Hay every one sorry it took so long to up-date but the web site seems all fixed now :) thanx for all the reviews this is N/S for all you guys!
That's how I found her. Sitting just staring at her locker, I watched her through the glass of the door for a second before pushing the door open and walking over to my own locker. The lock clicked as I spun it round entering my combination, the click as it finally opened seemed to eco across the space between us.
"I heard about your case"
It was a statement, but I knew she would hear the unspoken question that I really wanted to ask, if she was coping ok. I didn't know any details but apparently it had been rough. Hell. All cases were difficult. I hadn't had an easy night of it my self, but according to Warrick, Sara had got 'attached'. I felt it was more complicated than he made out, being addressed in a Vic's note would mess with any of our heads.
"I'm fine Nick. Catherine has already asked me twice, and each time I said I was fine."
"I'm not Catherine," I said in a low tone, resting my palm against the locker so it could absorb the cold from the metal. It always had a calming effect on me and this time was no different. I had to stay calm, getting angry and frustrated wouldn't get Sara to open up to me. It was just hard. Some many times I'd been there for her and she refused just closed off. With drew so far into her self it was as if she could see me or any one else. I never hid when I was worried about her or wanted to help. I respected her and her privacy on other occasions. I was sick of it. What hurt more was the secret feeling that she knew what I was offering, like a shady drug dealer but didn't want any of it.
I've been watching your world from afarI've been trying to be where you are
I've been secretly falling apart
I'll see
To me
You're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just, can't see
You turn every head
But you don't see me
I composed a smile turning to face her. My smile faded as our eyes met. Her eyes were blank. The sparkle, that combined with her beautiful smile held the power to stop my heart with one look was gone. My heart ached; I felt a wave of guilt rush over me. While I had been brooding, Sara behind me had broken down. This case was different from the rest it had really pushed her to the limit. She was hurting. Much more than she would care to show. More than Warrick noticed, more than I would have noticed if I didn't see the difference it made to her face. It must have shown because suddenly and new emotion flickered across her face, confusion merged with the desolation present before.
"Nick, Nick." Her voice vaguely registered, but it took a moment for me to respond. I could hear the concern in her voice. I swallowed hard. Even when she was feeling low Sara still managed to make me feel so many emotions I felt I was on fire. I wanted to reach over and hold her tight against my chest, stoke her hair tenderly and kiss her all in the same breath. In an instant she seemed to know everything I was thinking, her eyes open wide before she blinked looking away uncomfortable. Something changed, some unknown dynamic shifted leaving us both tongue-tied.
We sat silent, until I heard her sigh softly.
I sat down next to her. "You want to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to say,"
"Sar, talk to me." I reached out my fingers stopping just short of her cheek before she stood up pulling away from me. She glanced my way with slight frustration; her body language was becoming stiff and unapproachable telling me unconsciously to back off.
"Nick I appreciate your concern and yes the case upset me but I'm fine now,"
I marvelled at how quickly she seemed to switch from being vulnerable to cutting off all her emotions. They wouldn't be gone, knowing Sara she would just shut them away ignore them. I wouldn't let that happened not this time. I didn't care if she shot me down. I just couldn't walk away knowing I never tried.
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
I know waiting is all you can do Sometimes
I'll put a spell on you
You fall asleep
'cus I put a spell on you
And when I wake you
I'll be the first thing you'll see
And you'll realise
That you love me
Strange and beautiful AqualungI grabbed her arm refusing to let her go. "Sara" I pleaded with her.
" Just let me go NICK. I don't want to talk about it. It hurts too much ok. IT MAKES ME REMBER TOO MUCH." Her voice was high with emotion.
I was supposed to be the people person, I was supposed to know what to say to comfort and support but instead I was speechless. What could I say? There was nothing. I released my grip slightly, sometimes the pain couldn't be swept away in words, like when I told Catherine about my, she was too shocked afterward all I saw was pity in her eyes nothing she could have said….
"Your not a failure Sara."
She stopped bewildered.
I repeated myself clearly knowing this was what she needed to hear.
"It hurts honey but it wasn't you fault, you're a great CSI and the most beautiful and amazing women I know. Your not a failure."