Dying Inside
A/N: I'm so, so, so sorry I took so long to update, but I went on vacation and I've been pretty busy and not to mention braindead! This chapter was a bit of a challenge! Yippee! I decided to put the lyrics to'Easier To Run' by Linkin Park in this chapter. I think it goes well with what Draco is feeling at the moment. Most of my chappies are gonna have Linkin Park songs in them because the songs on Meteora are like how Draco feels in this story...yada yada yada...Also a lot of Good Charlotte. There will be others, too, except I'm not tellin what they are! You gotta keep on readin! I'm not so good at where to place the lyrics so sorry if I confuse you! The lyrics will have '/// around them! Aaannd... I feel like taking a minute to mention all of my great reviewers, too! Here they are:
.~*Cinnamon*~. .~*Fire'N'Ice*~. .~*Pnayangel7o2*~. .~*Athena-Knows-All*~.
.~*Mizz Chilli*~. .~*Ginny*~. .~*Elven Ice Angel*~. .~*Freyliskat*~.
.~*Heikaru*~. .~*Severus' Purple Goddess*~. .~*RianSapphire9*~. .~*Amy*~.
.~* The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net*~. .~*Ghost Of The Robot*~. .~*Totaloser*~.
.~*Brittany*~. .~*Wolfy 65*~. .~*CBgirly2003*~. .~*Wing*~. .~*Madreamer*~.
.~*Katrina aka Fudger*~. .~*Sesshomaru*~. .~*France3470*~. .~*Elfette-Gurl*~.
.~*Elfgirl*~. .~*Jamie Potter*~.
Okie! That's everyone! Thanks everyone! I'm so glad I'm getting more reviews! I had about 29 then I checked back and I had 43! I have 50 so far! Y'all are the best!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 7~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/// It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone ///
Hermione let go of Draco and wiped her tear streaked face with her sleeve. She smiled at him. Draco smiled weakly back, then looked over to Harry, who glared at him.
"It's late. You should get some sleep." Hermione told Draco.
He nodded. "Yeah..I guess...I don't sleep much usually...but I'll try..."
"Okay." she said as she turned to Harry. "Is there an extra bed he can use?" she asked.
"Yeah. That one in the corner." Harry told her and pointed to the four-poster in next to his.
"Thanks so much, Harry!" Hermione smiled and walked over to the empty bed with Draco walking beside her. He leaned against her shoulder slightly, as he was weak from the blood loss and long walk to Gryffindor Tower. She pulled back the covers and Draco sat down. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm going to get your trunk and broomstick from outside." she told him.
"Okay..." Draco said and watched her leave before looking over to Harry, who was walking over to him. He looked down and pretended he hadn't noticed Harry.
/// Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played ///
He looked at Draco for a moment. Sort of studied his expression. Draco's eyes rested on the bandages of his thin wrists. He was even paler than usual, almost an unnatural white. A few pieces of his white-blonde hair hung in his face and the smear of blood remained on is cheek.
"Why are you staying here?" Harry questioned.
But before Draco began to explain, Hermione walked in with Draco's trunk and broomstick levitating behind her. "You two are talking?" she asked, amazed Harry or Ron (who was secretly listening to them from behind his bed curtains) hadn't tried to kill Draco yet.
"Malfoy was going to tell me exactly why he has to stay here." Harry said shooting a sideways glance at Draco.
Hermione sat the trunk down at the foot of Draco's bed along with his Firebolt. "Maybe it would be best if he doesn't relive that again tonight..." she said concerned.
"No..it's okay. I guess he does have a right to know." Draco interrupted.
/// If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave ///
Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but didn't know what to say. "Erm...okay. Draco, I have an Essence of Murtlap potion down in my dormitory. It'll help stop the bleeding. I'll go get it. Wait 'til I get back before you explain everything..." she said scurrying out the door again.
Hermione scrambled up the stairs to her dorm and rummaged through her dresser drawers looking for the potion. She found it rather quickly and sat it down carefully on the floor before getting a small, blue, ceramic bowl and some hot water. Slowly she poured the water into the bowl and added some Essence of Murtlap. Grabbing a small cloth, Hermione picked it up and carefully carried it back to Harry and Ron's dorm without spilling a drop. She pushed open the slightly ajar door and kicked it shut behind her.
Harry and Draco looked up as Hermione brought the potion over to them.
