Previously in "The Strangest Courtship":
James' mind was reeling. There was no way he could tell Sirius that Lily was, in fact, a virgin, without relating the Malfoy incident, which he had promised Lily never to speak of. And he didn't want to lose her trust anymore, but—this was for her own good—but no, he had morals, and he never broke his word. James pressed his lips together and vowed to end this horrible debaucle without anyone getting hurt. Hell, he didn't care if he got hurt, he didn't even really mind if Sirius—his best friend—got hurt; he just didn't want anything to happen to Lily.
"Aw, fuck...." James said sadly. Remus looked on with sympathetic eyes, but Sirius observed James gleefully:
"Told you you shouldn't have made that bet, Prongs," he said happily. "And I know you never break your word, so you carrying out your end of the bargain is going to be....unforgettable."
Chapter Twelve:
RemusRemus was sitting alone by the lake, trying to forget about the full moon that night, and Voldemort's ever-growing legion of Death Eaters, and James' apparent infatuation with Lily, and Sirius' complete recklessness and obliviousness with his friends' emotions, and—
He was startled out of his thoughts suddenly when he heard soft footsteps in the grass behind him. Remus was surprised and slightly curious as to who would be approaching him here; Sirius and James both had Quiddich practice, and Peter was serving detention with McGonagall.
He turned slowly and found himself looking up at the redhead who had been at the root of at least two of his worries—both James and Sirius were oddly attached to her, now.
"Lily," Remus said politely by way of greeting.
"Hi Remus," Lily replied. "Can I join you?"
"By all means," Remus said warmly. Lily sank down on the grass so she was sitting cross-legged in front of him.
"Remus, is it okay for me to ask you something?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Well, I don't really know you too well, and it's kind of personal, and, well....I know I've been kind of hot-tempered towards you Marauders in the past, so I didn't know if you totally detest me."
"Don't be silly; we Marauders need someone to put us in our place every once in a while. You know, Lily, I think you're the only person—besides a teacher, of course, and the occasional arrogant Slytherin—who has dared to stand up to the Marauders. Very tough."
"Yeah, well, you put it nicely," Lily said with a smile. "James would probably tell me I was the only person stupid and vain enough to think that my reprimands would have any effect on you guys."
"I don't think James would say that," Remus said softly.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot," continued Lily, anger and sarcasm growing in her voice, "he'd be too busy staring at my chest, and then he'd just say he was gallantly saving me from something!"
"Lily, what are you talking about?" Remus said gently.
"He just—he just always wants to be the knight in shining armor, but he's really just a bloody pervert and deceptive...." Lily's voice trailed off; she looked close to tears.
"What did James do, Lily?"
"He....I don't know....he always tries to gain my trust—which is apparently way too easy to do—and make me like him, and then he just takes advantage of that and tries to turn every situation around so he looks like the good guy and—"
"Lily, calm down," said Remus. "What did James do?"
Lily took a deep breath, and looked at Remus' open, sympathetic face. "I went down to the lake to take a swim at night that time when it was really hot and I couldn't sleep and I checked that nobody was around so I took off my clothes to swim but that pervert James was wearing a fucking invisibility cloak and he was spying on me just so he could see me naked and he wouldn't have ever let me know he would've just been a bloody voyeur happily except the Giant Squid attacked me so he jumped in and brought me out but I was naked and he was only wearing boxers and he got a fucking erection and...." Lily finally ran out of breath.
Remus' jaw had dropped. "Oh, no," he groaned. "Was this that day—that day when....and then when James came back, he wouldn't sit near you—"
"Because he saw what he wanted to and he got tired of it and went to move on to his next sex toy!" interrupted Lily. "Just like all you Marauders; that's all you ever do!"
"Whoa, Lily, when did the rest of us enter into this?" asked Remus.
"I just—I can never understand you guys; I begin to trust James and he just takes advantage of me, and then Sirius was acting strange around me and I thought he was flirting but then he just leaves when he gets bored..."
Remus looked quite astonished; he couldn't imagine what she'd been through, her emotions being jerked around first by James and then by Sirius. But James and Sirius—these were his best friends, and they hadn't done any of this intentionally. How had so much occurred in less than a month of school?
"Lily," Remus said seriously. She was at this point in near hysterics, finally letting her bottled-up emotions out for the first time in weeks. But at Remus's tone, Lily composed herself with some effort, and took a deep breath.
"I'm so sorry, Remus," she said with a shaking voice. "You shouldn't have to shoulder all my problems. I just—it's good to have someone to talk to."
"I know," said Remus, "and if you value my ear as a confidante then maybe you'll find a little solace in what I have to say."
"Yes, please go on," said Lily. "Merlin knows I could use some advice."
"I know James and Sirius better than anyone else in the world—in fact, sometimes I think I can see things about them that they themselves don't realize, or don't understand, or don't want to. And there's a lot to them, even if they might just seem like arrogant, superficial prats a lot of the time."
