A/N: I'm sorry to make you all wait as I descend deeper into junior year hell. But your reviews made me write—and they really influenced WHAT I wrote. Honestly, when I finished chapter 13, I was planning on making Lily's crush be Sirius. But there was so much anger about the idea of Lily liking Sirius or Remus that I added a PLOT TWIST. Which has yet to be revealed. But formulating THAT was another reason this chapter took longer than it should have.

And you know what: I'm really glad that you guys told me that Lily shouldn't have a crush on Sirius. Because the more I thought about it, the more I realized how wrong it would be for the Lily/James dynamic to come. It just felt UNRIGHT. So thanks.

Oh, I also have a WARNING for you all. This chapter has a lot of swearing, because James is very angry and confused. You all know he can't articulate his thoughts when he's flustered with being near Lily. But if you're offended by the language, I'm very sorry—I should point out that I myself am very much a non-swearer, except for the occasional well-placed "damn." So I know where you're coming from. Now on with the story!

Previously:

He wanted to kiss her more than anything else. He leaned in further. Lily's eyes began to flutter closed.

Then Lily's eyes snapped open wide, like one who has just remembered something very important. "No, James. Potter," she said suddenly. He pulled back as though slapped.

"What?" He was completely bewildered. Hadn't she been leaning in, too?

"I...we can't. Do this. We can't do this."

"Why? Why the hell not, Lily? I want this; you want this," he said vehemently.

"No, I don't want this," she said sadly. "I'm so sorry... I said I wanted us to be friends—but just that. I—it's just—there's someone else. That I like."

James just looked at Lily confusedly. "Who?" he asked, and his heart was breaking. "Who?"

Chapter Fourteen:

A Fight, a Kiss, a Stag

"I can't—it's not important," Lily said, her chest heaving and her cheeks red.

"Yes it fucking is!" said James angrily. "Who is it?"

"It doesn't matter," Lily repeated. "You said we could be friends. What was wrong with that?"

"I want..." James seemed to be struggling to articulate his thoughts. "Obviously I want more than that. I thought I made that fucking clear."

"When did you ever make that clear?" snapped Lily.

"Well I just tried to kiss you—that seems damn clear to me!" yelled James.

Lily stared at him for a moment, then her voice softened. "You're doing it again, James," she said, her eyes wide.

"Wh—what am I doing again?" James asked. He realized he was yelling and lowered his voice, though they were alone on the Quiddich pitch.

"You're scaring me again. When you get like this—it seems like you could just lunge at me in a fit of anger. It really—I don't want to be around you when you get like this, James."

"Wait, but—"

"And you seem to get like this a lot."

"No, Lily. You don't understand!" said James desperately. "Please...hear me out. I'm sorry I like you, alright! I didn't want to like you either, you know—it just happened. Things would be a hell of a lot easier for me if I could just—forget about you."

"Please try to forget about me. Try."

"I'm sorry that I think you're pretty."

"Please don't do this, James."

"I'm sorry I tried to kiss you."

"James..."

"I'm sorry I thought you wanted to kiss me back," continued James, his voice softening.

Lily looked at him pleadingly. "Please go, James."

"And," continued James, "I'm sorry I frightened you. Hell, I'm not sorry about those other things. You can fucking deal with it if you can't handle me thinking you're pretty. But I am sorry that I frightened you. That's what I'm sorry for. More than anything else. More than anything."

"I have to leave," said Lily in a voice that was almost a whisper; she looked like she was about to cry.

James looked angry and defeated at the same time. He was suddenly very cold, and he rubbed his hands up and down his bare arms. "Fine. Go," he said shortly.

Lily turned and walked until she was almost out of sight. Then she turned back to James and said, "Oh, I almost forgot."

"What?" he asked hopefully.

"Remus said—"

"You were talking to Remus?!" suddenly the anger flaired back up in James and he could feel the heat rising in him. "When were you talking to Remus?" James had a sinking feeling in his stomach; he had had a suspicion that the other boy Lily liked might have been Sirius, but... Remus, it all made sense. Remus was more intellectual than Sirius, and he was certainly more sensitive, more articulate than James. Merlin, Lily had a crush on Remus?

But James was startled out of his furious fast-paced thought process when Lily's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Why do you care?"

"What?"

"Why are you so upset about me talking to Remus. He's in Gryffindor, you know," said Lily.

"You were—It's—" but James couldn't bring himself to voice what he feared. Instead, he asked bitterly, "So? You were talking to Remus, and—?"

"Oh," said Lily, slightly taken aback. "Well, he had something he wanted me to tell you. He said...um..." Lily bit her lip as she tried to remember what Remus's strange message had been.

"Oh, forgot already?" sneered James. "Were you too—distracted—with Remus to remember exactly what he told you?"

Lily didn't pick up on James's insinuation but she did pick up on his sarcastic tone, which she ignored. "Oh, I remember," she said after a minute. "He said, 'Remind James that animals get restless at night,' or something odd like that." She looked pleased that she had remembered and relayed the message, despite her fight with James.

James's expression of bitterness at Lily turned to confusion at the message, but this was soon replaced by wide-eyed surprise. "Fuck!" he said as he realized what Remus was saying—it was a werewolf night—and as he simultaneously realized that the moon had risen about 20 minutes prior. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"What, what?!" Lily asked, alarmed. "Was that a secret message or something?"

