Signed, Anonymous

Chapter Eleven:

Now and Always

Lucy came to sit on Ruthie's bed while she was packing for her very long stay at the rehabilitation clinic in New York. She had offered to help, but Ruthie politely refused. The younger girl had a lot on her mind and frankly, if she didn't Lucy would consider her crazy. After all, she was to travel clear across the nation, away from her family when she needed them the most. But this was something Ruthie needed to do for herself, and Lucy understood that.

"I mean, I just don't get why Dad couldn't counsel me." Ruthie threw a bag of cosmetics into her suitcase. She glanced at her sister. "Or you," she added as an afterthought.

Lucy smiled gently. "Dad and I are too close to you. You need to talk to someone who isn't emotionally involved. That way, you will be provided another view on things that happened. Besides, you're going to need a lot more help than Dad or I could ever give you."

Ruthie sighed dejectedly as she slumped down onto the bed next to her sister. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Lucy put an arm around Ruthie's shoulders and pulled her close. "No," she said. "But you know that you have a lot of people rooting for you back here. We all love you, Ruthie, and we just want the best for you."

Ruthie shut her eyes, suddenly feeling greatly fatigued. "I know," she whispered. "That's why I have to go to New York. Couldn't Dad have found the best for me somewhere closer?"

Lucy could feel Ruthie smile. It was such a relief to know that she was finally on her way to becoming healthy again, and for now, that was enough peace of mind anyone needed.

There was a knock on Simon's door.

"Come in," he called from his bed, not looking up from his book.

Ruthie poked her head in. "Can we talk?" she asked, feeling really badly about the way she spoke to him in the hall earlier.

Simon set his book aside and nodded.

"Simon, I'm really sorry about what I said to you earlier. I shouldn't have – you didn't deserve to be spoken to like that when you haven't done a thing to me," she apologized, as he swung his legs over the edge of the mattress.

Simon exhaled, bowing his head for a moment. "No, Ruthie. It's okay, really. I'm just sorry that I was such a terrible brother. I should have known something was going on when I saw you and Peter in the hallway."

Ruthie fell silent and looked away. At the mention of Peter, all of her guilt that had been recently lifted came rocketing back.

"What is it?" Simon asked, searching his sister's eyes.

"Nothing," she replied, already putting on another façade. "That was months ago. You shouldn't be worrying about it."

"I know," he agreed meekly. "I just feel like I should have done something, that's all." Simon smiled, trying to get rid of his depressing sort of mood. "I'm really glad that you're going to get better, Ruthie. I mean that."

She sat next to him. "Yeah," she said. "It just sucks that I have to leave home just to do it. Maybe I am like Mary after all."

Simon laughed. "Only you didn't do anything wrong."

Ruthie's face took on a distant sort of expression. "Maybe I did," she faltered.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

She was silent for a while, and Simon wondered if she was even going to respond. "If I hadn't waited so long to say something, then maybe I wouldn't have to leave." She scoffed. "I didn't even do that. Peter told everyone while I just stood on the sidelines, watching."

"Ruthie, it doesn't matter who told who. All that matters is that we know, and you're getting help. Like I said, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame yourself. Promise me you won't."

Ruthie turned to him and smiled. "I promise." She gave him a hug, his cheek against her ear. She couldn't remember the last time she and Simon had shared an embrace - it had been so long. Ever since he reached high school, their relationship had somewhat diminished. Ruthie had a feeling that this very thing that had seemed like a curse before was a blessing in disguise. Maybe her getting help was the very thing that would bring her family even closer together.

"Ruthie," Annie called softly, standing in the doorway grinning. "You should get to bed. You've got a plane to catch tomorrow morning."

"Good night, Simon," Ruthie said as she exited the room.

Annie came into the room and kissed her son on the crown of his head. "I heard what you were saying to Ruthie."

Simon got into bed, pulling the sheets up to his chest. "I wouldn't have doubted it. Someone always hears," he joked.

Annie laughed. "I think it was just what she needed to hear. Good night, son."

"Good night, Mom," he replied as she flicked off the light, darkness covering the room as if it was a very thick blanket.

Eric Camden loaded the last of his daughter's luggage into the trunk of their mini van. A familiar feeling returned to his stomach as he looked over his shoulder and watched Ruthie descend the front porch steps. It was the same feeling he had when Mary was sent to live with her grandparents to clean up her act. That moment hadn't been one of his best, but it was a necessity. Now he was getting ready to do the same thing again, but this time he was happy to do it. Ruthie wasn't leaving because she had fallen into a dark hole of financial debts – no. She was merely a scarred soul, searching to be healed.

The minister shut the trunk easily with one hand as the rest of his family said their goodbyes on the front lawn. He smiled with tears in his eyes as he recalled all they had gone through and had come out victorious. It was amazing to see that after everything that had happened in each and every one of their lives, they were still here, happy and healthy, conquering each problem that was thrown at them without warning.

Annie came to stand by his side, slipping her arm through his. They didn't speak; no words could describe what great feelings ran through their blood at that point in time. It was just fantastic – absolutely fantastic – to watch their children embrace each other at an occasion like this. While they looked on, they knew that things would work out. The Camdens were strong and could handle anything.

Eric glanced at his watch and sighed. "Ruthie, it's time to go," he called.

Disappointment was blunt on the young woman's face as she pulled the seatbelt across her chest. She was in for a bumpy ride. Being the victim of rape does not come without consequences. Thankfully, she was not letting those consequences run her life any longer – she refused. That was why she had to fly across the nation to New York to get the best help possible.

"Ready?" her mother asked as she turned around in her seat to face her.

Ruthie smiled slightly, feeling even more nervous by the second. Annie reached back and patted her knee, a clear attempt to comfort her.

