A/N: I don't own fanfiction...grrrr, or seventeen magazine. Hope you guys like it! You can offer suggestions as to what you think would be hilarious for them to do, or places they can go. R&R!.......prrreeetty please.....
I slid by PK and the crew to get to the door. They were staring at my computer screen with growing interest. Whoever (or whomever in some cases) was at the door kept banging loudly. I was growing quite perturbed with them. I swung open the door, not really caring at this point whether or not they saw the Pirates of the Caribbean crew in my living room with a very eccentric fan.
"Yes??" I asked. A very tall curvy looking chick with a black shirt on that said "Kiss Me I'm A Pirate" was looking at me with wide eyes. Of course I hadn't showered after my cleaning up stint, so I looked a mess. I was no longer the clean girl that I once was. Drat. I scowled at her.
"Hi, is this Kat's house?" The girl asked. She had an English accent.
"Who's asking?" I asked rather rudely. I even shocked myself.
"Why do I have an English accent??? I'm not even from England!" She interrupted in a very perky American accent.
"I dunno, ask the authoress!" I shrugged. The girl frowned once more, but then after a moment resumed her happy smile and very fake English accent.
"Esmeralda, Esmeralda Sparrow, but you can call me Essy for short," She stuck out her hand to shake mine, her blonde ponytail swaying with the action. I eyed her hand as if checking for germs or hidden weapons. "My ID # 322964." She grinned and withdrew her hand still smiling as happily as ever even though I hadn't touched it.
"Oh no! You're not on Fan Fiction too are you??"
"Why yes," Her eyebrows scrunched up. "Is that a problem?"
I sighed. "Come on in." I opened the door all the way so that she could enter. "By the way, ummm who let you know to come to my house?"
"Oh well there was this e-mail that was sent out to a few diehard Pirates of the Caribbean fans telling us to come to your house at umm....9:30 PM...I'm a little late, but I hope there's room for me!"
"Always room." I said sarcastically. Now who could have sent that e-mail, I pondered this. Hmmmm. A prying neighbor perhaps? Maybe Miss Fudge was trying to get back at me for shaving Chuckles the poodle. Hmmmmm. But would cranky Miss Fudge know how to spot Pirates of the Caribbean character. No, it wasn't likely. I wondered about this for several minutes more and then went into the living room to see what the crew was doing. I gazed around. Elizabeth was seated in very lady-like across from Essy who was giving her make-up tips. PK was still glued to the computer with Will at her side. Barbossa was petting Chewbacca who had amazingly calmed down enough to come back down stairs. Jack was no where to be found. I thought I had lost him until I heard the tale-tell sound of a flushing toilet. He came out of the guest bathroom. There was a bewildered look on his face.
"You know porcelain is hard to loot," He muttered as he walked past. "Especially heavy porcelain." He had tried to loot my toilet. Great! Just Great! Well it would be his own private "throne" that was for sure, that is if he ever got the hulking thing unscrewed from the concrete floor! I looked around for Norrington, scanning the kitchen and living room. Hmmm, where was he? I heard the sound of someone flipping pages. I walked into my brother's room (his room is the only bedroom on the first floor of my house. My parents didn't want me to have it because they were afraid I could sneak out easier...like I ever would! Well....maybe) He was sitting on my brothers bed reading MY seventeen magazine!
"What are you doing?" I asked, putting the emphasis on the word "are"
"Reading. This is most fascinating!" He said flipping the magazine long-ways so that he could pull out the poster of the Olsen twins with milk mustaches.
"Who's that?" He asked. I had to say I did enjoy hearing his English accent. It was so different from the everyday American trailer park variety (now no offense to those who live in trailer parks, it's just an expression, calm yourselves.)
"That's Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen." I calmly explained.
"Which one's which?"
"Well..." I said squinting at the page. I was almost blind as a bat while reading. "Ummm well that's Mary Kate....and umm...noo...that's Mary Kat...wait...ummm," I stumbled. The twins looked just a like. Drat. This was a picture of them long before one of them had dyed their hair brown so it was even harder telling them apart.
