–- SEYRUUN HIGH JINX -- 10 year Reunion Story –-2004-07-05
"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives." – C. S. Lewis
Chapter Four: Choosing a Path
"Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it." – Don Marquis
– In the third year after the musical ...–
Time flew by. College classes were a lot more interesting and the work more meaningful than it had ever been in high school. We played a Valentine gig and exchanged cards. To make this ritual more fun, the cards all said 'Happy Birthday!' Xelloss had missed the gig entirely, although he'd notified Lina and arranged it with Joey to be his replacement. He hadn't been stretching the truth about being busy and gone. I even had to trim his hair right before he went on stage twice because he hadn't had time to even stop in that long. Anyway, after the Valentine's Day job, I went out with Sylphiel, Lina and Gourry for Val's 21st birthday send off. Zel had to get back for a science lab and Amelia had a test the next day.
"Hey, yer lookin' a bit blue, Fil," Val commented. I must have looked really bad for him to say something.
"Oh, it's nothing. Just tired, I guess."
"Tired? I'm tired ALL the time," Sylphiel moaned.
She spent the next half an hour complaining...well, telling us all about her pregnancy and her problems. I didn't care. It saved me from examining my own troubles.
I had just met a likely candidate to date seriously, but he was a professor at the university. I was having second thoughts about it, too. So far, we'd met for coffee, or in my case tea, and a dinner in town. Nothing special, but it was clear that he intended to ask me out again. I was ambivalent. My problem with the whole thing was two-fold: an ethical dilemma and one of the heart. It didn't take my friend Amelia to point out that it wasn't a good idea to date a man who might turn out to be my teacher some day. The Xelloss and Eris affair were testament to that bad idea. What bothered me more, though, was my lack of passion, of caring even! It was like I was going through the motions without feeling a thing. Zel thought I was going through a mild depression and recommended that I speak to Milgasia. I agreed.
"What has changed in your life recently?" Milgasia, my friend and clan leader, asked.
I explained about my candidate search.
"Whatever happened to the young man you brought to the clan last fall?"
"Who? Brad? Isn't he still dating Polly, your niece?"
"That...was...is Brad? No, I don't think they are still dating. Maybe your break up with him is the problem."
I had to admit that sounded plausible, but it wasn't so. "Xelly and I had a great time over New Year's and I forgot the two-timing bastard in no time."
"I see, Xelloss you say? I haven't seen him around lately. Is he still in the band?"
"Yeah, he's been real busy. He warned me he'd be gone for a few months."
"Maybe you are missing him. You know, a close friend to go out and have fun with...no strings attached."
"Maybe..."
"There are no strings, are there?"
"What? With Xelloss? No, he's not even clan."
We talked longer and didn't solve anything, but I felt better just talking to him about, well, me and my worries. I wasn't getting any younger, and the available, suitable clan men were dwindling, being snatched up by other more eager young women.
"What's wrong with me? I've been trying, but now...lately...my heart hasn't been in it."
"Nothing, Filia. You are not a typical clan girl, that's all. You're head-strong, attractive– more than most-- and very active outside the settlement, with the band and school. I think you frighten the young men."
"Not all the men."
"No, not Val...and Xelloss, apparently."
"Xelloss. There you go with him again. He's a friend. He was recovering from his divorce and I from Brad and we helped each other."
"Odd, he seems to think it was more," Milgasia said.
"More? When...? He came to you? What did he tell you?"
"E-mail. Xelloss was asking for more clan locations. He said he had tried to find you a 'suitable mate', but could find no one better than himself."
"What? He told you that! No, he wouldn't say that to you and ... but then he couldn't face me and tell me to his face because I'd pound him for his impudence. He's not clan, so he's out of the running, and he knows it. He was just joking. He's annoying that way. Why are you giving me that look?"
"Because, my dear, dear Miss Filia, you just showed more spirit, more passion just now explaining how your friend, Xelloss, cannot possibly be interested in you or that you have an interest in him, than I've heard out of you in a very long time. I think that is your problem. I think you found a deep friendship in him, and miss him."
