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Chapter 4

Apartment hunting was not something Ryan was looking forward to, but having sold the house he had no other choice. The open house had led to an offer and foreseeing no other way out, he had accepted. After dealing with the bank, Ryan was left with a little money. When he managed to track down his mother on the phone-drunk, no less--she had told him to keep it for himself. Ryan didn't like the idea. It felt like she was paying him off; like she was terminating all responsibility, which, if he thought about it logically, she'd done a long time ago. He'd been taking care of himself since he was eight. She was sorry for being such a crappy mother and he deserved better. He didn't know which hurt worse: believing that was true or believing it wasn't. She told him to be better than she was. Ryan didn't think that would take much and then felt guilty for having thought it.

With the money, he could finally afford the parts to fix the bike and a security deposit as well as first month's rent. Summer seemed excited and that raised his spirits a little. At least they weren't fighting today. It was touch and go with them. One minute things seemed fine and the next he caught sight of Summer and he felt his stomach knot up. This friends gig was harder than it looked. A guy like him was never just friends with someone like Summer. And it was taking everything in him not to haul her over his shoulder and drag her into the bedroom like a barbarian.

The first apartment in their price range was in a neighbourhood that even gave Ryan the chills. The building looked like it was about to collapse and if he wasn't mistaken the women on the corner were not waiting for the bus. He was also fairly certain one of the first floor apartments was up to some illegal activities. This was not the kind of place he felt safe living in. Expecting Summer to live here was out of the question. Still, Summer seemed determined to show that she was more than that defenceless rich girl he'd met a few months ago. She'd put on a brave face for most of the day, but even she couldn't deny how disgusting the building was.

Summer took one look inside and walked right back out. "No, definitely not."

The realtor had the decency to look apologetic when Ryan glared at him. True, showing apartments generally wasn't part of his job description, but Ryan didn't have the time to look through the paper and scout out locations. Anyone could be persuaded for a price.

Ryan leaned close to the man wearing a cheap brown suit and a pin on his label, declaring 'Big Lou is the realtor for you!' and said, in a voice quiet enough for Summer not to hear, "How about you take us somewhere that's actually liveable, huh, Big Lou?"

Big Lou was still small enough to let Ryan's words shake him. "Sorry, Sir."

Summer, from behind the man, looked at Ryan and tried to hide her smile. She mouthed 'Sir' and snickered.

The next two apartments were an improvement but only just. There had been one beautiful apartment at the edge of town that was ridiculously out of their price range. Ryan hated the way Summer's face fell when they found out that rent was twice what they could afford.

It was starting to get dark outside when they entered the last apartment building. Ryan had hope. The outside was well maintained and the halls didn't smell like urine. Summer took her time looking through each of the three small rooms: a bedroom, kitchen/living room split and bathroom.

Standing in the middle of the living room, Summer met Ryan's eye. "I like this one. You?"

Ryan, instantly feeling relieved, decided to play it cool. "Doesn't matter to me. If you like it, it's fine."

"I like it," she said with a smile that tore at his heart. God, she was beautiful. Ryan was beginning to get an ache in his chest every time she looked at him. That couldn't be a good sign.

It rained the morning they moved in. A light drizzle that wet through their clothes by the time the last box had been set on the floor.

The neighbours kids watched from the streets, abandoning their games and chatter, fascinated by the big moving van.

A few of the boys from the shop helped carry in the big things like the bed, some chairs, a tall dresser and a television set. Ryan and Randy hefted box after box while Summer tried her best to keep up. It was a struggle to get the couch up the narrow staircase and Ryan smashed his hand a few times, cursing under his breath.

Ryan was quiet as usual. Summer hadn't said much either. There was an awkwardness that hung between them that neither knew how to fix.

Randy left them after everything was unloaded so he could be home in time for dinner. His wife ran a tight ship, he'd said, but it was obvious how much he loved her. Summer thought they were the sweetest couple she had ever met. It was unusual to find people in love like that. She'd never really seen it herself. Her father's marriage to her step-monster wasn't the most conventional relationship ever. Summer didn't even know what they had in common besides plastic surgery, money and medication. So Randy's marriage was a good lesson in happiness and the first one Summer had seen up close. It made her hurt a little for one of her own. Ryan was so distant most of the time, it was hard to know what he was thinking and feeling. She sometimes wondered if he ached for her at night the way she did for him.

The boxes were scattered around the living room with barely enough room to get by. Summer thought it would be easier to start in the bedroom. The bed had been put together by Ryan while she'd settled the kitchen. It didn't seem fair that she was the one getting the bedroom when it was Ryan's money paying the rent, but he insisted on being chivalrous and would be sleeping on the couch. It was at least an improvement from the air mattress he'd been occupying while they were at the house.

Unwrapping a framed print from one of the boxes, Summer knew the perfect location for it.

The hall was dark and when Summer flipped the lights they flickered and then the bulb burnt out. "Shit!"

Summer stood frozen, unable to see and afraid of tripping and injuring herself. That was the last thing they needed. Paying a large medical bill would be less than idyllic.

"I'll get it," Ryan offered, grabbing a chair and propping it underneath the light fixture. "Hold this?" he said and handed her a new lightbulb. Summer set the framed print behind her, propping it against the wall so it was out of the way. How Ryan saw in the dark Summer didn't know. The scant light from the living room was barely visible from where she stood, but it seemed to be enough for Ryan. He mounted the chair and unfastened the bulb.