"This is...Ashley..." I said pointing uncertainly at the page. Norrington mouthed the word "Oh"
"Kat!" Jack yelled. "Come quic...." His sentence died in his mouth as soon as he saw the picture Norrington was holding up. He whistled. "And who are those lovely wenches?" He asked running a finger down Mary-Kate's chin...or was that Ashley's chin?
"That would be Mary-Kate and Ashley!" I smiled. I was actually getting in a good mood, considering my parents would be home in two hours and that the house was looking anything but spotless, and that I would be deader than dead if they ever found out what had happened even though it wasn't my fault.
"Which is which?" He asked.
"Well that's Ashley and ummm wait...no that's Ashley...hmm...wait I know! That's Ash..."
"Ah well Sparrow, look you've made the lass tongue-tied, rather like you'll be when I hang you when we get back to Port Royal!" Norrington obviously didn't like being interrupted.
"I don't think you're tongue tied! I think you're heart-tied. Because you are in love with a 14 year old girl!"
"I'm 16!" I scowled at Sparrow.
"Heart-tied? Why that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!" Norrington huffed.
"Exactly." Jack grinned at him.
"Jack..." I said trying to break up a brewing fight. If punches did start to fly it would be any man's victory, and I didn't want blood on the carpet. It would be another thing that I would have to pay for! "Jack, why did you come running in here in the first place?"
"Oh? Ah, well ya see....Barbossa is eating some of the girl's war paint."
"War paint?" I questioned.
"Yeah..." He shrugged.
"Oh you mean makeup!" I hurried into the living room. Essy and Elizabeth were off in their own world of makeup and girly girl fun while I had to pry a bright teal blue eye shadow out of Barbossa's mouth!
"Eww!" I said wiping the drool off my hands onto my jeans. Another knock fell against the door. "Not again!!!!" I screamed. I looked up at the ceiling. "Can't you make it all go away? Look you made the earth in 7 days! Why not take all of this away!"
"Your shirt has stuff on it." Barbossa quietly commented. I slowly glared down at him. He scuttled back into the corner in fear at my blazing eyes. (WOW! I sound scary!!) It was true, I had gotten the eye shadow on my shirt while struggling to free the canister from the evil clutches of Barbossa's mouth. I shuddered just thinking again about the drool. Ewww! I slowly walked to the door, with my head hung low. I reached for the door knob, and opened the door....
I slid by PK and the crew to get to the door. They were staring at my computer screen with growing interest. Whoever (or whomever in some cases) was at the door kept banging loudly. I was growing quite perturbed with them. I swung open the door, not really caring at this point whether or not they saw the Pirates of the Caribbean crew in my living room with a very eccentric fan.
"Yes??" I asked. A very tall curvy looking chick with a black shirt on that said "Kiss Me I'm A Pirate" was looking at me with wide eyes. Of course I hadn't showered after my cleaning up stint, so I looked a mess. I was no longer the clean girl that I once was. Drat. I scowled at her.
"Hi, is this Kat's house?" The girl asked. She had an English accent.
"Who's asking?" I asked rather rudely. I even shocked myself.
"Why do I have an English accent??? I'm not even from England!" She interrupted in a very perky American accent.
"I dunno, ask the authoress!" I shrugged. The girl frowned once more, but then after a moment resumed her happy smile and very fake English accent.
"Esmeralda, Esmeralda Sparrow, but you can call me Essy for short," She stuck out her hand to shake mine, her blonde ponytail swaying with the action. I eyed her hand as if checking for germs or hidden weapons. "My ID # 322964." She grinned and withdrew her hand still smiling as happily as ever even though I hadn't touched it.
"Oh no! You're not on Fan Fiction too are you??"
"Why yes," Her eyebrows scrunched up. "Is that a problem?"
I sighed. "Come on in." I opened the door all the way so that she could enter. "By the way, ummm who let you know to come to my house?"
"Oh well there was this e-mail that was sent out to a few diehard Pirates of the Caribbean fans telling us to come to your house at umm....9:30 PM...I'm a little late, but I hope there's room for me!"
