–- SEYRUUN HIGH JINX -- 10 year Reunion Story –-2004-07

"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives." – C. S. Lewis

Chapter Twelve: Feel My Heart Beat

"Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better." – Sydney J. Harris

Amelia and I didn't speak to one another for weeks. I wouldn't apologize for telling the truth (as I saw it). She wouldn't apologize for doubting my motives (whether she was basically right or not). Filia called us both 'idiots'. Gourry said we were acting like his squabbling siblings. What the others called me was not fit for print.

It was Sylphiel, a really dear, kind friend I rarely appreciated, who brought us back together, our 'rancor driving her sensitivities to distraction'—as Lina put it. I brought a peace offering of freshly baked lavender cookies (Xelloss' suggestion), Amelia brought a fruit salad (her cook's creation, of course), and Sylphiel supplied the balm (lemon balm iced tea.) It was an uncomfortable party.

When Amelia excused herself to 'tidy up', Sylphiel confided in me. "She's hurting real bad, Zel. You really messed with her feelings."

"I hurt her feelings? She didn't trust me!"

"No, but, well...like that wasn't right on her part, but then what you said was harsh. It was like you just assumed you had the right to take advantage of the situation...of her! You weren't thinking about her feelings at all, Zelgadiss. Just yours. She wants to be appreciated, not lumped in with all your other fan-tramps."

"Fan...tramps...?" I grew defensive and swiftly put together a cutting argument. But before I could deliver it, I considered what Sylphiel had said. I could see how Amelia might have misconstrued my words to sound as if I simply assumed she wanted me as much as I wanted her, or more so! Was I neglecting to take her position into account?

"Taking her for granted, Zelgadiss," Sylphiel clarified as if she had been following my train of thought and caught me before I de-railed myself again. "I can tell you, that it's a terrible thing to do to someone. It's really hard on a girl's self-esteem."

A guy's too, I might add. Ah, well, guilty as charged.

When Amelia returned, I knew what I had to do; I just didn't know how to get started. So, I tried the straightforward approach. "I'm sorry, Amelia. I over stepped my bounds and being mad about my car was no excuse. Can you forget it ever happened?"

"I certainly want to!" she said sympathetically and smiled. Gods that smile...how it lifted me off the ground! Forget rail transport; I was flying now.

Before we parted, Amelia approached me and asked if I'd like to come for dinner.

"Just you and your father?"

She smiled, "That's right. Think you can take it?"

"What time?" I asked, returning her smile.

"Seven-thirty-two, precisely."

My eyes widened as her smile became a little smirk. She could mock me, but I could take it. "Seven thirty, or thereabouts," I smiled warmly.

"That will do," she giggled, unable to imitate my combination swagger and cool persona any longer.

Part of the Mayor's mansion estate included a few acres of unimproved parkland which butted up to a small forest preserve. Amelia and I picked out a trail to a shaded outlook. It was after dinner, but hours from sundown on a searing hot late-on-a-fall day, when we reached our 'spot'.

"Look, there they are," Amelia whispered.

I followed her arm pointing toward the dry meadow. A small herd of deer, adult females and a mix of youths were taking turns eating and watching.

"Umm," I leaned back to rest my head in her lap. "Right on time."

The buzz of cicadas lulled me into a dreamy state. I could still hear the shrill cries of the gnat-eating swallows swooping low over the drying stream, then veering off toward their nests in the trees. Amelia had brought a book to read. She knew that sometimes what I liked best, what I needed most, was quiet. The out-of-doors and peace.

A short span of time passed. A cooling breeze stirred the hair over my eyes. "Was I asleep?"

"Yes. Feeling like picking flowers with me?" she asked while closing her book gently.

"Sure."

"The Queen Anne's Lace is pretty with the poppies," she said. "Oh, look over there, pink flowers."

"That's a variety of vetch, ah...wild pea. Would you like some?" She did and I played the gallant retriever for her.

I found a stand of dark blue cornflowers, all on my own, picked three long stems, and handed them to her, "These match your eyes."

The delicate flush of pink on her cheeks, contrasted beautifully with the windblown strands of her dark hair, and then her big, honest eyes opened, "Really? Oh, how pretty! Thank you."

I wanted to kiss her and hold her and...I blushed at the thoughts I had of what I like to be doing with her. She seemed too special to ruin with such base thoughts, the kind that got me into so much trouble with her before. I still wasn't certain how to act around her, girls in general. Sometimes she would practically attack me and other times I felt like I was the one trying to man-handle her. I sighed.

This time she did let me kiss her, there in the late-summer sunshine, in the tall grass with the swallows and cicadas and the foraging deer as the sun dropped low on the horizon.

I hated to spoil that special moment with words, but they had to be said. "I'm sorry, Amelia. I will never take you for granted again. I'm really bad at this, but when you look at me like you believe I can be a better person, then I believe in me too."

"I'll never stop believing in you, Zelgadiss. I promise." Then she punched my arm. "But you'd better not forget your promise. I deserve that."

I held her, squeezing her into my chest hard enough to leave an imprint. "All right," was all I could manage to say. I hoped she knew how much I meant it, because my throat hurt from the strain of holding back tears and I couldn't say anything more. What if I had lost this precious friendship I had with Amelia?

