Setting: Post-episode, "Charmed Again Part Two"

Written: July 27, 2004

Oldest

"So what exactly is a Whitelighter anyway?"

My eyes drift from the road to Phoebe and then to the rear view mirror. Paige is leaning forward in her seat, one arm stretched over Phoebe's seat, and one over mine.

"Paige," I snap, "strap in."

Phoebe laughs and Paige leans back sheepishly, fastening her seat belt around her, then immediately leaning as far up as she can again.

"Well?" says Paige.

"A Whitelighter is kind of a guardian angel for witches," Phoebe explains, a smile still faint on her face. "You know, sort of a guide."

"And my dad was a Whitelighter?"

Phoebe nods. "Yep."

I glance in the mirror again just in time to see Paige lean back and pull a lollipop out of her purse. "Paige?" I say. "What in the world is that?"

Paige shrugs and sticks the sucker in her mouth. "You want one?" she asks.

"No-" I begin as Phoebe simultaneously answers, "What flavor?"

"Phoebe!" I say, but my protest falls on deaf ears.

"Grape and cherry," says Paige.

"Ooh, can I have cherry?"

Paige passes Phoebe the lollipop and before I know it both of my little sisters are rotting their teeth out.

Both of my little sisters.

It sounds completely bizarre.

For twenty-eight years it has been one older sister and one younger sister. I was in the middle, not the oldest.

And this is the second it all changes. This is the second when I realize I have an entirely new and different role in this family. When I realize I am going to have to be Prue.

One would think I would have had this epiphany earlier. Like when my mom and grandmother appeared and informed me I had a baby sister they had forgotten to mention.

That was the only moment in my life I've been angry at my mom. After all these years, to just spring it on us like that. And for what? For our damn destiny. For the Charmed Ones. As usual. Can nothing in my life be separate from that now?

I would have liked to know I had another sister sooner than this. Prue would have liked to know she had another sister. And with that thought, my rambling dissipates. Mostly because thinking about Prue makes it impossible to breath, but also partly because Paige is speaking again.

"-were having an affair?"

This time Phoebe's eyes light on me momentarily before turning back to the window. "No," she says. "Our parents broke up before Mom and Sam hooked up."

Not according to Dad, I think. Before I had always believed implicitly that Mom and Sam got together after she and Dad broke up. But at that time I had thought they were only together a few months. With Paige in the picture it was at least nine months; probably more. I sigh. We'd most likely never know everything that had happened in our early childhood. It was all too hazy, and no one seemed to want to discuss it.

Phoebe glances at me again and I wonder if she is thinking the same thing. Coming to the same realizations.

"Well if wasn't an affair..." Paige says hesitantly.

"Yeah?" asks Phoebe.

"Well...then...why'd they give me up?"

The world spins for a moment, but I manage to keep control of the car. I take a shaky breath and swallow hard, trying to regain control of my wits. Trying to formulate an answer. For a few seconds we sit in a terse silence, and the entire atmosphere of the car changes. I feel Phoebe's eyes on me; patient; expectant. But nothing comes out of my mouth.

Why is this car ride suddenly going on forever?

"Piper?" says Phoebe.

I take a deep breath, but don't turn to look at Phoebe. Now Paige's eyes are on me too. I can feel them boring into my back.

"Piper?" Phoebe repeats.

"I..." I stutter. "I..."

I can't answer this question.

I can't answer this question, because it's too close. Too personal.

If I have a child it will be as illegal as Paige, won't it? What if They want me to sacrifice my child, the way Mom had to sacrifice Paige?

Somewhere in the back of my mind, the thought registers that They could never do this, because Leo and I are married. But another part of my mind, the part that goes through every day a little afraid that this will be the day They steal Leo from me, that is the part in control now.

"Piper, are you okay?" asks Paige.

I want to shake my head no, slam on the breaks, kick Phoebe and Paige out of the car, and run away to the middle of nowhere. For a second, I actually consider it. Then I remember: Prue never ran away from anything. If I'm going to fill her shoes, I can't start out by running from a question, no matter how terrifying it is.

But just as I force myself to this conclusion, I turn onto Prescott and practically slam on the gas to speed to our driveway. "Okay, this is it, we're here," I say in one breath. And without waiting for either of my sisters, I scramble out of the car and into the house.

So much for not running away.

I'm off to a great start as the oldest.