Lee3: I finally finished part 3.

Ilpalazzo: What took you so long?

Lee3: I had a Geology test to study for. Now if you will excuse me I wish to get the disclaimer over with.

Ilpalazzo: Go right ahead.

Lee3: I don't own Excel-Saga that's Rikdo Koshi's. I don't own the characters of Puni Puni Poemy or the opening theme song. The same weirdoes that did the Anime Excel-Saga owns that. I also don't own Yomiko or Michelle; they belong to whoever did the Read or Die OVA and the TV series. READY?! 3, 2, 1, RUN IT!!!

Anime Hell: Part 3

Ilpalazzo: After that 2-hour break are you all ready for you next mission?

Excel: we get a profile on our opponents again?

Lee: (face faults) You're kidding right? I just showed you guys the DVD an hour ago.

Hyatt: I think she means for you to do the profile for the sake of the readers.

Lee: Okay, but I'm only gonna explain this once so pay attention. The first moron on the list is Poemi Watanabe. Her age: 10 years old, hyper beyond belief, short as hell, transforms into the magical girl Puni Puni Poemy.

Elgala: Anything else?

Lee: She has a fish wand, but she'd rather use her fists and feet to fight.

Excel: Pointless.

Lee: Be that as it may, she is the only offensive player they have.

Ilpalazzo: (about to pull the rope) Please speed it up will you?

Lee: Fine, here are the Seven Crazy Aasu Sisters.

Hitomi Aasu

Age: 3

Power: Precognition

In other words, she can see shit coming, even though she looks like she's taking a shit.

Futaba Aasu

Age: 10

Power: To make things gentle when she wishes it upon them (It's the lame Sacrificial Lamb power.), Catharsis Flash (duel technique with Puni Puni Poemy).

Interesting Fact: She is in love with Poemi.

Mitsuki Aasu

Age: 15

Power: Earth Acceleration (super speed). It's useless for the most part.

Shii Aasu

Age: 18

Power: Earth Healing (also useless)

Interesting Fact: Tits so big they can suffocate anyone or anything.

Itsue Aasu

Age: 19

Power: Earth Barrier (THE ONLY USEFUL POWER THE AASU SISTERS HAVE!!!)

Interesting Fact: A college student with a career as a Dominatrix and is extremely horny. She likes her job too much.

Mutsumi Aasu

Age: 22

Power: Earth Breakfall a.k.a. Earth Defensive Landing (Falling safely from any attack is a dumb power.)

Interesting Fact: She's a college with a Kansai accent for no reason.

(A/N: Funny how in anime they always have the one person with the Kansai accent. Then when it's translated into English that character sounds like a Redneck.)

Nanase Aasu

Age: 28

Power: Earth Dance of Flowers (Most...useless...power...EVER!!!)

Interesting Fact: Has a desk job. Leader of the Aasu Sisters, but she is not very bright.

Lee: You happy now?

Ilpalazzo: Yes, very (lets go of the rope).

Excel: When do we start?

Ilpalazzo: Now (pulls the rope and everyone minus Lee falls).

Lee: You want something?

Ilpalazzo: Can I borrow that DVD (Lee throws the DVD to him and drops into the hole)? Thank you.

(On the streets of Fukuoka)

Futaba: Where are we?

Nanase: It looks like F city, but something is different.

Itsue: Could you have said anything more clichéd than that?

Poemi: Kobayashi has no idea where we are! What will become of her career?

Mutsumi: Poemi, this isn't a Voice Acting gig.

Mitsuki: Maybe we were sent to this parallel world to protect it.

Shii: You might be right.

Nanase: That's got to be it (looks at Hitomi)! Are you gonna pee in the street Hitomi?

Hitomi: (Looks like she's taking a shit.) 's almost here.

Everyone: WHAT?!

(Close by)

Excel: So we might actually have to fight those losers?