When classes resumed a week later, I was beginning what would be my third year, Lina her second, and Filia her first at Seyruun University. Val returned for his second year at the Seyruun Art Institute, which surprised me some. I hadn't thought he would stick with it; he certainly didn't need to pursue college for work purposes. When pressed once in a weak moment he confessed that, "I think my real mom and dad would have wanted me to do this, woulda given me the chance. So, maybe it's for them. Hey, I gotta do somethun, dude!"

Amelia was enduring her last year of high school, well, she was loving it. It was I who had dreaded high school. High school had been the first time I'd returned to school full time since my disfiguring accident I knew I looked like a freak and kids were cruel. Being an unsure teenager with all the associated maturation problems was only compounded by my appearance. If it hadn't been for Lina...and then Xelloss and the rest of the gang... Well, I won't think about that. In any case, Amelia had her last year of high school to complete.

Sylphiel took everyone's advice and enrolled in the community college's one year program to get her dietitian's license. She still had her 'kimono' business to fall back on, if she wanted to keep it up.

I buried myself in my work at school to try and get back some amount of normalcy in my life. I was going to go to medical school, I decided, or not. I wasn't entirely sure yet. Maybe research; that would keep me busy. Maybe I'd discover an instant, magical cure for my hair and skin. Xelloss was going to go through hell for his. You see, shortly after he was married, Xelloss dropped by to tell me that he was going to (that is, his new mate-for-life was making him) do 'something' about his scars and asked me to go with him to the hospital. I thought it was his wife's place, but he was asking me so I agreed.

Luckily, it was early enough in the fall quarter that I had plenty of time to fulfill my promise to him. I was there when they prepped him and put him under. He was miserably terrified. I wondered if I could undergo such torture to please some woman, and decided, no, I could not. But Xelloss did and he went back for more and more and more until finally I told him he was good enough. No woman could ask for more, or should. If I ever became a doctor, I knew I would never be able to face putting another human being through...that, just for cosmetic reasons.

By then, my 20th birthday had just passed and Xelloss' 21st was a month away, but more importantly... Amelia's was on the near horizon.

Amelia's 18th birthday with me at new beach house didn't turn out as I had planned. So, what does? First, her birthday landed in the middle of the week and her father said she had to get her homework done and she didn't because she'd gone out to celebrate after school with some friends (read that as: a bunch of guys.) I could wait until the weekend, no problem.

When I told her it would be either a very long day or an overnight (my wish), she replied, "Oh? Who else is coming?"

"Just you and me. For your birthday."

"All day?"

"It could be night too..."

I knew I was pushing it, but I had been planning this for sometime.

"Daddy won't let me...overnight, Zelgadiss, you know that. And the car can't break down again or he'll never believe anything we tell him. It will have to be the day."

"All right." I knew Phil wouldn't just let his newly-turned 18-year-old daughter loose with me on an overnight to my private, secluded beach house. Phil puts the 'Dom' into domineering You know the kind, the parents who don't let their high school daughters swill alcohol, run around with boys who smoke cigarettes or, gasp, dally in drugs, or even leave the house without a sweater. However, always the optimist (don't choke on your spit) that I was, I had asked her anyway.

So... day it was.

I drove and we listened to music on the way. We found the newly finished beach house and I led her in.

"Oh, the views are everything I thought they'd be! What a wonderful place, Zelgadiss."

"Would you like lunch first or a stroll on the beach?" I asked. "The refrigerator is stocked."

"Eat!" Amelia cheered. She was nearly the eater that Lina was, but daintier...possibly.

I made sandwiches, served some potato salad, and offered her sorbet for dessert.

"No birthday cake?"

"Later, when I give you my present."

That seemed to suit her fancy, so she inhaled the icy treat and suggested that walk.

I stuffed the shells and rocks she was determined to collect into my cargo pants' pockets until they were starting to get too heavy and pull down my pants. Since it was December, the weather wasn't great either, so I knew our walk wouldn't last long. It wasn't raining when we started out, but the wind was cold and wet and the beach cluttered with flotsam from the previous evening's storm. When the mist turned heavier and progressed to droplets of rain, I suggested that we turn back. We had to run at that. I took the liberty to jettison a couple pounds of the rocks along the way.

So far so good.

"We're both drenched and cold. A warm fire and hot drink is what we need," Amelia said first thing in the door.

"How about a hot bath, then the drink by the fire?" I suggested.

"Okay, that sounds even better."

We had hung up our coats and taken off our sandy, wet shoes and socks at the door. "This way," I put an arm over her shoulders and led her to the master suite.

When we stopped at the bathroom entry, Amelia asked, "Together?"

Gods, yes! "Would you like that? I would, but I wouldn't want to presume..."

She nodded, looking down.

My heart leaped, really! It took off at an alarming pace. "I-I'll fill the tub. There's a Jacuzzi and we can soak until we're warm, if you want to."

When I turned around, she was undressed and wrapped in a towel.

"You first, while I...ah...get out of these wet clothes." I didn't turn to watch as she stepped into the water. I wanted her to trust that I was...I don't know exactly, but not too eager.

She however stared at me as I got in. "Ah...hot..." I gasped. I hadn't much fat to insulate me from the heat.

"Ummmm, wonderful," she said with her head back and eyes closed.

"You mean me, or the water?"

She opened her eyes to catch my smile. "Both."

The tub was large and we were sitting as far apart as possible.

