God what am I going to say to him when I get there?
What if he doesn't want to see me?
What if he doesn't want anything to do with me, doesn't want to forgive me…
Am I strong enough to go through with this?
God I hope so.
I stand there on the outside of all the commotion that is going on in the infirmary around one General Jack O'Neill.
Janet went into full doctor mode and forgot all about me.
I want her to take care of him.
Daniel comes up next to me, and rests his hand on my shoulder, "He will be okay Sam."
"Will he, will he honestly be alright Daniel, and not just physically?"
"You two have to work through this Sam, most likely together instead of him running off to his cabin and you just planting yourself in your office."
"I don't know Daniel, I am not even sure if he wants to see me, let along talk with me or have some sort of relationship."
"Sam, you both have been through a lot of things, especially recently…we all need someone in our lives Sam, maybe all of this happened to you and him because things weren't right, and life was trying to set itself straight."
Maybe he is right, but I am just not sure of myself.
"Thanks Daniel."
We wait in silence, waiting for Janet to reappear, waiting for Jack…waiting.
God it feels like all I have been doing for most of my life is waiting.
I hate waiting.
I am not sure how long we sat there, but when Janet came out I was up and out of the chair I was sitting in and half way through the door before she stopped me.
"Sam, he's not conscious."
I stop and look at her for a moment, not conscious, how could he be not conscious?
"What?"
"He was conscious for a few minutes, then feel asleep Sam." She reaches for my hand, "He's okay."
That's all I need before I make my way into his room. God he looks so pale, so awful. But he is alive.
Slowly I make my way over to him and sit in the chair next to him, god what happened to us, how did we get to this point?
We are alone; slowly I reach for his fingers, wrapping mine around his, like it's the last thing that is holding me here, last bit of life keeping me sane.
I vowed to be here when he woke, he wouldn't be alone any longer.
I won't let it happen.
I wanted to be here and awake, but that didn't happen.
I guess from the stress over the last few days and everything that I have been through, my body said, "Okay I have had enough" and I fell asleep right long side of him.
I know I needed the sleep; I haven't really slept in a very long time.
ooOOoo
"Are you okay Janet?" Daniel asked.
"Yeah, just tired."
"He's awake, he's going to be okay, why don't I take you home, so you can get some honest rest?"
"Why don't you go get packed up and ready, my shift ends in 30minutes, by the time its over, you will be ready."
"Okay, I'll meet you back down here."
"Alright." And then he was off.
Like clockwork Daniel was back down to the infirmary.
"You ready?"
"Yeah, I let the on call doctor know I will only be at home, so if there was any emergency…"
"Everything will be fine, let's go."
Once they reached her home, the lights were out, Cassie had gone to spend the night at a friends house.
Janet was grateful just to be home, and have it quiet. As much as she loved Cassie, she didn't love the loud music and the phone ringing every second.
"Looks like you have the night to yourself."
"No, looks like we have the night to ourselves." She said as she closed the door behind her and looked at him for a moment before she moved closer and wrapped her arms around him.
"Looks like we do." He whispered before be leaned down and kissed her like there was no tomorrow.
ooOOOoo
Jack was waking up slowly; he tried to move his hand, only to find a heavy weight against it.
Opening his eyes he looked over to see Sam asleep next to him.
He wondered what she was doing here at this late hour, why she was waiting with him instead of wherever else she was supposed to be.
Jack thought that she would not be here when he returned; there was part of him that didn't think he would return.
Giving in to his need to make sure she was real, he gently moved his hand out from under hers and tenderly ran his fingers through her hair, hoping to wake her, but at the same time to let her sleep.
"Hummm." She murmured as sleep left Sam, and warm sensation washed over her.
"Sam?"
"Hummm."
"Come on, wake up." Jack asked, voice barely above a whisper.
"I am awake."
He laughed, "Sam, come on open your eyes."
"Jack?" She whispered as she raised her head to look into his eyes.
"Your awake."
"It would seem that way."
"Let me call the doctor."
"Where is Janet?"
"Daniel took her home, she was exhausted."
"Daniel…"
"Shh, Sir, save your strength."
He just looked at her, like she had said something wrong.
Once she had notified the doctor, she came back to sit next to him.
Jack still watched her like a hawk, not sure what to make out by her mixed signals, mixed emotions…
What was going on here?
"Sam, listen…"
"I know, we will talk later Sir."
"Sam…"
She was cut off by the doctor walking in, and anything her was going to say was going to have to be saved till another time.