Lee3: Damn, college has been a bitch.
Excel: What's wrong?
Lee3: Tests coming up in Geology, both the Lecture class and the Lab.
Hyatt: Aren't you...(vomits blood and dies)
Lee3: Oh, I almost forgot. Elgala get out here!
Elgala: (struts out on stage) I, Elgala would love to (Lee3 pulls a rope and Elgala falls) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Lee3: Ego time is over profile time is now. For the readers who have never read the manga, which is a vast majority of you. Elgala made her first appearance in Volume 7. She became the third member of ACROSS in Volume 8. If you want to know exactly how Excel and Hyatt met her read both of those volumes because there is too much information to explain. Elgala's uniform is a lot like Excel's minus the collar and her hair spirals. She has a tendency to speak her inner most thoughts out loud like she's in the middle of a soliloquy, but everyone hears her anyway especially Excel. Her real name is Kasumi and she is like Excel's rival in...everything especially competing for Ilpalazzo's love.
Elgala: (climbs out of the pit) What are you talking about?
Lee3: Nothing. I don't own Excel-Saga, if I did both the manga and the anime would be even more insane if that is humanly possible.
Excel: Okay let's...(falls into the pit)
Lee3: (snickers) Moron. RUN IT!!!
Downward Spiral
(Outside Lee's house)
Hyatt: Senior, how did we get here?
Excel: Oh yeah, you died before Ilpalazzo explained everything. And dropped me into the pit again.
Hyatt: Well what happened?
Excel: He used Lee's dimensional cannon to send us to his dimension and right now we're outside his house. Our mission was to meet up with Lee...that was it.
Hyatt: I guess we'll know more when we see him.
Excel: Then let's go (walks to Lee's front door and Hyatt rings the doorbell).
Lee: (opens the door) About time you two got here, get in here (the duo complies).
Hyatt: What is the mission for today?
Lee: (puts his backpack on) It's 7:00am in the morning and I got to be at my Computer Science class starts at 8:00 (walks to the garage door and reveals his truck). Ilpalazzo informed me what the mission is, so I'll explain on the way to the university.
(On the road)
Hyatt: This is a nice truck.
Lee: It's my dad's 1997 Ford F150 Lariat Edition, so don't puke blood in it...in fact, don't die in here.
Hyatt: Okay (dies).
Excel: Dammit!
Lee: Don't tell me she died again!?!
Excel: She died again.
Lee: (pissed) Fuck, I need you both alive so I can brief you both.
Excel: Why don't you brief me and I'll inform Ha-chan.
Lee: You're too stupid and you'll forget the briefing. By the way Ilpalazzo told me that I would meet a third member of ACROSS at the university.
Excel: That would be Elgala.
Lee: I know, but right now we need to get to the university first.
(At the University)
Excel: This is it?
Lee: Yep, looks nice huh?
Excel: Yep (electrocutes Hyatt with a tazer until she revives).
Hyatt: Is it morning yet?
Lee & Excel: It's the same morning Hyatt (they get out of the car).
Excel: (hears someone in the distance) Hey it's...
????: Senior Excel, Senior Hyatt!
Excel: (with apathy) Elgala.
Elgala: (catches up with everyone) Seniors, I'm here for the briefing...who is this?
Lee: I'm Lee, now can I please get the briefing over with? The sooner you two, I mean three morons start this mission the easier it will be to pull this one off.
Elgala: Wow this guy is cute and serious.
Lee: (stoic) I heard that.
Elgala: You heard my thoughts?!
Lee: First of all, I have the power to do so and second, you spoke your thoughts out loud.
Elgala: (blushes) Oops.
(A/N: Since Elgala speaks her inner most thoughts aloud...using anything to express thought for her is pointless.)
Lee: Anyway, here is the mission: Go to a building called the AAC/EOP, then find the Computer Lab, the lights should be off. At the computer on the very end there should be a Black Box under the desk and no this ISN'T A BOMB!!!!
Hyatt: How did you know where this box is located?
Lee: Ilpalazzo informed me that he used my dimensional cannon to transport the box to that location.
Elgala: I, Elgala wish to know what happens after we get the box.
Lee: After you guys get the Black Box go to the Library. There are five floors if you count the roof, go to the fourth floor and STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS OR YOU WILL BE SPOTTED BY THE PEOPLE STUDYING!!!
Excel: (smiles) We'll hide in the book aisles.
Lee: Now you're thinking.
Excel: Thank you.
Lee: (gives Hyatt a pill) Take this...(Hyatt ingest the pill quickly)
Hyatt: What was it?
Lee: A pill to keep you from dying for a few hours. All three of you are too important in this mission to die on me. If anyone spots you guys or if Hyatt pukes blood, the mission is over.
Elgala: What time is it now?
Lee: It is 7:30am; classes' start at 8:00 and mine gets out at 9:25. You guys have 30 minutes to pull this off; so don't fail me (they all head for the building)! Oh, Elgala.
Elgala: (stops and blushes) Yes?
Lee: (serious) I know that Ilpalazzo can pull you from a mission to do another assignment at any time, but keep in mind that when you're with me, I run the show. If Ilpalazzo pulls you from my missions, you go to him AFTER you finish the one you're on GOT IT?!
Elgala: Yes.
Lee: Go catch up to Excel & Hyatt.
Elgala: Right (ran after Excel and Hyatt)!
Lee: They shouldn't fail this easy mission. (Walks to the Library)
(Halfway from their destination)
Excel: How are we gonna find this AAC building anyway?
Hyatt: (looking at a campus map) According to this map we just keep going straight until we pass the Admissions and Records Office.
Elgala: Or we can read the sign Lee is holding from the library.