Summer handed him the lightbulb and took the burnt one. Ryan squinted, struggling to see as he blindly tried to screw in the lightbulb. Losing his footing, he grabbed the back of the chair, regaining his balance.

Ryan jumped down. The apartment was still in darkness and the rain had started again. Summer moved in the darkness looking for the garbage can. She bounced off of something hard and solid. Ryan. His chest pressed against hers and she could feel it when he inhaled a breath. Her neck got warm and her skin tickled as he exhaled against her neck. "Sorry."

"No, it was my fault," he said and stepped back, flicking on the light switch. Yellow light flooded the hall and Summer blinked back the sudden brightness.

Ryan stretched his arms out behind him, wincing. He rolled his shoulders and grimaced.

"Does your shoulder hurt?"

"Nah, it's fine."

"I could...?" Summer took a step toward Ryan. "Do you want me to...?" For some reason, she was finding it hard to actually say out loud what she was suggesting. Was it really a big deal? Well, yeah, it was. Since Summer had gotten to Chino, they hadn't really touched, not like last time. And, yeah, it was weird. Time had not eased the attraction between them. If anything, the attraction had become a warped, intense burn.

"It's okay. Really." That was the last thing Ryan needed, Summer touching him. Her, with her incredibly soft skin and long nails, kneading his shoulders? No, it just wouldn't work. It would just lead him to do inappropriate things. Like grabbing her, hoisting her up, pushing her into the wall and licking her skin until every last raindrop was gone... Somehow, he didn't think that would improve their situation.

Summer shrugged it off, but Ryan was good at reading people and he knew, at least to some small extent, he'd hurt her feelings. She thought he was rejecting her.

"You're going to have to register for school," he said. It wasn't the best segue, but it was all he could think of.

"No problem. Already taken care of." Summer smiled and it looked smug. Always the tough girl. "I used the name on my fake I.D."

Summer's hair curled from the rainwater and instead of making her look unkept, it added to her mystique. He wanted to run his fingers through it, test the softness.

Keep talking, he told himself. It kept his mouth occupied. It relieved him from doing something stupid. "Summer, have you really thought this through? There's no shame in going back home."

"Is that your way of trying to subtly tell me you don't want me here? Do you want me to go?"

Her mouth was sharp, testy. She was pissed. He loved the fire that exploded in her eyes.

"No, no. Of course not." He wondered what would happen if he kissed her. The space between them started to shrink. "I just want you to really think about what you're doing."

"I have thought about it! I spent three months thinking about it, and even if this wasn't what I pictured... I'm not going to go back now."

"What did you picture?" His legs were moving, edging ever closer to her. The situation was becoming dangerous. And yet, he couldn't stop himself from continuing forward.

"I don't know. I just...I thought it would be different. I thought that things between us would be different."

Something flickered her eyes. Somewhere between arguing and petty fights, he'd missed all the signs. Everything had been forgotten, or at least forgiven.

It was what he'd been waiting for. Some small indication that that spark was still between them. He wasn't alone in his feelings.

He saw his chance and seized it. Her lips were soft, pliable, opening for him and letting his tongue enter her mouth. The taste of strawberries and rain blended together to create a hot downpour across his tongue. They melted into the kiss. It was a kiss they'd been waiting on for well over three months now and it was worth ever precious second.

Ryan pulled away, the taste and smell of strawberry lip balm still close. Last time it had been apples. He wondered what fruit he would taste on her lips the next time. "Like that?"

"Yeah. Maybe."

She tried to act tough. She tried to be older than what she was. She tried not to be so innocent. Ryan saw all that inside her eyes and more. He saw the hint of vulnerability and innocence that still lingered, pushed back inside where Summer thought she hid it well.

Strawberries. He could smell the sweetness of them; could taste their flavour dancing over his tongue as they kissed a second time. There was an entire field of them wrapped into this one little kiss. It grew in intensity. Everything was moving faster than Ryan could process. Every sense was heightened. Was she aware that she was leading him down a path to hell?

Hips shifted. The heat from her crotch bled through her pants and warmed his thigh.

She kissed him again, rocking against his thigh, rubbing against him.

Holy fuck!

Ryan pulled away before he wasn't able to. She had no fucking clue how much power she possessed. Trying to reign in his sanity, Ryan stood frozen. His entire body was rigid. His entire body. It was going to take plenty of cold water to make this hard-on go away. And, even then, he wasn't sure that would do the trick.

"We have plenty of time," he said, recovering. He pushed the hair off her face. "Let's not rush into things." Ryan hadn't said anything like that in his entire life and it shocked him a little. Who said things like that anyway? He just hoped it didn't show on his face.

Summer nodded, though, he wasn't so sure she realized how close he was to laying her down on the floor and teaching her everything he knew about pleasing a woman. He wondered if she'd change her mind, given the vast knowledge he possessed. Ryan didn't like to brag about that sort of thing, but he'd been with his fair share of women and he'd learned something different from each encounter. He was fairly sure Summer would benefit from him being such an apt pupil. In time, he hoped to find out. But not now. Not when the wounds that had separated them were still fresh from healing. He had to take things slow.

Summer took a step back, straightening out her clothes. "No, you're right; we shouldn't do this. After all, we agreed to be friends, right? Roommates? Nothing more." She picked up the picture frame and turned down the hall, not sparing a glance back.

Ryan felt the sting of her words. Maybe it was better this way, easier.

He hoped she hadn't caught on to how far out of his element she was taking him. Everyday he knew her, learned more about her, he was farther and farther away from keeping her out of his heart.