A Little Piece of Heaven Chapter 38
Everyone tells me I'm lucky
Got my whole life to live yet
Can't say they're wrong
but the days seem so long
living in side of my head
Maybe I'll get some relief now
Now that your things are all gone
I won't sit here staring at
nothing all night
bleary eyed greeting the dawn
Alright I miss you tonight
And I'm not really sure what to say
It keeps rolling in
Like a slow moving train
It's gets harder and harder each day
Each time that I think the worst of it's through
I am stopped in my tracks by some vision of you
Alright I miss you tonight
I admit that I'm falling down blue
She lived outside of the city
Days when I'd visit her there
I'd watch her out dancing all lit by the moon
The cold winds of time in her hair
Then we'd go driving for hours
Turn off the lights and just glide
Moving like spirits
Along through the night
The light through the trees as our guide
Alright I miss you tonight
And I'm not really sure what to say
It keeps rolling in
Like a slow moving train
It's gets harder and harder each day
Each time that I think the worst of it's through
I am stopped in my tracks by some vision of you
Alright I miss you tonight
I admit that I'm falling down blue
I woke up the next morning and felt totally alive in a way that I never had before. Faith and I had weathered the storm and found ourselves on new ground. We had stayed up for the rest of the night talking about what had happened between us and how we would carry on.
I felt a lot better, knowing that it was my child that she had been carrying. I know it might sound insensitive, but the very thought that she had been carrying another man's child made me want to lose my mind. It wasn't just the fact that she had lied to me and not told me sooner. It was the very thought that Jimmy Dorhety would get to be the father of her child when it should have been me. I didn't want to have to deal with him for the rest of my life, and I knew that if he and Faith had a child together that he would be in our lives permanently. Not to mention that he was having a baby with Sarah and the last thing either of them needed was another child in the wings.
I was broken hearted that Faith had lost the baby but was buoyed by the thought that someday we could try again.
Truthfully, when I had called her to come over it was only because I wanted her to know how bad I felt and I wanted her to feel the same hurt that was consuming my every breath. My very existence without her was nil. But when I saw her, it was as if time had replenished me and made me realize what I had thrown away. Oh, I had been angry, alright, but that other side of me, the one that just couldn't live without her, betrayed my anger and accepted her apology.
It was within that phone call to her that I realized that no matter how angry I was or how hurt, she was the best part of me. She helped me become the man I should have been and she loved me for who I was, in spite of my flaws.
The trust issue was going to be a little harder. Faith had only lied to me a couple of times before, one being her cancer and the other, the fling with Jimmy. She tended to keep those very important things under her hat and only brought them out when necessary. I knew she told me about the baby's parentage because she felt guilty, and for that I was grateful. She didn't have to tell me. She could have made think that the baby was really mine and for the sake of a week it really wouldn't have mattered and I would have never questioned her.
She knew that she would lose me by telling me the truth, and yet, she did it anyway. I realized that next morning that she was the only woman I could ever truly love. It scared me and yet, it made me feel complete in a way that I'd only heard other chicks talk about. It was true, what they say, that the only thing in this world that can make you lose yourself in a brilliant and fresh way was love. It had claimed me, the best and the worst parts of me, and made me its captive. It's slave. There was no going back now. No second guessing or wondering if I was making the right decision.
Everyone on earth just wants a little piece of heaven. Just a small token, nothing out of the ordinary, to let us human beings know that there is more to life than just living. We all want that promise of love, of a better life or acceptance. It makes us get up in the morning and it puts us to sleep at night; the promise of a new day and all that life can bring. I knew that Faith was my little piece of life; the reason I got up in the morning and why I was still alive and functioning. Without her to guide me, to love and protect me, I was not even a man anymore. Just a lost spirit drifting along in the game of life, waiting for the next to start.
It surprises even me that I would have the depth and the intelligence to think of life this way. The truth was that I have always been a book smart guy but I never had the confidence to show it. I always got off on talking tough and being a pain in the ass. It never occurred to me that I could let that side of me show. Not only would everyone have laughed at me, I would have to start acting like I really cared and I didn't want to do that. Faith was the only one who protruded through those walls.
That morning, as we were laying in my bed, I entwined her hand with mine. It awed me to know that this small symbol, this intertwining of our fingers had a connection so strong; clasped together and holding tight, we would brave the light of a new day. Each baptized in the truth that comes from knowing you have the world because you have love and not the other way around. I felt compelled to make her know how I felt. To let her know how special she was to me. We made love as we never had before. It was so powerful, I almost didn't think it had happened at all. I had never known what the touch of a woman could do to a man, especially when he was in love with her, before Faith. She could drive me crazy in a way that I can only describe as insanity. She made me feel like I would die if I didn't have her soon. Have her completely and fully. I had never felt so alive or primal. It was as if I were an animal and I had to hunt and capture her in order to survive. She made me into a real man. Surrendering and giving up control of your own body are key in a relationship if you want to experience the kind of ecstasy that I felt with this woman.
As she snuggled her warm body into mine, I let my mind take everything in; The way she smelled, her hair, and the way she felt as I held her tight. It made me feel like I had just won the lottery. I didn't care what we did next. I didn't care where we went or who we saw. I knew that as long as she was by my side, that we could take anything.
It felt good to confess to her that I couldn't live without her. That I could hardly breath without her. And if I had to get down on my knees and look up into her face to tell her, or shout it from the roof tops, I would.
All morning, as we dozed on and off, I considered exactly how I could ensure that she never left me again. It was obvious, as we lay there, that the only thing I hadn't done yet, was ask her to marry me. I knew it was time to ask her the question; But would I get the answer I expected?