If Only I could Dream
A/N: Ooh, Chapter 3. 9:13 pm and I'm still going strong. So what did you think? Shit? Its shit isn't it? Yes shit. Oh well, that won't stop me from writing since I have no social life and I dislike being around people. The last chapter took forever for me to get right, I couldn't think of a title, and it was long. Longer than I wanted it to be. I intended to get certain events in there, but due to the incessant rambling's of my mind, there was prevention in my doing so.anyway, Devi is in here for a reason, non- romantically. And yes, I am going to have that Jaeyzon kid pop up again sometime, maybe in this chapter maybe not. But you'll be happy to know that he plays no real big role in this story. He's just there to move the plot in small meaningless ways. And to eat your delicious candy-coated guts!!! So if he's there, run. RUN, damn you! Whoooo, I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I have a really bad headache.
Johnny and all related characters still belong to JCV. Nothing has changed.
Chapter 3: Narrative of Soul Against Soul
Squee backed against the wall, hearing Shmee's persistent whispering, but couldn't make out exactly what he was saying. All the child knew was that he was about to be ripped apart and there was nothing he could do about it. This was it. The moment his parents had been waiting for since he was born, and Johnny would be the one to save them from the hassle of raising him further. HA. As if they ever did.
The knife fell to the floor, blade sticking straight into the wood. Johnny fell to his knees, gripping his head in seemingly horrible agony. He screamed out, looking up into Squee's enormous fear-filled eyes and extended a hand towards him. "Go! You have to leave, now!! I can't hold him back forever!" He watched Squee remain motionless, confused by what was happening, and screamed at him again. "Go, dammit! You have to or I'll kill you! Do you understand?!?"
Squee gaped. What was he doing..? He took a step towards the maniac, unsure and unaware of what he was doing exactly, but another shriek from Johnny forced him back. "Wha..?" he murmured, too scared to do anything more.
"GO!"
"Do as he says, Todd." he looked down at Shmee, still in a horrifying awe, but finally realizing what he had to do. He raced towards the doorway, listening as carefully as he could to Shmee's instructions on the way out.
"Take a left here," The bear directed, remembering clearly the path Johnny had taken to get to Squee. How he'd found him, he didn't know, and didn't care at the moment. He just had to get the kid to safety. "Another left here, and a right up ahead."
"AAAARRRGGHH!!!" Johnny flung himself into the side of the machine, proceeding to slam his head into the wall just next to it. "I don't want to hurt him! No killing!! Get out of my head! Get the fuck out of my head!!" He felt blood still rushing down the back of his head, and now from his lip and various other places. He gritted his teeth, inwardly knowing that abusing himself in such a way would not make things better, but he couldn't stop and he couldn't let the pain go.
"Fuck! Get the hell away from me!!"
~~~
"Fifteen, Tenna. Five-fucking-teen!" Devi slammed the door of her quaint apartment as Tenna looked at her from her position on the couch. "Where in your reality did that seem okay? Hm?" She grabbed the collar of Tenna's shirt and growled," I had to get the little punk home before nine so he could make sure he had all the answers to a test memorized off a cheat sheet he paid ten bucks for!"
"So," Tenna smiled sweetly, "I take it the date went as usual, huh?" A glare from her friend did nothing to wipe the smile off of her face as she fiddled with Spooky.
Devi sighed. "It wouldn't have been the worst date if he hadn't mentioned a certain homicidal psychopath-"
"Johnny?!!?"
"Yeah," she sighed again, leaning up against a wall and burying her face in the palm of her hand. "Apparently , Mr. I-lie-about-my-age-to-all-the- unfortunate-women-Jaeyzon has a friend who was in the same sleep-study program as Johnny," her voice shook with the expelling of his name from her throat, yet she continued, trying to appear unscathed by this. "He said that when Nny left, he was still 'hung up' on me. The scary thing is, I could swear that I just saw him..three days ago. Just outside my apartment. I've tried to mark it off as just my imagination, but what if it was him? What if he wants to kill me still?" Her eyes became wide with fear, similar to Squee's.
Tenna glanced around the room, then place her attention back to Devi. There was along pause; Tenna was trying to figure the best way of saying what she would eventually say next, shrugged and blurted out," I think you need to get out."
Devi's mouth dropped. "Get out? You want me to go out?! Out there? Are you completely dense? Did I not just explain the situation to you, Tenna, did I not-" she stopped dead, and slammed the back of her head against the wall. "It's pointless trying. You're right. I just have to forget about this."
She reached for her jacket, which she had thrown on the floor upon reentering her small home and turned for the door. "C'mon," she urged sullenly without turning to face Tenna.
Tenna stared. "Where are we going?" Devi didn't answer, and really Tenna didn't care. Just grateful that she didn't have to be the one to drag her friend out; she'd done it on her own. Just to get up and moving without the 'complete' worry of that Johnny was thrilling. She leapt up off the couch and soared out the door after her friend with Spooky raised in the air.
