Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, CLAMP does. But I do own this nifty box of Kit-kats.

…

Actually, I don't even own that. -.-;;

Previous Chapter:
------------------------------
He just wanted to lose himself—Eriol wanted to think of anything—except for the bond with himself and Tomoyo.
------------------------------

Chapter 4: A New Promise with Old Memories

It was not soon after putting Tomoyo to sleep that Eriol found himself at a bar, chugging a beer. The effects of the alcohol took awhile to haze his senses. 'More drinking, less thinking…' Eriol reminisced on the reason why he had arrived at the tavern anyway. He just tried to shake it away and took another swig of his whiskey.

"Sir, are you okay?" The voice of the barkeep was directed at him. Eriol responded with a bitter chuckle.

"Do I look okay to you?" His eyes stared dazedly into his drink before lifting it to his lips.

"Perhaps I can help you? Bartenders are always good to talk to." Eriol thought over the last comment, and the man did have a point: Besides, he needed someone to talk to anyway.

"…You see…there's a girl," He shook his head, changing his decision. "Never mind, I shouldn't have brought it up...."

The barkeep nodded his head, "No, no, go on. A girl?"

Eriol began feeling better, he hadn't had anyone to comfort him since Kaho had—how long had it been? 8, maybe 9 years? "Well, I've known her since we were about eleven or twelve, but I've been in England for the past decade or so. And…" He hesitated, unsure if he should tell a complete stranger, "I love her—a lot. But she doesn't know how I feel…"

The bartender looked up at his customer as realization dawned on him. "So you don't know how to tell her, eh?"

Eriol took another swill of his alcohol. "…That, and…umm…you see…" He wasn't absolutely sure how he could phrase the current situation he was in. Maybe being blunt would work? Taking a deep breath, the blue-eyed man continued, "The reason I came back to Japan was for her wedding."

The barkeep stopped polishing the whiskey glass he was wiping.

A long pause followed.

SMACK!!

"ITAI!! What was that for?!" Eriol exclaimed whilst rubbing the back of his head. Apparently, the bartender had whipped him with his towel. Which, evidently, was twisted up as a rat-tail.

"That lad," He started his explanation simply. "Was to check if your head would make a hollow sound! Your so darn dense if you don't mind me saying! You should always take a chance to tell her when it's completely open for the taking!" The barkeep massaged his temples in frustration and whispered a few profanities that Eriol couldn't quite make out. "I know I would do something about it, and the choice seems pretty obvious!"

Eriol looked skeptically at the brown-haired man, earning a sigh. "Why do you have to make me walk you through everything? Just tell her how you feel. You always still have a chance!"

Eriol looked back down into his drink. "I'm…afraid."

"Of what lad?"

"Rejection."

The bartender looked at the magician with his brown eyes and an eyebrow raised. Taking a deep breath, the brown-haired man spoke. "Would you rather have her know or not? Would you want her to know that you care for her that much? What if you did have a chance? You'll never know until you try. It wouldn't matter if your ego would get bruised, because she would at least know how you feel!" The barkeep put down the glass. "I got to serve other customers, so good luck to you." And with that, Eriol was once again left alone with his liquor. The reincarnate left a large tip in the jar on the counter and went back home—but put more accurately, Tomoyo's home.

Dear Tomoyo,

I guess if you're reading this, you'll never know hear me say it. How much I really cared for you. You were the first person to make me act this way—in both my lifetimes. It's true—Clow Reed never fell so blindly for someone.

Eriol stopped writing and wadded up the paper, throwing it into the overflowing trash can in the corner. Her ran his hands in his hair looking at a new sheet of paper. Everything that he wrote didn't seem to be the right words. He started writing again.

Dear Tomoyo,

I wonder now about what the requirements to obtain happiness are. What things we need to do or accomplish to live a happy life. I wish to know what I should have done before in Japan. Maybe I did something wrong in Tomeoda, because I was lucky enough to meet you. Japan—that's where I made my mistake. I left the country, the people--you. Loving you was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.

Eriol gave a groan of frustration: he had never made so many attempts to write a single letter. The freshly written message ended up in the bin: or in better terms, on the floor. And so did the next one. And the next one. And the one after that.

'This is going to be harder than I thought…'

She tried to turn the knob. It was still locked. It's been three days since Eriol had barricaded himself in his quarters, insisting that no one enter his room. It worried Tomoyo: he wasn't accepting meals—saying that they 'distracted him from his work'. He magically sealed the lock, keeping the keys to the door from opening it. The raven-haired lass knocked on the door quietly.

"Yes?" answered the baritone voice behind the door.