Lily let out a weak smile. Remus continued: "But both of them are heavily burdened—by family expectations, by their own aspirations, by conscience and by their values." Remus wondered how much he should tell Lily about his friends' heavy pasts; he didn't want to reveal more than was his place, but Lily was intelligent, and she needed to understand some things about Sirius and James.
"Sirius's family, the Blacks—it's a very old pure-blood family, and most of his relatives hold a deep belief in blood superiority. His own mother is one of the strongest supporters of the crusade to purge the magical community of all but those from established pure-blood ancestry, like her own." Lily was looking at Remus in horror.
"But Sirius," Remus continued, "he broke the mold. He was the first Black to be placed in Gryffindor in over a hundred years. His values differed enormously from those of Blacks as a rule, and he condemned his family's closemindedness and their cruel goals.
"And so his family disowned him. Last summer they burnt his name off the family tree, and he went to live with the Potters," Remus concluded. "He's an orphan now, for all purposes, and all because he wouldn't let his values crumble. But it's hurt him, deeply. To have those closest to you denounce you, disapprove of you, even hate you—nobody could just accept that."
"That's why he never mentions his family," Lily said sofly. "I never knew." She was about to get up to walk back to the castle when Remus began to speak again; her eyes flew to his face, surprised—could there possibly be more horrors regarding Sirius's dreadful past?
"And James also is strong-minded, like Sirius," Remus was saying, "but for different reasons. James is sometimes hard-headed and wilful like Sirius is apt to be, but mostly—mostly he just wants to be chivalrous. He wants to be noble, to live up to the venerable Potter family name, to fulfill his father's lofty goals for him, his mother's hopes, to embody his own strong ideals.
"But he's torn. His father wants him to work for the Ministry—to be an Auror—but James doesn't want that. He wants to fight Voldemort, but in different ways; he told me once that he couldn't imagine anything more terrible than killing another, be it even the most rotton Death Eater alive.
"He's fifteen, Lily, and his father wants him to start the rigorous Auror training straight out of Hogwarts; he wants James weilding the Unforgivables by the time he turns eighteen. That's the only time you can use them, you know—on Death Eaters, or other followers of Voldemort.
"And James never wants to let his father down, because hard as his father might be on James, James loves him and idolizes him. But asking a son to possibly lay down his life before he turns twenty—and, perhaps more importantly, asking him to lay down the lives of others—it's hard to think of a father being able to do that." Remus sighed; he hoped Lily wouldn't be scared off the Marauders, with all this heavy history they harbored. Thank Merlin she didn't know he was a werewolf—that might prove to be one too many thoughts to handle. He knew, also that James and Sirius would not have appreciated Remus sharing their most personal intricacies without permission—but then, they hopefully would not ever need to know, as long as Lily kept this new knowledge to herself. Had he made the right decision, telling her all this?
Remus looked cautiously at Lily, and he saw her examining the ground very carefully. "Lily?" he said. "Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah," she said in a strangled voice. "But I need to talk to James." Lily stood up and brushed the grass off her robes. "I need to—there are some things that need to be said. I think I've made a horrible mistake. I mean I—it was a misunderstanding..." Lily spoke quickly and confusedly, knowing full well that Remus probably had no idea what she was talking about.
"Lily, just—just don't mention James' father to him. I mean, I think—if he wants you to know, or when—he'll tell you himself. That's the way it should be."
"I know...Thanks, Remus," she said, but she was already making her way away from the lake.
"Wait," Remus said before she was out of earshot. He hated using Lily like this, but he wasn't going to see James before the Marauders congregated in the Shrieking Shack that night.
"Yes?" she said expectantly.
"When you see James, just remind him—that animals can be restless at this time of day. Say it's a message from me."
"Alright," Lily said slowly, though she wondered what Remus meant by his strange message. Coming from anyone else, she might have thought it was innuendo. "See you tomorrow, Remus."
And with that Lily set off across the Hogwarts grounds towards the Quiddich pitch; she could see tiny red-and-gold figures flying about, and so she guessed that James was at team practice. But it was getting dusky, so she doubted she'd have to wait long to see him. Thus resolved, she moved onward.
Coming up: the Shrieking Shack, an encounter with a stag, and more Malfoy. But not all in one chapter.
A/N: This was a slower chapter, but I think it established some basics about Sirius and James that I felt needed to be said. The next chapter should have some Arabella and I'll also try to insert a little L/J action (or at least some sexual tension) to satisfy you impatient ones. Don't feel bad—I'm like that too when I'm reading L/J stories—I'm always thinking: I know they're going to end up together, just make them kiss! So I'll see what I can do.
Finally, I want to apologize for the long wait...I'm really making an effort to write interesting and frequent chapters but it's hard to balance with school and friends. One thing that can tip the balance, however, is REVIEWS! Please please please let me know what you think, where you want the story to go, whatever... I like to know that people are reading, that all my effort isn't for naught. And I'll update as fast as I can!