"Can I hold you?" I asked. See? I wasn't taking anything for granted this time.

She nodded and I moved so quickly I sloshed water out onto the floor. "Oops..."

There is absolutely nothing softer than Amelia. As I slipped her onto my lap and kissed her lips I was truly lost in the sensuality of the moment. I felt her hand move over my chest and I nearly passed out. Maybe she noticed; her hand paused over my heart. I was blushing so heatedly that I could feel my earlobes throb.

"It's beating fast," she whispered.

"Ah, yeah." I agreed. She noticed that, did she?

"So's mine, see?" she asked as she moved one of my hands from her shoulder to place it over her heart. "Isn't it?"

I looked down and saw my hand over her breast and my head started to swim.

"Zelgadiss? Zelgadiss! Zel..."

Yes, my big romantic moment and I hyperventilated into a swoon. Lucky for me Amelia held up my head and saved me from drowning myself. I blinked when I felt a spray of refreshingly cold water on my face. She was sprinkling me with the shower turned to 'cool'.

"At last, you're okay! I think you overheated in this water. While you can, let's get out and cuddle up by the fire," she smiled.

Now, wasn't she nice? I was so damned mortified that I had this overwhelming desire to skip and run, which passed instantly when I realized that she was standing naked and reaching out with an arm to steady me as I stood. That was too beautiful a picture to leave for any stupid reason.

"All right. I think you're right about the hot water, but..." I clasped her to me, "You...are so lovely...it took my breath away."

"Um, what a romantic!" she giggled. "Put on a towel and let's see how many pairs of sweat clothes you have here."

The beautiful view was now hidden beneath a towel, and soon by a set of grey sweat pants and grey t-shirt, my size but which fit her well, from the dresser of dozens, as she had guessed. I made us hot chocolate, without the rum I had considered putting in it, but with a dollop of whipped cream and a dusting of mint-flavored cocoa instead. And so by the fire, we snuggled together and played a game of checkers, which I won, and we talked about things and argued politics, which she won.

"Is it time for cake yet?" she asked.

"It could be...all right, it is. I'll be right back."

I had baked a small chocolate decadence cake, which was decorated with dark chocolate curls amid 18 candles. I lit them, and then carried the cake to her. And yes, I even sang that silly song, because she loved the entire tradition. She made a wish and blew out the candles.

"I'll get the sauce..." I was up and out again. Forks, sauce and napkins—we could share the plate and just destroy the cake together.

"Tell me again what's in this?" she sighed.

"Well, about a pound of semisweet chocolate chips, 1 ounce of unsweetened chocolate, 1 1/2 cups butter, about 2 cups of sugar, water...let's see...7 eggs and 2 cups of whipped cream." I noticed her eyes dilate and smiled, "It's not diet fare."

"It's so good..." she licked at the sauce some more, "and this?"

"Raspberries, I had to use frozen this time of year of course, sugar and some berry liqueur, but not much!"

"I'll say it isn't! Oh well... Gooood," she licked her lips. "You get a kiss for that!"

I took full advantage of my opportunity and kissed her for a long time, long and deep. She tasted like chocolate raspberries, but I suppose I did too.

"My gift?" she asked breaking away.

"You mean that kiss wasn't enough? You want more?" I laughed.

"It was... good enough..."

I kissed her again, and stopped myself a fraction of a second before I patted her on the head. It was a gesture I did out of habit, living with a doting dog and, for a moment there, she was panting and smiling like Beast. I know, not a very nice vision for you, but I loved my dog, too, romantic guy that I was. "I'll be right back."

I set the tiny box on her head, where it slid off onto the floor. "Oooh!" she giggled and tore off the ribbon. "Earrings...sapphires...oh...my...Zelgadiss..."

"Do...you like them? I know it's your favorite color," but one could never tell...

She melted into my arms like a chocolate curl on my tongue. "Absolutely the best birthday ever. The whole day. These...put them in?"

I had never done such a thing before. It was oddly intimate, guiding the wires through each ear and attaching the backs. Her hand returned to my chest. "It's beating fast again."

I tentatively, at first, slipped my hand beneath her t-shirt and touched her. "Y-Yours too." My hand was shaking.

"Do you feel me inside your heart, too?" she asked.

I nodded, not wishing to say what I was feeling even more surely.

She continued, "It's like we're racing to catch up with one another. Do you...?" She paused, waiting for my eyes to come into focus with hers. "...think we're moving too fast?"

NOOOOOOO! I removed my hand reluctantly from her skin, missing the warmth immediately. "How about you?" I asked. I was not going to blow it this time and make her mad, and end a perfectly good day in a fight.

"I...am..."

"Do you feel rushed? Amelia, I can't hide how you make me feel; I'm sure you noticed."

That made her blush. "I want more, but I don't..." she sighed.

"Then, let's just kiss and put off the rest of your birthday gift until you do," I said smoothly, although I wished I was bolder. "I want to show you how—"

"You just did, show me how much you cared about me, by not pushing sex when I know you've wanted more for a long time."

Her honesty startled me, so I just nodded.

"Anyway, with the storm going on out there, you'll have to drive especially slow to be super safe. And it's time, you know, to go. So we're not late. There will be other times."

