Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Anything you do not recognise from the either the films or the books, belongs to the author of this FANFICTION.
Summary: L/J 7th year The wizarding world is a storm of lies, death & betrayal entwined with love. Struggling to do the right thing, they must learn the true value of what they're fighting for or else be lost in the thunder within
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: PG-13
The Thunder Within
By SaveOurSouls
Chapter 6: 'Curiosity is Not a Sin'
"Curiosity is not a sin.... But we should exercise caution with our curiosity... yes, indeed," spoken by Albus Dumbledore, GoF; The Pensieve
"Okay, everyone, quiet down now, would you?" James asked patiently. The mindless chatter amongst fifth, sixth and seventh year Prefects died down as James called for their attention. Frankly, Lily was slightly amazed that James was being so responsible.
Lily and James were about to start their first Prefect meeting together. It was a Saturday evening and they were situated in the Prefect's Common room; a large room, that James figured had bits of each house in it. He had noticed quite a few chairs from Gryffindor and he guessed that the snake plaque was from Slytherin- where else was it going to come from? James was seated comfortably on a red and gold striped armchair with Lily next to him in a similar one. The rest of the Prefects, all twenty-four of them, two from each house, fifth to seventh year, were seated in front of them on a long, circular sofa that arched around.
"Now, we just have a few things to discuss with you," Lily told them flatly. She was still tired; even though she started sleeping again, it was hard. She still wasn't comfortable with people all around her. She had been doing a pretty good job of staying away from everyone, but today meeting was breaking her pattern.
"This is our first meeting. Lily's been slightly… delayed… but not to worry; we're going to get right down to business. Firstly, Hogsmeade dates. Does anyone have anything to put forward about this before we decide?" James asked looking around the room. Remus shot him a subtle look and James tilted his head into a half, inconspicuous, nod. He had already figured this out and would be careful to make sure Hogsmeade weekends weren't on the full moon.
"We need to be aware of Quiddi-" began Bethany Smith, a seventh year and Seeker on the Ravenclaw team. But a laughing James cut her off in his amusement.
"Of course, Beth I am aware of that small matter, being a Quidditch Captain and all," he smiled at her. Remus knew there was something off about James's smile; if the others would actually look, they would too realise it was lacking something important. Heart. Bethany wasn't watching though and just grinned back. "Anything else?" James asked.
"Yeah- It probably shouldn't be on the first of November; too soon after Halloween," put in Charlotte Underwood, a Gryffindor fifth year. Her brother, Carl, was a seventh year Hufflepuff and also a Prefect.
"How about the eighth and ninth of October?" suggested Remus. James studied the parchment in his hands for a second; it was obvious some sort of complicated timetable, before nodding.
"Okay, that sounds good. Anyone have a problem with those dates?" No one raised a voice. "Great. Can you seventh years make sure the notices are up on your house message board?" There was a mutter of acceptance from the elder years, who were looking particularly bored with the proceedings- mind you; they had been doing it for around three years, so no-one really blamed them.
"The next matter is passwords. As you all know your passwords to the common rooms are set by the Heads of House. For this room, Lily or I will. We've settled on 'Phoenix Fire'. The Prefects' bathroom is on the fifth floor, fourth door to the left of the statue of Boris the Bewildered, the password is 'White Light'. Also, you all have the privilege of not only spending free time here, but using the study, which is just over there. It's an excellent place for some peaceful, quiet studying," James pointed out a door.
"Are we allowed to bring non-Prefect friends here?" asked Petronella Morgan, a Slytherin sixth year. Surprisingly, her voice didn't hold a malicious edge, like some other Slytherin Prefects held. It was just an innocent question. However, behind every innocent question from a Slytherin was an ulterior motive. And now was no exception to those times.
"Dumbledore said he'd rather you didn't, that's the aim for a Prefects Common Room: Prefects only. We'll change passwords every so often," James replied. "Now, patrolling schedule… anyone have anything to say before I start?"
"What do you mean, patrolling?" asked one of the new Prefects, a fifth year, somewhat fearfully. James smiled kindly at him.
"Don't worry; I'm just going to explain it now. If everyone is paired with someone of the same year, but a different house and gender. It's easiest if Gryffindor go with Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw with Slytherin. Lily and I will also be patrolling at various points during the schedule. For example, Remus here," James indicated to Remus, who grinned.
