SEYRUUN HIGH JINX -- 10 year Reunion Story –-2004-08

"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives." – C. S. Lewis

Chapter Fourteen: Dream On...

"When you look through plain glass, you see people, but if you cover it with silver, you stop seeing others and see only yourself." -- Ancient Proverb

In winter, Lina started graduate school and was a teaching assistant—a very busy lady.That meant some adjustments to the band practice schedule and jobs. Then when Xelloss and Filia returned to Seyruun, intertwining their business timetable with that of the band, it called for some more adjustments-- some good, some bad. I was too busy to care much.

Inspring, about the time the band celebrated having survived four more years together following the musical, Gourry and Sylphiel had babySayo Ruth Gabriev. The first baby born into the Slayers band. Lina called me to spread the news, and then twenty minutes later she called again with news of a different nature.

"Zel, you won't believe it. You've got to call that friend of yours and talk some sense into him."

"Fine, you tell me I can't believe it, then I won't." I could hear her impatient growling in the background. "Lina, I certainly don't understand what you're talking about, but if you're speaking of Xelloss and think that I can influence him, where you have failed, well then, you are definitely talking make-believe."

"Filia and him…she's… she wants him for a boyfriend now. It's not just his silliness chasing her on the rebound now. It's her compromising the band for some mystical, selfish reason. They barely get on together without a fight and now she wants to introduce sex into the mix, which is an intoxicant to him. He'll be impossible to control…"

"He will want to do a song for her," I interrupted in a calm, perhaps even a dreamy voice. Funny, if Lina was about to dynamite their relationship, it strengthened my resolve to support it, or at least follow its progress without aggravating its obvious, eventual, natural combustion.

Silence.

"I don't have time for your jokes. You gonna call him or what?" Lina demanded.

"I'll call him," I promised loftily. I just didn't say when.

"You're sure full of yourself these days," she said of me.

"May as well be someone."

"What's that supposed to mean? Your fans letting you down? Try dropping the arrogant, know-it-all routine and do something for someone else for a change."

I had heard enough for one day. "I'll consider your recommendation. And don't forget about tonight's plans. Bye now."

"Hold it buster! Don't you dare hang up on me! Meet me at the coffee shop in ten minutes," she ordered.

"Eleven, I have to shut down my laptop." However, she had already hung up on me.

Fifteen minutes later, we were seated together in a dark corner. "Spill it, Zel."

"I have nothing to spill. The order hasn't arrived yet."

If looks could kill, I'da been dead. Then Lina shut her eyes, leaned back and sighed, "Must be bad, huh?"

She wanted me to open up, funny thing, I needed someone to talk to after Amelia refused my proposal. "Yes."

"School?"

"It's time consuming. I'm perpetually exhausted, but…that's not it."

She waited me out.

Our drinks arrived, plus a stack of rolls.

"She said no, huh?"

My eyes shot up to meet Lina's, "Amelia told you!"

"I dragged it out of her. She was bummed out. Just like you. I guessed it had something to do with you and her. You have been the source of most of her anxieties in the past, you know."

I sank deeper into my seat and watched the steam rise off my coffee. "It was an impulsive thing to do anyway. I just couldn't believe she'd turn me down."

Lina nodded and ate a second and then a third roll. "You love her for real?"

I shrugged, "Suppose so. I did at the moment. Now, I'm numb."

Then Lina straightened and put her hand on my arm. She and I loathed contact equally, so it was an unusual thing for her to so. It got my attention. "Tell me…what's it like?" she asked.

"Which part? Being on top of the world one minute or falling off the edge the next?" By letting my sarcasm show through, I let her know how much just mentioning it still hurt me.

"The top part. Being in love."

Now that was the strangest topic of conversation anyone had ever broached with me before. Coming from Lina, I lost my voice.

"If you hold your breath any longer, you'll pass out," she warned me.

I wasn't even aware I was doing that. "Oh…" I gasped. "I ah…didn't expect that question, that's all."

"So?"

I considered my words a moment then answered, "I felt impenetrable, for awhile. Nothing could touch me. I was lighter than air, I was all-powerful, I was filled with an excess of joy. It was weird. Suddenly, I wanted a family of my own, a home, a wife to come home to, security and all. Really weird. I thought she wanted that, too. I was wrong."

"No you weren't. You were right, your timing was wrong." Lina was smiling a little.

"Humph," I sniffed. "Same thing in the end."

"Not really, Zel. Amelia wants all that and more, just not right this minute. You are both too busy…"

"Busy, yeah, I know. She explained. I agreed. I know. It's just…"

"Disappointing."

"Yeah. And now…I don't know what to do. Study, I guess. Get through the program and in four or five years, try again." Enough about me. I felt the need to hurt back a tad. "Isn't that how much longer Xelloss has to wait for your answer?"

Lina's turn to shrug. "He's forgotten all about that. He's got his own life and problems going on now."

"No shit."

We paused to eat and sip and contemplate.

"So, you two did it, huh?" Lina asked.

"It? Oh, that...ahem...yes. It was better than I'd imagined it would be, when I was eleven," I smirked at her.

She smiled at the recollection. She had basically told me about the birds and the bees and given me a book her sister had made her read. I took it home, read it cover to cover twice, then in the middle of the night I returned the book, fully supplied with images of intimate contact I hoped would never come to pass for me, and then we promised one another never to mess around like that…just to make a baby, ugh! "I guess so."