I really, really wished that could be as aggressive as Val or as seductive as Xelloss could be toward Amelia. They would have had her in bed in no time, had they been in my shoes, or sweatpants, or my head anyway. But it was just me in there with her, picking up our wet clothes, stuffing them in a plastic bag, taking out the garbage, shutting and locking the door. I guess I really did care more about how she felt around me, and for me, than I had guessed.

When I walked her up to the door to the Mayor's mansion and the security lights snapped on, I didn't flinch. I did when she pressed her hand over my heart for the third time that day. "You do it too," she told me. "It's our signal."

"All right, but what does it mean, I mean...exactly...that is, to you? Um, to me it means... You excite me and I'm going to pass out if you're not careful."

She giggled, "I feel you in my heart. You are in mine...and I am in yours."

"Oh, that too," I blushed, but she was flushed as well.

"Good night, Zelgadiss. I had a wonderful birthday celebration and thank you for the lovely earrings."

"Good night, Amelia. It was my pleasure." And it was.

Sure, it hadn't been the hot night of sex I had dreamed of, planned on for months, but it wasn't so bad either. We were still friends at least. All right, more than that; after all, I had a bit of Amelia in my heart.

Later that month, I called Xelloss to wish him a happy 21st birthday. He and his wife were going to Greece where it would warm and lovely. I said...thanks...I'll just stay and enjoy the cold and wet...so long... Antio!

The rest of winter and spring were mostly spent doing homework and playing with the band or recording with the band. We, Lina and I in particular, decided that the band should play at Amelia's graduation party, although Amelia wouldn't have to sing much. We'd get Nahga, Martina, and Hitomi to substitute so she could run around and have fun with her classmates. The other's approved and Amelia loved the idea when I first suggested it, so much so that I was reluctant to tell her that it was not just my idea, but that Lina had had a hand in it as well. Me being the bearer of good news, however, meant that she lavished me with the praise I deserved... heh, heh. She didn't care what infinitesimal part Lina played in the idea, she said, and rewarded me with a kiss or two in private.

When her June graduation arrived, Amelia excitedly invited the entire graduating class. Possibly. It looked that way to me. They filled the gardens and patios of the Mayor's mansion. The party was fine, lots of food and happy spirited youths. One thing was for sure, I felt a generation apart from those kids. I was twenty, beginning my fourth year of college in fall with plans to start an early entrance program for medical school by next summer. I had finally made my decision about what to do. I was mulling that over when a movement by the back door snagged my attention.

At the same time, a motion from Gourry reminded me that, "Zel, we're waitin' for you to start off the song."

I snapped my head around, caught the eye of Zolf, and then began the instrumental introduction to whichever song the band was queued up for, but I was still bothered by what I'd seen.

Zolf and Rodimus were still with us as road manager, sound manager, and security detail. After the musical fiasco, they had left the CIA for good and remained part of our entourage. I mention this because they were a part of nearly all of our band activities, and despite the age differences between them and us, they were like family. In fact, one of them was going to become family, but we didn't know that at the time. Nobody did.

Amelia was thrilled and jubilant nearly all evening. I hardly got a chance to congratulate her, she was so busy, and so was I, with the band and all. The 'and all' being Nahga's grand entrance. Poor Nahga. She always wanted to be the star, the center of attention, but that was Lina's role. She and Lina had been friends and clubbers before Lina and Amelia became best friends, so Nahga had her chance to get in on Lina's charmed existence. She might have become one of the Slayers. On second thought, she might have killed the band formation right from the start, had Lina not had a more serious attitude about her school work and had I not had such a profound influence on her. Yeah, me. Lina and Nahga were running around wild, until my accident. Oh, they still did stuff together, but when Lina starting spending more time 'nursing' and entertaining me, I think I had a sobering impact on her. That plus, Nahga got herself into real trouble, the kind that made Luna suspend Lina's freedom. By her second year of high school, Lina had all but dropped Nahga's friendship.

Nahga had a drinking problem. That was no secret. She was also fun loving and a free spirit. Very attractive to guys like Val. That's why after he stopped dating Filia, we all assumed that Val would get himself involved with Nahga immediately. And he did. But professionally. He was helping to develop health resort and spa with Nahga someplace out in the Ancient Clan badlands. And for the longest time, this kept her busy. I would have thought that it was enough, but it wasn't for a woman like Nahga. She needed a man, and that would send her into drinking binges when things went sour. Luckily, this was a rare occurrence. Unfortunately, she had been in a low spot for a month and Amelia's cheerful graduation party was too much for her.

The moment I spotted Nahga exit the back door of the mansion, I could tell we were in for some trouble, and it wasn't fair to Amelia to have her party spoiled. Which gets me back to our security friends. Zolf and I had established the same kind of mental communication skills that I had with Gourry. The volume of noise at one of our concerts and my earplugs necessitated it. I saw Nahga steadying herself with a grip on a neatly manicured shrub, and then frantically looking about for help. I had my hands full of guitar riff at the time. Rolf and I mind-melded over the span of microseconds and in a flash, he was magically at her side. In even less time, he had an arm load of tottering girl. Good thing he was a tall man, because Nahga was no light-weight shrimp.

And that was the last I saw of her for the evening. Of him too. We were so thankful to have Nahga so expediently and completely removed from the scene that we didn't bother to follow up on its resolution. We found out later.