"Would go with Prudence," James motioned to Prudence Clement, a Hufflepuff, who also smiled. "Everyone clear? Good. You're not expected to patrol for more then an hour or two a week, I think that's fair on everybody." James handed out the stack of timetables next to him, as well as pinning one up on the wall just in case.
"I think that's all everything, isn't it?" Lily asked James, impressed at how he had handled everything. James nodded.
"See you all later," he told them as the Prefects slowly departed the room, talking to each other.
"Are you all right with all this?" James asked carefully, picking himself up from the comfortable chair.
"The meeting? Yeah, sure," Lily replied absentmindedly. Plainly, she'd rather be anywhere else than here. James sighed.
He hadn't meant the meeting at all. But he didn't want to push it.
"See you then," James smiled at her just before Lily left, leaving James alone in the room. For all its warmth and colour, he felt very cold and alone.
"Don't give up, Prongs," a voice said from behind him. Remus hadn't left after all. James smiled at his friend, somewhat sadly. Remus on the other hand grinned happily.
"Why the hell are you so happy?" James asked. Remus's grin only got wider. It was quite infuriating, really; James was in a mood of depression and here Remus was, standing and grinning happily.
"She was impressed and for a reason, I'll give you that," he replied. "You ran the meeting very well, James."
"Thanks mate," James whispered. "Let's get out of here." Both boys walked out and headed back to their own room.
---
Lily wasn't an idiot. She knew that James hadn't meant the meeting when he asked her if 'she was all right with all this?' She just wasn't ready to deal with him and playing ignorant seemed like a good option. Since he looked at her memory in the Pensive, Lily had felt a strange connection with him. It was quite unnerving really; connected with James? Him, of all people. Yet it couldn't be denied. She tried not to show her admiration at the meeting, but she admitted he handled it all very well. Lily had hardly said a word throughout the whole meeting, but James seemed to have realised that she was still in a right state.
She had decided to go back to classes the day after tomorrow, but couldn't work out whether she was ready to go back, or not. Going to the Prefects meeting was a small step to returning to normality, though she still had a long way to go.
She was confused by the way she couldn't bring herself to eat or go to sleep at night. She was confused as to why she had let James do all the work for the meeting and during it, it was very unlike her. Yet, the main thing she was concerned about was James himself. Yes, he was changing. It was crystal clear that he was no longer the bullying, arrogant git he had been in fifth year. He was mature, responsible and generally more pleasant. Even so, she always ended up with the same question running through her mind: did she have feelings for him? His personality, in Lily's opinion, had always messed up his good looks, which were without doubt, very appealing. Though since his personality was changing, maybe Lily did feel something?
"Night, Mar," she whispered. Her friend was already asleep. Lily was too tired to actually dwell on James at the moment; it was near midnight after Lily finished her stroll around the school, in hope of clearing her head. Needless to say, it hadn't worked. Lily's head hit the pillow and a second later she was asleep. Little did she know that the next morning upon waking up, she would forget all the lovely dreams she had. All the lovely dreams she had that featured James Potter.
---
James had waked up early and got out of bed hastily, eager to get down to breakfast and then out onto the Quidditch pitch for the first Quidditch practice of the season. Needless to say that his fellow team mates had planned on having a nice lay in on a Sunday morning, however, that was disrupted by the fact James had called a practice early on that morning.
The sky held nothing but ashen clouds being blown by a soft wind, not perfect weather, but it was better then nothing.
"Okay, people!" James yelled out commandingly. Six brooms swerved in the air and flew down towards him. "First Quidditch practice of the season!" Ailsa Clyde, his fellow chaser was the first to touch down. She was swiftly followed by Edward Fenner and Laurel Waters, the beaters, Cassandra Williams, the seeker, Norman Powell, the keeper and finally the other chaser, Oberon Isaacs.
"Come on James, we don't want an hour long speech!" Cassandra wailed. James grinned; his previous captain was known for making speeches longer than the actual games.