I realized that I had no idea if she had ever had anything like a boyfriend in her life yet. None that I knew of. Had she ventured into the world of sex, I wondered? "Have you…tried?" I asked.

"What? Oh, that, ah…no…the right opportunity's never come up, I guess." She was blushing and tearing a roll to shreds. "You wanna teach me this time?"

I inhaled my sip of coffee and gasped, sputtering and spilling the entire mug coffee over my shirt.

"That was smooth, Zel. How 'bout you come over and change your shirt. I got t-shirts galore. I need a ride home anyway. SUV's in the shop. Anyway, you promised something special for tonight, unless you forgot about that."

Let me begin by saying that some things, no matter how well intended, are just not meant to be. And others are. Others just happen there somewhere in the middle, in the TWILIGHT ZONE, like the next sequence of events.

I drove Lina home. I assume I did. I remember nothing of that. The house was empty when we entered; I remember that. Filia was still off with Xelloss, so we had the place to ourselves, Lina was saying. I followed Lina to her room in silence-- what was there to say? I'd been there dozens of times, hundreds maybe, but not with the intention of making love to her. Never with that in mind!

I wasn't even sure I wanted to now.

All right, that was an out-and-out lie. I sure as hell wanted to.

She popped in a CD and lit a candle. "So what's next?"

I had no idea. Foreplay wasn't my strong suit. "Ah, I think I'll take off my wet shirt."

"Let me," she offered. "Consider it part of my 21st birthday present from you."

"All right." I was starting to wonder how we got to her house... "Although I was planning on just taking you to that campus movie and dinner."

Her cool little fingers ripped off the shirt, flung it across the room to hit the wall with a wet smack. That success was followed by a brisk removal of the rest of my clothing.

"Now me." She stood poised, ready for me to do my thing.

I felt, well, like a fool. "I, ah..."

"Oh, I'll do it then, geez, Zel... You'd think I'd be the nervous one here. There."

I looked down at her naked body of pearly-pink, porcelain perfection, and then drew her into my arms.

"I..." was I could croak out.

"This is just between you and me. Like before, you know? I'd never tell Amelia or anyone," she assured me.

Before? Oh yes, that. We had fooled around before. Up in that childhood tree house. Nothing much, just 'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours' kind of stuff. And as pre-teens, there wasn't much to show off.

There was now.

"Lina..." was all I had to say for the next hour.

I awoke out of a half-dream state lying on my back, a weight across my chest and fingers fondling my favorite parts as a fresh condom was rolled on. I opened one eye and saw a sea of fluffy red curls. Gods... "Lina? A-gain?"

"Heh, heh...don't worry. I'll do all the work this time, now that I've got the hang of it. Lina Inverse, sexual genius, eh?"

I had never been...in that position before, but I should have guessed Lina would want have the upper hand in that as well as everything else. "Yeah... Now you and Xelloss have got something else in common."

She reacted in a way that just proved my point all the more. If I thought I was tired at the onset of the evening, she made certain that I was not much more than a drained husk by the end of it.

I knew no one would read the above incident and believe that it really happened, that's the only reason I thought I'd write it and get away with my life for doing so-- her birthday was April Fool's day, after all. It doesn't matter to me; I have my memories to keep me entertained when things get dull. Call it fantasies come alive or real life fantasies—I know the difference between what's real and what isn't. Unlike some others I know.

The moment Xelloss and Filia returned to Seyruun, I called Filia. "We have to talk."

"Do you like tea?" she asked.

"Yes, wh…"

"Come to the shop and I'll get us a quiet table in back. Gotta go!"

So, I visited the Mace and Vase. Not really my kind of place, but the tea was excellent, the waitresses pretty, and the menu inviting.

"Hi, Zel-bob!" Filia smiled as she glided into the chair across from me like a dove on wings of peace. Her talons hidden for the time being, but her sharp beak poised to gouge out my eyes at the first sign of danger. "If you've come to warn me about Xelly, then you are wasting your time."

"Not exactly," I said. Oh, so it's Xelly all the time now? Poor schmuck! "It's not my place anymore to tell either of you what to do. I just had to say something, I'm not certain he even is aware of himself."

That ruffled her feathers some more. "What's that?" she asked.

"There was a time, not long ago, when the White Shrine saved his soul, Filia. It gave him a way to defy his mother at first, but then it filled in some of those empty places in him, fulfilling him in ways he needed. He still needs the grounding his priest duties require of him and provide for him."

"I think I know why you are telling me all this, Zel-bob. I have no right to ask Xelly-bean to give it all up, and I don't intend to. I'll never marry, that's all."

I winced at the nickname, both of ours, and wondered how he could stand it, and then shook my head. Filia didn't get it. It wasn't about her. "It's not so simple with him. Once he gets a thing in his head he often goes...overboard. He tries, but he still can't see obstacles and consequences clearly enough or soon enough to make good judgment calls. If Xelloss gets it into his head that he wants you to accept him or your family or that he wants to give to the future he thinks you want, then he'll leave the shrine and train to join the clan."

