in silence for a few moments, inches away from each other, staring at the black sky specked with snowflakes. I knew I had to talk to him. I just didn't know what I had to say. Should I apologize? What would I be apologizing for? For bringing up his mother? For causing him pain? I couldn't just say nothing at all. The air needed to be filled with something other than sound.

"Cassian." I said, and stopped, not really having a plan as to what to say next. I was kind of hoping he would fill in the void for me, but in another way I was dreading to hear what he had to say.

"Don't you dare say sorry," Cassian said, face still turned to the snow. "Don't apologize, and don't pity me. I don't want it."

"But… I need to say something," I almost whispered.

"Why?" He turned to me abruptly for a second, before whipping his gaze back to the sky.

"I… I don't know," I admitted. "I just… don't want you to hate me even more than you already do."

He glanced at me.

"I-I mean," I started quickly. 'I… don't really know what I mean. I guess… I just don't want you to be mad at me."

"I'm not."

My gaze shot up at him. "W-What?"

"I said I'm not mad at you, what, do you need new ears or something?"

I laughed. Then my hand flew up to my mouth. Was I supposed to have laughed? Was this a serious situation?

"Che, that's your problem," Cassian said. I lowered my hand curiously. "You shouldn't be ashamed to laugh like that. What, you think I'd get mad at you?"

"I…"

"Just do whatever seems right. You shouldn't let other people's opinions shape you so much. One day you'll look in the mirror and you won't even see yourself."

I bit my lip as I felt it turning into a smile. He glanced at me. "See? Just smile already dammit! Why do you always hold back?"

My face split into a grin. I don't know why. Why was I so happy? Was it the snow? Was it what Cassian had said? Was I just relieved that he wasn't mad at me?

Whatever it was… it felt good.

Shortly after that, we both had to scurry inside before we froze our asses off, but I still felt happy.

It was snowing again the next morning. Thin coats of snow layered the frozen yards of grass and sloshed against the muddy street corners. And the snow kept falling in large flurries.

I was still burning to ask Cassian about his mother, but from what had happened the night before I was still quite wary about the subject. The problem was now I was even more curious than I had been before.

I didn't have much time to think about it though, as Chichiri showed up at our doorstep bright and early, dragging along behind him none other than Tasuki. Before I could blink he had grabbed me around the shoulders.

"Ah ha, ha, ha! I found you! Thank the gods! Tama woulda killed me if I had lost their kid!!"

After that we started out once more, and once again on our way to the palace. After the last little charade we had been thrown quite off course but that didn't seem to discourage Tasuki on bit. And the fact that Chichiri had joined us made him even more the merrier.

"It feels just like old times, the two of us romping around the countryside," Tasuki exclaimed to Chichiri. "And with Tsubaki here it's like having Miaka and Tamahome, just merged into one!"

Cassian rolled his eyes.

We had rented three more horses from the village before we had set out; two to replaces the ones that had been stolen by the gypsies and one for Chichiri.

I was becoming somewhat more accustomed to riding but I still had to twist around in my seat every few minutes to keep from getting numb. I was riding behind Tasuki, only half listening to his long rants. I had started to think again, and for the first time I really began to wonder about the relationship between Tasuki and Cassian's mother. I mean, they had been husband and wife, right? How had they met? What had happened? How could Cassian's mother have tried to kill him?

I watched Tasuki's back, wondering if I could catch any trace of pain in his jovial voice.

What had happened back then??