"Don't worry, Cass. Look, I really want to get out there and start some drills and things, but… We have a great team this year, full of very skilful people. So that means there is no excuse for not winning the Quidditch cup this year. Let's all work together and make it happen!" The rest of his team responded by once again soaring into the air, waiting expectantly. James grabbed the equipment, quickly throwing up the Quaffle to Oberon, who caught it deftly. Edward and Laurel had their bats ready, so James released one of the two Bludgers and finally, after warning Cass, let the Snitch fly. Then he raced up into the air and the practice had officially begun.
"Let's get this show on the road!" yelled Norman. It was like tradition now; every practice, Norman shouted the same words before flying off.
James paused from practising with his fellow Chasers to look at the rest of his team, checking that they were doing what they should be doing and perfecting any of the moves they had learnt last year but needed to brush up on for the coming season.
"Good, good," James praised, as he observed Cassandra execute her own special manoeuvre that trapped the Golden Snitch into flying next to her broom in easy reaching distance.
"I'm moving on, I've got that move down to a tee," she yelled. James looked onto the beaters. They performed a tricky little tactic that shot the Bludgers out, not to injure the nearest player, but spiral around their heads, temporarily blocking their view.
"Okay, I want you both to be able to do that eyes closed and one hand behind your backs," he told Laurel and Edward as they perfected one of their newer moves. Each put a hand behind their back and closed their eyes obediently, repeating the drill flawlessly.
"Good enough for you?" Edward yelled, ducking to avoid the Quaffle that had sailed over his head. James nodded in response and motioned for them to keep practising. He flew over towards Norman and watched him and his fellow Chaser's with a glowing pride as they first past the ball swiftly and then took a shot at goal.
"Focus and it will come naturally," he told Norman as he narrowly let the goal in by inches. James then took the initiative to get out there and help. Him, Ailsa and Oberon were nearly unstoppable; they were so in tune with each other they could almost read the others next move without a backward glance. James swerved, throwing the Quaffle backwards to Oberon, who caught it easily. He then ditched it across and out of no where Ailsa sailed out, catching it effortlessly. She span around to confuse the Keeper and scored. Norman blocked one-third of the goals headed his way, though it was hard to save more than that when working with the relentless trio. A few long hours later James blew his whistle and motioned for the team to get down, a sure sin that they were finally free to go.
"You're a slave driver, James," Oberon puffed out. All members were covered with dirt, water, mud and even some blood when an accident with the Bludgers occurred.
"Yeah, but that's how we win! Anyway, great practice guys, I've got a good feeling about this year. I'll see you all here on Wednesday night seven pm sharp," James told them before letting them go and get showered and changed.
James trudged back to the Gryffindor common room slowly, where he threw himself into a soft armchair and turned his head to his thoughts.
---
Lily came down the stairs to the Common Room, expecting it full. Yet, when she looked around, she realised the only other person there was James and even he looked deep in thought. Not wanting to disturb him, Lily tried to creep past quietly. She would have succeeded too, if it hadn't been for Sirius, who had just bound energetically through the portrait and spotted both Lily and James. Lily was planning to go to the Prefects' study and have a nice read before she returned to class the next day, to see if she could catch up on some of the classes she was taking for N.E.W.T level, but that prospect seemed pretty bleak right now.
"Lily, lovely to see you…. Prongs mate!" Sirius said loudly. Lily groaned silently. Great, she thought to herself. Even thought no-one knew exactly why, it was clear that Prongs was James. Moony was Remus, Padfoot was Sirius and Wormtail was Pete; Lily had always dismissed it as freakish Marauder nicknames. James turned around, ignoring his best friend and faced Lily. He smiled, but it looked horribly forced and fake. Lily didn't even try to smile back.
"James," she said softly. His eyes bore into hers, but he remained silent.
"Um… guys?" Sirius asked, annoyed at being ignored. He snapped his fingers. Clapped his hands. Still nothing. With a great sigh, he made his way up to the boy's dormitory dejectedly. Obviously, he was exaggerating his movements greatly.
But it did the trick; Lily and James were alone.
---
He was going to say something any second now. Lily could feel it, just like she could feel his gaze on her skin, even though she couldn't see it yet. Sure enough, he started talking.
"Does it always have to be like this?" James asked softly. Although he had barely started talking, Lily felt herself cracking slightly; James definitely had a way with words, even if it was just a few. His voice was soft and even, but held definite meaning. Lily refused to let her weakness show, though.