She said she would have to think about that, tucked in her bill and began preening and telling me about all the things she bought on their travels. She showed off a few ceramics and twittered happily. I felt better having gotten what I came to say off my chest, although I didn't think it would make any difference. She appeared to be besotted with him; only the gods knew why. I just hoped it wasn't mostly a material addiction or a sadistic obsession, mostly the later.

Shortly thereafter, Gourry and Sylphiel invited us all to the White Shrine for a 'welcoming ceremony' to introduce their newborn girl to the world and the shrine. Gourry had asked Xelloss to preside over the ceremony, which considering that Nels Lahda was the baby's grandfather and head of the shrine, meant that it was a sign of respect and friendship between the two men who had once been fierce competitors for Lina's heart.

I told Gourry I thought it was a grand thing for him to do, to which he replied, "He was our first choice, ya know. He's really good at these events. You'll see."

Yes, we would. There was no artifice to Gourry, and that's what made him the solid citizen and stalwart friend that he was.

Filia wondered why Nels Lahda didn't perform the ceremony himself, to which I said, "I imagine the man is happy not to have to do a thing for a change. With Xelloss doing the work, he can simply sit back and enjoy his growing family."

She agreed without taking her eyes off Xelloss, who had been smiling her way. Then it was time for him to speak. Once again, my best friend assumed his professional persona and intoned, "Although this ceremony makes no legal bindings, today we introduce Miss Sayo to her home in the White Shrine. The services of blessing are about receiving the unconditional love of the gods'. The services of dedication are about the parents making promises about the upbringing of their children. To some extent the different emphases overlap and an atmosphere of thanksgiving to the child's birth and life is common to both. So, let us begin with a blessing…"

I had never attended White Shrine activities as a man or as a teenager, and probably not as a child either, since I had no recollections of them. So to hear my friend and brother intone the serious, yet joyful words in such a meaningful manner prompted me to attend his every word. Xelloss really was a priest of the White Shrine. A practicing one. It hadn't all been a charade with him. It was an important part of his complex nature. I had pointed this out to Filia, who had neglected to pay much heed to me previously, but even I wasn't fully cognizant of how important his role had grown over time. Maybe seeing him here in his robes would reinforce my message to her.

All I could do was hope. And ponder life. So, maybe I wasn't the only one with a difficult cruise ahead. Amelia and I might have been like a couple of planes in a holding pattern over a busy airport, but at least we had flight plans. Xelloss and Filia were more like a pair of holidaymakers navigating a crash course with their destinies after neglecting to pay attention to the peppy stewardess reciting the safety rules and the location of their flotation devices and oxygen masks. Enjoy your flight, while it lasts, kids.

And not to blow my own whistle too much, but I was right about another thing: Xelloss wanted to do a song for Filia. He dug it up himself, had Val help him arrange it, and at one of our increasingly infrequent gigs, Xelloss sang his song for her, which became part of the Slayers repertoire, called 'It's You." He seemed to be totally in love with her, I had to admit. They both seemed serious about building kind of relationship. He was, I know, because he was extremely restrained in his behavior around the band, always wanting to keep his professional bent when Lina was involved. I might have reminded him to face the reality of the situation before it was too late, but it was already too late. Even I eventually had to admit that.

In June, Joey was done with his first year of high school. He joined us downtown at the Art Institute of Seyruun for Val's college graduation and the party out at my beach house that followed. Oh, yes, I couldn't keep the place a secret from Lina for long. And once she got wind of a couple mysterious getaways Amelia and I had taken, there was nothing more I could do but tell her all about it. Well, she thought of more I could do. She wanted to go there AT ONCE!

"Not without me and I'm too busy."

"When then?"

"June, after Val's graduation..."

"You got that straight. We'll have the party out there. It will be perfect! You can put a few of his art things on display and I'll bring music 'cause I ain't doing anything but maybe some karaoke...Oh, yeah...I'll get Xelloss to rent one of those machines and put Sylph in charge of food—she's not busy. You got Mrs. Shaffer's number handy? A few of her cheesecakes are in order."

Why fight it? I handed her my cell phone, "It's ringing."

I let Amelia and Lina plan its entirety, which could have been a dreadful mistake. Had I cared. Had I had the time to care. I was supplying the digs, after all, and so I simply e-mailed the invites and showed up early with Amelia to air out the house. Not too early, it turned out. We were just in time to pay for the kegs of beer the delivery man was wheeling onto my porch. Oh, joy...

Gourry didn't drink at all, Xelloss shouldn't, and Amelia, Kiki and who knows how many others were underage. Joey was only fifteen for gods'sakes, Lina! Having just turned 21 in spring must have set a screw loose in Lina's head. My brain went on overtime imagining cops over-running my home, the CIA blasting their way past my newly washed picture windows to gain entry in the most ghastly way possible. My dreams of ever becoming a doctor turning to visions of me wasting away behind bars. My guts were twisting into wretchedness as I was just envisioning it all...

"Zelgadiss, we have to do something about that," Amelia said pointing to one of Val's sculptures on the front porch. "Him and erotica..."

"Yes, Amelia, we do, but first I have to do something about serving alcohol with minors present. Maybe, McGywn would have something to suggest..."

"Call Ryo or Dee. They're young enough to understand."

"Good idea." So, I invited them. They had a couple adopted kids about Joey's age. It would be fun. And lucky for me, they were free and happy to oblige.

