It's five days later; I am getting out of here today.
I haven't been a happy patient, Janet told me that General O'Neill has rubbed off on me, I guess I acted just like him.
Well I felt fine after day 2.
Not that I was fine mind you, but I felt okay, felt like I could go home.
But after what happened before, I had to stay for safety issues.
I wanted to go home.
I got word from General Hammond that my father and Teal'c were on their way home with General O'Neill.
I am so relieved.
I want to be able to be on base when they come through the gate.
Hope General Hammond let's me.
Janet says she wants to take me to the base infirmary, I told her I wanted to see them come home.
I have to be there.
It is practically my fault that General O'Neill was taken. I should have been there, doing my job.
But I wasn't and now see what's happened?
I lost my fiancé, my baby, my CO was taken for a long period of time, and done who knows what by Ba'al.
God I hope he is okay.
There are things I have been thinking about since I have been in the hospital.
Things that I probably shouldn't be thinking, but none the less…
I know things are going to change; I have yet to be declared fit for active duty yet, and I still feel that I want to find that 'certain' happiness.
I can no longer have children, and for that I will weep forever, but I can still find happiness…right?
I have to.
I lost something that was most dear to me, something I can never get back, some would say life is not fair, and sometimes it is not, but there is a lesson to be learned from every experience, from every bad thing that happens to us.
And something did happen to me, something very bad, something no person should have to go through.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
But my friends are returning, my family.
I can admit that now, that's what Janet, Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond, General O'Neill and even the rest of the people on this base are to me, is family.
What lesson was there for me in this?
I am not sure...really I don't know I would have to think about it.
Maybe it's not to settle for something that is not what you really want?
Maybe it's to be truthful with those around you?
Maybe it's to make the most out of every day, every minute…live life to the fullest all the time?
I have no idea; it could be one or all of the above, and many more.
But I want to learn, I want to be able to move on.
To find the happiness that I deserve.
I need to be with my family.
"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?" Janet asks me as she sat next to me in the infirmary.
I look at her for a moment; I am trying to think of the right words.
My life has changed; I want to take advantage of this second chance.
"I am okay…Janet have you thought that there is a lesson that we can learn from in every act that we do or every event that happens to us?
She looks at me for a moment almost like she is confused by the question.
"I would like to think so Sam. I mean if we can't learn from what happens to us, then what good would it do?
"Janet…I can't figure out my lesson." I want to cry at the unfairness of this all.
I want to be able to figure it out, I want the answer right there in front of me.
Everything has come relatively easy in my life, I haven't had to spend to much time thinking about things, they just came to me.
The only time I have had to 'really' think and come up with something, is when a certain General was involved, and usually in trouble.
Now, I am not sure if he is involved totally, but I think in some aspects he is involved.
If I had acted on what I was feeling all those years ago, then maybe Pete would be alive, we would have a baby of our own, Jack wouldn't have been captured and lord knows what else done to him by Ba'al.
God what have I done?
I played the perfect solider, doing exactly what was asked of me.
What happened to the real me?
I got lost somewhere.
Jack isn't perfect either; I know that, he did the same thing.
But I could have done something.
Should have done something.
Okay so there is something there, I'll admit that, but whether it's still there after all of this…I just don't know.
There are a lot of things I am starting to rethink about everything in my life.
"I know you don't know what your lesson is Sam, maybe you aren't supposed to know right now, and maybe the answer comes at a later time?"
"Yeah maybe, but how am I supposed to learn Janet, how am I supposed to change if I don't know the lesson?"
"I wish I had the answers for you Sam."
"I mean look at you and Daniel."
She looked at me for a moment before answering, "What about Daniel and I?"
"Oh come on Janet…you two flirt forever, he ascends, you go through hell, Christ we spent more time then usual at your place drinking more wine then I have drank in the whole 8years we have known each other, he comes back and its alike you two were never part, now look…"
She is smiling, "I guess we all do learn something then."
"Sam, you just need to stop thinking about it all the time, things will come to you."
"I know, I am just…"
"Inpatient, I know. Look at it this way, lesson number one, you are alive, you have a second chance."
I was just about to say something with the announcement came through that there was an incoming traveler.