Northallerton, England
Day 7 Saturday
She ran. She ran so hard but she never moved a step. All the time, the black menace kept coming closer, closer. She could not push the fear away now. It overwhelmed her, closed over her. She needed to get away. The wind of the menace coming blew over her, telling her that she was too close. She needed to get away.
Jo knew she was safe and the menace was gone. She did not know why. She did not know what it meant. She just knew that she was finally safe. A soft whiteness wrapped her up, protected her.
She opened her eyes.
Pain ripped through her skull. It felt as if her head were about to explode, the pressure so intense. She was not conscious of anything else except the jarring pain, making her want to throw up.
She closed her eyes, cutting out the blaring light from above. The darkness behind her eye lids seemed to help. She lay there, slowly becoming aware of the rest of her body. Her head still ached but she could feel her legs, her arms for the first time in she did not know how long. Time passed beyond her understanding. She could only lay there, blackness comforting her.
Agonizingly slowly, she became aware of movement around her. People were near her. She tensed then remembered she was safe. Noise, sounds started to break through the darkness to her ears. Strange sounds, like a computer, came from very near. Soft footfalls tread all over around her. She could hear whispers, voices. She concentrated, trying to hear who was with her. Men, women, she could hear the differences in their voices. One rumbled through under the others, questioning. She knew that voice. Another voice filtered through, a woman. She knew that voice, too.
Jo opened her eyes again. The light blinded her again. She did not want to sink back down into blackness. She turned her head to avoid the light but did not close her eyes. She stared straight ahead as shapes broke through the white blindness. Someone sat next to her.
"Josey?" She concentrated on the form sitting next to her, trying to pull herself out of the fog. "Josey?" Someone touched her hand.
Too slowly, the form next to her came into focus. Jo felt like crying. He was holding her hand.
"Josey?"
She did not want to look away from him.
"Josey?"
He looked terrified. She wanted to reach out, to touch him, to let him know it was all right now.
"Josey?"
She moved her fingers around his. A smile, only a small one, curved his lips.
"Josey?" She turned her head to the voice.
The overhead light ripped through her skull again. She could not cry out. She squeezed his fingers around his, trying to reach out somehow.
"She's in pain." His voice made the pain retreat, only a little. She squeezed his fingers again, to thank him.
Euphoria engulfed her. She breathed easier as the pain receded to a dull throb. She tried to speak. Her lips moved but the only sound she could hear was a grating, raspy groan. She tried again.
"Turn off the lights," she pleaded, unsure if the sound issued from her was even recognizable.
The lights flicked off but a light flashed bright in her eyes. Jo tried to pull her head away, closed her eyes. Her head was held still. Jo fought against the hold on her, squeezing her eyes tighter but could not fight it off. Her eyelid was lifted against her will. The light flashed in her eye again. She gathered all her strength together and lashed out, pushing whomever it was away. All around her, voices erupted.
"Josey." She opened her eyes. Jason leaned over her, close. She could feel him brush her hair back. "You're all right now. You're safe."
"My head hurts," she mumbled. Her voice sounded stronger but slurred.
"The doctors need to check on you."
"No more lights." He shushed her.
"It won't hurt at all." He whispered to her, moving away. A stranger moved over her.
"The light hurts," she mumbled.
"All right, all right," the stranger told her. "Its only for a moment." The light came again. She lashed out again, knocking something from his hand. The movement jerked her whole body.
She lost contact with his hand. She reached out in the air, reaching for him again. She felt his hand close over her fingers again, calming her. She held onto him tightly.
"Don't let go," she murmured.
"I won't." He appeared next to her, standing. He held her hand. For the first time, she could see her own hand, the metal and tape encasing her fingers, all of them except for her thumb.
"Jo? Can you tell me where you are?" The stranger moved in again. Jo looked around.
The room, dimmed but still too bright, was crowded with people. She could see Jason and her mum. She turned her head slowly. There he stood, holding her hand. She looked at each of the other faces in turn, not recognizing any of them. They all wore white coats. She looked around again. She was in a bed. Machines peered over her to one side. She looked at the man quizzing her. He wore a white coat. Something was stitched into the fabric but she could not focus enough to read it.
"Hospital?" she made a guess. He smiled broadly.
"Do you know why you're here?" He asked, turning her head gently. She could feel his fingers touching her scalp.
She thought, trying to think of anything that might have happened to land her here. Nothing came to her, nothing at all. Puzzled, she tried to think of the last thing she remembered. Her memory was cloudy. Nothing would take form. She thought harder.
"Do you know why you're here?" He repeated the question. She had heard him the first time. She just could not come with any reason at all why she should be in hospital. She tried to think of the last clear memory she had. It was like she was watching a fuzzy screen, the picture not clear enough for her to even get a hint of what she was supposed to be seeing. "That's all right. I'm sure it will come back to you." He leaned over her, checking the machines on the other side of the bed. Smiling down at her, he moved away.