"Nonsense," I said, dismissing the possibility. "But even if I was missing a little, nothing can come of it. I'm not leaving the clan and he is not joining it."
Milgasia shook his head. "Cherish the friendship, Filia. Relax. Don't pressure yourself. A good man will enter your life and you'll both fall in love. Soon. In the meantime, go places that interest you, with the people you like, and don't worry. Love will come when you don't expect it."
Yeah, sure.
This next part begins with the combined recollections of the participants (gleaned without the loss of blood), not always me...--
Lina answered the door. "Hey, Xelloss, yer back! You stickin' 'round for awhile?"
"Yes," he answered and kissed her lightly on the cheek. He never missed an opportunity.
"Good. I got a new song I want your opinion on. Come in."
"Okay, thanks." Xelloss entered the house Lina and I shared and scanned the place for signs of other occupants, me in particular. "Looks a mess as usual. Filia here?"
"No, so you can relax. She's out with some professor dude."
"Oh?" His query was accompanied by a raised eyebrow indicating a mixture of surprise and displeasure as he wove through the scattered books and discarded papers to the couch in her living room.
"Listen to this," Lina turned up the volume on the CD player and hummed along to a new tune. "Catchy, eh?"
"Hn."
She switched it off. "Okay, what's with you now? Can't live with her, can't live without her?"
"Huh? Who?"
"For the love of... Xelloss are you mentally incompetent or something? It's as if your brain is floating on some other plane of existence. What's up?"
He turned to Lina and blinked, "Sorry, maybe I was off elsewhere for a minute there. Who'd you say Filia was with?"
"I hadn't. What is it with Filia all of a sudden? I expected you to be happy she wasn't here, or do you just need to knock heads with her every so often? Xelloss? XELLOSS! Gods, I am talking to you and you are so out there."
"His name, please."
"You can be so one-tracked...Dr. Chaferly, political science teacher."
"Chaferly! Paul Chaferly?"
"Yes, why? What don't we know that you seem to know?" Lina asked.
"Do you happen to know where she was going?"
Lina realized then that Xelloss' mind was indeed single-minded. "Some foreign film at the Bijou theater downtown. Wait! You can't go there!"
"Maybe I shouldn't, but you must," Xelloss told her, his tone fierce.
"So you say..." Lina could wait until he agreed to start talking.
Xelloss gave in with a sigh, "When she mentioned at our last gig that she'd had tea with a professor who was also a Cepheid Believer, I wondered who it might be. I checked and there were only three, two of which were women, and the other Paul Chaferly. Lina, the man's married and has very bad reputation as a...lady's man, you could say." Xelloss looked at the time, "It's not too late. If we hurry, we can catch them coming out of the show before...he has the opportunity to take her any place else."
Lina grabbed his arm and stopped him. "No 'we'. She'll be mad enough without you being the one to tell her. Coming from me it's different. And I suggest you go...visit Rezo or something. I don't care who; just don't be here when we get back– if we get back. Got that?"
He agreed and stayed long enough to watch her drive off in her bright red Trailblazer– a combined graduation gift from Zel, Val, and Xelloss.
Well, Lina wasn't kidding. I was mad as hell when I found out about Paul. And hurt. I didn't know how Lina had just uncovered the information about the two-timer. No, not a two-timer-- that had been the other loser, Brad. This guy had been far worse. He'd been an adulterer! Could I pick-em, or what! So, when confronted with the truth, Paul didn't deny it. In fact, he claimed he thought I already knew that about him! I was glad to take Lina up on her offer of a ride home, and after I ran out and slashed the tires on that man's fancy Mazda, I began to feel a bit better. Well, it could have been his deceitful face!
And as good as ripping rubber while imaging that it was HIS FACE made me feel, it wasn't enough. When we got back to the house, I ate a full carton of ice cream, and then I closed myself up in my room and cried. It simply wasn't fair!
The next day, Xelloss joined Lina, Zel and me at a campus hang-out. Everyone was very sympathetic, which helped.