"Yeah, fucking secret message..." James muttered, dashing a hand through his hair. "Why didn't you tell me that at the beginning?!" Not only would he have remembered to meet Remus at the Shrieking Shack, but he and Lily would probably still be on good terms. But alas, it was not so.

"I—I'm sorry!" stuttered Lily. "It didn't sound so important! If he had just explained—"

"He can't explain! He can't—Merlin, Lily...I have to go. Now."

"Where?"

"I'm going to fucking kill him," said James angrily, still seething over the fact that Lily had fallen for Remus, and yet he was still going to Remus's rescue. "I. Will. Kill. Him."

"What are you talking about? You're really scaring me again...you're not going to kill Remus, are you? Because I might have gotten the message wrong..."

"You didn't," snapped James. "I'm sorry that you'll be worrying your pretty head over the fate of poor Remus, your fucking boyfriend, but you're going to have to get over it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Like hell you don't."

"I don't! James—" Lily was angry and confused and she felt lied to. Why had neither James nor Remus explained all this to her? "James," Lily tried again, "I thought you liked me."

"I do like you—a lot—I thought I already put my heart pretty much out in the open so you could stomp all over it—do you really need to do this again?"

"If you like me, James, you will tell me what all this is about. Is Remus alright? What's wrong with him?"

James stared at her. "I can't tell you," he said.

Lily took a deep breath, then: "If you tell me what's going on, I'll kiss you." She stared fiercely into James's eyes. His eyes were full of pain and struggle.

"Why—are you doing this to me, Lily?"

"I want to help. I want to help Remus. And you."

"You'll kiss me? Willingly, on the lips?"

A pause, then Lily said, "Yes, I will."

James stared at her lips. At her face, her eyes. He was so attracted her; he desired her so much. And he hated Remus just then more than he ever had; he wanted to hurt Remus. And giving away Remus's secret—that was the biggest revenge he could get. Revenge on Remus for stealing Lily from him.

"Alr—" began James, but then he stopped. He couldn't. No matter how much he hated Remus right then, his loyalties ran too deep. It would be like betraying a brother. It would literally ruin Remus's life if James let his secret out—a secret that Remus had trusted him to keep. He couldn't do it. He knew that this was his last chance with Lily; if he didn't kiss her now, he never would.

It was Lily or Remus. He loved them both so much. "I can't," he said finally to Lily, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry...I wan't this more than you can imagine..." he looked down, blushing. "But it's not my secret to tell. Please—even if you don't like me, even if you don't trust me—please believe that Remus has a very important reason for not telling you what this is all about. Maybe...maybe someday he will tell you."

Lily looked at James strangely; she certainly hadn't expected him to say no. And futhermore, she'd expected herself to be quite angry at him if he didn't aquiesce to her ultimatum—was he not attracted to her? was he just plain impudent? But now...now that he'd told her off...she found that there was something noble about his loyalty to his friends, and his self-restraint. He obviously wanted to kiss her very much.

"James," she said quietly, walking a few steps towards him. She could smell him again, and he smelled warm and comforting.

"Please—don't try to change my mind," James said. "I'm not sure—I have that much self-control left in me."

"I won't," said Lily, but still she stepped closer. "I just..." and with that Lily leaned towards him and brushed her lips ever-so-softly against his own. She felt James stiffen suddenly in shock—even she didn't know what she was doing.

But that brush of the lips was all that would happen that night on the Quiddich pitch; Lily pulled back almost instantly with a surprised look on her own face, like she hadn't expected herself to do that. For his part, James had a dazed look on his face, and a slightly goofy grin was starting to creep onto his lips.

"You kissed me anyway," he said more to himself than to Lily.

"Er." Lily felt very awkward all of a sudden. "Didn't you have somewhere to go? Having to do with Remus's top-secret message?"

"Oh yeah—fuck!" James said again, jolted suddenly out of his reverie. "Thanks. Fuck. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you Lily. Fuck..." and with that James sped out of the Quiddich pitch like a bullet and Lily watched his back grow smaller and smaller.

Damn he's fast, she thought admiringly. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering how James's soft lips had felt against her own. Why had she kissed him—she really shouldn't have given him any more false hope. But he was so noble...

When she opened her eyes a moment later, James was gone; all that she could see now was a huge stag pausing near the Whomping Willow. Then Lily turned back to the pitch to collect her thoughts, and when she set back off for the castle, the stag was gone. I must have imagined it, she thought. I don't think there are even any deer in the Forbidden Forest, and even if there were, forest animals rarely come out onto school grounds.

But that was her last thought, for at that moment the cold that had been seeping into her bones suddenly overcame Lily, and she collapsed onto the ground.

A/N: I hope you liked it—I really want to write things that you'll all love reading. And I gave you TINY kiss, so there. But please please REVIEW. My great reviewers for chapter 13 are ydole3343, SnoopyViz, shadowed.phoenix, Hawaiian-Rachael, Dans-girl-4ever, Kristinerz77, GSCer, bumi, wudnulike2know, LostConscience, Alatariel Linwe Narmolanya, fearthedark10, and lilycrazy9224. Your reviews made me happy and inspired, of course. Reviews are what make me write; even if you just say "good job," it's nice to know that you've been reading my story. Any of you who are writers know that reviews DO fuel the fire and make us write faster. Let's face it: we're review whores. So go. Review. Now. I love you all.