She came into step next to Devi, and the two trailed down the hallway. Tonight would be carefree, Devi decided, the elevator door welcoming them into its mouth. *No dating, no trauma* she smiled for the first real time in months. *And best of all, No Johnny.*
~~~
"Welcome back," a voice floated across the room.
Johnny remained still; sitting on the couch, fingers intertwined as he stared menacingly at the blank TV, deep in thought. "Shut up," he hissed quietly. "Just shut up."
"Notice how I said 'welcome back'." the voice's owner murmured, "Not 'hi, I've never seen you before,' or 'hello, you may call me Reverend Meat. What is your name?' Know why?" Johnny remained silent. "Because you haven't changed!" It laughed shrilly, sending a quiver throughout Johnny's body.
"Your search for cold was in vain, was it not, Nny?" Meat cackled. "You still feel; still give in to human emotions and urges. As I suspected. You should've seen the little twit run out screaming with that stupid bear of his. How can you possibly have feeling for that?" It snickered, knowing well and good that despite Johnny's seemingly calm exterior, its words were chewing away at his insides, knowing at the walls of his stomach that knew they were true. "Could it be that he reminds you of yourself at some point of innocence you may have once had? Perhaps he could be just like you?"
No sooner did the words drift from Meat's motionless lips did Johnny jump from his position on the couch and struck the inanimate figure hard, sending it to the floor with a loud thunk. The strike alone drew blood from his knuckles, yet he did not seem to know or care. Dry heaves of his chest rose up against his shirt , feeding his lungs, and preparing for the screams that would come.
"Don't you dare compare him to me! He's everything I'm not! He's what makes this world innocent; able to feel! I am the evil, the insanity, the plague on all! Squee is the only one that hasn't been corrupted by the truly revolting aspects of this reality enough to destroy what makes him good, and I won't let him be subject to it!! I won't let him turn out like me!!! So fuck your theories, Meat!!" Johnny shrieked and fumed , laying waste on what ailed his mind. He pointed accusingly at the porcelain form lying on the floor, chipped and cracked from the harsh blow. "It's you, isn't it?!? The evil that's been serving my mind these disgusting thoughts of killing Squee! I know its you and I'm not listening! I refuse to succumb to your madness!!"
Meat laughed again, sending Johnny's anger to a higher level. "My madness? Still humor in that empty head of yours, but no. I can't say that I'm the one enlisted to drive you into hysterics over killing a child, funny as it would be. That is your own mind's doing. You're so much sicker than before. What your mind's telling you is: if you kill Squee, you will be the cold person you have longed to be all this time. It will have won, Nny."
"Then it's true," Johnny turned his back to the burger boy, hunched over with his fingers laced together behind him. "I still have no control. All the progress I thought I had made. No emotion.well, no useless emotion.God, now I'm three in one. Like those nutcases at the crazy house next to Squee's room. I don't even have control over my own emotions anymore! I could've killed Squee. Shit! I'm a slave to myself!"
"Weeeellll," Reverend Meat squealed gleefully. "Once you kill Squee, then you'll be cold and emotionless, which is exactly what you wanted. Then you can kill anyone without thought or care; do anything with ought remorse. Now that's nifty!" Its expression fell when it noticed that Johnny was pulling on his coat and the once abandoned backpack that he'd left behind, filled with God knows what. "Hey, where're you going? You're not going on another search for cold again, are you?"
Johnny turned his head slightly as he reached for the doorknob. "I'm already cold." The door closed softly behind, its hinges squeaking their pleasant tune, behind him as he left; a fall wind blowing with him and he walked down the street aimlessly.
~~~
"Soooo." Tenna tapped her fingers anxiously on the edge of the table. She sat across from at the small Eat Or Die Chinese restaurant, where she had forced her friend. "What's new? Are you doing okay?"
Devi sighed, rubbing her temples. "Am I ever? Ugh, there's so much shit going on and that Jaeyzon thing didn't help. Especially when he brought up that psycho Johnny. It's like every time I manage to finally push him out of my mind, he finds a way back in again!" She took a sip of the lemon- water she had ordered and continued, "I just know he's gonna pop up soon."
"Look" Tenna fiddled with a fork. "I got really bored when you were talking, so I thought up my own perspective on the situation. You made him happy, which is probably something he doesn't feel often, like it comes to him in small doses and the moment's probably torn to shit right after that. You made him completely happy, Devi. You gave him too big a dose of something he's not used to, and instead of exploding, he just tried to kill you to avoid ruining the moment. And he did apologize after all."
Glare. Burning , hate-filled, resentful glare. Tenna cowered, dropping the fork in a quick exchange for Spooky. "He tried to kill me and you think that's a forgive and forget situation?! Maybe you should date Johnny.."
"No, that's-"
"You're both psychotic."
"Devi-no-"
I don't understand either of your motives."