"Filia, I was hoping to speak privately with you," Xelloss whispered. "I understand if you aren't in the mood now, but call me if..."
"Let's go," I cut him off. No use playing games with the master. "Take me somewhere fun. Your treat."
He smiled a very warm smile. It certainly warmed me.
"You have class in an hour," Zel reminded me.
"I know, but not today. Today I need a lesson in tolerance." I didn't care to know what reaction I got out of him for that off-hand remark, because I was already leading the way out the door-- my mood becoming more upbeat with each new step.
Lina related her conversation with Zel to me later, well parts. I had to piece their conversation together after pressuring them both independently. I gotta tell you, never again! I'm making them write their own version and you can judge for yourself. Course, crushing the spirit out of Zel-bob to get it filled in more realistically had its pleasurable side. Ha, ha! Now, I'm beginning to sound like Lina! Anyway...
"What do you think she meant by that?" Lina asked Zel.
"I'm not sure, but I know that Xelloss has targeted Filia to be the new focus of his life."
"What!" Lina gasped nearly choking on her pizza. "Xelloss told you that? He wants to date...Filia? That's crazy!"
"Ah, yes...crazy– spelled X-e-l-l-o-s-s."
"But she only dates clan guys now. She told me so!"
"Well, I guess he has his work cut out for him then," Zel sipped his tea, the barest flicker of a smile teasing the corners of his mouth.
"Zel, it's futile! They will both end up fighting and hating each other and it will ruin the band in the end, just like... Ugh...Xelloss...! Why can't he pick on someone else? Anyone else?"
"You, perhaps? Are you feeling neglected, Lina?" Zel was not going to let Lina get away without making a point. "He waited a long time for you. You can't expect him to wait forever. How long was it you told him? 'Ten years?' That sounded better than 'never' to him at the time, but in reality, he needs someone. Now. He really does." Zelgadiss set down his coffee and stared hard at his childhood friend. "He's a good man, Lina. He is doing good things with his life. Every ill-gotten dollar that he inherited, he has used to rebuild and transform some place or community into something better. And...he rarely leaves the Metallium name to be credited. Often it is done anonymously or in one of his splinter company names. He does not do it for his own aggrandizement. Do you know why? Do you?"
"You said it: he's a great guy."
"He is, but that's not what motivates him. He does it to prove his worthiness...to you. He wants you to admire him. He wants you to fall in love with him, and tell him so."
Lina sat back and looked down at her hands. "I like him all right, more than most, but...if I told him a thing like that, he'd want more. He'd dedicate himself to me, smother me, and then want a commitment. And that...is not what I want, not now."
"Well, now is your chance– maybe your last."
"Last? What makes you think so?"
"Bringing us back to the start of our conversation," Zel said. "Somehow, Filia has captured his attention. He always said she was 'entertaining', but now she's has him entranced."
"No kidding!" Lina's expression became a smirk. "There's nothing to worry about, then. That's a romance with no future whatsoever. I can guarantee it! Filia's limited herself to clan guys– no exceptions. And Xelloss would be the exception to end all exceptions! Besides, they have too much animosity and too much bad history. It won't work. I'm not worried."
Zel didn't believe a word of it. He knew Lina's ego required a certain level of veneration from all her friends; she thrived on it. Gourry's quick retreat and impulsive marriage to Sylphiel had shocked her. Xelloss' marriage and countless dalliances had bothered her, Zel knew, so he could imagine being dropped again had to disturb her. "Who told you about Dr. Chaferly?"
"What makes you think I didn't dig out the info on my own?" Lina retorted.
"Too much trouble."
Lina folded her arms across her chest. "Okay. It was Xelloss."
Zel nodded, "I thought so. Now, think hard about this, Lina. After Brad, who was Filia with? Wasn't it you who told me she and Xelloss left for skiing over New Year's? Did you go along? I didn't go. They went alone. Something changed then. Now, she's taken off with him again. Want to bet you won't be seeing your roommate for a few days...that's...until our next gig?"