"Always room." I said sarcastically. Now who could have sent that e-mail, I pondered this. Hmmmm. A prying neighbor perhaps? Maybe Miss Fudge was trying to get back at me for shaving Chuckles the poodle. Hmmmmm. But would cranky Miss Fudge know how to spot Pirates of the Caribbean character. No, it wasn't likely. I wondered about this for several minutes more and then went into the living room to see what the crew was doing. I gazed around. Elizabeth was seated in very lady-like across from Essy who was giving her make-up tips. PK was still glued to the computer with Will at her side. Barbossa was petting Chewbacca who had amazingly calmed down enough to come back down stairs. Jack was no where to be found. I thought I had lost him until I heard the tale-tell sound of a flushing toilet. He came out of the guest bathroom. There was a bewildered look on his face.
"You know porcelain is hard to loot," He muttered as he walked past. "Especially heavy porcelain." He had tried to loot my toilet. Great! Just Great! Well it would be his own private "throne" that was for sure, that is if he ever got the hulking thing unscrewed from the concrete floor! I looked around for Norrington, scanning the kitchen and living room. Hmmm, where was he? I heard the sound of someone flipping pages. I walked into my brother's room (his room is the only bedroom on the first floor of my house. My parents didn't want me to have it because they were afraid I could sneak out easier...like I ever would! Well....maybe) He was sitting on my brothers bed reading MY seventeen magazine!
"What are you doing?" I asked, putting the emphasis on the word "are"
"Reading. This is most fascinating!" He said flipping the magazine long-ways so that he could pull out the poster of the Olsen twins with milk mustaches.
"Who's that?" He asked. I had to say I did enjoy hearing his English accent. It was so different from the everyday American trailer park variety (now no offense to those who live in trailer parks, it's just an expression, calm yourselves.)
"That's Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen." I calmly explained.
"Which one's which?"
"Well..." I said squinting at the page. I was almost blind as a bat while reading. "Ummm well that's Mary Kate....and umm...noo...that's Mary Kat...wait...ummm," I stumbled. The twins looked just a like. Drat. This was a picture of them long before one of them had dyed their hair brown so it was even harder telling them apart.
"This is...Ashley..." I said pointing uncertainly at the page. Norrington mouthed the word "Oh"
"Kat!" Jack yelled. "Come quic...." His sentence died in his mouth as soon as he saw the picture Norrington was holding up. He whistled. "And who are those lovely wenches?" He asked running a finger down Mary-Kate's chin...or was that Ashley's chin?
"That would be Mary-Kate and Ashley!" I smiled. I was actually getting in a good mood, considering my parents would be home in two hours and that the house was looking anything but spotless, and that I would be deader than dead if they ever found out what had happened even though it wasn't my fault.
"Which is which?" He asked.
"Well that's Ashley and ummm wait...no that's Ashley...hmm...wait I know! That's Ash..."
"Ah well Sparrow, look you've made the lass tongue-tied, rather like you'll be when I hang you when we get back to Port Royal!" Norrington obviously didn't like being interrupted.
"I don't think you're tongue tied! I think you're heart-tied. Because you are in love with a 14 year old girl!"
"I'm 16!" I scowled at Sparrow.
"Heart-tied? Why that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!" Norrington huffed.
"Exactly." Jack grinned at him.
"Jack..." I said trying to break up a brewing fight. If punches did start to fly it would be any man's victory, and I didn't want blood on the carpet. It would be another thing that I would have to pay for! "Jack, why did you come running in here in the first place?"
"Oh? Ah, well ya see....Barbossa is eating some of the girl's war paint."
"War paint?" I questioned.
"Yeah..." He shrugged.
"Oh you mean makeup!" I hurried into the living room. Essy and Elizabeth were off in their own world of makeup and girly girl fun while I had to pry a bright teal blue eye shadow out of Barbossa's mouth!
"Eww!" I said wiping the drool off my hands onto my jeans. Another knock fell against the door. "Not again!!!!" I screamed. I looked up at the ceiling. "Can't you make it all go away? Look you made the earth in 7 days! Why not take all of this away!"
"Your shirt has stuff on it." Barbossa quietly commented. I slowly glared down at him. He scuttled back into the corner in fear at my blazing eyes. (WOW! I sound scary!!) It was true, I had gotten the eye shadow on my shirt while struggling to free the canister from the evil clutches of Barbossa's mouth. I shuddered just thinking again about the drool. Ewww! I slowly walked to the door, with my head hung low. I reached for the door knob, and opened the door....