"C'mon, it was a-"
"And you both deserve to be locked away, granted for entirely different reasons, but-"
"Devi," Tenna smiled, less enthusiastic than usual. "As sweet as he sounds, I just don't' like the thought of dying so early in life. Do you Spooky? No you don't."
It was Devi's turn to smile. "Thank you. At least we agree on something," she picked up her menu. "now what're you getting?"
Tenna didn't answer. Devi looked up from the menu to find her sitting there with her obnoxious mouth hanging open, and her eyes so wide, she could swear they were going to pop out and roll onto the floor for someone to step on.
"Tenna?"
"Hey, Devi.?" Tenna managed to speak. "What did you say that Johnny looked like? I know you've told me before, but the image escapes me at the moment."
Devi stared awkwardly. "Um, she began, confusion on her face like ants on a dead cat that a crazy lady throws at people for going to close to her house (Ooh, I hate cats!!!). "Well, he's tall and extremely thin, like a piece of angel hair spaghetti; wild short black hair, and really, really neat boots. Damn those were cool boots. I think that was the only good part about him. Those boots.." She raised a thin eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because I think he's talking to the guy at the register!!" Tenna pointed, at the same time ducking into her seat to avoid being seen.
Devi froze. Johnny? Here? NO! No, no, no, no, no, no!! It couldn't be him, not now that she had finally had come out of hiding willingly! Left to 'enjoy' society again for the first time in.in.forever! It just couldn't be. NO!!!
"Devi." Tenna whimpered.
She turned slowly in her seat, sweat dripping warmly down her flushed cheeks. It took all of her willpower to hold in a very forceful scream.
"May I use your bathroom? I hate public restrooms, so filthy with their trail of human waste on every tile, but I really need to go, and I'm not about to go in the bushes outside," the thin creature leaned closer to the oriental man and whispered slowly, "I think that Chihuahua's back, following me again. I won't subject myself to that beast's eyes!!" In his hand was a brainfreezy, cherry doom to be slightly over-descriptive, and fresh bloodstains marking his sickly looking skin. If only that 24/7 asshole hadn't been so rude, he wouldn't have had to kill him, but these things do happen.
The man at the register nodded and pointed to where the bathroom was located, and, much to Devi's relief, never once faltered, raised an eyebrow, and/or commented on Johnny's appearance, which she knew would quickly lead to his bloody, gory demise. He only went back to making sure that the fortune cookies were in place and that each one held a surprisingly cheesy fortune.
Johnny thanked him and placed his headphones back over his ears, slurping his brainfreezy, then sauntered off. Had he looked over just a bit to his left, he would've seen the two women immediately. But he didn't too focused on the pain in his bladder to notice.
The two ducked down somewhat, enough to remain inconspicuous to him, but not so much that they would draw attention. Tenna grinned nervously, squeezing Spooky to calm her nerves, and whispered through a clenched smile, "Calm down. Don't look up or he'll kill you." She squeezed Spooky again, and Johnny turned his head as he passed her, that noise surpassing the volume of his music.
Tenna froze, pulling her small toy up to her chest, that same big, nervous smile still on her face. *Oh God, don't let him kill me! He can have Devi if he really wants her. C'mon, take Devi. Take the bait you know you want.* she thought. Johnny continued walking, slightly confused but he shrugged it away. He REALLY had to pee.
"Okay, I think he's gone for now. At least until he's done."
Devi raised her head slightly, her attention on the skinny man walking away. "See?! See?!? What did I tell you? I try to forget and he comes back in! I swear, it's like he's stalking me or something!" She curled into a small mass in her seat, paranoid not being a strong enough word to describe her state of mind at that moment.
"Don't worry, Dev. He probably doesn't even remember you. Crazy people are like that," Tenna explained. "He's probably forgotten all about you."
Johnny stopped dead. He knew.he KNEW that smell. That distinct fragrance of perfume.It had been a while, but he'd recognize it anywhere.When he'd tried to hold her in the movie theater, so stupid and so clumsy, she rested her head on his shoulder. He inhaled, the sweet scent gracing his nostrils, creating another memory.
It was here now.
*No, no it couldn't be* He thought to himself, trying to block the smell out to halt another painful memory. *Anybody could have that same perfume. That same wonderful odor.Oh God, I don't want to remember, I don't! It's her! I know it's her!!*
Devi.
He turned around, shocked, seeing her beautiful face again for the first time in forever, and uttered, louder than he meant for it, "Devi?"
Devi paled very, very quickly. He wasn't supposed to turn around. He was supposed to be in the bathroom, pissing, while she and Tenna made their silent, quick getaway. So she wouldn't be subjected to this shit again. But he didn't. He was there now, staring at her with those wonderful eyes. The same eyes she had seen when she first met him, but in a small way, different. They pierced through her now, like a knife. Like the knives he used against her. The ones that almost took her life. She wanted to scream for a second time that night, but her voice wouldn't allow itself to escape her lips.