Summer began with our usual band break, although we didn't all take the time off together. Xelloss, I was sad to find out later, was spending it alone. He didn't confide in any of us, me in particular, I think, that his marriage was falling apart and that he had been kicked out of their downtown townhouse after being handed a formal separation notice. I wouldn't learn about this until fall and for the first time since we had become best friends, mine was not the shoulder that he would cry on.

Val had been spending fewer and fewer weekends out at Filia's settlement. I knew that he and Filia weren't going out any longer and that it had been a mutual decision because they had remained close friends. Instead, he had been making frequent sorties out to his family homeland; sometimes with Nahga or Milgasia, other times just alone. At least, I thought he was going alone, but as I found out later, he also took Lina a few times. I must have made some snide comment to her, because on his next trip, he invited me. I didn't know until we stopped to pick up Lina that we were to be a small group heading out to his and Nahga's future spa site. Oh yes indeed... That's when I found out we were stopping for Nahga too. Then, who should pop out the door, bedroll and baggage in hand, but Amelia! Oh joy...

Don't get me wrong. I like Nahga. In tiny doses. Very tiny. A little Nahga goes a long way with me. An entire overnight experience...well, I was not pleased at the outset. Why? Well, I gave up my position as co-anchor at the van's front seat so that Nahga could sit there...so that Val could have Nahga's full attention. But, it was Lina who hopped into the front passenger seat instead, leaving me to sit...yes, you guessed it... in-between the sisters of Seyruun.

Unfortunately, Amelia thought I had withdrawn from the world as a result of her company. Misunderstandings like that always happened with me. Everyone would think I was mad at them or disappointed in them, but it was not the case. Usually it was me I was upset with.

Nahga... She was a very friendly, loud, up-front kind of girl, who was somewhat pretentious, but overtly so, especially when it came to men. Which she liked. I wondered about the outcome had she ever managed to maneuver Xelloss into a dark corner. He must have had enough survival instincts to avoid intimate contact with her all those years, because I knew it had never happened.

"Don't be a grouch," Nahga goaded me, as she snuggled up far too close to me in the back seat.

"I'm not."

"You sure look like one. What's the matter? Lose an earring this morning?"

Actually...I had, but that was not my problem. "Just leave me alone," I grumbled, put on my head phones, and adjusted the volume of the CD player.

Next thing I knew, she was feeling me up; one hand moving along my thigh, the other tucking some of my hair out of the way, exposing the pointy tip of my nearest ear. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore her, thinking that surely she wouldn't do much else with her sister sitting right there.

Uh, right.

"Ummm... not an ounce of fat on you," she purred into my ear. "Ya know, this was a lot more fun when guys were wearing tight pants."

She emphasized her point by rubbing firmly over my crotch while driving her tongue into my ear. My eyes flew open and I jumped away, snatching at the nearest object for support. Of course, we were in a van and I had nowhere to go but into Amelia's lap.

"Oh!" she gasped.

My head banged against the inside of the van door, I grabbed at Amelia, unintentionally—this was all unintentional on my part, you understand, just reflexes-- and pulled her down with me, partially onto the floor. I could feel the car list to the side.

"Hey!" Val growled.

Next came Lina. "Damnit, Zel, I gave you more credit than this. Can't you wait to grope Amelia until you get someplace private?"

"I wasn't...I didn't..." I gave up. I had to settle for a sympathetic smile from Amelia and then we both untangled our limbs and returned to our seats, although this time she sat in the middle.

Nahga peered over Amelia's head at me, gave a little smirk, and then whispered, "Chicken!"

I sank lower into the seat to hide.

"Gods, I didn't know Z-bo blushed like that," Nahga continued to taunt me. "Hey, sissy, what did you do to the guy, anyway? He sure seems interested! Oh, ho, ho, ho, hoooooooo!"

She may have been more explicit, I don't recall. Well I do, but I'm not repeating that here. I didn't listen to anything after that—just my CD.

We camped that night in a small one-room cabin. Two, counting the overhang on the front porch where Val and I slept. Sounds small? It was. The bathroom was an outhouse.

Lina was happy. Things like that didn't bother her. Sure, she liked her creature comforts, but she could rough it with the toughest; plus, she wasn't a whiner like Xelloss. Amelia was great at taking the difficulties that life dealt her and making few demands on others as well, well...on me anyway. She may have been treated like a princess in her fluffy pink room at the mayor's mansion, but she was a strong kid with a lot of gumption when she was out on the road. And Nahga, she was a party animal.

After I whipped up some dinner for everyone, Amelia offered to help me wash up. We carried the dishes and utensils to the kitchen sink, which was more of a tub with a spigot. Water was trucked in and in short supply. "Want to take a walk?" Amelia asked me.

I nodded and moved to tell the others when she clutched my arm. "I'll tell them. Meet me outside."

We had a nice stroll. The area was 'high' desert with a few windblown pine trees and clusters of desperate-looking, scrubby bushes.

Mostly there were rocks, boulders, and stones. "This place is great if you studying mineralogy," Amelia said.

"Bleak, I'd say, but Val told me it was spectacular in spring after it rains when flowers burst out from even the most unassuming twiggy growth."

"Like you," she surprised me. "When I first met you were awfully unreceptive and cold, but with a little nourishing love and kindness, you came out of yourself and flourished!"

"Ah..." I blushed.

"That's all right. That was a long time ago and we have all changed for the better, I think. Um...what a pretty view, don't you think?"