Lina had to admit Zel's logic was solid. "When did you become so astute, Zel?"
"About relationships, you mean? Between Val and Xelloss, I have had a wealth of 'case in points' to study."
"Unsuccessful ones," she noted.
"Those are the most common."
Lina's voice grew tender, "Ummm, so how are you doing?"
"Fine."
"Have you seen, er...Amelia lately?"
As usual, Zel's defensive mechanism locked in, "I haven't the time or energy to put into a romance."
"Just flings."
"Call them what you will," he sighed. "Any word on a replacement for Sylphiel?"
Lina brightened, "Yeah, I shoulda told everyone. Hitomi said she'd fill in at gigs until the baby is born and Sylphiel's ready."
"Hitomi! That's great, Lina! She's a wonderful singer."
"Too good, but a right-thinking lady with a good head on her shoulders. I told her she could include a few numbers of her own, with us doing back up. I think we could tour with her later. It's better than having to rely on Nahga or put up with Martina."
"Martina," Zel groaned. "No kidding. She always insists on dragging Zangalus and her badly behaved kid along. Nahga, on the other hand,..."
"Don't get me started on Nahga," Lina warned him. "Why I let you talk me into going with you, Val, Amelia and NAHGA to that cabin...I don't know," she shook her head, but did it with a smile. "That was fun, though."
"Yeah, it was," he was wistful. "She and Val have turned that deserted rock pile into a great spa now." He decided that this was not the time to correct Lina's inaccurate impression, while she was smiling. If she thought he had invited her to join them, then fine, but it had been Val's choice as to who was along on that camping trip, not his.
"Now...but back then..." Lina laughed. "Remember when the bear came snuffling around place?"
"Not so funny at the time."
"Well, not after we discovered it had chewed up our shoes and we had to hike bare-footed back to the Caravan! But I'll never forget Nahga chasing the bear off, banging our pots and pans for all they were worth."
"Me neither," Zel smirked.
Lina shot him a funny look. "You aren't any different from the rest of them."
"The rest of whom-- the male half of the human race? How could I not have noticed Nahga in the buff driving away a bear? She's pretty...spectacular. Val thinks so too."
"Val has always appreciated her...various talents," Lina sniffed.
"They are a lot alike, which is probably why they work well together and get along."
"They aren't married, which is why they get along so well," Lina corrected him cynically.
Zel smiled smugly and nodded. His sentiments exactly. He swallowed a bite of roll and took a drink.
"So, when were you going to tell me about the art show?" Lina asked coyly.
Zel's face fell and he choked on his coffee.
"Heh, heh... Thought you could pull a fast one over on me, eh?"
"Xelloss," he growled.
"Yeah, but not his fault. Filia, Val, and I were at his place and saw your stuff on the walls. Pretty impressive, I say again. I can't wait to see them up in a gallery hanging out with the best Seyruun has to offer."
Zelgadiss was rather subdued after that and the two parted ways for classes.
While our friends were tripping down memory lane, Xelloss and I were trying to go off-road and forge an ocean of doubt to the climb a mountain of problems to a heaven of hope. Now that was some awful writing, I'll admit, but my brain had become un-wired at this time; at least, that's as good an explanation as any for what was about to happen.
"You just ate, or I'd know where to take you," Xelloss opened. He was trotting to keep up with me.
"I didn't eat, as if you hadn't noticed. I just had tea. A cup of tea. I didn't even drink it. I just let it get cold. Lina ate...and ate...and ate."
"Okay, then we should cross the street and wait about five minutes."
"The bus?"
He nodded. Oh yeah. I had forgotten he rarely drove.
"Funny how you can memorize countless bus schedules, but get lost crossing town in a car."
He shrugged and replied, "The brain works in mysterious ways..."
"Not THE brain, YOUR brain."
Another shrug. "You want to cry on my shoulder or pound on it?" he asked patiently.
"Neither. Did my crying last night and you are too small to pound."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I need a mountain to blow up. I don't know-- something that big."