"You might want to get ready for bed and comfortable before I start to fix you up..." She said with a smile to Draco as she sat the potion and cloth down on the dresser next to the bed.
/// It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone ///
"Er..okay..." He replied and shrugged off his long coat, revealing a white muscle shirt. He motioned for Hermione and Harry to turn around while he took off his baggy, black jeans and shirt, leaving him in black boxers with green flame patterns on them. Draco sighed an 'okay' and sat back down as they turned around. Hermione blushed red when she saw him. He had a perfect body; not way too muscular, but not scrawny. A Seeker's body. She was use to seeing Ron and Harry in their boxers (since they had quite a few sleepovers during the summer), but not Draco...he was...well...Draco. What more can I say?
Harry sat down on Draco's trunk near the foot of the bed and Hermione sat on the edge of the bed next to Draco.
"What's happened to you, Malfoy?" Harry asked.
Draco raised his eyes to look at Harry. The icy grey seemed to melt, and Harry saw a another trapped, scared Draco deep in the recesses of his enemy's eyes. He sighed again and looked down at his arm. Harry had a feeling he already knew and felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Draco showed Harry his arm, which still felt like it was burning.
/// Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past ///
"I knew it. I knew you'd go over to His side. Your whole family are Death Eaters. You're gonna be just like your father--" started Harry before being interrupted.
"No. I won't. I didn't choose this...they..they made me do it, Harry." Draco said, tears filling his eyes again.
'Harry'. The name sounded so different coming from Malfoy, thought Harry.
" 'They'? Who's 'they'?"
"Voldemort...and...and my father." Draco answered while Hermione took his hand and began to unravel the bandage on his wrist.
/// If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave ///
"...your own father put you through that?" asked Harry, his voice not so harsh. Draco nodded. "How could he watch his own son--" he was interrupted again by Draco.
"Heh...he loved it. I know he did. He loves beating me and torturing me...he does it every day..." A tear fell.
"He beats you?" Harry's voice was normal now, even sympathetic.
"Yeah, everyday...I use concealing charms to cover it all up...the scars and bruises..." And another.
"Surely your mother tried to stop him!" The-Boy-Who-Lived exclaimed.
"....She tried...he just beat her, too. She tried to stop him tonight...didn't work. And now next time...I won't have her there. He killed her and i...it's my fault. My mother's dead because of me...so...tonight I tried to put a stop to it. All my pain and torture...and the pain I've caused...the world would've been better off without me and I know it. And now that I'm a Death Eater I won't have much of a life anyway...if I could change and take back everything, I would...but I can't..." Draco explained and and looked down, sobbing.
/// Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change ///
"...I'm sorry...I had no idea. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.." Harry apologized feeling truly guilty.
"S'okay..." said Draco as Hermione removed the remainder of the bandage, revealing long, deep, bloody gashes on Draco's pale wrist and Harry winced. She dipped the cloth into the potion and rung it back out. Lowering it to his wrist, Draco shuddered, but the warm Essence of Murtlap felt soothing and stopped the blood flow. After watching Hermione tend to both wrists, Harry stood up.
"I'm going to get back to bed. Again, I really am sorry. If there's anything I can do, let me know. G'night 'Mione. Malfoy." he told them.
" 'Night, Harry. And thanks." Hermione replied as Harry disappeared behind his bed curtains.
Draco watched Hermione's hands gingerly bandage his wrists again. She lifted his chin with her delicate hand and pushed the hair out of his eyes, still blushing slightly. He smiled looked into her eyes as she wiped the blood and tears from his cheeks. His eyes still had tears in them as she set down the cloth and hugged him.
/// It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone ///
"You'll be okay. Don't blame yourself for what happend to your mum...it wasn't your fault. I'm sure she was a great woman and if she died saving you, her death wasn't in vain. She loved you very much..." Hermione reassured him, as she stood up. He nodded.
"Good night, Draco. Try to get some sleep." she said and kissed him on the cheek.
"Good night, Hermione. Thank you...for everything." Draco said, one last tear falling as he smiled weakly and watched her leave. He layed back and pulled up a sheet. Hermione was the last thing he thought about before drifting off into dreamless sleep.
/// It's easier to run
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave ///
~~~TBC~~~
A/N: W00t! FINALLY! I got stuck on a few parts of that chapter! *cries* School starts in 2 weeks!!!! : '( I'm gonna diiiiiiieeee! Oh, how will I ever survive?! 0.o;;; Okay, well R&R. Yah know, the usual. Thanks!