As the vehicle pulled out of the driveway, those who remained watched and waved until they were out of sight.

Staring absently down the empty and desolate road, Luc, suddenly having second thoughts, asked, "Do you think she'll be okay?"

Kevin came up behind her and pulled her close. Lowering his head to give Lucy a kiss, he replied, "She's a Camden. She'll be fine."

Lucy smiled, suddenly remembering her previous talk with Kevin over the phone last night. A feeling of comfort washed over her as she placed her hands on Kevin's, which currently rested gently around her waist.

Slowly, the group began to disperse, but before they could even set a foot inside the house, a frantic voice called out to them. Turning, the Camdens saw a teenage boy running across the street in their direction.

"Ruthie," Peter panted as he came to a halt, hands on his knees. "Where is she?"

"You just missed them," Matt informed him.

Seeing the disappointment and sadness wash over Peter's face, Mary volunteered to give him a ride to the airport and soon she and the boy were riding at the exact speed limit en-route to stop Ruthie from getting on that plane. Peter sat in the front passenger seat, twiddling his thumbs, causing Mary to believe it was a nervous habit. She smiled slightly.

"You're doing the right thing," she assured him, assuming she knew what was going through his mind.

He glanced out the window, eyeing the traffic. "Yeah," he mumbled.

"I know how you're feeling. You feel guilty about the way you left things with Ruthie and about how you told us about what happened to her. You're afraid of how she'll react when she sees you." She waited. "Am I right?"

"Maybe," he sighed. He didn't want to admit it, but Mary hit the target dead-on. Peter hadn't spoken to Ruthie in days – not after he blabbed everything he knew in that respect to those who she was closest to. Truth was, guilt plagued him day and night, even creeping into his never-ending dream. She wouldn't talk to him –at least, he didn't deserve to be talked to.

Peter had felt like the biggest idiot. He knew she was leaving; her father had called and told him so, yet even then, he had done nothing…not until she had already gone.

As Ruthie sat with her parents at the airport terminal waiting for them to announce her flight over the public address system, she recalled all the comforting words her family offered in attempt to calm her nerves. She was going to be okay. After all, she shouldn't feel bad about anything – she had made up with everyone she had wronged or had been rude to…everyone except Peter. She had not even heard from him in what seemed like forever. He was angry with her, and for good reason. The past few months she wasn't even herself. It was like she was a different person looking in on her life, watching what she was doing, but couldn't feel anything. Her body had felt completely numb, and anything and everything that she did seemed surreal. Needless to say, she would be happy when all the darkness she had in her heart was finally destroyed. The best part would be that she did it herself.

"Flight 219 now boarding," a woman's voice sounding electronic repeated over the loud speakers.

Ruthie took in a deep breath as her nerves that she had tried so hard to repress came back even harder than before. She could feel her knees shake as she got to her feet and lifted her luggage that seemed to be twenty pounds heavier. Her mother and father were on either side of her as they made their way to the gate to see her off.

Ruthie handed her ticket to the friendly looking woman behind the gray podium after a wide-set man who was in front of her had disappeared down the long, tunnel-like hallway that connected the plane to the building. The woman smiled at her as she handed the ticket back. Ruthie moved out of the way so the others behind her could get their tickets checked and she could say a final good-bye to her parents.

Annie put her warm hand to her daughter's right cheek as she kissed the other. There were tears in her eyes.

"Mom, please. Don't cry. I need you to be strong right now, because frankly, I'm really not."

Annie smiled as she wiped at her eyes with a white tissue. "I'm sorry, baby," she replied, composing herself once more.

"It's too bad you didn't hear from Peter," Eric said, putting a fatherly hand on Ruthie's shoulder.

Ruthie sighed. "Yeah, well, I was really nasty to him. I don't blame him for not wanting to see me. If he calls, will you tell him I'm sorry?" They nodded. "Thanks."

"You should probably go, Ruthie. They're waiting on you," Annie said.

"Yeah," she replied, once again picking up her suitcase. "Love you." She turned her back to her parents and began walking.

"Ruthie! Wait!" a voice called from behind them.

Ruthie and her parents spun around and saw Peter and Mary running through crowds of people towards them. A wide grin spread on Ruthie's face. She dropped her suitcase in the doorway of the long hallway and ran into Peter's arms.

"I'm so sorry!" she yelled in his ear, on the verge of hysterics.

"Me too. I almost didn't come." He pulled away. "I love you, Ruthie. I wish you didn't have to go."

Ruthie glanced over her shoulder and saw her parents arguing with the woman who was shouting something about the plane's schedule.

"I really have to go." She began inching backwards toward the gateway.

"I know," he replied. "I just wanted you to know that I really care about you, and that I'm sorry for calling you what I called you on Thanksgiving."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry too. We'll talk more about it when I get back."

"Any idea when that might be?" he asked hopefully.

"No, but I am coming back. This is just something that I have to do."

Peter smiled. "I know." He paused. "I'll wait for you."

Ruthie pulled Peter's face toward her and kissed him. It didn't last very long, for she was already responsible for throwing the airplane's tight schedule off, but for those few moments, every wrong in the world was righted. It was like she and Peter were in seventh heaven and they were the only ones there. It was bliss. Pure bliss.

Offering a quick apology to the woman, Ruthie ran down the gateway and disappeared around a corner.

Peter stood staring dumbly after her until the woman, now looking slightly relieved, closed the big metal door behind her. He didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't caught her, but it was a good thing that he did. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, the hole in his heart was filled. Even though Ruthie wasn't here physically, he would always have the memory of the kiss that they shared and that would be enough - for now. Until that day when she arrived home, he would be waiting for her. Ruthie Camden owned his heart now and always.

The End