"Devi," Johnny breathed again. Oh, Devi D. The one who got away. He took a step towards where she sat, still she remained somewhat motionless, gaping in-fear? Was it fear? Yes, she was still afraid of him. Bu she didn't have to be. They could be together again, hold each other, like they had done that night. How he wanted to caress her pale cheeks, hold her, tell her that everything would be okay. Tell her he wasn't as sick as he used to be. That he was better now.
*Kill her, Johnny.*
But that would be a lie.
He slipped his knife out by the handle from a concealed hole in his pack. He had designed it specifically for a moment like this, where the victim never saw it coming and had no chance for escape. His hand quivered. He would finish what he had started with her. She was going to die, and somewhere in her beautiful, wonderful eyes, she knew it.
He suddenly stopped, forcing himself to release the knife back into his backpack. No, he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to hurt her, to destroy her like this. He didn't want to hurt his angel, the only one who had made him feel truly special and happy. How could he have let his own madness destroy that.? *I don't want to do any more damage to her life.I don't want to hurt her!* "I-I can't." he whispered.
*Go, Johnny* that thought arose again, piercing his mind with devilish images of hate and murder and blood. That Devi's head resting in his lap in his home, her useless, unmoving body motionless on the floor, accompanied by the lost memories of a living, breathing Squee.
*I can't! I don't want to hurt them!!* But this scream was swallowed whole and Johnny was lost in his own horrible images. He gripped the knife again, steadily, waiting. Always waiting, he knew, for the right moment.
*Go on, Johnny . Do it. Practice makes perfect and once you've perfected killing that stupid bitch, we can move onto to Squee.*
"Yessss," Johnny whispered, raising the knife quickly. Tenna turned and in an instant, blocked him from his path. She glared angrily at him, which was the first time Devi had ever in her life seen her friend that agitated, and chucked a spoon at his forehead. It smacked him straight on, but did little more than anger him further.
"Oh shit." Tenna's voice dove off into a whisper. She glanced down at Spooky resting in the palm of her hand. "I honestly thought it would work." She told the toy, then stared back up at Johnny. "It was supposed to go flying into your eye, forcing cycloptocism upon you. Damn, that's not fair."
Cycloptocism.? Devi groaned. That wasn't even a word.Yes, Tenna had guts for confronting that stupid fuck, but come on! She inhaled quickly and warned with a scream, "Tenna, don't go near him! He's a nutcase! A giant fucking nutcase!!"
Tenna sighed and sat back down, turning to her menu. "Backfires. Always with backfires. Oh well. No sense dying on an empty stomach. Hm, I thinking something on an egg roll tonight. What about you Devi?"
Both Johnny and Devi stared at Tenna as if she weren't even human, God willing, She didn't seem to notice, but instead went on with looking at the menu, almost as if the incident with Johnny weren't even taking place. They continued staring, as she raced off again into her own little world as usual, until it became apparent that she would do no further damage, and the attacker had grown passed the point of impatient.
"Enough with this! I'm going to finish what should've ended a long time ago!" Johnny shrieked, raising his knife at Devi, and rushing full force at her.
"Oh shit!!" Devi shrieked, dodging the oncoming blade, sending Johnny stabbing into the seat cushion where she had sat only moments ago. She rolled onto her side, jerking her head up quick enough to see Johnny rip his blade from the seat and glare at her with such destructive contempt, she was forced to tear away her gaze away. He growled deep in his throat, his stinging, throbbing need to urinate forgotten, and ran at Devi once more.
Devi opened her mouth to scream again, but forced it down, her throat already growing sore. Screaming wasn't going to save her from someone like Johnny in any case, and all she could do to save herself was force her legs into action and run for the door.
Johnny found himself unable to turn as quickly as he was going when she leapt up, and skidded into a nearby waiter, thrusting his knife into the poor man's gut. He found himself soon soaked into blood and pinned by a dying man's body. Gasping, he squirmed feeling the weight crush his leg into a most uncomfortable position and turned his head to see Devi racing out the door of the restaurant. Thrashing his knife about, driving it several more times into the waiter's soon-to-be corpse, he managed to squirm away from his accidental, yet fulfilling, victim, lubricated by blood alone.
"Dammit!" he squealed, finally making it out from under the dead man's weight. All around him now, he could hear screaming, see the flailing of arms and people running around in various direction like chickens with their heads cut off. Part of him wanted to just kill them all for their ignorance and stupidity, to let Devi run away. But he couldn't do that. Not even if he'd wanted too. That terrible thought of Devi's cold, lifeless form still remained trapped in his head, almost as if he were the victim of his own putrid thoughts. The other part forced his legs to move, to follow Devi so that she could not escape, never again. Never again would she torment his mind of something he could never have.
He had to catch her, had to kill her. Had to make her bleed and scream and die. He wasn't able to stop himself anymore. With these thoughts pumping him full of adrenaline medication, he screeched, charging after her. The blood soaking his clothes would slow him up a bit, and getting passed the screaming fools who had seen him so brutally kill wouldn't be easy, but that didn't matter now. One way or another, he would find her.
