A.N: Finally I start my new story with a burst of creative juices. This chapter was actually written second, after I decided it needed a little more set up. I'm going to call this general/humor, as generally I'm sure I'm the only one who finds my slightly dry brand of humor funny. It's not however one of those crazy random OOC humor fics, just a fic that is humorous. Got that? This chapter in itself is fairly blah, but it's a necessary setup for future chapters.
Disclaimer: I don't own much really....And certainly not Hellsing.
Rating: Um, pg-13 should cover my ass I think this time. I can still say ass a lot if it's PG-13, right?
Warnings: I haven't yet decided if this is anime or mangaverse (or some bastard child of the two) so look out for spoilers from either.
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The waning moon was still mostly full, and sat heavy in the sky. Seras Victoria, former police person and human lay stretched out on her coffin/bed in her regulation Hellsing jammies.
Having lost nearly everything she owned before, she had nevertheless convinced the higher ups to retrieve a single box of her worldly possessions.
Seras now sat on said bed coffin, pilfering through the box of faded photo albums and favorite cds CDs. Finally she spied a slightly worn leather bound book. Her eyes brightened as she lifted it out, happily flipping through the pages.
The simple gold leaf on the inner cover simply stated "Diary of:" written below that in her broad yet neat cursive where the words "Seras Victoria". And beneath was a tiny note that said "Kitten". She looked at her old nickname fondly for a moment before scratching it out and replacing it with the words "Police girl".
That done, she flipped to the last few entries she had made.
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September 8th - Dear Diary,
Today I've finally been taken off of my two
month training and desk duty restriction. I'm not
a rookie anymore! This means I'll finally be able
to go on real field missions.
Being assigned to D-11 has been great, and
always being around the station has given me a
chance to really get to know the guys I work
with. But I'm really excited to be able to put my
training as a field medic to work. I did it
Daddy, I'm finally a real cop!
-Kitten
September 12th - Dear diary,
Today we had a little "party" in honor of my
first field mission. It wasn't anything special,
just a drug raid that turned out to be nothing,
but it feels good to finally be out there.
This party consisted mainly of the guys bringing
in lots of pizza and beer and getting ripped.
Much slapping on the back and all around drunken
congratulations were had.
Parker made a point of slapping me on the ass as
a sign of his approval. I laughed it off
and punched him in the arm, he said he loved his
women rough. If he hadn't been drunk I would have
decked him. Thank God I don't get drunk and do
stuff like that. Well don't get drunk anymore,
not after getting blitzed at that party in
high school and kissing Debby Johnson during that
game of truth or dare. I thought I'd never live
that down.
-K
September 14 - Dear Diary,
Today I've been informed we are going on an
important scouting and apprehension mission in a
little town west of England. We should be heading
out in a few hours and hitting our target when
darkness falls.
I can tell everyone is a little nervous,
apparently this isn't just any normal offender. There
have been rumors were are going after a suspected
serial killer.
Harris the squad captain pulled me aside and
only half jokingly asked me if I thought I was
too "rookie" for this one. Even though it squicks
me a little to think about what might happen, I
don't want them to treat me with Kidd gloves
forever. How will I break free of my namesake if
I don't stay firm?
So I told him I'd be fine with more conviction
than I feel about all of it. Are you proud of me
Daddy? I'll keep doing my best.
-Kitten
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Seras sniffed delicately as she stared at the words in front of her. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined something like what transpired that night would have happened. But here she was, a vampire sitting in her convertible coffin.
With a huff she picked up her pen again and started writing.
-The pros and cons of being a vampire-
Yes, that looked good. She chewed absently on her lip and tapped her leg with her pen as she starred at the blank page before drawing a straight line down the middle.
She might as well start with the biggies.
-
Pros: Eternal life. Advantage: excessive.
-
Yes, there was always that. This was the one thing she hadn't really taken seriously yet.
Sure she was stronger and faster but...would she really live forever?