"Of you," was all I could think of to say. I felt very lucky to have a friend like Amelia. She was so much more approachable than Lina and open about how she felt. It made it easier for me to say heartfelt things and feel like a complete fool.

She laughed good-naturedly and we continued a quiet conversation about life in general. I gave her the benefit of my expertise on the plant life and ecology of the high desert and she told me about the hum-drum life at the old high school. She must have decided that this was not the time or place for fooling around, because we didn't. It was times like that which reinforced the strength of my admiration for Amelia, my princess. She was no harsh critic like Lina or Filia, or one to ignore life's odd events either, as Sylphiel did. She often leaped to the top of the obstacle heap and conquered. Well, she conquered my heart anyway. Unfortunately I know I wasn't very good at returning her openness, but she rarely complained. We just talked that evening, and then returned to the cabin for some singing around the ole campfire (we had hauled in our own firewood)—me on guitar.

After we went to sleep, the excitement began. Yeah, not the kind you're thinking of, I'm sure. Val and I were stretched out along the front porch, not so much for propriety's-sake but for comfort. That little cabin was far too small to hold us and the girls, with Nahga inside.

I heard the commotion in the cabin before it registered that something was amiss. "Lina, damnit, can't you just quietly find something to eat?" I wondered at the clamoring of dishware at the sink.

"Eeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

The wail and subsequent screams from within the cabin resonated in my brain. It could have awoken the dead. But not Val.

"Get out! Get Ouuuuuut!" I heard Nahga's gentle voice roar over Lina's and Amelia's combined. "Out, damned beast!"

Val was here, sleeping, so who was she yelling at?

When I heard the pots and pans clanging and smashing, I roused myself to open the door, first reaching over Val's quiescent bedroll. I had the door part way ajar when a great weight hurtled past, slamming the door into my face and knocking me to the ground. Whatever it was (at the time I was seeing stars and dark) ran over Val, because I heard him roar out a volley of curse words.

When I came to my senses, Val was yanking me to my feet and pointing out into the great beyond only just now lit by the blush of the rising sun.

"See?" he shook me a little harder.

There was Nahga banging two pots together and running down the path leading to where we had parked the van. She was totally nude. I have to say, I had seen my share of naked-lady downloads before, but nothing...nothing compared with the real thing romping with energy and spirit in the wilderness. Nahga especially.

"Is it gone!" Amelia gasped in my ear.

"Uh..." I replied unable to speak or blink, even if I had wanted to.

Lina jabbed me in the ribs, "Did ya see where the bear went?"

"Bare..." Val echoed, but with a different meaning; at least I understood the subtle change in nuance.

Lina slapped him upside the head, "Yes, the damned bear that crawled in through the kitchen window looking for food. Big, dark, and smelly. Bear. You couldn't have missed it..."

She observed where our attention was riveted. "Oh, gods...Nahga..."

Amelia did also. She wrapped her arms around herself, "Oh, dear. I'd better find her a blanket or something."

And soon the show was over. Now, I'll bet you're thinking that there are no bears in the high desert region. You are right; there are not. It was somebody's escaped 'pet' out on the town. Unfortunately it was a small town of a single cabin, ours. But we all escaped unharmed; at least, I hoped I wasn't brain-damaged for good...

This story had one more twist before ending, though. Immediately on our return from the badlands camping trip, Zolf was waiting at the Mayor's to help us (that is, Nahga) unpack. I guess he missed her and in her absence he decided to act on his wildest impulses. Zolf and Nahga began a whirlwind love affair which lasted several months and ended in a tastefully executed wedding at the Mayor's Mansion. Truly, a fairytale ending.

Why did it seem that everyone else's life was so easy? Find girl, fall in love, get married, all is hunky-dory. Not for me. Find girl, get on fine, fight, make up, fight, make up, blow it again, make up... Everything is much, much more multifarious and complex for a guy like me. For some reason. Well, for a good reason! I hadn't been raised in a loving environment that was for certain, and what I had learned in psychology classes was how that had effected my ability to respond warmly with others. I had trouble 'reading' the cues others sent out and was adept at never revealing my innermost feelings when I didn't want them to show. I was getting better, Xelloss told me once. More than once. I had hugged my dad several times and had certainly shown Amelia how I felt on more than one occasion, but it didn't come naturally to me, like it did with both Xelloss and Amelia. So, I had a long road ahead to become a 'real human boy'. That was a Xelloss joke. He compared me to Pinocchio, only colder, as if I was a boy made out of stone who was turning to flesh slowly. I was about one third of the way there, he had said. Why was I thinking so much about Xelloss, I wondered? I must have been missing his presence at the time. He would have loved the 'bare' thing.

The band got back together and began another promotional tour, a highly successful and very rewarding one, for the CD we'd completed over the winter. And so ended another summer. I was learning to enjoy myself and truly relax now that we didn't have the fear of the syndicate breathing down our necks any more. We had Xelloss to thank for handling more and more of all that. His hardships he kept to himself. At least he tried to. I learned that he had been cut up in a knife attack when I drove him to see Dr. Adams for a dressing change. He had employed a significant security team to accompany him abroad as a result. Not to worry, he said. I told him that he wasn't my concern any more, now that he was married, and that was that.

I missed his telling wince in reply.

