Part III (Tetei)

I am tired, too tired to bother to take off my clothes yet not tired enough to sleep. My hand trembles as I open the door to my room – or rather the door to the room I commandeered when I realized that people are unlikely to respect someone who sleeps in corners. I somehow manage to get rid of my shoes before my legs give out and I collapse onto the bed. It has been a good day. Then of course, the days are rarely the problem.

It is not dark, not with the light of several moons falling through the window, but the soft twilight only adds to gloom. These are the times when the ghosts return. I blink into the darkness, forcing those thoughts away. Tomorrow I am going to have to do something about the kitchen. Thankfully, the staff is still there but apparently the cook had an ... accident ... so most of the food is more than rustic. Not that anyone seems to mind. It's a matter of principle, though. This is, after all, the imperial palace.

Noise erupts in the corridor and my hands clench into the sheet. It is strange to think that everything that stands between me and them is the one who leaves the most destruction in his wake. I force myself to relax. I am not safe, never that, but I need to rest. Now if only I could sleep...

I listen to the sound of the night, eyes closed against the whispering shadows. In this place, even the smell of the air seems alien and ominous. When I first woke in the palace it was like living an illusion, a nightmare more ghastly than anything I ever dreamed up. I hid, stole food whenever I could but, in reality, I was dead. Even now I am not the same.

By the time he found me, I must have been half-crazed, barely recalling who I was or what had happened. His face, those terrible eyes, brought it all back. I don't know what made me say the things I said, only that at that time shouting the truth at him seemed to be the only thing that made sense. Maybe I just wanted him to kill me. He didn't. There was pain though, enough of it to unravel the fog in my head. And then he gave me direction, a purpose. Not that that's what he meant to do – to him it is just a game, a diversion. But all the same, that's what he did.

The days that followed taught me another important lesson. They are dead, all of us. That person, that Tetei, doesn't exist any longer. I am not what he was. I am here now, alive, and I am going to stay that way and never, ever, am I going to allow myself to be weak again. I groan, forcing my tired body to turn around. Enough of this.

Finally the morning dawns and after a scarce few hours of sleep, I am glad to get up again. Changing my clothes, I square my shoulders. Now about that kitchen...

It is work, the best kind of work, the one that will let me think of nothing else. Around noon, however, I am rudely interrupted. All of a sudden, two of the servants assigned to Zadei-sama appear, carrying orders to fetch me immediately. For a moment I freeze. What could he possibly want with me? We haven't talked since that fateful morning – in fact I have done my level best to stay out of his way. I .. I have done everything I could think of to keep him happy and away. So what could he possibly want with me?!

I find him dressed in his armor, surrounded by his usual lot of brutes. I wait at the door, watching Zadei-sama fix his cloak and shin guards. As he looks up, a grin spreads over his face, eyes flickering up and down my body.

"There you are. I thought I'd have to come and get you myself."

I clasp my hands and bow, trying to figure out what is going on.

"I am at my Lord's service."

"I'll just bet you are. Well, don't just stand there. You're coming with us."

I can feel myself pale, struggling not to show what is running through my mind.

"B-but where to?"

"The Ningenkai – having fun."

Struck speechless, I try to count to one hundred. Around fifteen he grabs my arm and pivots me around, pulling me towards the yard. A large, gray dragon is tethered to iron rings in the walls, cruel claws digging up the ground as its spiked tail swishes over the gravel. A harness is strapped around its powerful body and, grabbing a trailing rope, Zadei-sama quickly scales its back. The beast turns to look at him and, as though recognizing a power greater than its own, drops its head in surrender. Somebody tosses him the reins and, wrapping them around one wrist, Zadei-sama braces a foot against a scaly shoulder.

"What are you waiting for?! Get up here."

There's no way around this, is there? I'll be damned if I'm going to try and climb this thing, though. My wings unfurl with a snap and I land beside him just as the beast's chains break and it launches itself into the sky. He catches me easily and laughs, head thrown back as though drinking in the rush of the chase. As we rise higher and higher, other dragons join ours, their masters shouting excitedly over the howling winds.

A few hours later, I am worn out and thoroughly sickened. Apparently, all they care about is destruction. Fields and houses are burned and always, always they are on the lookout for humans to crush and mangle or, if they are pretty enough, snatch up and rape. What a waste of power. This isn't about war, about territory, or even about glory. This is pure, unadulterated waste. Well, what would you expect of a barbarian?

Suddenly a hard hand grabs my arm and I am jerked upright, against him.

"Having fun looking down on us? You don't know anything. You have never felt it."

I don't move, knowing that should he feel like it I might very well be the next to perish. The metal of his breast plate is digging into my back, sharp talons like needle points in my palm. Then, from one second to the other, power thrums through my veins, threading around my arm to pool at my fingertips. His power? Suddenly I am acutely aware of his body, the warmth of his skin, his breath in my ear. I shudder.

"There. Feel the power, Teteiyus, taste it. Don't you ever hate it? Hate being so defenseless, so weak? Are you never furious? It's unfair, isn't it – that some of us should have so much and others so little. It's enough to piss anyone off, really. You're not weak now. It's easy, Tetei. Just let it out. This time you can be the one who destroys. All you have to do is think it..."

I am trembling violently, fist clenched around the energy he gave me. And I am furious. And I do hate it! And Gods beyond, that's what it's like to be him?! The strength, the confidence, the sheer power! It feels like there is nothing I couldn't do. A scream rises in my throat. He doesn't need to control his urges – nothing can touch that power. How I hate being weak! I hate it!! I yell and the energy breaks free, expanding and smashing into some village below.

Zadei laughs and lets go of me, leaving me to drop to my knees. My hands claw at my thighs and I retch. Not mine. It isn't my power. I am only ... this. He doesn't look at me again.

As soon as we are within sight of the castle, I ask for permission to resume my duties and, as I don't get an answer, bow my head and throw myself into the air. As I sail towards the gates, I feel many eyes on me.

I don't get much more work done – there seems to be something in the air, some unknown quality that pushes everyone closer to the edge. I return to my room earlier than usual, suppressing a grimace of distaste as I pass the great hall. Well, it's no worse than usual, I guess.

An arm shoots out of nowhere and spins me around. I swallow a scream as I crash into the wall, fighting not to black out. What...?! For a moment my eyes refuse to focus. Somebody is pinning me against the wall, lazy fingers petting my throat. I know the man. He's been in the ningenkai today and I've seen him hang around Zadei-sama...

I flex my hands, trying to reach my feathers but it is no use. Spells run through my mind, useless incantations – no time to focus my energies now. Ice seeps into my eyes and I lift my chin. I'll just have to bluff.

"Let go. I am Zadei-sama's servant. He has orders out not to hinder me."

"Ah, but I am not hindering you, pretty. This is just a little fun on the side. He said nothing about that."

Before I can get in another word he has covered my mouth with his and I can't move, can't scream, can't even breathe. Then he is gone and I stand frozen, speechless. The body slumps, head crushed and broken, shattered beyond recognition. Zadei-sama is towering over it, eyes blank with fury. His claw is still raised, dripping with blood and worse and even as I watch he brings it to his mouth, tongue sneaking out to lap at the dark liquid. I am breathing heavily, struggling for composure. As I am about to drag up some words of thanks he suddenly surges forward. For the second time in a minute a hand closes around my throat and I am kissed. I whimper as I realize that what I am tasting in his mouth is the blood of the man he just killed over me. Without ever knowing how, I break free and run. He doesn't come after me.

Link to Part 4 and 5 (Mature Audience): #cutid1

Thanks to everyone who commented! Love you!