Lee: (annoyed) Since Poemi can fight we will have to actually fight, how many times do I have to tell you that?

Elgala: I, Elgala will say right now that we are close.

Lee: (sarcastic) No shit, I can sense them since they have powers and all.

Hyatt: Is that them (points to the Aasu)?

Hitomi: They are very close...now they are here.

Mitsuki: WHAT (explodes)?!

Lee: Try behind you.

(The Aasu sisters and Poemi turned and saw Team ACROSS.)

Excel: Nothing personal, but we must send you all back to your dimension.

Poemi: No way, Kobayashi will not allow you evil bastards to conquer this world!

Excel: How did you know that was our goal?

Lee, Hyatt & Elgala: EXCEL!!!

Nanase: You just told us!

Itsue: (acting melodramatic) Lee, I never thought you were evil.

Lee: Wait a minute I don't even know you. Why are you talking like you do know me?

Itsue: It was a clichéd line.

Poemi: Kobayashi doesn't care about clichéd anything. You're going down!

Hyatt: Didn't you forget something?

Poemi: Kobayashi doesn't know what you are talking about!

Elgala: You forgot the "I wanna be a voice actress shit"!

Poemi: Thank you spiral haired lady. Kobayashi will become a voice actress!

Dead Fish: Poemi, transform into Puni Puni Poemy you shit-head!

(Some dude starts playing his Zoto before Lee shot him with a Magnum.)

Poemi: Let's do it (stabs the fish with a knife turning into a wand)!

Dead Fish: That hurts!

(A/N: A Zoto is an old Japanese banjo. In my opinion, it's the most annoying thing ever made. It's WORSE than the Keytar.)

Poemi: Yay, Kobayashi loves those highlights (After some highlights the transformation is completed)!

Puni Puni Poemy: The villains show their faces. The heroes appear...(Lee shoots her with the Laser gun) WHAT THE FUCK (disappears)?!

Lee: I didn't want to another dumb line.

Futaba: POEMY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO (starts crying)!!!

Shii: (immobilized) Futaba...

Itsue: (immobilized) Stop crying!

Nanase & Hitomi: (on the ground) Can't move.

Mutsumi & Mitsuki: We're getting queasy!

(Excel & Elgala shoots Futaba and she disappears.)

Lee: (pissed) WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY DID YOU TWO SHOOT FUTABA?!

Excel & Elgala: We hated her crying.

Lee: THE SISTERS AND POEMY WERE SITTING DUCKS!!!!

Excel & Elgala: ...D'OH!!!

Mitsuki: Earth Acceleration (runs around Lee in super speed.)!

Nanase: (gloats) No one can match her speed. She's the fastest Aasu ever.

Lee: Really (moves so fast he isn't visible and he kicked Mitsuki sending her flying straight up, then he beat punched her in the face eight times and kicked her into the ground, right in front of the other Aasus.)? Looks like I surpassed her speed...more like BURNED IT!!!

Mitsuki: (gets up) I'm okay.

Nanase: Prepare yourself...

All Aasus: ...FOR AN AASU WHIPPING (does the pose for camel-toe)!!!

Lee: (laughs) You actually did that camel-toe pose?!

Excel: (laughing) You said Aasu, get it "ass" Aasu?!

Elgala: I, Elgala (busts out laughing) oh fuck it (Hyatt died laughing)!

Mitsuki: Earth Acceleration (charges at Lee, but he side stepped and tripped her. Next he turned and shot her) Nooooooo! (Hyatt revives)

Lee: I got you (runs at Nanase and punches her, sending her flying ten feet)! I'm coming for you (continues attacking her)!

Itsue: You still need to deal with me (chases Lee)!

Shii: Your heart is eww and icky, I will heal you... Earth Healing (tries to heal Hyatt, Sailor Moon style)! Now let your heart be at ease!

Hyatt: Oh, how pretty (vomits up blood at dies).

