Disclaimer: I don't own "Trigun" or "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".
Author's Note: Well, it's that wonderful time of the year again! My birthday! Oh, wait, no…--ahem-- Christmas is what I mean! Everyone, shout with glee! Or shout in horror, either way works for me.
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How Knives Almost Destroyed Christmas -- By SWT
Vash and his friends
All liked Christmas on Gunsmoke a lot
But Knives, the horrible brother he was,
Did not
Knives hated Christmas
With a passion for some strange reason
There was just something about that awful season!
It could be that he was a psycho killer
It could be, perhaps, that he was a suspenseful thriller
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been the fact that he was just two inches too tall.
But,
Whatever the reason
His craziness or his height
He stood here on Christmas Eve, hating his brother with spite
Staring out the window, he gave a menacing frown
At his brother playing with the brats of this town
And he knew what Vash was planning to do
With the mistletoe, trying to hide it high, thinking he'll get a little 'snu-snu'
"You're an idiot for believing," he said with a sneer
"Knives, have fun, the wonderful holiday is here!"
Knives then scowled, his long fingers drumming
"You're a fool. You'll get what you've got coming!"
For tomorrow, he knew…
…All the townspeople and whoever else
Would wake up bright and early, and run from their house.
And then! Oh, the laughter! Oh, the laughter! Laughter! Laughter! Laughter!
Noises he hated! Caring and laughter! Laughter! Laughter!
Then everyone, young and old, would sit down at noon
When they'd have a great feast at the inn and saloon
And they'd party! And they'd party!
And they'd party! Party! Party! Party!
They would start with the salmon sandwich, and Vash would eat the whole plate
Knives, hating to stay here any longer, will surely go insane at this rate!
And then!
They'd do something he dreaded most!
They'd call about a cheerful holiday toast!
Would stand close together, ears still ringing
They'd stand hand-in-hand, and they would start singing
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
And they'd sing! Sing! Sing!
And the more Knives thought of their horrible songs
The more Knives thought, "This is not where I belong!
For three years, I've put with it, until now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
This I vow!"
Then he got an idea!
An evil idea!
Knives
Got a terrible, evil, wonderful idea!
"I know what I could do!" Knives shouted with glee
"I'll ruin Christmas, you'll soon see!
There'll be no more delight!
All I want to see is fright!"
He grinned to himself, at how evil he could be
He'd ruin Christmas; what a dirty deed!
He stayed in his room, up late that night
To plan the destruction of Christmas, alright
Then the radio started to play
A tune that would make anyone afraid
"You're an evil one, Mr. Knives
You really are a blunder
You're as cuddly as some spikes
You're as charming as…thunder?"
"Enough with this nonsense radio!" He turned it off. "I need a sidekick.
Someone who is as evil as me, and maybe give their arm a lick!"
Through the window he peered
There was Legato Bluesummers, who was quite weird
"You there!" Knives roared like the thunder
"What is your name?" "My name is Legato Bluesummers"
"Do as I say, and call me master!"
"Okay." Bluesummers obeyed, with no disaster.
Then
They grabbed some ropes and some bags
And he jumped from his room
Next to Legato, who ate a hotdog
And for now, Christmas was doomed.
Then Knives shouted, "Let's go!"
And the two started their way
Towards the old apartment
In which Vash and his friends stayed
The lights were all out, and quiet snores filled the air
Everyone was all snuggled in bed, having had too much eggnog to care
Knives quietly walked in and begin climbing the stairs
In Vash's room, he saw the lunk asleep in his bed
A colorful tie wrapped around his head
"Pathetic," he said, as he narrowed his eyes
He then saw a teddy-bear right by his bedside
He grabbed it and gave it a squeeze
"Is this what you please?"
He growled and stuffed it in his bag
If he continued, he would go mad
Leaving the room, he quietly snuck
In each room, he would grumble at his luck
The next room has Meryl, sound asleep in her bed
He wished she was just dead
He entered the room with care
Legato following behind with dread
Two sparkling earrings caught his eye
"These would be mine!" He took them with a victorious cry
"It has begun!" He announced with a sinister smile
"…What has?" asks Legato Bluesummers after awhile
"The destruction of Christmas, you fool!"
"Yes, Master," he said, keeping his cool
He tip-toed and snuck with a vicious grin
Throughout the whole house, he took what he wants
Toy guns! And tricycles! Vash's new party tie!
Chessboards! Plushies! A typewriter! Even Little Nicky's art supplies!
And he tossed them in the bags. Then Knives, growing tired
Threw them out the window, one by one, as desired
Then he moved to the refrigerator. He took the whole feast
He took Millie's pudding! He took the doughnut's yeast!
He cleared the whole 'fridge, just as he'd planned
Why, Knives even took their last can of salmon
Then he threw it all out the window with glee
"And now," grinned Knives. "I'll throw out the tree!"
And Knives grabbed the tree, and he started to throw
When he heard a sound from below
He turned down fast to the floor
To see little Nicholas, who was no more than four
Knives growled at the annoying little boy
Who was looking slightly annoyed
He stared at Knives and said, "Where are my toys?
"Why are you taking my toys?"
But, you know, Knives did not care
He narrowed his eyes and said with a glare
"Go back to bed, brat, and you won't die.
I won't kill your mommy and poke out your eye.
I'm destroying Christmas once and for all.
Now leave, or soon you'll be splattered onto that wall!"
And he pushed the child up the stairs.
And he fixed the child with a frightful stare
And when Little Nicky went back to bed
He jumped from the window, hitting his head
The last thing he stole
Was the hideous lawn troll
Knives took everything, even the sleeping bird
And that was quite absurd
And he did the same with the other houses
He rummaged through the town, taking as much as he could
He stole and he took! He took and he stole!
"Christmas is gone for good!"
He grinned as he stood
"This dreadful holiday will never come again!
I'll make Vash suffer and feel the pain!"
The suns soon started to rise
Inside the house Vash soon started to stir
"Everyone will wake up soon. They'll cry. And cry."
And cry some more! They'll surely wonder why
Oh why! Christmas is gone!
It's almost dawn!
Christmas has been destroyed.
There's no way it can be avoided!"
He rubbed his hands and he grinned in malevolence
They didn't have a chance!
He waited for their cries
His hands to his sides
That is a sound he could bare!
So he waited. Waited to hear
But the sound he heard, was not the sound he wanted to hear
He stared out the window
His eyes widened with disbelief
Then he growled
Shaken with grief
That sound wasn't sad!
It was cheerful!
Sickeningly cheerful!
Why were they all glad?!
Vash and his friends
His neighbors and all
Stood out in the sand
And sung, still horrible, but they all stood tall
He hadn't stopped Christmas on Gunsmoke from coming
It came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And Knives, with a fist in the wall,
Growled and yelled: "How could this befall?!
It came without cards! It came without toys!
It came without pudding, it came without being destroyed!"
Through the window, he still saw the crew
Gathered around the building and still singing an offbeat tune
And then what he saw next, made him want to vomit and hiss
As Vash and Meryl shared a blissful kiss
For their feelings had finally come out
He thought and he thought, 'til his brain could think no more
Then Knives thought of something he hadn't before
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more…"
"Like hell it is," Knives remarked as he left his room
So he took the gifts, followed by Legato
He returned the presents and watched as their faces' glowed
He brought back the toys! And the food for the party!
Everyone was happy and overjoyed
And Knives tried not to itch
And he himself
Helped prepare the salmon sandwiches
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And there we have my "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" Trigun style story! I hoped you enjoyed it! Review pretty please! And Happy Holidays!
SapphireWhiteTigress