"Eriol-kun, come out."

"…No."

"You'll starve if you don't open the door to accept meals."

A chuckle came from the other side. "Tomoyo-san, you know that I can magic some food to eat."

"What about a companion? Won't you need someone to converse with?"

"Am I not conversing with you behind the door?"

"There certainly isn't anything to entertain yourself in there, is there?"

"Reading is something I can always do, and a full bookcase is sitting in the corner."

"Will you always remain to be a bibliophile Eriol-kun?"

"Perhaps not; if something interesting comes my way, I'll look up from my book once in a while.

"Is a cup of coffee at the local café interesting enough?"

There was a prolonged silence between them.

"…I'll get my coat."

"Sugoi!" the raven-haired girl shouted, punching a fist into the air.

He stepped out of his room for the first time in days. He was dressed in a claret red shirt, with a complementary beige blazer and slacks—a large contrast compared to his eyes and midnight-blue hair. Eriol's shadowy blue pools hidden behind his wire-rimmed glasses, and she noticed that they lacked the boyish twinkle they had possessed in their elementary days.

He looked at her expectedly. "Well, aren't we going?"

"Of course!" She energetically snatched his wrist and dragged him out the door.

"Isn't the fresh air rejuvenating?" The amethyst-eyed girl twirled around as the autumn breeze caused her hair to blow across her face.

"Yes, it is. But Tomoyo-san, please explain to me again why we're walking to the café?" The blue-eyed boy asked.

She tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear, letting out an exasperated sigh, "Exercise is good for you Eriol-kun. You wouldn't want to pick up a large belly, would you?" She teasingly answered, playfully nudging his abdomen with her elbow.

He managed a small laugh and continued to look at the ground. His eyes, drifted away, and revealed that his thoughts were elsewhere.

"What's on your mind Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo asked, obviously puzzled by his lacking response.

He sighed audibly, "It's just that I've been thinking about what I've missed in Japan over the past decade. I can imagine numerous important things happening here with you guys. Junior high, high school, driving lessons and tests, prom, graduation, first dates, college, the many parties that you attend during college, college graduation, …Well, you get the point. I missed quite a few significant happenings in your lives. I didn't even attend Sakura and Syaoran's wedding! Now I feel kind of guilty for not being there. It makes me wonder how it would be like if I stayed in Japan…"

'That's right. If you weren't a coward and stayed in Japan, maybe, just maybe, she would know…' A voice in the back of his head commented, before quickly fading away.

"We can't change our actions that were made before, we can only accept what they have brought us now. We can only change the future, not the past. What we do now affects what will come. Besides, it's not as if anything needs to be changed, is there? All of us are content with the lives that we have, aren't you Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo answered with her eyes on the ground, hands at her side.

"That's a very good question Tomoyo-san. I don't really know if I am happy with my life now. Sometimes I feel like there's something missing, but I don't know what. Power, revenge, another purpose Clow Reed has for me? I've lost most of my magic, so I don't know what the answer is. The truth is, I'm in a bit of a pinch." He answered, half truthfully: he actually did know what was missing—the double-edged sword of love—and he was in a tight squeeze—how's he going to tell someone who's about to get married that he loved her since elementary school?

She looked at him with concerned eyes, tilting her head to one side. "Is there anything that I can do to help?"

"I'm fine. Really." He replied reassuringly, giving Tomoyo a warm smile.

"If you say so." She returned with a small, comforting expression of her own. She stopped walking. "We're here Eriol-kun." Her delicate hand motioned towards the coffee shop they were standing in front of.

He glanced at the old wooden sign hanging by the entrance, which read, Cariñoso Cafe. "Shall we?" Eriol asked smoothly, holding his arm out for her to take.

She laughed at his antics before hooking her arm with his, and they both pushed open the doors of the quaint coffee shop.

TBC

Another really late update…sorry ;;. Anyway, this chapter isn't as bad as the last one—it only sucks in the beginning half and half of the second half (Couldn't that also be said as last quarter? Why do I make things so complicated? -.-;;) in my opinion. So basically the only part that I was satisfied with in this chapter was the conversation when Eriol locked himself in his room. Damn my poor style from before! . ! I was also amazed that authors whose fics I've read reviewed.

Me: :: unenthusiastically reads reviews' expecting flames::

…Whoa…:o…

:: does a dance around the room:: Hooray!!! w

::sister walks by:: o.O What're you doing?

Me: Ce-la-brate good times come on! Doo doo do do do doo doo do do...

Sister: o.O

(:o = "Amazed" face.
XP = Has no idea why she's putting this note here.)