She would not get away.
A/N: Ooh, Chapter 3. 9:13 pm and I'm still going strong. So what did you think? Shit? Its shit isn't it? Yes shit. Oh well, that won't stop me from writing since I have no social life and I dislike being around people. The last chapter took forever for me to get right, I couldn't think of a title, and it was long. Longer than I wanted it to be. I intended to get certain events in there, but due to the incessant rambling's of my mind, there was prevention in my doing so.anyway, Devi is in here for a reason, non- romantically. And yes, I am going to have that Jaeyzon kid pop up again sometime, maybe in this chapter maybe not. But you'll be happy to know that he plays no real big role in this story. He's just there to move the plot in small meaningless ways. And to eat your delicious candy-coated guts!!! So if he's there, run. RUN, damn you! Whoooo, I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I have a really bad headache.
Johnny and all related characters still belong to JCV. Nothing has changed.
Chapter 3: Narrative of Soul Against Soul
Squee backed against the wall, hearing Shmee's persistent whispering, but couldn't make out exactly what he was saying. All the child knew was that he was about to be ripped apart and there was nothing he could do about it. This was it. The moment his parents had been waiting for since he was born, and Johnny would be the one to save them from the hassle of raising him further. HA. As if they ever did.
The knife fell to the floor, blade sticking straight into the wood. Johnny fell to his knees, gripping his head in seemingly horrible agony. He screamed out, looking up into Squee's enormous fear-filled eyes and extended a hand towards him. "Go! You have to leave, now!! I can't hold him back forever!" He watched Squee remain motionless, confused by what was happening, and screamed at him again. "Go, dammit! You have to or I'll kill you! Do you understand?!?"
Squee gaped. What was he doing..? He took a step towards the maniac, unsure and unaware of what he was doing exactly, but another shriek from Johnny forced him back. "Wha..?" he murmured, too scared to do anything more.
"GO!"
"Do as he says, Todd." he looked down at Shmee, still in a horrifying awe, but finally realizing what he had to do. He raced towards the doorway, listening as carefully as he could to Shmee's instructions on the way out.
"Take a left here," The bear directed, remembering clearly the path Johnny had taken to get to Squee. How he'd found him, he didn't know, and didn't care at the moment. He just had to get the kid to safety. "Another left here, and a right up ahead."
"AAAARRRGGHH!!!" Johnny flung himself into the side of the machine, proceeding to slam his head into the wall just next to it. "I don't want to hurt him! No killing!! Get out of my head! Get the fuck out of my head!!" He felt blood still rushing down the back of his head, and now from his lip and various other places. He gritted his teeth, inwardly knowing that abusing himself in such a way would not make things better, but he couldn't stop and he couldn't let the pain go.
"Fuck! Get the hell away from me!!"
~~~
"Fifteen, Tenna. Five-fucking-teen!" Devi slammed the door of her quaint apartment as Tenna looked at her from her position on the couch. "Where in your reality did that seem okay? Hm?" She grabbed the collar of Tenna's shirt and growled," I had to get the little punk home before nine so he could make sure he had all the answers to a test memorized off a cheat sheet he paid ten bucks for!"
"So," Tenna smiled sweetly, "I take it the date went as usual, huh?" A glare from her friend did nothing to wipe the smile off of her face as she fiddled with Spooky.
Devi sighed. "It wouldn't have been the worst date if he hadn't mentioned a certain homicidal psychopath-"
"Johnny?!!?"
"Yeah," she sighed again, leaning up against a wall and burying her face in the palm of her hand. "Apparently , Mr. I-lie-about-my-age-to-all-the- unfortunate-women-Jaeyzon has a friend who was in the same sleep-study program as Johnny," her voice shook with the expelling of his name from her throat, yet she continued, trying to appear unscathed by this. "He said that when Nny left, he was still 'hung up' on me. The scary thing is, I could swear that I just saw him..three days ago. Just outside my apartment. I've tried to mark it off as just my imagination, but what if it was him? What if he wants to kill me still?" Her eyes became wide with fear, similar to Squee's.
Tenna glanced around the room, then place her attention back to Devi. There was along pause; Tenna was trying to figure the best way of saying what she would eventually say next, shrugged and blurted out," I think you need to get out."
Devi's mouth dropped. "Get out? You want me to go out?! Out there? Are you completely dense? Did I not just explain the situation to you, Tenna, did I not-" she stopped dead, and slammed the back of her head against the wall. "It's pointless trying. You're right. I just have to forget about this."
She reached for her jacket, which she had thrown on the floor upon reentering her small home and turned for the door. "C'mon," she urged sullenly without turning to face Tenna.
Tenna stared. "Where are we going?" Devi didn't answer, and really Tenna didn't care. Just grateful that she didn't have to be the one to drag her friend out; she'd done it on her own. Just to get up and moving without the 'complete' worry of that Johnny was thrilling. She leapt up off the couch and soared out the door after her friend with Spooky raised in the air.
