SEYRUUN HIGH JINX -- 10 year Reunion Story –-2004-09

"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives." – C. S. Lewis

Chapter Fifteen: Love and Marriage

"I told the doctor I was overtired, anxiety-ridden, compulsively active, constantly depressed, with recurring fits of paranoia. Turns out I'm normal." – Jules Feiffer

I knew something was bound to go wrong. I knew it would eventually. Xelloss and Filia...the match was doomed from the start. When I learned from Lina what had transpired that day, that he had done something so odd, I knew vaguely the cause of Xelloss' nervous breakdown.

"I don't want to discuss it, Zel."

"Nor do I, Lina, but I've talked to the others and they haven't a clue. Ah...except for Filia, who no one can reach, but since you are or were her most trusted friend and roommate," I paused to let the guilt sink in, "then I was hoping you could shed some light on what the hell's going on."

The band was in a mess. How much of one? Well, Nahga joined up to replace Filia and Joey took over for Xelloss after I put Xelloss in the hospital. Xelloss wasn't sharing anything with me or Dr. Lester. I was worried that the end of the Slayers band had come before the triumphant ten year reunion party.

"Lina! Xelloss is sick and he's not going to get better without help. How can you not want to help him? He won't even talk to me. ME! He's going on about Zelas as if she were alive and out to get him. If I ask him about Filia, he just clams up and closes his eyes. When I asked about you he simply asked, 'How is she?' The longer he ruminates on whatever happened, the worse he'll get."

Lina seemed unmoved. I lowered my voice and drew closer, "I had to order a chemical cocktail delivered intravenously when he's asleep to keep him from hanging himself in his room. Do you know how I feel lying to him about the drugs? What if he discovers what's going on? He'll never talk to me again; he'll never let himself sleep; he'll eventually find a way to kill himself, Lina. Is that something you can live with, too?"

Lina's eyes grew large. I must have gotten past her guard at last. She began to unload a little, "Okay, Filia came home and Xelloss just...suddenly made this move on me, uttering some nonsense about whether I wanted him or not. Filia saw us and bolted the room. Next thing I knew, she'd jumped ship. Someone from the clan came to pack her things and remove them from the house, with no comment, no forwarding address. I got an e-mail from her saying she was quitting the band..."

"I know that part. Go back to beginning where she walks in on you and Xelloss. Focus on the details leading up to that. Say, when he arrived."

I could tell Lina hated every minute of the interrogation, this part especially. "He was weird. He was nice and smarmy-like. Askin' me about how I'd liked our time in Zephillia."

I raised an eyebrow to take issue with that information.

"I was there visiting family...Mom, my aunt, Luna... for the wine tasting or something and he just showed up..."

"He'd visited you before, hadn't he?" I tried not to make that sound so accusatory, but I could tell Lina was hiding something.

"Oh, loads." Seeing how that must have surprised me, she added defensively, "But not at my house. Hey, even Gourry drops by now and then...and you! Val, too!"

"Was there anything out of the ordinary that happened on that particular Zephillia visit that would make him want to discuss it with you?" There! Her eyes narrowed and then she looked away. I must have touched an exposed nerve that time.

Alas, she vowed, "Nothing relevant to this discussion."

"So, he just visited you that day at your house here in town and asked about a previous visit, all strictly platonic, and then suddenly out of the blue he launches an assault on you the moment his girlfriend of many years enters the house, wherein Filia catches you in the act..."

"Him, not me. I was just a prop in some devious thing he was playing out, I don't know." Lina was not very forthcoming, I had to say, but had our roles been reversed, I wouldn't have been any better; that is, unless she had something to hide. "Oh, and he knew she was coming, too. Not that particular moment, but soon."

"So, he might have staged it all, you're saying?"

"Exactly!" she was happy to go for that victory.

"Those two have been a couple for years, why would he just now use you to anger Filia and jeopardize his mental health? I just don't get that...unless... He didn't know how to break it off. He always had had a hard time juggling his feelings for the both of you, but I thought that was over with... Why use you...?"

"Stop saying 'used'! No one uses me," Lina snapped.

"Well, if he wasn't using you unawares, then how were you benefiting from all this?"