When fall began, it was for me my 4th and final year at SU. I had made my plans to attend medical school, a huge commitment. Generally most people graduate college at age 22 and medical school at 26. Then after 3 years of internship and residency, many physicians begin their career at age 29. The training for some specialties can then last until the physician's early to mid 30's. Obviously this level of devotion to work delays plans for marriage and starting a family; not a problem for me. At all. Plus, I was only 20, turning 21 in November, and because of my gifts (I hoped but never asked if my father being a professor had made a difference or if the fact that could pay for the entire education had made a bigger difference) I was admitted into the Seyruun Medical School's summer quick start program. I had to, of course, complete this year's classes.

Lina was beginning her third year at the old SU, while Filia was starting her second and Amelia was entering as a freshman. It was kinda fun all being here at the same time like that. Val was still continuing at the SAI; his third year in the arts. Sylphiel started work full-time as a dietitian at Seyruun General Hospital. Gourry was busy running his construction firm and making money. Xelloss, well at the time we didn't know it, but what had been a shaky marriage earlier in summer had deteriorated into his and Karly's separation by the fall.

I ran into Lina and Filia at the university the first week. Lina I saw on a regular basis, but this time she was drinking tea with Filia, who had just moved back into the dormitories on campus.

"What'sup?" Lina looked up at me.

"Not much," was my honest and usual reply. "How are your classes?" I directed at Filia.

"Like last year's but harder and with more homework and no one checking to see if I'm doing it."

I was concerned about her. Funny, I imagined her getting married and planting herbs at the settlement, not drifting as a humanities major here. "Do you have a roommate?"

She scrunched up her face, "Yes, don't get me started on her either. The less time we spend together the better. Have you heard from Val since the gig?"

"I thought he went back with you to do clan stuff." I knew that they were dating irregularly since he started at the art school, but neither one had said what was going on. I certainly was not going to interfere.

"No, Zel. He said he was going to his Ancient clan lands to do ren-oh-va-shun stuff," Lina corrected me. "I was paying attention."

"I was too; I just forgot."

"You never forget much, but you do get distracted," Lina ended with a smirk.

"Umm, was the little princess distracting you, Zel-bob?" Filia teased.

See the difference? Lina might imply, but Filia mocks. If Lina has a point to make and she deems it important enough, then she'll be direct. Like me. Lina and I were alike that way.

"He might have missed what was said when I pushed him out of the way to hear Val better," Lina said in my defense. "You gonna eat something? I wanna order now."

Situation diffused and over, nearly.

"You two deserve one another," Filia decided on the spot and meaning Lina and me. "Why don't you try dating one another?"

Lina, who was done placing her order with the waiter said, "Why bother? We see each other everyday as it is."

I agreed, adding that, "We are both too alike and indifferent at the same time, besides we haven't time or need for romance."

"Damned straight!" Lina pounded the table. "And bring out those chips ASAP!" she hollered to the waiter's receding back. "Romance leads to commitment which leads to noisy, needy kids—all of which I can do without. By the way, where should I take my Trailblazer for its check up?"

"Dealer. Maybe Xel...um... Val or I can pick you up when you drop it off. Let us know, all right?" I nearly added Xelloss to that list, but thought that it was best not to encourage their co-dependence. Even though he was married, I know that he would drop whatever he was doing to help out Lina. I couldn't believe that would be a healthy thing for his marriage to Karly.

"Yeah, thanks."

Food was delivered, bringing conversation to a dead halt. However, after the third deep sigh out of Lina, I had to ask, "What's the matter, Lina?"

Surprisingly, she told me, "My big sis...she and Julian are getting married."

"Oh, yeah!" Filia perked up. "Why how nice for her! I mean, she's nearly thirty. It's about time!

It was, but I couldn't help think that Luna's timing was poor. Their mother, Agent Linda Inverse had moved out of their house at the end of summer (which was probably why Val had asked Lina along to the cabin, or so I reasoned), which would mean Lina would be left alone to care for that big house.

Lina nodded, "I outta be happy for her, and I am really...deep inside, but...then I started thinking 'bout me. Where am I gonna live? She's gonna move out to the settlement full time, or the country club. Mom's been reassigned out of the area. That house is kinda big to be ... for one person."

That's when I knew Lina was afraid of being alone, totally alone. She looked vulnerable sitting there at the table. I also knew that, because he was a close friend and he made me privy to his innermost thoughts, Gourry was going to appeal to Lina for some kind of a relationship promise. With Xelloss married, and no one else in the running, Gourry recognized his turn had come. I also knew that, because she was a close friend and she made me privy to her innermost thoughts, Lina had absolutely no desire to get married, settle down, or even settle on dating a single guy in the foreseeable future. I hated knowing all that and not knowing what to say.

On the other hand, I did have a solution for the empty-house situation. "You could advertise for a roommate," I suggested.

"Yes! Me!" Filia shouted. "What about me?! I can't wait to move out of the dorms. I don't care about what the place looks like; I'm just as messy as you are. Plus, I cook...some."

"Done!" Lina laughed. "I can grab a burger for lunch if I want meat. That would be cool, Filia, but would your parents approve?"

"They'll be thrilled. I'll be closer to everyone. And they like that Gourry's folks, Rezo, and those cops..."

"Detectives Ryo and Dee..." I put in.

"Them, yeah—those guys are in the neighborhood."