She came into step next to Devi, and the two trailed down the hallway. Tonight would be carefree, Devi decided, the elevator door welcoming them into its mouth. *No dating, no trauma* she smiled for the first real time in months. *And best of all, No Johnny.*
~~~
"Welcome back," a voice floated across the room.
Johnny remained still; sitting on the couch, fingers intertwined as he stared menacingly at the blank TV, deep in thought. "Shut up," he hissed quietly. "Just shut up."
"Notice how I said 'welcome back'." the voice's owner murmured, "Not 'hi, I've never seen you before,' or 'hello, you may call me Reverend Meat. What is your name?' Know why?" Johnny remained silent. "Because you haven't changed!" It laughed shrilly, sending a quiver throughout Johnny's body.
"Your search for cold was in vain, was it not, Nny?" Meat cackled. "You still feel; still give in to human emotions and urges. As I suspected. You should've seen the little twit run out screaming with that stupid bear of his. How can you possibly have feeling for that?" It snickered, knowing well and good that despite Johnny's seemingly calm exterior, its words were chewing away at his insides, knowing at the walls of his stomach that knew they were true. "Could it be that he reminds you of yourself at some point of innocence you may have once had? Perhaps he could be just like you?"
No sooner did the words drift from Meat's motionless lips did Johnny jump from his position on the couch and struck the inanimate figure hard, sending it to the floor with a loud thunk. The strike alone drew blood from his knuckles, yet he did not seem to know or care. Dry heaves of his chest rose up against his shirt , feeding his lungs, and preparing for the screams that would come.
"Don't you dare compare him to me! He's everything I'm not! He's what makes this world innocent; able to feel! I am the evil, the insanity, the plague on all! Squee is the only one that hasn't been corrupted by the truly revolting aspects of this reality enough to destroy what makes him good, and I won't let him be subject to it!! I won't let him turn out like me!!! So fuck your theories, Meat!!" Johnny shrieked and fumed , laying waste on what ailed his mind. He pointed accusingly at the porcelain form lying on the floor, chipped and cracked from the harsh blow. "It's you, isn't it?!? The evil that's been serving my mind these disgusting thoughts of killing Squee! I know its you and I'm not listening! I refuse to succumb to your madness!!"
Meat laughed again, sending Johnny's anger to a higher level. "My madness? Still humor in that empty head of yours, but no. I can't say that I'm the one enlisted to drive you into hysterics over killing a child, funny as it would be. That is your own mind's doing. You're so much sicker than before. What your mind's telling you is: if you kill Squee, you will be the cold person you have longed to be all this time. It will have won, Nny."
"Then it's true," Johnny turned his back to the burger boy, hunched over with his fingers laced together behind him. "I still have no control. All the progress I thought I had made. No emotion.well, no useless emotion.God, now I'm three in one. Like those nutcases at the crazy house next to Squee's room. I don't even have control over my own emotions anymore! I could've killed Squee. Shit! I'm a slave to myself!"
"Weeeellll," Reverend Meat squealed gleefully. "Once you kill Squee, then you'll be cold and emotionless, which is exactly what you wanted. Then you can kill anyone without thought or care; do anything with ought remorse. Now that's nifty!" Its expression fell when it noticed that Johnny was pulling on his coat and the once abandoned backpack that he'd left behind, filled with God knows what. "Hey, where're you going? You're not going on another search for cold again, are you?"
Johnny turned his head slightly as he reached for the doorknob. "I'm already cold." The door closed softly behind, its hinges squeaking their pleasant tune, behind him as he left; a fall wind blowing with him and he walked down the street aimlessly.
~~~
"Soooo." Tenna tapped her fingers anxiously on the edge of the table. She sat across from at the small Eat Or Die Chinese restaurant, where she had forced her friend. "What's new? Are you doing okay?"
Devi sighed, rubbing her temples. "Am I ever? Ugh, there's so much shit going on and that Jaeyzon thing didn't help. Especially when he brought up that psycho Johnny. It's like every time I manage to finally push him out of my mind, he finds a way back in again!" She took a sip of the lemon- water she had ordered and continued, "I just know he's gonna pop up soon."
"Look" Tenna fiddled with a fork. "I got really bored when you were talking, so I thought up my own perspective on the situation. You made him happy, which is probably something he doesn't feel often, like it comes to him in small doses and the moment's probably torn to shit right after that. You made him completely happy, Devi. You gave him too big a dose of something he's not used to, and instead of exploding, he just tried to kill you to avoid ruining the moment. And he did apologize after all."
Glare. Burning , hate-filled, resentful glare. Tenna cowered, dropping the fork in a quick exchange for Spooky. "He tried to kill me and you think that's a forgive and forget situation?! Maybe you should date Johnny.."
"No, that's-"
"You're both psychotic."
"Devi-no-"
I don't understand either of your motives."
"C'mon, it was a-"
"And you both deserve to be locked away, granted for entirely different reasons, but-"
"Devi," Tenna smiled, less enthusiastic than usual. "As sweet as he sounds, I just don't' like the thought of dying so early in life. Do you Spooky? No you don't."