She had no good answer to that one. "He was or something like that. He's always been unbalanced; he just cracked."

"Hmmm."

"What, hmmm?"

"Filia knew, as did everyone else, that Xelloss had a particular...fondness for you."

"So? What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, if he knew she was coming home soon and then shows up unannounced, I assume you hadn't expected Xelloss to come over that day?" Lina nodded, so I continued, "...which, as you've said, was a rare thing, then we can assume he went to your house with the intention of having Filia see him there with you, in a compromising situation. Of all people he might choose to mess around with, I bet you were the only one Filia might suspect he'd be truly...ah...unfaithful over. And there you were. I wonder if he'd told her about meeting you in Zephillia, or any of those other times?"

Lina shrugged, "How would I know what he told her? But she knew about that...I think. There was nothing 'going on' between Xelloss and me, Zel."

So you say...I hated asking the next question more than anything, "Were you..." I paused to alter my wording and approach mid-sentence, "...in love with Xelloss, ever?"

Her reaction startled me. I'm not certain why; I didn't know what to expect.

"Yes, no...kinda. I was jealous of what he and Filia had, the more I saw them together and saw how he affected her. I liked his attention when it was focused on me, but at the time, no. I was not encouraging him, if that's what you're getting at."

I shook my head and sighed, "I'm not really sure what my point was myself." I chose not to argue my position and went on, "In any case, it would make Filia very jealous to see you and Xelloss ...kissing. In fact, if she had suspected he was losing interest in her already or was seeing others, then that would have been enough proof to convince her that the relationship was over. Maybe enough to drive her to just break it off with him for good!"

"Yeah, so? That could have been done over tea, not in my house," Lina said. "But then, he's over-dramatic that way."

"That's right, which gets us back to asking why would he go to so much trouble to get her so mad...? To leave the band, not contact any of us...she must hate him now. He would have known a passionate woman like Filia would turn love into hate to protect her sanity. So, the next question would be... Why would he want her to hate him so much?"

"Maybe he just needed to be hated for a change," Lina tossed out. "Come on, Zel, you know him better than anyone. He's unpredictable. He watches too much crap on TV and too many old movies. He gets stupid ideas which he proceeds to act out. So, he was desperate to dump Filia and was too cowardly to tell her like a man."

"Xelloss is lots of things, but cowardly isn't one of them, and you know that, Lina. He would need for her to hate him if he wanted this to be a final break with him. If he wanted her to get over him fast with no hope or desire to reunite." I was on to something, and I knew it.

"There never was any hope for them anyway. It's not like he could join the clan even if he wanted to."

That was news to me. Had I known that, I would have slept better years ago and not worried over him doing something rash like quitting the priesthood to join Filia's clan. "Why's that?"

"Oh, Luna said a long time ago that Xelloss was held accountable for the death of the Supreme Elder and threatening to kill Filia back that summer when..."

"But he didn't do those things!" I interrupted.

"No, but it was easier to do that than to blame the Volphied people. Lately, they're trying to bridge the gap between the two clan agencies."

Was that what was going on? Was it possible that Xelloss had tried to gain admittance into the clan, however that was done, and been turned down? But how could that drive him to such desperate measures? "I think we need to talk to your sister, but first I'm going to talk to Xelloss again."

"Luna is out and about on clan business. I'll let you know when she's not too busy to talk," Lina said.

"I'll just start with an e-mail. I'll need her address."

A few months after that painful but illuminating conversation, it was spring again. It had been eight years since the musical. Val told me he was seeing Filia out at the settlement; that she was coming around some and talking to him at last. She had completed her degree but was floundering with nothing to do. She was aimless and very unhappy. He was worried about her. Make that two of us.

My subsequent communications with Luna were a waste of time. I didn't learn a thing from Luna I hadn't already known, which meant that she too was withholding information-- that I was sure of.