They turned out to be an excellent choice for guarding the beer distribution. Not only were they young and hip, but they were gay and much of the art crowd seemed either to be gay or otherwise atypical, and so, were more relaxed knowing the detectives were skirting the edge of societal acceptance as well. I certainly felt better about it all. So did Rolf and Rodimus, who had been invited at the onset but not for policing kids from the beer keg. Oh, and inviting Rolf meant that Nahga would show, but she was a more reserved young woman after marriage than I could have expected.

Joey and the detectives' boy Bicky knew each other from high school and were happy to have one another to bum around with away from the old geezers, us...I assume. The girl, Carol, who 'lived' at their place (but was not related to them or adopted, as I was corrected meaningfully by her younger boyfriend, Bicky), was a year or two older but was excited enough to hang out with them and a little bit with Kiki.

And I had Miss Amelia, my princess to thank for the idea. It made me kind of mushy, that and a couple beers, and my first opportunity to truly relax in a long time. That was my excuse. Well, it was my home too. And I hadn't had Amelia in my arms for months.

All right, I went a little over board. I was pretty forward, I remember, but Amelia wasn't pushing me away. We danced together, slow and close, my hands roving over her lovely, soft curves. My kisses insistent. Someone was tapping me on the shoulder.

"Hey, take it to your room," Val whispered in my ear. "Yer givin' a few of the fans a stroke."

"Good idea." I propelled Amelia out and down the hall to my room, entered and locked the door.

"Now, where were we? Dancing..." I clutched her firmly and cupped her chin with my hand. "You're beautiful tonight...princess."

I was laying it on a little heavy, sure, but Amelia had been quiet and cooperative up to this point. "You think you can charm me into getting into bed with you?" she asked with what I was positive was a coy smile—it really was this time. I was learning to 'read' her better.

So, I nodded slowly, a confident smile turning up the corners of my mouth.

"Maybe..." she looked away bashfully the back again, her eyes lidded and sultry this time. "I want to charm you."

See? I was right! That would be fine, too. "Go ahead, try." I didn't mind a little aggression on her part now and then.

With the music, which was blasting away in the living room, now muffled by my bedroom's sound-deadening acoustical tiles and thick carpet, as background, Amelia teased off her dress, one shoulder, one breast, one hip at a time. The rest was cheesecake, as they say, and gone in a flash.

"Now, dance with me," she whispered.

Um...yeah... "But I'm still overdressed here..."

"Too bad."

Oh gods... she was so unbelievably sexy and desirable and gorgeous to me right then I couldn't stand. I couldn't stand it and I could barely stand up my knees felt so weak.

"I'm going to collapse," I gasped, hoping for a reprieve.

"Ummmm, okay," she giggled and gave me a hard shove.

I fell backwards onto my bed. I knew it was there. I think. I tried to think, but instead I simply stared, drooling most likely, as Amelia slowly removed my socks...and my shirt rolling first to the right then to the left...and then my belt and zipper and then she pulled my pants off from the ankles. I had my shorts off before she could touch them. Then we just looked at one another, me sitting half lying on the bed, Amelia standing and running her hand lazily along my knee.

"Well?" she smiled.

"I am well. Thanks for asking. You look...superb, perfect..." I said back to her in a low voice.

That this vision of loveliness could want to touch me and tolerate me touching her and making love to her was so unbelievable at times. I still had scars running over my arms, my legs, my chest, my face. They were no longer rough or red, but they were there. I was a freak, but the fans thought I was cool. It was a monster reflected back at me each morning when I looked in the mirror, but Amelia thought I was special. Try as I like, I couldn't really like how I looked, but when Amelia looked at me the way she did that night, I could accept it.

I pushed some of my unmanageable hair out of my eyes. I didn't want to miss a thing. This was genuine. I liked this bona fide experience far more than my imaginary love life, not that it wouldn't hurt to enrich reality with my fantasy world.

"Come here," I beckoned her. "I'm getting cold."

"Okay!"

Thinking back, I had never before even so much as kissed Amelia in front of the other members of the band, and here I had fondled her in public and was last seen dragging her off to my bedroom, from which we did not exit all night. Not that anyone missed us.

The party was a great success; I was congratulated on its success for weeks to come. I suppose it was. Food and party people were plastered all over the house the next morning. Not that I cared. I had a cleaning crew scheduled to bung out the place at two o'clock. Had I actually been at my party, however, a lot more things that happened later would have made a great deal more sense. Oh well...I had a great time. Great start to my summer vacation.

Two weeks. No band. No school. No patients. And as much Amelia as I could want. Almost.

Sigh... We managed to end it all with a fight... ah, an argument with her leaving a day earlier than necessary, when she wouldn't even consider moving in with me. Not even for the summer.

"I can provide you with recommendations from Xelloss and Val. I make a great roommate. I'm quiet, reasonably clean, I do laundry, cook, and I can drive you places. You can't beat the accommodations. I can keep you warm..." I couldn't have sold myself any better, I thought.

"But my father would never let me!"

"How can he stop you? You're old enough." Time to snip those old apron strings, Amelia. Then another reason came to mind. What if she didn't want to be restricted to just me? What if she wanted to continue dating other guys? That had to be it. That realization was an ego killer.