It was Devi's turn to smile. "Thank you. At least we agree on something," she picked up her menu. "now what're you getting?"
Tenna didn't answer. Devi looked up from the menu to find her sitting there with her obnoxious mouth hanging open, and her eyes so wide, she could swear they were going to pop out and roll onto the floor for someone to step on.
"Tenna?"
"Hey, Devi.?" Tenna managed to speak. "What did you say that Johnny looked like? I know you've told me before, but the image escapes me at the moment."
Devi stared awkwardly. "Um, she began, confusion on her face like ants on a dead cat that a crazy lady throws at people for going to close to her house (Ooh, I hate cats!!!). "Well, he's tall and extremely thin, like a piece of angel hair spaghetti; wild short black hair, and really, really neat boots. Damn those were cool boots. I think that was the only good part about him. Those boots.." She raised a thin eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because I think he's talking to the guy at the register!!" Tenna pointed, at the same time ducking into her seat to avoid being seen.
Devi froze. Johnny? Here? NO! No, no, no, no, no, no!! It couldn't be him, not now that she had finally had come out of hiding willingly! Left to 'enjoy' society again for the first time in.in.forever! It just couldn't be. NO!!!
"Devi." Tenna whimpered.
She turned slowly in her seat, sweat dripping warmly down her flushed cheeks. It took all of her willpower to hold in a very forceful scream.
"May I use your bathroom? I hate public restrooms, so filthy with their trail of human waste on every tile, but I really need to go, and I'm not about to go in the bushes outside," the thin creature leaned closer to the oriental man and whispered slowly, "I think that Chihuahua's back, following me again. I won't subject myself to that beast's eyes!!" In his hand was a brainfreezy, cherry doom to be slightly over-descriptive, and fresh bloodstains marking his sickly looking skin. If only that 24/7 asshole hadn't been so rude, he wouldn't have had to kill him, but these things do happen.
The man at the register nodded and pointed to where the bathroom was located, and, much to Devi's relief, never once faltered, raised an eyebrow, and/or commented on Johnny's appearance, which she knew would quickly lead to his bloody, gory demise. He only went back to making sure that the fortune cookies were in place and that each one held a surprisingly cheesy fortune.
Johnny thanked him and placed his headphones back over his ears, slurping his brainfreezy, then sauntered off. Had he looked over just a bit to his left, he would've seen the two women immediately. But he didn't too focused on the pain in his bladder to notice.
The two ducked down somewhat, enough to remain inconspicuous to him, but not so much that they would draw attention. Tenna grinned nervously, squeezing Spooky to calm her nerves, and whispered through a clenched smile, "Calm down. Don't look up or he'll kill you." She squeezed Spooky again, and Johnny turned his head as he passed her, that noise surpassing the volume of his music.
Tenna froze, pulling her small toy up to her chest, that same big, nervous smile still on her face. *Oh God, don't let him kill me! He can have Devi if he really wants her. C'mon, take Devi. Take the bait you know you want.* she thought. Johnny continued walking, slightly confused but he shrugged it away. He REALLY had to pee.
"Okay, I think he's gone for now. At least until he's done."
Devi raised her head slightly, her attention on the skinny man walking away. "See?! See?!? What did I tell you? I try to forget and he comes back in! I swear, it's like he's stalking me or something!" She curled into a small mass in her seat, paranoid not being a strong enough word to describe her state of mind at that moment.
"Don't worry, Dev. He probably doesn't even remember you. Crazy people are like that," Tenna explained. "He's probably forgotten all about you."
Johnny stopped dead. He knew.he KNEW that smell. That distinct fragrance of perfume.It had been a while, but he'd recognize it anywhere.When he'd tried to hold her in the movie theater, so stupid and so clumsy, she rested her head on his shoulder. He inhaled, the sweet scent gracing his nostrils, creating another memory.
It was here now.
*No, no it couldn't be* He thought to himself, trying to block the smell out to halt another painful memory. *Anybody could have that same perfume. That same wonderful odor.Oh God, I don't want to remember, I don't! It's her! I know it's her!!*
Devi.
He turned around, shocked, seeing her beautiful face again for the first time in forever, and uttered, louder than he meant for it, "Devi?"
Devi paled very, very quickly. He wasn't supposed to turn around. He was supposed to be in the bathroom, pissing, while she and Tenna made their silent, quick getaway. So she wouldn't be subjected to this shit again. But he didn't. He was there now, staring at her with those wonderful eyes. The same eyes she had seen when she first met him, but in a small way, different. They pierced through her now, like a knife. Like the knives he used against her. The ones that almost took her life. She wanted to scream for a second time that night, but her voice wouldn't allow itself to escape her lips.