Frequently, like five times a day, I dropped in on Xelloss in his luxury suite at the Sairaag mental wing of the hospital where I was in residence. I took pleasure in our time together again. As much as I had liked my continued friendship with my other friends, I missed the deep bonds of our friendship. He was still my best friend and found it easy to fall back into mind-bending conversations just like the old times. It also gave me the chance to study his interactions with others. He was as always the master of deception. He really missed his calling in life—he should have been an actor. All the nurses, both men and women, were captivated by his charm and wit. He had them all convinced that he had simply been overwrought with heart ache, and that I was 'mistaken' to have admitted him for a mental breakdown. Naturally they all believed him, thought I was over reacting—everyone one but Dr. Lester, my part-time, weekend supervisor.

Don't get me wrong, Xelloss was recovering. He was 'over his break up', he said. He was cheerfully taking his correct ADD medication, eating, and resting. He wanted to go home, wherever that was.

He improved. In fact, he was progressing well enough, that in June, when Joey graduated from Seyruun High School with honors, Lina, Gourry, Sylphiel, Val, Amelia and I brought Xelloss to a small party for Joey. He seemed to really enjoy being back with us again. His spirits were better than I'd observed all the while he'd been in the hospital. He danced with Sylphiel and asked about her babies and conversed excitedly with her about each detail and every quirk of their little persons. She was delighted to have a rapt audience and he seemed thankful just to lose himself in someone else's world and not to have to talk much himself.

And then, I lost sight of him.

"Gourry, know where Xelloss disappeared to?" I asked.

Gourry's face went blank a second, and then he frowned, "He said you were sending him back...someplace. He borrowed my phone 'cause his wasn't working and called for a ride, I think. But, that wasn't true, huh?"

I took Gourry's phone and traced the call to the airlines he did business with. I was able to reach the airport shortly after he had already boarded a plane to Spain. No, they wouldn't let me on board. No, it was full and I couldn't get a ticket. No, all I could do was watch as Xelloss escaped and went abroad.

We didn't hear from him for almost an entire year; everyone but me, that is. I would have been more troubled, had something tragic not occurred to divert my attention. I had the sad occasion to be in the ER when Sylphiel was admitted. She had been in Sairaag visiting Amelia and taking a little R and R from motherhood when she fell ill. She had been a month into her pregnancy, when she felt cramps and by the time Amelia delivered her to the ER, she was spotting.

"I called Mr. Gourry and he'll get here as soon as he can," Amelia told her before having to leave the room.

I was allowed to perform the examination—she had begged them to let me. And now, I sat on the stool and held Sylphiel's hand. I could see tears forming at the corners of her eyes and knew that what I had to say would come as no surprise to her.

"I'm so sorry, Sylphiel."

"It's gone? I'm not...going to have this baby, am I?"

"No. The blood tests say you are no longer pregnant. I...I would like to suggest a D&C to it. It will send your hormones back to a normal state much faster and you'll be able to have another baby ...sooner."

She nodded. She knew what I was talking about, having had some hospital-caregiver experience. "Can you do it before Gourry gets here?"

"I'll need a supervisor to attend. Oh, that's not what you meant; ah...you want it over with fast."

"Yes, and I don't want him trying to make decisions. I just want him to h-hold..." I squeezed her hand and she wrapped me in her arms. "Why? Why did it die?"

"I can't say exactly, but maybe there was something wrong with it. Early on, the body tries to get rid of incomplete or malformed... early in the cell divisions maybe something didn't go right. It was probably something like that."

"So, you think it was for the best? My body ended ... it...before it was a life because it wasn't normal?"

"I think so. There was no...material found in the examination, so it may have been absorbed partially or, Sylphiel, it may have even been a false pregnancy. You just did a home test, right?"

She nodded, "But it felt right."

"Of course. There's nothing wrong with you. You'll be able to have more children, Sylphiel. At least you have that. I-I'm just so sorry I can't do more now."

She pulled away, "Thank you, Zel. I'm so glad I had you here. I just feel so...sad."

Minutes later, the D&C procedure cleared her body of any remaining remnants of a pregnancy. It was my first, and, I decided, my last. I covered her with a warm blanket and stayed with her until Gourry arrived. Then I did the sad honors of telling one of my best friends of the loss of his unborn child. Even if it had been a false one, the two parents shared a bereavement which would forever be in their memory, and in mine. They never told anyone and nor did I, except Amelia, who Sylphiel said I should. It was a sad day I have never forgotten.