"I'm still his daughter, the good one. I can't let him down. And...and..."

"Just forget it, Amelia. Obviously you want to play the field, not that I blame you. I wouldn't want to be tied down to me either, but it just seemed that things were coming along, but..."

"Play the field? You think that's what I meant? You don't trust me, do you? How can you say you love me if you can't trust me? Trust is the basis for all good relationships..."

"Hell, you didn't trust me when my car ignition system was f--ed!"

"You don't have to use foul language with me! And, and we agreed to forgive and forget that. I guess I can't believe you about that either!"

And it went downhill from there.

Anyway, after the party, Xelloss and Filia had kicked off the summer break with a business trip to Poland. I barely recalled even seeing them at the party. I had seen Lina and Gourry...Val, naturally, but the rest was a blur. I had been busy. Not knowing what anyone else's plans were, I paid them no heed during that nearly wonderful two week break I had spent with Amelia.

What I didn't know was that upon his return to Seyruun, Xelloss met with Milgasia to learn the process for joining the clan. Was I right about him? I was! He was serious. He wanted to marry Filia, but none of us, sadly Filia included, knew a thing. But then we didn't learn that his request had been denied either. Not even Luna, which was strange looking back, because she had more power than Milgasia to make things in the clan magically happen. Why would Xelloss overlook Luna? All I could think of was that it had something to do with keeping it a secret, possibly from Lina. It was not easy to follow Xelloss' logic. Often doing that would take you helter-skelter and still not get you to the same point as he. I know because I had done it many times, trying to figure the man out. So, sometimes I read Xelloss right, and sometimes not, but if wasn't working at keeping secrets from me, I was more often right than wrong.

Fallreturned again to find me a slave to my books in my second year of medical school, where more emphasis is placed on disease and its treatment. My courses in the 2nd year included: pathology - the science of disease, especially the changes in structure and function causing or caused by disease; pharmacology - the science of medications; microbiology - the science of microorganisms such as bacteria, viruses, and fungi; and immunology - the science of how humans fight disease.

I was also going to learn how to take a medical history and perform a physical exam; that is, real, actual patient contact. And that made me both excited and apprehensive. I was excited to get a chance to do what I wanted, see patients, but I was worried about their reactions to me. If my features were more than striking, if I alarmed the patients I was there to treat, then how effective a job could I ever do?

I grew more worried daily, until my first day to go on 'rounds' I peaked when I lost my breakfast before leaving for the Seyruun General Hospital.

"Mr. Greywords? Are you joining us today or not?"

"Ah, yes…Sir…sorry I was late. I was held up in the men's room."

Astonished face, "You were! We should report it to the campus security!"

With a flushed and grievously embarrassed face I said, nearly gagging, "N-No! Please, don't do that! I only meant that…I was detained there for…personal reasons. Ah…no problem, Sir."

"Oh."

General snickering in the background.

"Right. I'm fine."

"Oh, well then, the van to the hospital is right this way. It will be parked here everyday at this time. Don't be late. Schedule your personal time better. At the end of your duty cycle, it will return you here, and you are free to go home for the day. Are there any questions?"

I was wondering how I would ever make it through the day, but postponed asking that stupid question for a boring day when all my fellow students needed another good laugh.

Also, at the end of the year all of us medical students could look forward to taking the first part of the Seyruun Medical Licensing Examination (SMLE-1), better known as The Boards. The purpose of the test was to determine medical competency when deciding to issue a license to practice medicine. These were to be very difficult exams, but most of us, we were told, would pass them, if we made it through the school year first!

Lina was slogging merrily away in her second year or so of graduate school and starting the saga of the Slayers called, the Seyruun High Jinx Trilogy. I hardly saw or heard from Val, Sylphiel or Gourry. Amelia was in her third year at SU. Sadly, she and I rarely met in private.

Filia and Xelloss were a couple in the eyes of the world now but I couldn't imagine that the strain of an uncertain future wasn't whittling away at them both. When Xelloss told me that they were sleeping together, I told him…sweet dreams. It couldn't last. After all, it was Xelloss and Filia, neither of whom could make a relationship work. Yeah, me the expert wrote that.

Winter...I was busy.

I did come to a conclusion about myself while spending so much time in my own solitary company. I determined that my own insecurities were driving me to make unreasonable demands on Amelia. I was turning into my own father! He was helpless raising a boy alone, but too proud to get help. He was blind and pretended his was not. He took it out on me, the one he loved most in the world, and drove me away. Things changed, Xelloss changed us and our structure and our family. We had a fine relationship now, Rezo and me. We didn't have to say much to communicate, but we cared. But now, was I sinking into the same patterns? I loved Amelia deeply, but I hurt her too. I'd press her for more, to give me more and she'd do it and then when it got to be too much, we'd have another fight. I hated it. She couldn't have been enjoying it all either. Something had to change, and it was me, I decided. Yeah, I'd do something; when I had the time, that is.

Spring… I knew Filia and Xelloss started hanging out at the settlement together. I had mentioned to him that he could move in with me in his old room, but he figured it wasn't worth the trouble, and he was probably right.

Summer... Sigh...I got time to breathe and draw and socialize again!