"Devi," Johnny breathed again. Oh, Devi D. The one who got away. He took a step towards where she sat, still she remained somewhat motionless, gaping in-fear? Was it fear? Yes, she was still afraid of him. Bu she didn't have to be. They could be together again, hold each other, like they had done that night. How he wanted to caress her pale cheeks, hold her, tell her that everything would be okay. Tell her he wasn't as sick as he used to be. That he was better now.
*Kill her, Johnny.*
But that would be a lie.
He slipped his knife out by the handle from a concealed hole in his pack. He had designed it specifically for a moment like this, where the victim never saw it coming and had no chance for escape. His hand quivered. He would finish what he had started with her. She was going to die, and somewhere in her beautiful, wonderful eyes, she knew it.
He suddenly stopped, forcing himself to release the knife back into his backpack. No, he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to hurt her, to destroy her like this. He didn't want to hurt his angel, the only one who had made him feel truly special and happy. How could he have let his own madness destroy that.? *I don't want to do any more damage to her life.I don't want to hurt her!* "I-I can't." he whispered.
*Go, Johnny* that thought arose again, piercing his mind with devilish images of hate and murder and blood. That Devi's head resting in his lap in his home, her useless, unmoving body motionless on the floor, accompanied by the lost memories of a living, breathing Squee.
*I can't! I don't want to hurt them!!* But this scream was swallowed whole and Johnny was lost in his own horrible images. He gripped the knife again, steadily, waiting. Always waiting, he knew, for the right moment.
*Go on, Johnny . Do it. Practice makes perfect and once you've perfected killing that stupid bitch, we can move onto to Squee.*
"Yessss," Johnny whispered, raising the knife quickly. Tenna turned and in an instant, blocked him from his path. She glared angrily at him, which was the first time Devi had ever in her life seen her friend that agitated, and chucked a spoon at his forehead. It smacked him straight on, but did little more than anger him further.
"Oh shit." Tenna's voice dove off into a whisper. She glanced down at Spooky resting in the palm of her hand. "I honestly thought it would work." She told the toy, then stared back up at Johnny. "It was supposed to go flying into your eye, forcing cycloptocism upon you. Damn, that's not fair."
Cycloptocism.? Devi groaned. That wasn't even a word.Yes, Tenna had guts for confronting that stupid fuck, but come on! She inhaled quickly and warned with a scream, "Tenna, don't go near him! He's a nutcase! A giant fucking nutcase!!"
Tenna sighed and sat back down, turning to her menu. "Backfires. Always with backfires. Oh well. No sense dying on an empty stomach. Hm, I thinking something on an egg roll tonight. What about you Devi?"
Both Johnny and Devi stared at Tenna as if she weren't even human, God willing, She didn't seem to notice, but instead went on with looking at the menu, almost as if the incident with Johnny weren't even taking place. They continued staring, as she raced off again into her own little world as usual, until it became apparent that she would do no further damage, and the attacker had grown passed the point of impatient.
"Enough with this! I'm going to finish what should've ended a long time ago!" Johnny shrieked, raising his knife at Devi, and rushing full force at her.
"Oh shit!!" Devi shrieked, dodging the oncoming blade, sending Johnny stabbing into the seat cushion where she had sat only moments ago. She rolled onto her side, jerking her head up quick enough to see Johnny rip his blade from the seat and glare at her with such destructive contempt, she was forced to tear away her gaze away. He growled deep in his throat, his stinging, throbbing need to urinate forgotten, and ran at Devi once more.
Devi opened her mouth to scream again, but forced it down, her throat already growing sore. Screaming wasn't going to save her from someone like Johnny in any case, and all she could do to save herself was force her legs into action and run for the door.
Johnny found himself unable to turn as quickly as he was going when she leapt up, and skidded into a nearby waiter, thrusting his knife into the poor man's gut. He found himself soon soaked into blood and pinned by a dying man's body. Gasping, he squirmed feeling the weight crush his leg into a most uncomfortable position and turned his head to see Devi racing out the door of the restaurant. Thrashing his knife about, driving it several more times into the waiter's soon-to-be corpse, he managed to squirm away from his accidental, yet fulfilling, victim, lubricated by blood alone.
"Dammit!" he squealed, finally making it out from under the dead man's weight. All around him now, he could hear screaming, see the flailing of arms and people running around in various direction like chickens with their heads cut off. Part of him wanted to just kill them all for their ignorance and stupidity, to let Devi run away. But he couldn't do that. Not even if he'd wanted too. That terrible thought of Devi's cold, lifeless form still remained trapped in his head, almost as if he were the victim of his own putrid thoughts. The other part forced his legs to move, to follow Devi so that she could not escape, never again. Never again would she torment his mind of something he could never have.
He had to catch her, had to kill her. Had to make her bleed and scream and die. He wasn't able to stop himself anymore. With these thoughts pumping him full of adrenaline medication, he screeched, charging after her. The blood soaking his clothes would slow him up a bit, and getting passed the screaming fools who had seen him so brutally kill wouldn't be easy, but that didn't matter now. One way or another, he would find her.
She would not get away.