(The girls see Lee holding a sign that says, "Keep going straight, you're halfway there"!)
Excel: Either way let's get a move on (the trio runs to the Admission & Records Office)!
Lee: So far so good (burns the sign and walks into the library).
Hyatt: (points to the A&R building) There it is!
Excel: All we have to do is pass this building and (sees the AAC/EOP building)...we found it.
Hyatt: Let's go (walks towards the building).
Elgala: Shouldn't we check to see if there is anyone inside?
Excel: You're right...you go look.
Elgala: (whines) Why should I look inside?
Excel: Because I'm your senior.
Elgala: Aww (looks through the little glass window)...there is no one there.
Excel: That makes this mission easier, let's go (opens the door and the 3 girls walks inside)!
Elgala: There is no one here.
Excel: Good, let's do this (they search for the Computer Lab for 8 minutes...ironically they passed the lab several times.)!
Hyatt: Senior?
Excel: Not now Ha-chan, I'm trying to think about where the lab could be.
Elgala: (annoyed) It's right here in the direction Senior Hyatt is pointing to!
Excel: (looks) Oh...so it is. Let's get that box and get out of here.
(They walk into the lab)
Hyatt: What computer did Lee mention...
Excel: The one on the end.
Elgala: (holds the box in front of Excel) Found it!
Excel: (shocked) How did you find that box so fast?!
Elgala: (arrogant) I, Elgala went and searched for it while you were asking Hyatt about where it was located.
Excel: (annoyed) Man, the author sure does enjoy defeating the purpose of suspense.
Lee3: (as a voice over) Will you three morons get out of there before I write in a cop (sees a dust trail)?! Where'd they go?
(Outside the AAC building)
(Excel, Hyatt and Elgala are running to the library.)
Excel: We got out of there with 5 minutes to spare (a cop starts chasing them)!
Campus Cop: FREEZE BITCHES (gets hit by a golf cart going 80mph)!!!!
Elgala: We got a break!
Hyatt: (sees Lee ahead of them) Hey, there's Lee.
Lee: (relieved) Hey, you gals succeeded.
Excel: I thought you had class.
Lee: About that...um...it turns out that today is...Saturday.
Excel & Elgala: WHAT?!
Lee: I'm sorry, I must have lost track of what day this is.
Hyatt: (semi frightened) But we were just chased by a campus officer.
Lee: What the hell is a campus cop doing here on a Saturday?
Campus Cop: (bleeding from the head) Actually, there is an explanation for that (passes out).
Lee: I think you passing out was that very reason.
Elgala: I, Elgala wish to know why?
Lee: (impersonates Elgala) I, Lee don't have a fucking clue why that cop is here. Now let's go home.
Elgala: (blushes) So handsome and awesome, like Lord Ilpalazzo.
Lee & Excel: You're speaking your thoughts aloud again!
Elgala: (embarrassed) Oops.
Hyatt: Besides Elgala, when Lee impersonated you that wasn't a compliment.
Excel: ANYWAY here's your box (Elgala hands Lee the Black Box).
Elgala: I can't believe I'm this close to him.
Lee: (annoyed) You haven't learned anything within the last ten seconds have you?
Elgala: D'oh!
Lee: Excel, next I send you and your cohorts on a retrieval mission, you give me the item.
Excel: SIR, YES SIR!!!
Hyatt: I think we should leave before another cop comes.
Campus Cop: (struggles to get up) I'm not...done...yet.
Lee: (unsheathes his sword and turns it into a steel bat) Oh yes you are you one-shot bastard (hits Campus Cop repeatedly until he dies)!
Hyatt: Um Author, can we end this chapter now?
Lee3: Yes.
Hyatt: Thank...(coughs up blood eight times and dies)
Lee: (with blood on his clothes) I just know he was waiting for that to happen.
To Be Continued
Antics: Preview
Lee: (psyched) Yo guys guess what?!
Ilpalazzo: You have a plan to take over this city?
Lee: No.
Excel: Found a way to keep Hyatt from dying?
Lee: No.
Hyatt: You are able to...(vomits huge amounts of blood and dies)
Lee: Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh, I'm gonna say no to whatever that question she was trying to ask.
Elgala: (excited) Declared your undying love for me?!
Lee: (smiles at her and pulls the rope dropping her into The Pit) Hell no. I just wanted to say that the author bought the boxed set of the Excel-Saga anime and watched all the episodes a few weeks ago!
Excel: (quizzical) So what is the relevancy in that?
Ilpalazzo: Watching those episodes probably gave him ideas for the next few chapters.
Lee: Exactly.
Elgala:(shoots out of the pit) Would the plot happen to be...howyourDimensionalCannongoeshaywireandcharactersfromotheranimeshowsmakeanappearanceespeciallytheanimecastofExcel-Saga (Ilpalazzo pulls the rope with sign reading "DUMBASS" and Elgala fall into The Pit...again) AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ilpalazzo: You just gave away the plot.
Lee: Yeah, the plot for TWO of the parts! Chapter 4 is Anime Hell part 1.
Excel: It's unquestionably (Lee pulls the rope and Excel joins Elgala) HELLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Lee: This isn't Tenchi Universe so don't EVER do that again!!!
Lee3: That's it for Chapter 3. Like the SI said I finally watched all those episodes (Volumes1-3, 5-6 I've already seen the episodes in Volume 4.) Didn't mean to take so long. I've been dealing with college (Geology sucks) and I'm working on this Soul Caliber 2 fic at the same time. There are only five chapters left (I told you this fic was short.). I got this goddamn stomach virus right now so I better end this before I pull a Hyatt. See ya next time...BATHROOM RUN!!!!