"I see," he said. But of course he didn't. How could he? Ah, well, I guess worse things had happened to him before, but he was used to that. Not me!
I paid no attention to where we were going, which is why I was standing stupidly outside a newly painted building face wondering what Xelloss had in mind. He was smiling inanely, his back to the window, arms folded.
"So?" I asked.
"Would you like to go in?"
"Whatever..." I mumbled irritably, and then I finally noticed the beautiful ornate gold writing on the glass.
It read: The Mace and Vase. Below the lettering was painted a long-handled mace leaning up against a tall, graceful vase. The vase was itself decorated with a golden dragon figure winding from the base to the lip. I recognized both elements of the design at once. The mace looked like my favorite keepsake from the musical and the vase was like one I had created for my senior project from high school. Sadly, the vase had been broken when my baby brother bowled it over the day after I had brought it home.
The amazing part of the story was that Xelloss had found this place-- at least it was to me.
"Mace and Vase," I read aloud in disbelief.
"Would you like to see the inside?" he asked, the door half open, beckoning.
"Sure..."
The place was a tea house. Light and cheerful with tasteful, not fussy appointments. Lady-like, but not ladies-only.
"We'd like that table in the alcove, please," Xelloss nodded to one side.
"Yes, Mr. Metallium. This way please," answered a perky young woman.
She showed us to our seats and handed us menus. "Would you like to begin with a tea service?"
He nodded, and she left us alone.
I looked at the menu, while sneaking peaks around the lovely room. "What's through that doorway?" I asked him. "I assume you've been here before. Many 'befores', I guess, since the waitress recognized you. That or you're dating her."
"I'm not dating anyone, currently," he assured me quickly. "But I'll admit I have been here often." He stood. "Come take a look. Ah...the room there is empty, for the time being."
I set down my menu. We wouldn't have need for more food; the tea included a wealth of goodies. "Okay, I'm on my way."
Once inside, we strolled around the vast emptiness. "I see, Xelly. It's a shop without a product, so?"
"So...I was thinking it could use some...ceramics. Nice ones to sell." he added, carefully weighing my reaction.
"You thought...? This place is yours, then?"
"Yes, I own this entire establishment."
"Oh..."
He led me back to our table as the tea arrived. He spoke quietly to the waitress, and then sat down. "Val once told me about a place you brought him to..."
"Dragged, you mean," I inserted.
Xelloss chuckled, "I defer to you on that one, Filly. I was in a coma at the time. Anyway, it closed last year when the owners retired and sold the business. I think it's a bagel store now. When this location was available recently, I purchased it and turned it into this. It's open just mornings and afternoons, and doing well. Lots of business people in and out all day. I was thinking of what to do with it to make it an evening place as well."
"Desserts..." I sat back as a delicious looking plate of finger sandwiches stacked attractively amid bouquets of parsley was delivered to our table. Another two-tiered plate arrangement of cakes and cookies arrived immediately after the first. "Oh Xelly, this looks terrific!" I couldn't keep from sounding foolishly delighted.
Xelloss smiled at my approval and helped himself to a sampling of food. I had to admire how relaxed he was in this setting. He was at ease in most situations that would drive crazy (or off entirely) nearly any other man I knew. He could fit in anywhere.
Except the clan, I reminded myself.
He was watching me attentively, but I had lost my train of thought so I added rather stupidly, "It's a great place."
"Hmmm, you were saying about desserts?"
Right that's where I was headed before he distracted me! "Yes, the theater...two theaters are less than a block away. Folks like to do something after a show, but aside from a few dark nightclubs, nothing's open of interest."
"You're right," he told me. "I'll look into that. Maybe Polly's Pies and Pastries would like to expand or we could carry their products. So, about the ceramics..."
"What did you have in mind? Do you have a buyer?" I asked.
"Ah...no, just me and...you, with any luck. I was wondering...hoping that I could talk you out of a few of your creations to begin with."
"Me? My stuff? Xelloss, I'm flattered, but it's not good enough. I could do much better now; that is, if I had the time or place. Not with classes."
