It had been two weeks since I lost the baby. Two weeks since my world had come crashing down on top of me and left me helpless. Two more weeks of feeling guilty about not telling Bosco the truth, and two weeks of feeling so low that I didn't know where to turn.

Bosco had done the best he could, under the circumstances. He tried to understand that I didn't want to talk about it. He pretty much left me alone to grieve in private when I needed to, and although it was very selfish of me, I just couldn't get it together long enough to listen to his broken heart, too. Some nights, I would wake up and he'd be gone. The empty bed beside me, reminding me that I was a liar and cheat. I had cheated Bosco by letting him believe that this child was his and truth be told, the guilt alone was eating me up inside.

The first time it happened, I thought he had actually left the house, but upon getting out of bed, I could hear him in the living room, crying. I listened at the doorway, my heart breaking. Knowing that if he ever knew the truth, he would never speak to me again. I couldn't make myself go in there and comfort him, so I just went back to bed and cried myself to sleep. How could I comfort him when I knew that it was my fault?

I was his Judas. The one person who would, in the end, betray him like no other. In the morning, he was always in bed with me, and never said a word about how he was feeling. I knew he was waiting for me to ask, to comfort him, but I never did. And I knew that it had changed our relationship forever.

In those two weeks, I felt him drifting from me. He was still there, in every sense of the word, but he wasn't there. He sat with me, he ate dinner, he talked about simple things, but nothing to do with how he was feeling. And I didn't ask. I see now, that I should have.

At that time, he would watch tv with me or just lay on the bed beside me, his heart calling out for me to say something; anything. But I never did.

Even though he had devoted the last two weeks to staying home with me, I felt his resentment growing more and more each day. He didn't understand why I wasn't talking and he was hurt by my lack of attention to him and his needs. I could tell he felt guilty for the way things had happened, but I didn't ease his pain.

If only I had come home that day and told him the truth, none of this would be happening, I thought to myself. My time off work was over and I had to go back to work the next day. I was secretly dreading the thought of being around people again. No one had known that I was pregnant and I wanted to keep it that way, but, I hadn't seen anyone since the day of the funeral and I really was reluctant to accept any more condolences for my loss.

My loss. I had done nothing but lose for the past few weeks and I was tired of it. Tired of crying, throwing up and grieving until my heart was empty. I had lost three children such a short span of time, I felt as if I were cursed.

I was cursed and I knew as soon as I told Bosco what had been bothering me for all these weeks, he'd flip his lid, and rightfully so. In the end, I knew that I would have lost my children and the love of my life as well. I couldn't sink any further, or so it seemed.

Bosco came home shortly after midnight. He walked through the door and tossed his keys on the table, as he usually did, and came down to our bedroom.

He poked his head around the door to see if I was still awake. He had on a pair of nice jeans and a black sweatshirt with his baseball cap on backwards.

I wanted to remember just how handsome he was. Remember the way he looked before I broke his heart.

He leaned against the doorway, his hand in his pocket and looked longingly at me.

"How's your night been?" He asked softly. He glanced around the room as he spoke, as if he'd pay a million bucks to be anywhere but here.

"Good. Your's?" I asked.

He nodded his head and looked down at the ground. "Busy. Lot's goin on." He looked away for a second before he spoke again.

"Listen. I'm gonna go to Haggerty's for a while. Blow off some steam and have a few beers."

I didn't want to go to Haggerty's at this time of night. I needed to talk to him and going out wasn't on my agenda.

"I don't feel like going out right now." I started.

He cleared his throat and licked his lips. "Na. I meant me....I need to get out of here and be by myself for a bit....I need ta unwind."

"Oh." I said, hurt that he clearly didn't want me to go with him. "You need to go to Haggerty's to be by yourself?"

"I need.....I need to just....to get away from....this." He said, quietly, pointing his free arm around the room. What he really meant was me. He wanted to get away from me. Well, I could help him with that.

He looked at me then, the pain so clear in his eyes, I had to look away, for fear I would cry. I had failed him and we both knew it. He was telling me that he needed time and space and we all know where that leads to.

I felt my eyes tear over, for I knew that life as I knew it was about to change. I patted the bed beside me and motioned for him to come closer.

"Bosco, before you go, I need to talk to you about something really important and you won't want to hear it, but I'm ready to tell you now, so please let me do this before you leave." I said, sick to my stomach. I held the tears in that threatened to break loose and got out of bed. I had to be standing in order to get through what I was about to say.

He didn't look surprised at my statement. He walked in further, but didn't sit down. He crossed his arms over his chest. He was expecting the worst. He always did.

"What do you want to tell me?"

I swallowed nervously, bile making my stomach churn and spin. I thought I would faint before I got the words out.

I bit my lip and looked around the room. I was sure gonna miss this apartment and the life that went with it.

"There's something that I havn't told you and it's really hard for me to tell you now. It's about the baby."

He nodded. "What about the baby?" He asked gently. I could see the very mention of that word made him cringe.

"I want you to know...to understand that I wanted to tell you the moment I found out, but I didn't know how...and I wanted to find the right words to say it but then......then....I lost it and now I can't live with myself until I get this off my chest." I said, so afraid to let the words actually come out of my mouth.

His breathing had become rapid, his chest pumping in and out. He knew that what he was about to hear was gonna change his life and he was scared. Hell, I could see he was petrified.

"Bos, when I went to the doctor, he told me that I was six weeks pregnant."

He shut his eyes for a moment, as if to squeeze out reality and keep it far, far away. He opened them and in that instant, he looked at me like he didn't know me.

"That means that it's not..." I started.

"I know what it means! Do you think I'm stupid?" He roared at me.

I shook my head, hurt by his loudness. "No..I..."

His face contorted into a grimace and he pointed at me accusingly. "You knew that it wasn't my baby and you let me think..." He walked over to me and pointed in my face.

"You let me believe that you had lost our baby!" He walked away from me and sat down on the bed. He held his head in his hands and began to cry.

I started to walk over to him, to comfort him, to beg forgiveness, but as soon as I got near him he pulled his hands off his face.

"Don't you come near me! Don't you ever come near me again! You lied to me! " He yelled, stabbing his finger into his chest, for emphasis.

"You LIED to me. After everything we've been through! You let me believe that you lost our baby. Our baby! You were having a baby with Jimmy! We're you ever gonna tell me the difference?" He shouted, his anger now uncontrolled.

I opened my mouth to speak and he jumped off the bed and walked to the closet. He pulled out as many of my clothes as he could and threw them on the bed. It was then that I started to bawl and ran over and grabbed on to his arm.

"Please, Bosco...I didn't mean to lie to you....I...."

He pried my fingers off of him and continued to empty my things on to the bed. "Didn't mean to? Didn't mean to? I don't want to hear it." He yelled.

"Bosco. Listen to me. I love you." I blatted, hoping he'd forgive me.

He turned and looked me in the face. I had never seen him so angry. He pointed his finger at me until it literally touched my nose.

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that again!" He spit at me from clenched teeth.

Tears spilled down my cheeks, staining my face, cutting me like a knife. "Please, Bosco! Listen to me! I do love you. I never meant for this to happen....." I cried.

He took one last look at me and narrowed his eyes. Two tears escaped and slowly ran down his cheeks.

"Get out. Don't ever talk to me again. I'm getting a new partner tomorrow and that's the end of it."

With that he walked out of the bedroom and out of my life.