When I woke up the next morning, I rolled over to cuddle with Faith and she wasn't there. Figuring she was just in the bathroom, I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep. In my dream, Emily and Charlie were still alive and we were all on a trip to Florida at Sea World. Faith was laughing and hugging me, telling me that she was so happy now that it was just the four of us. No Fred hanging around or calling and bugging. It was just the way it was supposed to be. We walked around behind the kids looking at all of the underwater creatures, watching their eager faces light up with every new thing they saw. I was happy. We were all happy.

When I woke for the second time, I was stunned to realize that my dream had just been that; a dream and my head was pounding and my stomach was so upset that I could hardly get to the bathroom before I had to throw up. And throw up I did; It was the worst hangover I'd had in a long time and I knew I deserved every heave and wretch. But that didn't make it any less disgusting.

I leaned my head down onto the toilet seat and closed my eyes, trying to get enough energy to make it back to bed. Trouble was that I couldn't move from where I was. I slumped on the floor and curled up next to the tub and waited for the next wave of nausea to hit me.

I thought about Faith and where she was. If she was home she would have heard me by now and she'd of come down to the bathroom. She hadn't left the house for weeks. Where could she have gone?

Maybe she was mad at me for coming home drunk. I tried to think about what had happened after I'd got home and what we talked about but it was all hazy in my mind. I thought I remembered her stroking my cheek and that would have meant that she wasn't mad....or was she crying? I couldn't remember if I had said or done something to make her cry, besides coming home late and drunk. I vowed to myself to never go out and drink that much again and to always call her and let her know where I was.

As I tried to get up off of the floor, I lost my balance and reached out and grabbed the nearest thing to me; the garbage can. As expected, it was too light to support my weight and it tipped over, making me land with my face against the side. Cursing, I rolled over and sat up, tipping it back to its original position. Most of the garbage had fallen out, so I picked it back up. As I started to stuff it back in, a box caught the corner of my eye. It was a pregnancy test.

As I pulled the little cardboard box out of the trash, I noticed another one underneath it. I pulled it out as well and opened the top of each box. I grabbed what looked like a giant q-tip out of each and looked at it. I didn't have a clue what the color meant, so I read the directions on the box.

'Pink indicates a negative result'. The directions stated. I looked at the stick. It wasn't pink.

'Blue indicates a positive result'. I didn't have to look again to know what it meant. Each stick was a bright blue color.

I sat blinking, and unmoving for a good five minutes. Was Faith pregnant?

I was gonna be a dad. A dad. I didn't have the first clue how to be a father. I didn't have any example to go by, that was for damn sure. Thoughts of my father yelling at me when I was a kid came flooding over me.

'Maurice! Get your worthless butt over here now! You're never gonna amount to nothin' ! You're a loser! A no good mistake that I've been payin' for since the day you was born'!

I shook my head, not knowing what to feel. Secretly, the idea of me having a kid of my own was exciting. I had thought about it from the day that Faith and I had got together, although it wasn't something I could tell her when she had just lost her two children. But seeing those positive tests made me scared. What if I was a terrible father? What if I was like my own dad? I couldn't risk putting a kid through what my brother and I had gone through.

It was a whole different story when you were confronted with reality and not just the fantasy. Maybe Faith wouldn't want it. Maybe it would be too hard on her; too much of a reminder of Em and Charlie.

What if she wanted to get rid of it? I ran my hands through my hair, contemplating all of the possibilities. I got up off the floor and made my way out into the kitchen. I shuffled along, hoping that Faith had left something for my stomach on the table. I didn't find anything, but I did find a note saying that she was running an errand and that she'd be back.

I put a pot of coffee on, knowing that it was the only thing that could cure my hangover, which most people found gross but it really did work for me, and sat down to wait for her to return.

Either way, I was gonna find out what was going on or I'd go crazy.

I must have fallen asleep again, cause when I woke, Faith was coming through the door.

She took one look at me and put on a fake smile. "Hi babe. How you feelin'?"

I pulled my head off the table and licked my lips, which were dry enough to feel like sandpaper. I laid my hand in a puddle of drool and quickly wiped it away.

"Like crap. Where you been?"

She looked away from me, and shut the door, turning her back so I couldn't see her eyes. Her eyes always gave her away.

"Oh, just had to run an errand. Do you want something to eat?" She changed the subject, while walking over to the sink.

I shook my head. "Faith, this is the first time in five weeks that you've got out of bed and you go off on an errand! Why didn't you tell me? I'd of gone with you or something". I couldn't pretend that I wasn't a little hurt over her new found energy and her unwillingness to let me in on her secret.

"I'm sorry. I just needed to go out and I didn't want to wake you." She offered weakly.

"Faith. Where were you?"

She looked over at me, suspicious of why I was asking her again.

"On an errand. I told you."

I stood up and walked over next to her, the hurt clearly showing in my face.

"Ya. You told me." I said, folding my arms over my chest. "And when were you gonna tell me about the baby?"