"But if you had a place, a studio to work in when you had time..."
"What time?" I shook my head and ate in silence.
"Why are you going to college, Filia?"
I had to admit, he had me stumped with that one. "Well, most good jobs require a degree for one thing. I don't want to be stuck out on the settlement all the time, slaving away. Besides, how else am I going to meet anyone...ah...new people?" Earning my 'M.R.S.' sounded honest but brain-deadening to say aloud.
"What kind of jobs were you considering?"
"Like a gallery job or... oh, I don't know." I didn't have a clue what I could do or what interested me. I think I was the only one of the Slayers so distinguished.
"How about trying something different?"
"Go on..."
"How about becoming the buyer for the shop here and when you're not traveling for that, you could be creating your own art in a studio?" He looked up into my astonished eyes and smiled, "More tea?"
"Xelloss! Are you being serious? Drop out of school and...a job like that? Why would you risk this place? I might not know anything. I could buy crap and load down the store with stuff that can't be sold. I might..."
"You might have a fresh approach to combine with what I consider to be excellent taste and choose the new wave of artists setting the future trends everywhere," he finished for me.
"I'd have no idea where to...how to...get started. I can't even arrange a trip to Atlas City!" Was he nuts!
"Ah, but I do, I can, and...I have pretty good judgment to bounce ideas off of, right? We could travel together, combining business with pleasure, at first...if you'd like." From adult to little boy, Xelloss' tone changed dramatically.
"My parents would kill me."
"I doubt it. You could always return to college, should you find the arrangements didn't suit you. The University is not going anyplace and besides, the job experience would look great on your resume."
My mind was churning over the details of his offer so fast I could hardly concentrate. "Could the studio be close to Lina's home or out at the settlement?"
"It would simple to build two, one in each place; whatever would be convenient for you."
"Why...? What do you get out of this? What...do you want in return, Xelloss?" I suppose my suspicious nature was activated.
"Me? Nothing. I just want to see you happy for a change, Filia. Everyone seems to be forging ahead toward their goals, but you seem to be drifting."
"It's only my first year of college," I felt a bit defensive. But, I knew he was thinking about my personal life.
"There aren't many Cepheid Believers at the university, Filia. You'll have more opportunities meeting a 'candidate' in the outside world."
"You know this? You'll help me, promise?"
"Yes and yes."
"Okay, I'll think about it. I can do that tonight, right? I don't have to give you an answer right this minute, do I?"
"Of course, not. Take a few days, all week. I'll speak to your parents if you like."
"Oh, you can bet they'll want to talk to you, Xelly-bean. They'll think you're trying to buy my affections."
"No...that's not possible." He smiled fondly and squeezed my hand by surprise. "Your affection is a priceless gift you bestow upon the unsuspecting."
It was such an odd thing for him to say and he said it so meaningfully that I wasn't sure if he was serious or joking, so I decided to take the high road. "Thanks. Now, there are four little pastry things left, which ones do you want?"
That got him. I noticed that single eyebrow rise into his thick bangs as he seriously studied the plate. "Ah, the lemon and the other raspberry tartlet," Xelloss decided at last.
So, what did I decide to do? I wanted to do it the moment he showed me that empty shop. I filled the shelves with pretend pots and cerebral ceramics from all over the world. But front and center were display cases of mine, all mine.
It was my family that I knew would be hard to convince of my rash new career choice. As it turned out, Milgasia did that for me. He had a long talk with them. I'm sure he mentioned that the Volphied clans-- the elder of which had been killed in pursuit of the secret of the Ancient weapons in another of our past summer exercises-- had extended me an invitation to visit. I'd be like an ambassador. No one seemed at all concerned that I'd be traveling around with Xelloss. He seemed to have everyone's trust these days. I had to promise to finish the last couple months of the school year, then do the paper work saying that I was only taking a year's leave-of-absence so that I could get right back in, if I wanted to...because they really wanted me to.
End -- SHJ Ten Year Reunion-- Chapter Four.