Time for the new and improved Zelgadiss! A caring, considerate, compassionate chap that they would all appreciate and love. Right. Well, close. I did give it a go. I invited Amelia and the band to my beach place numerous times over the course of the summer, and never once slept with her—or even tried to. I avoided arguments like the plague; I never asked a thing of her, I was thoughtful, kind and appreciative. I knew that all my effort would make an impression on her. A reward was just waiting for me down the line. My karma set for success, I was poised, confident that all would turn out fine.

So, you are wondering 'How did you do, Zel?' Well, let me tell you... By mid summer's end, Lina demanded that I 'snap out of it!' She informed me that Amelia thought that I was in love with someone else and dying from some mysterious disease that I was keeping secret from everyone. Love sucked.

Xelloss was with Filia out at settlement most of the time. They went out to Wolfpack Island once even. That they were making progress of some kind, maid my lack of same even more apparent. What was he doing right that I wasn't?

The band toured to promote our newest CD and that was about it, I guess.

Fall...The third and fourth years of medical school consisted of classes alternating through the different major specialties of medicineThis was my third year, so all the medical students began rotating through each of the specialties of medicine, such as Internal Medicine, Surgery, Pediatrics, Obstetrics and Gynecology, Psychiatry, Neurology, Radiology, Emergency Medicine, Family Medicine, etc. I knew that this was my chance to learn everything to help me decide what area to concentrate on next year and with my 'success' from summer to look back on, I poured my ever-waking moments and entire being into studying.

Lina was starting her 2nd-and-one-half year of graduate studies at SU and was nearly done with her master's thesis. It was Amelia's last year at SU. She was applying to law schools, some far away. How was anything going to get easier?

Winter... I never left the school or the hospital.

Spring...Amelia was notified of her admittance to Seyruun Law School, her first choice. After learning that, I thanked the gods and swore in an e-mail to Xelloss to go with him to at least one White Shrine event, then later hoped that he would forget I ever promised him such an inane thing.

A few months later on the last day of spring, the band got together for our nearly annual band celebration over dinner. It had been six years since the musical, and we were losing our close connections, but with these 'traditional events' we didn't lose everything.

We all I learned that Amelia had received a summer internship at the firm of her Uncle Christopher in Sairaag. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut when she told us all. Amelia was moving away and I would be seeing much less of her than ever! She hadn't even told me, until now. She was leaving. Amelia. And Sylphiel announced that she and Gourry were going to have another baby. Amelia was moving away and I would not be seeing her all summer. Amelia... Why hadn't she told me before? Damn, love sucked more and more.

I left the party without telling anyone good bye. Well, I dashed off an e-mail to Xelloss informing him that 'all shrine activities were now off', then I drove around all night while deciding what I would do. When summer arrived the next day, I packed a bag and went traveling on my own. Alone. I stopped by and visited old friends. All my non-band friends. Van, was working in the forestry department, and for awhile I followed him on trails and re-planted areas where stands of trees had been decimated by some insect. What had become of Hitomi? He told me that she was on some international relations program and gone all summer, but...she'd be back, someday. And then he planned to marry her. I wished him luck.

Sano had also gone on a search for his future. Megumi, I had met her numerous times where she was a doctor now in Atlas City, expected him to come crawling back to her or get locked in some jail in Timbuktu. Their future was difficult to get a good read on.

Inu and Kagome had married and had a house filled with puppies and babies, both. I couldn't tell which were which, literally. Too much happiness there for me.

I worked out awhile with Kenshin, who had married his sweetheart and had two children. He was still the gentle, even-tempered man I'd known before, but happier and deeply satisfied with how his life had turned out. I told him I had a ways to go before I could say the same thing.

Fall—I was happy to return to the 24/7 workaholic camp medical school had become. I began my fourth year of medical school, which was similar to the year before but had more clinical rotations with a higher level of responsibility, in addition to electives. Additionally, I had The Boards exam Part 2 to look forward to at the end of the year. It would test whether I could apply my medical knowledge in providing patient care under supervision.

If that wasn't enough, in the 4th year of medical school we had to decide which field of medicine (specialty) to practice. Each medical field would require a residency (a training period -- sort of an apprenticeship) of 3 or more years. In order to place us with the right hospital, all the medical schools used THE MATCH. The Match was a sort of computer matching game. It worked in the following way. After all the graduating medical students completed their interviews, they would also submit their list of residency programs in order of preference. At the same time, the residency programs ranked the students that they preferred. The info would then be entered into a computer to match students and residency programs with their highest possible preference. Every graduating medical student would then find out the results onthe same day in mid-March on"Match day"

Lina began her doctoral thesis during her third year of graduate school. I had coffee with her once a month at best.

Winter – Val invited us out to the Ancient Clan Monument Park grand opening. We relaxed and got healthy at Nahga's spa and toured his monument to his lost family and clan. Tremendous. I had no inkling as to the extent of his work out there. I was so impressed that I kept babbling incoherently. I think I convinced him I was sincere. Lina, Gourry, and Sylphiel had made several trips out there with him, since they alone seemed prepared for what they saw. Xelloss and Filia were still together, which baffled me. Amelia was...nice, but strained with too much on her mind. If we were ever to have a chance at love again, I would have to be the one to make the next move, it seemed.