"Like what?" she replied, looking up from her hands that she had been fiddling with. She would have snapped Potter, but they were on first name basis, though his name had failed on her lips.
"Like this. You know," James answered. Four simple words; of course Lily knew what he was talking about. She just didn't want him to know that she knew that. "Don't…" James started, but Lily cut him off. Why did he have to do this to her, now? Why did he always know the exact moment?
"Don't what, James? Look, just tell me what you're on about," Lily demanded. He sighed slightly.
"Don't shut me out. I'm not your enemy anymore," he told her, a sad smile creeping on his handsome face.
"I'm not shutting you out!" Even as Lily said it, the words sounded fake to her ears. Of course she was shutting him out; couldn't he take the hint? Obviously not, because a second later James had moved closer to her, he didn't tower over her even though she was a few inches shorter then him, there again it meant they could virtually look each other in the eye, not a good thing when you were trying to block them out.
"I know you don't hate me anymore, Lily, brushing me off won't work. I thought we were friends… and friends let each other help," James whispered.
"I don't need your help! I never said we were friends!" Lily snapped, turning away to leave for the Prefects' study. However, James grabbed her arm before she could do so, forcing her to turn back to him.
"Yes, you do Lily, you need help," James said ignoring the latter comment on purpose. "You don't even realise how much of you is gone. You're destroying yourself from the inside; soon you'll just be a shell. You're falling behind in classes, you're always tired and you're constantly moody. You don't even bother yelling at misbehaving students anymore!" Unlike Lily, James kept his voice even, low and comforting, even though it lacked real feeling. It didn't hold accusations and wasn't meant to offend her.
She flinched as his words struck home. Fuck you, James, Lily's mind screamed. How did he always know everything at a glance? His hazel eyes bored into hers. Lily had once heard that eyes were the window to one's soul. If that was true, at the moment, James was soulless. They were completely blank, not showing anything. It was like a mask was over his face and a curtain in his eyes.
"Y-You're right," Lily admitted shakily, trembling. "I can't do this anymore," she whispered, giving in. Something like triumph crossed his face, but was gone as soon as it came. Instead, another sad smile was aimed at her again.
"No one is expecting you to, Lily," he replied calmly. He was right, of course; no one was expecting her to carry around everything on her shoulders. However, like this, she was occupied. She felt like she had a shield around her. A shield that stopped everyone from getting to her. Unfortunately, James had a means of penetrating it. With everything going on, Lily didn't have to think about Voldemort, her parents, the constant deaths or any other morbid affairs. Yet they crept in anyway and since James had just splintered her shield, they were oozing in freely.
"Damn you, Potter! Why do you always have to know everything! What I'm thinking, why I do something, how I act, what I'm feeling, for knowing just what to say to get me to react!" she yelled in frustration, close to tears. James smirked slightly. Lily continued at the sight of the famous Potter smirk, how she hated him for this.
"How can you stand there all calm and unemotional, smirking, whilst my life falls apart? How can you be so damned calm in any situation and let everything like this pass you by with a smirk plastered on your-your irresistible face?" Lily was suddenly embarrassed. Did I really say that out loud? She wondered. Apparently yes, because James's smirk had dimmed and a frown of confusion had settled in its place. He looked as if he was struggling for a moment, an internal battle taking place. A second later, however, his arms were wrapped around Lily and drew her closer to himself. It was a warm hug, one that she had needed for a long time.
"Just let it go, Lily. Give in, like you gave into telling me all of that," he whispered. Lily sighed; give into what exactly? There were a number of things that she could give into; thinking about her parents, about Petunia. Falling asleep or eating again. Even going back to class sooner. Most of all, giving into James Potter. Lily did just that. Something made her do it. She wasn't sure what exactly, but some kind of force was making her lean into James.
Next thing she knew, Lily had her lips grazed against his own. The very air around them seemed to be buzzing. She knew if Marlene walked in at that moment she would kill James, but there was just something about him… He tasted of peppermints, she thought numbly. Maybe that was it.
---
End of chapter 6
I am extremely sorry for the overly long wait. To tell the truth, both FF & I, anniePADFOOT, have been extraordinarily busy and have… well, forgotten about this. But I swear I'll post the next sooner than this.