And so, that is what happened. Luna moved out of her childhood home within the week and Filia moved in, making Lina happy as a clam, once again. I was helping them on moving day, nice guy that I was. Filia's bags had hardly been unpacked and her trash strewn about the house in a slovenly mix with Lina's, when Gourry called on Lina with an important question to ask. I left right after that, telling Gourry I'd see him later. He knew what I meant.

When we met at the pool hall later, I knew immediately what had transpired from the dejected look on his face: Lina was not going to date or marry Gourry. They were worlds apart bridged by the band and a long-term friendship which was wearing thin in many spots.

"It wasn't so much that she didn't want me...well it was...but I could understand that part," the broken-hearted man sighed. "It was how she said it. Like...not even if I was the LAST man on the planet or something. I didn't think she'd be so hard..."

"Lina's...direct. She made it crystal-clear to Xelloss as well."

"She didn't say to him what she did to me, though."

"I don't know. She slammed the door in his face. That was unambiguous enough. He found himself someone else to marry."

"Yeah. It's just..." Gourry sighed again. "I never thought there'd hafta be someone else for me. Lina was there and she was what I wanted and that was that. I figured if I waited, she'd see I was what she wanted too. But...guess not."

He needed to get it all out so I said nothing and just listened.

"I waited like she wanted. I took her places. I got a good job with prospects. My parents love her; she was like family already! I mean, she turned down Xelloss, so it's not just the money she's after. I was good to her...for her. Can't she see that? What more could she want? Why aren't I good enough for her? What more can she want, damnit all?" He pounded the table with a heavy fist causing the pool-balls to jiggle out of place.

I didn't have answers to all his questions. I don't think he would have wanted to listen to them if I did. "Did you ever ask her that?"

He shook his head and sighed.

Maybe he was ready to pay attention to what I had to say now. I told him what I thought he needed to know. "I don't think she wants any one particular person in her life at this time. She's touchy about it too. Her sister, Xelloss...other friends getting married— it all puts pressure on her to conform, and Lina, well, she's definitely not about conformity."

That brought a smile to his face, "Nope, not our Lina." Another deep sigh and then, "I won't ask her again. I couldn't take...that rejection ever again. I'll always love her...but that will change, I guess."

I was glad to hear that he would not pursue her and assured him as best as I could that he was making the best decision. Just move on with his life, which he did. Take it slow, which he didn't.

A few months later, he and Sylphiel began seeing each other exclusively. So much for slow. I know the two of them had gone out occasionally in the past, but to suddenly eliminate all other possibilities seemed extreme to me.

I got this call one morning in late fall; Xelloss wanted a place to stay. His wife had filed for a divorce and he was upset, naturally. Unfortunately, he got me on the cell phone out in Sairaag. I had been roped into setting up sound equipment and maintaining computer links for Mayor Phil as he roamed the outlying areas of his 'realm'. Amelia's doing, of course, the roping part. He was handing out awards, shaking hands and meeting with the lesser gods—politics.

"Xelloss, if you want to take a cab, you can shore up at the Sairaag Hilton with us. Yes, I understand completely if you'd rather be alone. Sylphiel and Gourry are out of town with the Gabriev's. I've got a number somewhere where they can all be reached and a key. They wouldn't mind you crashing at their place for a few days. Too empty, huh...? Who? Filia is at Lina's. No... Oh, that's right. They're out at the settlement by now. Val is... right. All right. Listen, I'm really sorry to hear...right...later. Let me know where you end up. Bye." I knew he would end up back in Seyruun eventually.

Then after a grueling week of work, I barely made the drive home before collapsing onto the couch. I was looking forward to winter break. No Val in the house, yet. Gourry wouldn't be back for a few more days. Xelloss was no longer in residence. It was just me and my dog, Beast, who was ecstatic to see me. Mrs. Shearer had fed him while I was away, and he liked her, but I was his master. At least I had this one night to relax before having to get back into the grind the next morning at the university. I had had my cell phone batteries go dead in Sairaag. For some reason I had forgotten to pack my re-charger so I had to replace them. Which I neglected to do. After that, I got used to the quiet and simply forgot about it. Now, I figured, I'd best check for messages before falling asleep.

Big mistake. First, Lina had left a message telling me that Xelloss had been out 'wallowing in his succulence' at the settlement over Thanksgiving break and inquiring of me why I 'was not there for him?' and then she said something sympathetic like...ah... Let me see if I can recall, something to the effect of 'You know how men like him are, they think all they want is a slutty little wife then when they realize that's not it, they dump'em and then think they'll be happy with their fast little car and their toys until they come home and find they're missing something warm, so they find a new girl to fire up their bed, then when that gets boring they run off again...' Well, something to that effect. That's how I knew she had an attachment for him still. She was pissed and taking it out on me. I deleted the smoking message without returning her call.

Next, Xelloss had called to tell me where his bachelor 'pad' could be found downtown. I called and chatted with Xelloss briefly. He seemed subdued but not depressed. We spoke long enough to decide that he'd survive, and then signed off.

Finally, there was a message from my father, reminding me that it was my birthday, or close to it, and that I was expected to show up at his place in...oh, of course...fifteen minutes from the time I was listening to the playback. I groaned and considered calling with my regrets, but you know 'the old man's not getting any younger', so I scraped myself off the couch, changed my shirt, and headed over.

Happy 21th birthday to me.

End -- SHJ Ten Year Reunion-- Chapter Twelve.