Her mum came into view over her. Tears streamed down her aging face. She seemed to want to speak but nothing came out. Her mum burst into loud sobs, shaking her head and moving away. Jo watched her go, wanting to reach out to her but not wanting to let go of his hand. Jason reappeared over her. She tried to smile at him, feeling, for the first time, that several of her teeth were missing. She looked up at him, wanting to know what had happened, yet somehow not wanting to.
"Why don't we give her some space." Someone said. The crowd moved away from her. She watched them leave through the door.
She turned her head to look at him again.
"Hey," he leaned closer.
"Roper," she murmured.
"What happened?" Jo murmured, despite pain the sound of her own voice caused. She waited until her mum and Jason left the room before she asked. She could hear Roper shift in the chair next to the bed. He had not moved from that spot since she had woken. His presence comforted her, made her feel safe, despite not knowing what she was supposed to be afraid of.
"Jo…" Roper's voice sounded strange.
"Just tell me."
"It happened in Basra." He started. Jo turned her head. Pain shot through her skull.
"What was I doing in Basra?" Her vision blurred but she could see Roper staring at her.
"You – you were posted there."
"When?" Confusion added to the pain making her only more overwhelmed.
"Not even a week ago. Are you telling me you don't remember?" He leaned closer. Jo backed away, the effort nearly killing her. She did not know why she did it.
"Its all fuzzy." She admitted. "What happened there?"
"You can't remember any of it?"
"I told you." She growled, reaching up to touch her head where it hurt. Her hand touched bare skin. She frowned, rubbing her head. She encountered a bandage. "Roper, what happened?" She asked more urgently now. Half her head was shaved.
"There was an attack, a bad one. You got hurt." Jo knew he was lying.
"What else?"
"What do you mean?"
"Roper -." Jo wanted to yell at him, tell him to stop protecting her. "What else happened?"
"Nothing else happened." He lied.
"If you're not going to tell, don't lie." She groused.
"It doesn't matter." He admitted that he was lying. Jo closed her eyes.
"Where am I?"
"In hospital."
"Don't be thick, Roper. Which hospital?" This conversation was taking all she had.
"Northallerton." It was really bad then. She would not have been evacuated to the UK if she were not seriously hurt. She started an inventory. Her head, her hand, her side, she was the walking wounded but she was not walking.
She tried to pull herself up, failing miserably. Roper stood up, touching her, helping her up. Jo glared at him. The effort was too much. She could not even make her body curl up to protect herself, from what, she still did not know.
"What do you remember?" Roper asked so softly she almost could not hear him over the roaring in her head.
"What do you mean?" She really did not want to talk any more.
"What's the last thing you do remember?" He asked.
"I don't know." She managed to look over at him. He looked crestfallen. Jo frowned to herself. She did not know what he was talking about but she doubted it had anything to do with Basra.
"Staff Sergeant." Roper was on his feet at attention.
Howard stood in the door, in uniform. Burns stood right behind him, glaring a hole in Roper's head. Roper winced at the ferocity of Burns stare like a child caught stealing sweets. Howard did not seem to notice. He proceeded in, coming right to her bedside. Jo felt like a very naughty child.
"We've here to see how you're getting along. You gave all of us a scare." Burns and Roper continued their staring contest.
"Sorry, Sir." Jo mumbled.
"Well, I'm sure you'll be back on your feet in no time."
"Staff Sergeant, can I see you outside." Burns growled. It was not really a question. Roper followed out into the hall. Howard stood over her, making her feel even smaller.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I've had a go with the whole base rugby team, Sir." Jo admitted. She could see Burns stood there, staring off into space, eyes huge, not moving, outside the door. Roper stood out of sight around the doorframe.
"Personal issues, eh? You lead me to believe you needed time with your family. You lied to me. Now I find you here. Its completely inappropriate." Burns' quiet tone only just made it to Jo's ears. She could not hear Roper's response. Howard seemed to be ignoring them.
"You're getting on here all right here, then?" Howard asked, trying to catch her attention back. Jo looked at him. "Has your family been in?"
"You lied to me. To me. To me, you lied, of all people." Burns leaned close. "I have stood by you, advised you, given you more leeway than anyone ever would have. I have covered for you –"
"Covered for me how?" Roper finally raised his voice.
"I have put my reputation on the line and this is how you repay me? By lying to me? You led me to believe that you were spending time with your family." He repeated himself, seeming to not notice. "Completely inappropriate." Jo glanced over at Howard. On top of the pain, now embarrassment piled on top. Roper lied to come here, to be with her. Now even Howard knew.
Burns started pacing.
"Lied to me. Completely inappropriate. Throwing away a chance with your family, your children and I find you here. After I told you." Not even Howard could ignore them now. Jo wanted to curl up and die. "Completely inappropriate." Burns stopped, looking over at him. "What did you just say?" Burns stared over at where Roper must have stood. Even Jo could tell whatever Roper had said had shocked Burns into silence. Burns looked into the room at her. Both she and Howard just looked at him. He had the good grace to look embarrassed, moving out of their line of sight.