In March on"Match day" I received my assignment, and low and behold, I was to do my residency training in my chosen field of specialty: Psychiatry, with the length of the training period: 4 years. I was especially lucky to have a choice of internships—Atlas City and Sairaag. Atlas City was more prestigious, but I could see that Sairaag would give me more valuable experience and teach me far more, so that was my final choice. And more importantly, even if romance was out of the question for us, and I fervently hoped it was not, it would give me some opportunities to see Amelia and patch up our friendship.

The next day, Sylphiel went into labor and, at her insistence, I was permitted to conduct the delivery! Amazing... I delivered my second healthy baby boy. (Filia's little brother, Quentin, had been my unanticipated first many years back.)

Summer-- Amelia returned to her summer internship job in Sairrag. This time, I visited her a lot while finding a place to live in preparation for my internship at Sairaag Community Hospital. She and I had some relationship repair work to so, but our foundation was solid and I was hopeful, but not pushy.

In fall, Lina churned out her doctorate paper and aced her orals. She was offered a teaching position on the tenure tract to stay on at SU. She agreed to the job on the spot. I wished I could have done more, but all I had time for was a rushed congratulatory note.

Joey was 18 and graduating from Seyruun High School in June of the year, as an honor student. I called Amelia and asked if she wanted to co-host a party for him. She of course agreed to do what she could, but that Sylphiel might like to help too. I called Joey and offered to host his graduation party either at the Mayor's place or at the beach house, which ever he preferred. Amelia had just started her second, busiest, and last year of law school, so I understood her fear of making commitments she couldn't live up to. In the end, Gourry and Sylphiel took over the party planning and it was held at the Mayors to make it easier for all the kids to get there. But, back to the fall events...

Filia seemed happy and busy with her shop. She was taking night classes at the SU to finish her degree...slowly. What we knew nothing of was Xelloss secret timetable. He pursued the clan entry program for so long... He was told 5 times and turned down absolutely no, NO, no, NO, and no. Then the time ran out. He enacted the most insane, contemptible, outrageously stupid plan to give Filia a chance at a new life.

Next thing I knew, Lina was on the phone screaming into my ear. Filia and Xelloss had broken up. I was in the middle of rounds, so I promised to call her later. But when I did, things had changed dramatically.

Why was I not jumping into the fray and trying to patch things up, you might ask? Well, I was in Sairaag beginning my internship in Psychiatry with its grueling 4 year training period. That first year, the on-duty work hours averaged 53 hours a week, with an average of 27 of those hours consecutive! I had one day off a week; sometimes a half day extra.

Let me explain what this phase of my medical training was all about. Residency was a 3 year training program in a medical specialty; the first year of training after medical school being called internship here in the City-State of Seyruun. Much of what I would learn in my chosen specialty would be learned now. It's hard to believe that, after 12 years of school, 4 years of college and 4 years of medical school, there would still be so much to learn (All right so I had cut a few corners and years off that package, but it was still a lot of time in the classroom!)

There are so many different residencies, but I understood that my internship would be spent either rotating through different specialties. In my case I spent the year rotating, in 1 month intervals, to the ER, General Surgery, Internal Medicine, Intensive Care Unit, Orthopedics, Pediatrics and OB/GYN, and Psychiatry. After the first year much more emphasis would be placed on my own specialty.

A typical day in residency started around 7AM. First I would meet my patients prior to "rounds" to check on the results of diagnostic tests, to see how they were responding to therapy. Next would come "rounds" with my team of several other interns, an upper level supervising resident, and an attending or teaching physician. During "rounds", we would walk around to each patient to discuss his or her care, suggesting further diagnostic tests or treatments being the usual topics of discussion. After rounds I often would return to see some patients in more depth, do whatever procedures needed to be done, talk to the patient's private physician, etc.

Usually I would attend a lecture or conference at some point in the day. After lunch new patients were often added, for whom I would need to do a history and physical exam, and then write their admitting orders instructing others about which tests, medications would be required for this patient. At the end of the day I would "sign out" to the team that would be "on call" that night.

Would my day be done? Time to relax? Nooooooo... At home it would be important to continue to read about medicine no matter how big a role fatigue might be playing havoc with my ability to focus. And believe me, we all needed recovery sleep from our nights on call.

Being on call while in residency meant that I'd stay in the hospital over night and care for the patients on my team and the other teams, and care for the new admissions. Meaning I would be working up to 30-36 hours with little or no sleep. This was done every 2nd, 3rd, or 4th night depending on some nasty freak of nature; a tradition, and perhaps a dangerous one. However, the more experience we would have treating patients and their diseases the better we would become.

On the up side, we were finally being paid for our services, about $35,000 a year. On the down side, an intern was at the bottom of the food chain at a teaching hospital. Any unpleasant, menial task (called "scut" work) instantly became the intern's job.

So, back to my story. The night before I had been on call and now I was on rounds and Lina was screaming at me. The next decent conversation I had, I learned that Filia was incognito and out of the band. I searched out Xelloss, and discovered that he was taciturn, depressed and going to be ineffective in the band. I really did not have the time to deal with all that.

Until winter break, when I put Xelloss into hospital after he suffered a nervous breakdown. This was what happened...

Gourry called me. I could hear shouting in the background. "Ya better come, Zel. I was about to call the cops, 'til I found out who it was. He was burnin' papers or somthin'. Ya know his doctor? I can call him."