A/N: I'm so, so, so sorry I took so long to update, but I went on vacation and I've been pretty busy and not to mention braindead! This chapter was a bit of a challenge! Yippee! I decided to put the lyrics to'Easier To Run' by Linkin Park in this chapter. I think it goes well with what Draco is feeling at the moment. Most of my chappies are gonna have Linkin Park songs in them because the songs on Meteora are like how Draco feels in this story...yada yada yada...Also a lot of Good Charlotte. There will be others, too, except I'm not tellin what they are! You gotta keep on readin! I'm not so good at where to place the lyrics so sorry if I confuse you! The lyrics will have '/// around them! Aaannd... I feel like taking a minute to mention all of my great reviewers, too! Here they are:
.~*Cinnamon*~. .~*Fire'N'Ice*~. .~*Pnayangel7o2*~. .~*Athena-Knows-All*~.
.~*Mizz Chilli*~. .~*Ginny*~. .~*Elven Ice Angel*~. .~*Freyliskat*~.
.~*Heikaru*~. .~*Severus' Purple Goddess*~. .~*RianSapphire9*~. .~*Amy*~.
.~* The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net*~. .~*Ghost Of The Robot*~. .~*Totaloser*~.
.~*Brittany*~. .~*Wolfy 65*~. .~*CBgirly2003*~. .~*Wing*~. .~*Madreamer*~.
.~*Katrina aka Fudger*~. .~*Sesshomaru*~. .~*France3470*~. .~*Elfette-Gurl*~.
.~*Elfgirl*~. .~*Jamie Potter*~.
Okie! That's everyone! Thanks everyone! I'm so glad I'm getting more reviews! I had about 29 then I checked back and I had 43! I have 50 so far! Y'all are the best!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 7~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/// It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone ///
Hermione let go of Draco and wiped her tear streaked face with her sleeve. She smiled at him. Draco smiled weakly back, then looked over to Harry, who glared at him.
"It's late. You should get some sleep." Hermione told Draco.
He nodded. "Yeah..I guess...I don't sleep much usually...but I'll try..."
"Okay." she said as she turned to Harry. "Is there an extra bed he can use?" she asked.
"Yeah. That one in the corner." Harry told her and pointed to the four-poster in next to his.
"Thanks so much, Harry!" Hermione smiled and walked over to the empty bed with Draco walking beside her. He leaned against her shoulder slightly, as he was weak from the blood loss and long walk to Gryffindor Tower. She pulled back the covers and Draco sat down. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm going to get your trunk and broomstick from outside." she told him.
"Okay..." Draco said and watched her leave before looking over to Harry, who was walking over to him. He looked down and pretended he hadn't noticed Harry.
/// Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played ///
He looked at Draco for a moment. Sort of studied his expression. Draco's eyes rested on the bandages of his thin wrists. He was even paler than usual, almost an unnatural white. A few pieces of his white-blonde hair hung in his face and the smear of blood remained on is cheek.
"Why are you staying here?" Harry questioned.
But before Draco began to explain, Hermione walked in with Draco's trunk and broomstick levitating behind her. "You two are talking?" she asked, amazed Harry or Ron (who was secretly listening to them from behind his bed curtains) hadn't tried to kill Draco yet.
"Malfoy was going to tell me exactly why he has to stay here." Harry said shooting a sideways glance at Draco.
Hermione sat the trunk down at the foot of Draco's bed along with his Firebolt. "Maybe it would be best if he doesn't relive that again tonight..." she said concerned.
"No..it's okay. I guess he does have a right to know." Draco interrupted.
/// If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave ///
Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but didn't know what to say. "Erm...okay. Draco, I have an Essence of Murtlap potion down in my dormitory. It'll help stop the bleeding. I'll go get it. Wait 'til I get back before you explain everything..." she said scurrying out the door again.
Hermione scrambled up the stairs to her dorm and rummaged through her dresser drawers looking for the potion. She found it rather quickly and sat it down carefully on the floor before getting a small, blue, ceramic bowl and some hot water. Slowly she poured the water into the bowl and added some Essence of Murtlap. Grabbing a small cloth, Hermione picked it up and carefully carried it back to Harry and Ron's dorm without spilling a drop. She pushed open the slightly ajar door and kicked it shut behind her.
Harry and Draco looked up as Hermione brought the potion over to them.
"You might want to get ready for bed and comfortable before I start to fix you up..." She said with a smile to Draco as she sat the potion and cloth down on the dresser next to the bed.