Jo could not even look at Howard. Burns finally came back in, coming to Jo's bedside.
"One day and you're all ready in trouble." Burns was saying, tenderly despite his words. "What are we going to do with you?"
"I'm sorry, sir." Jo mumbled, utterly embarrassed.
"What is it with you? Are you a magnet for trouble?" Burns' gentle tone reminded her more of a father. Burns' expression, tender, genuinely pained at her appearance, strengthened the father image. On minute Burns is bellowing at Roper and the next he is leaned over her, chiding her to take her mind off what she had gone through. The image left her ill at ease.
"Hey." Jason rescued them from the moment. Her mum stood behind him. Burns and Howard stood.
"Ma'am," Howard held a hand out to her. "I'm Captain Howard. This is Sgt. Major Burns. We worked with your daughter in Germany." Her mum did not take Howard's hand. She looked over him at her. "I'm sorry we had to meet under such circumstances."
"Ma'am." Burns nodded to her.
"This never would have happened if she weren't in the army." Her mum responded. Howard flicked a quick look at Roper.
"Mum." Jo protested. "Not now."
"You were always your father's daughter."
"Mum." Jason tried to lead her back outside. She brushed him off.
"He was always telling you the stories of the heroic military. Honour. Loyalty. When you should have been playing with dolls." This was the first time she had voiced her opinion. Jo had always known though.
"Mum, I'm sure these gentlemen don't need to know this." Jason tried again to steer her away.
"You should be home, helping your brother with the shop, not being shot at in some god forsaken country." She was openly weeping now. "Look what happened to you. Look at what you did to my daughter." She burst into loud sobs, pushing away at Jason.
"Mum," Jo tried mournfully. "It isn't their fault."
"I can't take this. I can't see you like this." She pushed Jason away, heading out the door herself. "I'm going home." She mumbled.
"I'm sorry about this." Jason apologised. "I'm going to go after her." He left, looking both ways down the corridor before disappearing from sight.
Howard and Burns stood there in the aftermath of the family drama. Jo could not hide her embarrassment, not knowing what to do to dispel the moment.
"Well, we'll leave you alone now." Howard finally said.
"Thank you for coming to see me, Sir." Jo managed. Howard nodded at her, directing a pointed look at Roper before heading out. Roper stood back, waiting.
Burns still stood, looking down at Jo. She avoided his gaze.
"You'll take care of yourself?" Burns asked quietly. She nodded without looking at him. "All right, then." He turned around. The gentleness dissipated as his gaze fell on Roper. His face hardened, sparks almost coming from his eyes. Burns came right in front of Roper, staring him dead in the face. "You had better be in the office, working busily away, on time on tomorrow. Or this will not go away." Burns held his stare for a long moment to emphasize his point. Burns held himself stiff as he strode out.
Roper expelled the breath. He stared at the wall before looking over to Jo, as if to see if she had seen Burns parting shot. She curled up, facing the bank of monitors. Jason walked back in.
"Can you stay with her? I'm going to get mum to the train. I'll be back."
"Are you okay?" She nodded but did not turn over. "Is your headache worse?' She nodded, still facing away from him.
She heard him settle back into the chair. The black pit in her stomach yawned wide.
The nurse came in. Jo turned over for her. She did not resist, staring at the ceiling, while the nurse checked her over. She just lie there, limp, no fight in her. The nurse pushed a needle into her intravenous.
"What's that?" she asked, concerned.
"Its something for the pain." The nurse calmed her. Jo just lay there while the nurse turned her head, checking the gouge through Jo's skull. Seemingly satisfied, the nurse winked at her cheerily on the way out.
Jo lay flat on her back, staring at the ceiling. Slowly her eyes closed.
"What was that between you and Burns?" She asked, startling him. Her voice sounded dreamy, softened to her.
"Don't worry about it."
"Roper." She meant it as a reproach but it did not quite work.
"I said don't worry about it."
"You're going to have to tell me about it sooner or later." She murmured. There was not even any fight in her voice. She was going through the motions of their daily dialogue without the insistence behind it.
She rolled over, facing him.
"You should get back to base." She could barely keep her eyes open. He leaned forward, tracing the line of her brow.
"I'll go in a while," he whispered.
"You have to go." He frowned.
"What do you mean?" He asked, concerned.
"You know what I mean. It won't work. It won't ever work." She mumbled. The drugs made this so much easier. "You have to go back." She did not just mean to Germany and his face told her he knew it.
"Jo." She shook her head, feeling her brain slopping about inside her skull.
"You have to go. Now." She hated the softness of her own voice, drugged, and she hated the guilt on his face. She managed to roll over, facing away from him to avoid that guilt. "Just go." She closed her eyes. He did not move.
The drugs worked too well. She could not stop herself from falling asleep.