OMGWTFBBQ

Matt was in the science class that was doing research in the library, looking for sites dealing with how one could make chicken breast more moist and tender so that he could do a science project based on how to make moist, tender chicken breast. Of course, that damned blocking proxy got in the way of this, and as he was walking around to see how everyone was doing, Dominic took notice and offered his "solution" in the form of a sticky note with the address of The Bypass.
Matt thanked Dominic, and started up The Bypass. For a while, he looked up a few sites dealing in "moisturizing" chicken breast. Then he noticed an impression on the sticky note that read "www.megaozone.xxx" and said, "Ooh, porno!" Realizing that nothing was being declared off-limits by any censorware proxies, and having made sure that Dominic wasn't watching, Matt typed in the site's address and did a search... for one of the illegal subjects! Within seconds, he had found a rather "interesting" movie, and he put on the headphones that were in his cubicle so he could have a listen.
The other students quietly did their research for a couple of minutes, while Dominic conversed with two other "media center" assistants, named Arnold and Mitch. Matt gradually became louder and more disruptive, and his chair was shaking. The students next to him appeared grossed out, and then a student on the verge of puking ran up to the chatting assistants.
"Matt's playing with himself! Make him stop!" said the student, who grabbed the nearest wastebasket to throw up.
"How Strangely Erotic," said Arnold.
"Omigodwhatthefuckbarbeque!" yelled Mitch, as Dominic ran over to Matt's cubicle.
Dominic had arrived to see Matt stroking his salami to illegal porn and said, "BANNED!" The principal, assistant principal, and the "media center" and technology staff came around to stare at this scene, and especially at Dominic, who could only say, "Dude, I'm gettin' a cell!"
Gordo and Miranda were outside the school with the rest of their math class, estimating the height of the lampposts next to the sidewalk between the front of the high school and the parking lot, using only a protractor. One of the groups had their estimate and were heading to the teacher, when news vans from channels 3, 8, 16, 17, 22, and 28 arrived. The reporters and crew swarmed in front of the high school entrance while newspaper reporters started to come in droves.
"What the fuck?!" exclaimed Gordo. "Why are all those news people here?"
Miranda looked at the swarm and said, "This has got to be bad."
The reporter for channel 8 started with, "We are on location at the Trinity Public Schools, where a middle-school student was caught watching a child porn movie on a library computer. This is the culmination of several previous events involving pornography in the school today." He paused for a second to listen in on his earpiece. "And-- and I have just received word that this school's computers, including those in the elementary school section, are being infected by a fast-moving worm that replaces the background with a series of disgusting images."
Larry Tudgeman sat in front of one of the computers in the high school library, gaping at the Goatse hole, and then at Tubgirl's nacho cheese fountain. He had found a USB thumb drive taped under the bottom shelf of his locker, containing a file called "Free Porn at School!.exe". He ran the file, thinking it was some gateway to free porn. Unfortunately, it was an old version of Claryssa's infamous network worm that had infected the Digital Bean recently. And now the infection was spreading by the minute.
In the principal's office, Dominic, Arnold, Mitch, Matt, their respective parents, and the "media center" and technology staff were in front of the principal's desk, with the clearly angry principal and vice-principal behind the desk.
"Mr. and Mrs. McGuire, Fazenbaker, and Rhodes, and Ms. and Ms. Silvestre, thank you for coming," said the principal. "Your sons are involved in a very serious incident involving child pornography. Matt was, um, pleasuring himself, to a movie involving a 14-year-old girl, and Dominic allegedly provided him with a way to bypass our blocking software, which is in place for a very good reason."
"You're quite right that there is a good reason to limit the types of sites available from the school network, but the blocking proxy is a tad overbearing," replied Dominic. "Matt here was looking for ways to moisturize chicken breast meat, and that ham-fisted proxy blocked sites that talked about it for having the word 'breast' in them. I provided Matt with a way to research those sites, and, well, he stumbled upon a very bad porn site. Damn spamdexing dipsticks fill Google up with garbage."
The assistant principal handed Dominic the sticky note with The Bypass' address, and said, "This Post-It note contains the address of a large repository of free pornography, including several gigabytes of illegal content."
Dominic, studying the sticky note, retorted, "This note only has the address for The Bypass-- oh, wait. Oh pointy birds! It does refer to the Mega O-Zone! That's an impression from another note I gave one of my friends yesterday when he complained about not being able to find much good free porn--"
"Can it, Rhodes!" yelled the principal. "You're just as guilty as Matt is here. You gave him a tool to bypass security policies set by the school, and by having a little chat with your friends, you left him to his own devices, and he gained access to illegal materials! You have corrupted his little mind, and ruined him!"
"Shut the fuck up," replied Dominic's father. "What Dominic did was wrong, indeed, but Matt is mostly responsible for this mess; he went to an obvious porn site, after all. You don't see sites about fluffy bunnies with .xxx domains, now do you?"
Jo, Matt's mother, said, "That's irrelevant! Dominic should have watched Matt and made sure he didn't abuse this Bypass thing."
"Fourteen-year-old girls? Matt's only 14, it's expected that he would be into that stuff," said Sam, Matt's father, who was immediately smacked by Jo after his statement.
"I agree that this is a serious offense deserving serious punishment, but expelling these two and throwing them in jail or juvie is overkill," said Arnold's mother. "Suspension out of school and maybe a loss of some privileges sounds like a more appropriate punishment. These two have fairly clean records, after all."
The principal glanced at his computer screen, and noticed that Pain4.jpg had become the desktop background. One of the tech staff handed him a wastebasket to puke in, and after he blew chunks into the can, he said, "I have just been shaken to the core by this piece of disgusting photo collage art that is on my computer. If you all accept three days in-school suspension and 30 days without Internet privileges right now, before I regain my composure, this will all be swept under the rug and no one will go to jail."
Dominic and Matt accepted the relatively light punishment, as the vice principal directed the tech staff to destroy the evidence relating to the movie in the library. At the time, this was considered the biggest issue, but the big issue became that of the worm that had just jumped into a nearby town's school network.