Shii: (freaks out) OH NO I KILLED HER!!!

Hitomi: (does her Earth Precognition) She's right there, very close by!

Mutsumi: Duh, she's right in front of us!

Elgala: That girl must be retarded.

Mutsumi: That's because she's 3!

Elgala: (shoots Hitomi) Now she's back where she came from.

Itsue: (spins her whip, which creates a barrier called Earth Barrier) Tie them up, tie them up, time now to whip them all! Cars, Cadillacs, Vibrators, Bernoulli Balls, Barrier, Barrier, BARRIER, BARRIER!!!

Lee: (shoots Nanase after she did her Earth Dance of Flowers move and laughs at Itsue.) Barrier?

Excel: That won't stop me (fires at Itsue, but the shots aren't getting through)! What?

Lee: I'll handle this (flies through the barrier and punches Itsue, disrupting the barrier.). Let me show you my power (unsheathes his sword). Dragon Blade: Whip Mode (transforms his sword into a whip blade)!

Itsue: (pissed) I'm gonna waste you!

Lee: (starts whipping the dominatrix like crazy) Yeah right lady. I won't let you get the chance to waste anyone. S&M is a bitch ain't it (wraps the whip blade around Itsue and then throws her towards Excel)? Excel, fire at will!

Excel: Roger (shoots Itsue a few times and she disappears)! Awesome (looks at Hyatt)! Ha-chan, get up!

Hyatt: (revives) Yes Senior.

Shii: HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!

Hyatt: I always do that (shoots Shii).

Shii: MY ENORMOUS BREASTS ARE HEAVY (disappears)!!!

Elgala: I, Elgala would like to know why "Shii" said that?

Excel: She has big tits and wants everyone to know it.

Mutsumi: Tell me about it.

Lee: Which reminds me (fires a shot at Mutsumi).

Mutrsumi: Earth Breakfall (gets shot, but falls down)!

Excel: Hey, she didn't disappear!

Mutsumi: (gets up) I figured my power to fall safely from any attack would come in handy. Even if Hitomi says it's stupid.

Lee: Excel, Hyatt, Elgala, I've got a plan just keep shooting.

Excel, Hyatt, Elgala: Right (shoots at Mutsumi)!

Mutsumi: Earth Breakfall (gets shot three times, but time slowed down when Mutsumi started her descent after the third shot connected. Lee ran in normal speed behind Mutsumi and shot her in the back, then time returned to normal speed.) WHAT?! NO (disappears)!!!

Excel: All right, mission complete.

Hyatt: We did it Senior.

Elgala: It's over.

Lee: Okay, let's (gets kicked by Puni Puni Poemy sent flying into a wall.)...

Excel: WHAT THE HELL?!

Elgala: Seniors look (points at Poemy and Futaba)!

Hyatt: Oh my.

Excel: HOW COULD YOU TWO POSSIBLY BE BACK HERE?!

Poemy: (gloats) Miss Kumi Kumi sent us back here with her needles.

Lee: (recovers) YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTIN' ME!!! THERE IS NO WAY ACCUPUNTURE CAN TRANSPORT MATTER!!!

Futaba: Well obviously it can because that's what we did (she and Poemy start glowing).

Lee: Let's bring 'em together (Team ACROSS fuse the four guns into a big gun.)!

Excel, Elgala, Hyatt: TEAM ACROSS...

Lee: ...FIRE (Excel, Hyatt and Elgala strikes some Power Ranger pose and Lee fires a huge laser blast at the pink haired weirdo and her lesbian friend)!!!

(A/N: Did all that sound familiar to you?)

Poemy & Futaba: Catharsis...(gets shot and permanently sent home.)

Excel: We did it!

Hyatt: Puni Puni Poemy (dies)...

Elgala: ...is Puni Puni gone. I, Elgala am so happy!

Lee: I bet those Aasus got an Aasu whipping from that Catharsis Flash.