/// It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone ///
"Er..okay..." He replied and shrugged off his long coat, revealing a white muscle shirt. He motioned for Hermione and Harry to turn around while he took off his baggy, black jeans and shirt, leaving him in black boxers with green flame patterns on them. Draco sighed an 'okay' and sat back down as they turned around. Hermione blushed red when she saw him. He had a perfect body; not way too muscular, but not scrawny. A Seeker's body. She was use to seeing Ron and Harry in their boxers (since they had quite a few sleepovers during the summer), but not Draco...he was...well...Draco. What more can I say?
Harry sat down on Draco's trunk near the foot of the bed and Hermione sat on the edge of the bed next to Draco.
"What's happened to you, Malfoy?" Harry asked.
Draco raised his eyes to look at Harry. The icy grey seemed to melt, and Harry saw a another trapped, scared Draco deep in the recesses of his enemy's eyes. He sighed again and looked down at his arm. Harry had a feeling he already knew and felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Draco showed Harry his arm, which still felt like it was burning.
/// Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past ///
"I knew it. I knew you'd go over to His side. Your whole family are Death Eaters. You're gonna be just like your father--" started Harry before being interrupted.
"No. I won't. I didn't choose this...they..they made me do it, Harry." Draco said, tears filling his eyes again.
'Harry'. The name sounded so different coming from Malfoy, thought Harry.
" 'They'? Who's 'they'?"
"Voldemort...and...and my father." Draco answered while Hermione took his hand and began to unravel the bandage on his wrist.
/// If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave ///
"...your own father put you through that?" asked Harry, his voice not so harsh. Draco nodded. "How could he watch his own son--" he was interrupted again by Draco.
"Heh...he loved it. I know he did. He loves beating me and torturing me...he does it every day..." A tear fell.
"He beats you?" Harry's voice was normal now, even sympathetic.
"Yeah, everyday...I use concealing charms to cover it all up...the scars and bruises..." And another.
"Surely your mother tried to stop him!" The-Boy-Who-Lived exclaimed.
"....She tried...he just beat her, too. She tried to stop him tonight...didn't work. And now next time...I won't have her there. He killed her and i...it's my fault. My mother's dead because of me...so...tonight I tried to put a stop to it. All my pain and torture...and the pain I've caused...the world would've been better off without me and I know it. And now that I'm a Death Eater I won't have much of a life anyway...if I could change and take back everything, I would...but I can't..." Draco explained and and looked down, sobbing.
/// Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change ///
"...I'm sorry...I had no idea. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.." Harry apologized feeling truly guilty.
"S'okay..." said Draco as Hermione removed the remainder of the bandage, revealing long, deep, bloody gashes on Draco's pale wrist and Harry winced. She dipped the cloth into the potion and rung it back out. Lowering it to his wrist, Draco shuddered, but the warm Essence of Murtlap felt soothing and stopped the blood flow. After watching Hermione tend to both wrists, Harry stood up.
"I'm going to get back to bed. Again, I really am sorry. If there's anything I can do, let me know. G'night 'Mione. Malfoy." he told them.
" 'Night, Harry. And thanks." Hermione replied as Harry disappeared behind his bed curtains.
Draco watched Hermione's hands gingerly bandage his wrists again. She lifted his chin with her delicate hand and pushed the hair out of his eyes, still blushing slightly. He smiled looked into her eyes as she wiped the blood and tears from his cheeks. His eyes still had tears in them as she set down the cloth and hugged him.
/// It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone ///
"You'll be okay. Don't blame yourself for what happend to your mum...it wasn't your fault. I'm sure she was a great woman and if she died saving you, her death wasn't in vain. She loved you very much..." Hermione reassured him, as she stood up. He nodded.
"Good night, Draco. Try to get some sleep." she said and kissed him on the cheek.
"Good night, Hermione. Thank you...for everything." Draco said, one last tear falling as he smiled weakly and watched her leave. He layed back and pulled up a sheet. Hermione was the last thing he thought about before drifting off into dreamless sleep.
/// It's easier to run
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave ///
~~~TBC~~~
A/N: W00t! FINALLY! I got stuck on a few parts of that chapter! *cries* School starts in 2 weeks!!!! : '( I'm gonna diiiiiiieeee! Oh, how will I ever survive?! 0.o;;; Okay, well R&R. Yah know, the usual. Thanks!