It was an odd and foreign concept to someone who figured she would live well and die in the line of duty just like her Father.
-
Pros: Enhanced senses/relaxes/abilities
Advantage: extreme
-
Who hadn't wished to be better in life? Aside from the enhanced vision she had experienced, and the accidental crushings of things, she hadn't seemed so different, yet.
-
Cons: Can't eat regular food. Disadvantage: :(
Have to drink blood. Disadvantage:
-
So far this was the leastappealing aspect of being a denizen of darkness. The very thought of drinking blood repulsed her, yet it was so very tempting. In life Seras was always a very reserved person, indulging in very few of life's vices (the occasional sweet being one of them). It was startling to crave something so badly. So much that the need permeated every fiber of her body. It was frankly quite unsettling.
-
Cons: Limited sunlight exposure. Disadvantage:
great
-
While not being able to go out in the sunlight was going to suck, it's not like London was ever that sunny. In life she had never had a tan, and was usually a bit of a night owl anyway... The only great drawback she could she was not being able to go shopping at most malls, and having to pay for the matinee at movie theaters. But score for the midnight showings!
Seras went back and crossed out "great" and replaced it with "medium".
-
Pro: Special vampire powers. Advantage:?
-
Since those hadn't really come to frutation, she couldn't really say.
Seras yawned and closed the book, not being able to think of much more for now. She hadn't really tested a lot of the things she thought might just be lore.
The young vampire glanced around surreptitiously before stowing the diary under her parents wedding photo album. Even if it wasn't as racy as some people diaries, it was still very private.
Left now with nothing but her thoughts, she found her eyes wandering to the seemingly ever present ice bucket on her table.
Warily she made her way over to it, poking it experimentally with her finger and gauging its temperature. Even ice-cold, the red liquid seemed to dance in the light, beckoning her invitingly. Her mouth watered, and she quickly tried to squelch her desires.
'My God, it's blood! How can you even think about drinking it?!' said angel Seras, 'It's in your nature now, how can you resist?' replieddevil (yet no less angelic) Seras.
She bit her lip, pulling the tab off the top almost against her will. The sweet fragrance wafting up to tantalize her senses.
'What if someone needs this blood for a transfusion? But don't I need it just as much to
keep living? Maybe just a little nip to tide me over' She reasoned with herself, lips hovering over the straw-like opening.
'What would daddy say?' flashed inexplicably through her head.
"What indeed." she growled out loud at herself. Not yet, she wasn't ready for this. With a huff she stomped to the bathroom, and emptied the blood bag into her toilet bowl.
'You should drink your blood Police girl.' came the rich unmistakable voice of her Master; seemingly coming from the toilet like some porcelain God now inhabited it.
'Jebus!' she thought with a jump, nearly dropping the bag into said bowl.
"Master! Please don't sneak up on me like that!" her weak heartbeat gave a noticeable thump from the shock. She still wasn't used to him popping in and out, and whispering into her head.
'How will you ever stop being a kitten if you only grow weaker?' he laughed, before his presence faded.
Seras' eyes went round, and she wondered if he had been reading her mind earlier. With a "harrumph" she threw the nearly empty blood bag against the wall with a splat, and stomped back into her bedroom.
She plopped onto her bed and dug her diary back out, opening to the page she had previously been at.
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Con: Annoying Master. Disadvantage: great
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Well there you go. With much hemming and hawing and taking of notes, I have finally started writing again. I just got a burst of (caffeine induced no doubt) inspiration at 3 or so in the morning and just started writing.
Two chapters and one slightly crappy first person introspection piece later, I appear to still be awake. Yay for mountain dew.
I've decided to split the original set of story ideas into two separate ones. So unless I get a wild hair, this will most likely just remain a slightly dry humor piece with no real pairings to speak of.
Don't fear my drunken multi-shiptastic Christmas extravaganza shall go on. If anyone wants to see any weird pairings in this (Iscariot and Hellsing characters only) just drop me a line in an email or a review. Seriously, challenge me!