(Outside the Aasu House)

Nanase: I can't believe we lost.

(Poemy and Futaba appear right before they are about to fire their attack.)

Poemy & Futaba: FLASH!!!

Aasu Sisters: OH NO (gets blasted)!!!

(Back at Head Quarters)

Ilpalazzo: (on the phone) So you four have completed the mission...good...well I'll see you four tomorrow...goodbye.

(On the Streets of Fukuoka)

Excel: What did he say?

Lee: Good job.

Excel & Elgala: Yaaaaaaaaaaay!

Hyatt: (revives) What do we do now?

Lee: Only one thing to do (starts playing the Puni Puni Poemy opening theme song with Lee on guitar, Hyatt on drums, Elgala on keytar and Excel on vocals.).

(A/N: If the words are NOT in Italics then the lyrics are spoken. Let me repeat this one warning. I DO NOT OWN THE THEME SONG!!!)

Excel: There is one Earth

If it splits, there'll be two

With a little thrilling shock delivered to my heart

My heart is destiny

My head is empty

Unable to articulate, stammering

No, no good

If my feelings hidden deep in my heart

Become known to you

Earth and boom, boom, boom

Elgala: Boom, boom, boom

Excel: Man, my bunghole itches, because I'm a girl!

Walking alone, the path is endlessly long

But on bike it's 30 minutes, by bus it's 15 minutes

Turning around it's loneliness

Even without turning around it's loneliness

Currently in search of friends

But a lover would be even more okay

Lee: That was tight...let's go home.

Excel, Hyatt, Elgala: Agreed.

To Be Continued

Antics: Yomiko

(A/N: This take place after Team ACROSS got back to the apartment.)

Lee: See you all in a few minutes (rips open a dimensional portal and steps through).

Hyatt: Where is he going?

Excel: Probably to bother the Read or Die people again.

(In New York)

Lee: Are you Yomiko Readman a.k.a. Agent Paper?

Yomiko: Yes. Why do you want to know?

Lee: I ran into your friend Nenene the other day.

Yomiko: How is she these days?

Lee: She's looking for you, idiot.

Yomiko: What?

Lee: Four years ago you bought a book that she wrote and you left before you could tell her what you thought about it.

Yomiko: She is?

Lee: Do I have to repeat myself? YOU NEED TO SEE HER AND TELL HER IF YOU LIKED HER BOOK OR NOT BEFORE SHE GIVES UP ON YOU!!!

Yomiko: Why are you telling me all this?

Lee: Because I am THE ADVICE GUY!!!!

Nancy: (shows up out of nowhere) What's going on?

Lee: Shut up ho this doesn't concern you!

Nancy: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!

Lee: You heard me (pushes a button and Nancy got ejected). HO, HO, HO!!!!

Yomiko: That isn't very nice!

Lee: Neither is keeping a loyal friend and fan waiting for years at a time (grabs Yomiko). Now GO (throws her with such strength and force, she'll land in Hong Kong)!!!

Yomiko: YOU BASTARD (becomes a star)!!!

Lee: (with a tear in his eye) I am such a good person.

Michelle: (from behind) That was a good deed you did.

Lee: (faces Michelle) Yo Jugs, next time we meet wear a bra. Your tits bounce every time you move and it's causes me to look at THEM rather than your FACE!!!

Michelle: (smiles) Okay (Lee rips open a portal, walks through it and the portal closes.)...HEY!!!

Lee3: That's it for this chapter.

Excel: YAY, ONLY TWO CHAPTERS TO GO!!!

Lee3: Anime Hell: Part 4 is next.

Hyatt: The last chapter in the Anime Hell Saga.

Elgala: Then the final Chapter of Crazy-ass Saga.

Lee3: Review or I'll gut you...just joking. Seriously though review this crazy fic.

Ilpalazzo: I didn't get to drop anyone for purging matters.

Lee3: You will next chapter. See ya next time.