"It's all right. I'm at the hospital in Seyruun for the weekend already. I'll call Dr. Lester and bring him along. I'm only a few blocks from where you are, I ah…give me that address again to be sure. Right. If he shuts up, tell him I'm coming. Bye." I jammed my cell phone into my pocket. "Damn him anyway. Xelloss you will be the death of us all one of these days, though, hopefully not today."

I had chosen psychiatry for my residency program. And although I was stationed at Sairaag Community most of the time, Friday through Sunday I was on call at Seyruun General with Dr. Lester as my supervising doctor. Very convenient. I found him in his office, explained the emergency, and he agreed that the training would be superb so we took off for the Claire Publishing building.

There, Gourry's company was heading the restoration of the historical building or was until Xelloss walked onto the scene to observe the progress, and then literally went nuts. The last owners of the building had been a mayor arterial in the syndicate organization's internal mail sorting and redistribution. Something Xelloss saw there must have triggered his mental collapse. He had been depressed over his break up with Filia. I had tried to get him to move into the house with Val and me, when either of us was there, but he declined. He would be okay, he said. I was worried about him, and now, I reminded myself, I knew why I should have been and wished that I'd been more obstinate and demanded that he move into our house.

"You couldn't have done more. He's a grown man, Zelgadiss."

I knew Dr. Lester meant well, but he was wrong. I could have and should have done more and Xelloss was a man, but not grown up. Emotionally, he was quite fragile.

Xelloss had settled down by the time the doctor and I arrived. A trail of broken boxes and scattered papers led the way to where he and Gourry were sitting. On the floor in the midst of chaos, the two men sat in quiet conversation recalling old times.

"Hello," Dr. Lester opened.

Both men looked up and smiled, although Gourry's clenched jaw betrayed his tense state. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Gourry, Xelloss…" I said in greeting.

"She's alive. Look! See!" Xelloss' eyes were unusually wide as he gazed up at me holding a fan of papers.

"Who…?" Dr. Lester started to ask, but I stopped him with my hand.

"Can I take a look at what you've got there?" I asked Xelloss.

"Yeah, there's boxes of them. She's been hiding communiqués here. She's still alive. She must be close."

"He's right about the papers, Zel. They got Zelas' imprint at the bottom. I remember that pretty good."

I nodded to Gourry, "Yeah, but these are old, Xelloss. Real old. Check the dates encoded into the heading. Remember how she used to do that? You taught me about that."

Xelloss blinked, "Maaaaybe. My head's hurting and I can't see very well."

Dr. Lester knelt down. "How long ago did you last medicate yourself?"

Xelloss closed his eyes. "An hour ago or two. I missed a few days and doubled up to catch up. I lost track of time…" His voice faded away and I thought he might have passed out. I was hoping he had. It would be easy to just carry him out and move him then.

His eyes flew open, his face grew pinched and pale, he was panicking. "She's coming for me…" He reached out, grabbing at my arm.

Gourry wanted to calm him down again. He spoke in a reassuring tone. "Ah, nah…she can't do that. I saw her blow up. We all did. This stuff…it don't mean nothing, Xelloss. It's just trash, old trash we found."

"The helicopter blew up years ago with both Zelas and Darkstar inside. They're both dead, Xelloss. Now, do you think we ought to call Chief McGywn and see if he wants to come pick these boxes up and look them over?" I asked.

Xelloss relaxed his death grip on my arm. "Yes…No! Linda. Call Linda Inverse. She will know what to do with them. Can…can I go now?"

"Where would you like to go?" I asked. "Somewhere safe?"

"Yes."

"All right. I think you can use some rest and food and your ADD medication has you unbalanced so we want to get that right. How about I take you to where I work?"

His blank look reflected his confused mind. "University?"

"The hospital. If it's all right with you and Dr. Lester, I'd like to check you into one of the rooms in Sairaag Community where I'm in residence more of the week. I could check on you everyday…several times a day there."

"I don't like hospitals…"

"I know, nor do I, remember? But you and I did all right in them together, if you recall. We always came out fine… well. And they have nice rooms, Xelloss; ones with a view into the gardens. Those are for the patients like you who just…need to rest and get strong again. Who aren't …sick." I cleared my throat. Seeing him like that took me back to some very bad times we had together in hospitals. "I promise I won't stick you there any longer than you want, all right?"

"You promise, Zelgadiss?"

"Yes, of course. Then you can stay with me in my Sairaag apartment if you like. And when I come into Seyruun, you can stay in your old room with Val and me. Sound good?"

He agreed. In the meantime, Dr. Lester made a call to confirm the plans with the hospital, which he and I had actually already made on the ride over. "I'll take you out to my car," the doctor offered Xelloss.

He hesitated to leave without me.

Gourry rose to his feet and brushed off his pants. "That's okay, Zel. I can call Mrs. Inverse for ya and take care of all this stuff. You go ahead."

"Thanks, Gourry. I'll get back to you later." I smiled over at Xelloss and pushed his shoulder gently in the direction of the door. "Come on, big brother, it's a long drive and you want to get there in time for dinner. It's Ice Cream Sundae…every Sunday."

It was a good thing his back was turned so that he couldn't see the tears flooding my eyes.

End SHJ Ten year Reunion-- Chapter Fourteen.