Summer— Amelia was absorbed in studying for the bar exam the first of fall. The sting of resentment at having been rejected by her once had worn away and had been replaced with a deep yearning for our special closeness again. I guess I was no longer satisfied with being alone.

Seeing an opportunity to ingratiate myself with her, I offered my assistance with her studies. All those years of tutoring in high school and studying for my own grueling tests, had made me the perfect choice for helping my Amelia, that and it gave me the opportunity to show her I was still devoted in spite of not calling her for weeks at a time. She understood my life was hectic and overloaded, which was why... but she didn't need to remind me why she had refused my marriage proposal. It was obvious that we would have had a tough time trying to make that happen with the rest of our lives in an uproar and our times consumed with other priorities. And for me especially, there always seemed to be another concern coming before my social life. Now, with a break from school, I was happy to have found a way to just be with her again.

One day we were resting under our tree in the park behind the mansion. The deer were doing the same under their own trees in the distance. Nothing but the shrill, metallic buzz of the cicadas interrupted our endeavors.

"That's enough!" Amelia cried out. "If I have to answer anymore questions or think for one minute longer, so help me I'm going to scream."

"I think you are screaming already."

"Then it's time for a break. Let's see what's packed in there for our lunch."

Glancing at my watch, I noted, "It's a little early yet...but fine." She was already into it anyway.

"Have you heard from Kiki lately?" I asked.

"Um, yes. She's still in France, selling her family property is going to take awhile, she says. She would like to get back to see us and back to her studio. That was a really good fit for her, don't you think? Mr. Xelloss was very astute to set that up for her."

"Yes, he's a generous man with many talents." And problems...which I didn't need to add.

"And she's in love..."

"Kiki? Oh, well that's great."

"Isn't it? She has a great enthusiasm for life and takes her optimism with her everywhere. She is a kind and warm-hearted person and is always willing to help out others before helping herself. I just know she will make him happy!" Amelia's eyes watered with emotion.

"Yeah. Anyone I know?"

"You might remember him. I went out with him a few times in high school. Tombo, remember him? Kiki didn't like him at first and was actually very snobbish towards Tombo, but he was persistent and became one of Kiki's best friends in high school after I graduated. Come on...you know who I mean...Nice guy, tall, light hair, glasses. He's a flight instructor at the airport and owns a hanger and rental business now. He got a degree in aeronautical engineering, but the business fell into his lap when his uncle died."

"I can't say I do, but I'll take your word for it." Someone Amelia had dated, huh? Well, that explained why I didn't remember him. I worked at forgetting all their names. It was either that or stalk and murder them. I didn't know any other way to handle jealousy back then. And that was one of my more serious character flaws—I was a jealous man. Jealous of Amelia's little boyfriends, of Gourry's contented life, of Val's freedom and Xelloss' good looks. I buried my nasty feelings in sarcasm and aloofness, when I could. Amelia knew that, I think, and wouldn't let me get away with it any more.

Amelia was not satisfied with my unenthusiastic response, but gave up after trying to jog my memory with more insignificant details. "Oh, well. What brought them together was really sweet. Now, I know you remember Jiji."

"Ah..." Gods...who was that?

"Kiki's cat!" Amelia shot before I could dredge up a name.

Cat! Yes, that I recalled..."Ah yes, it was completely black. Meowed a lot." I let out my breath as Amelia smiled. I got that part right.

"Jiji was so cute! It was as if he could talk to her sometimes. Well, Jiji met Tombo's cat when he brought her over to see me and... Well, the pair started their own cat family. I think they were very close after that... Tombo and Kiki!" she added loudly to circumvent any possible misunderstanding on my part and to block me from joking 'who, the cats?'

"Well, that was a long time ago now. But I know they're in love and she'll hurry back as soon as she can!"

"I hope he's patient," was all I could say.

Which lead to an awkward pause before Amelia changed the subject, "Any phone calls from Mr. Xelloss?"

"No. But he answered my e-mail so I know how to locate him. I gave him a run-down on everyone, where they were and what they were doing. He's not coming home just yet, was all he said. I think he's waiting for Filia."

"Here, have a sandwich and try these chips Mrs. Andrews baked last night. Waiting for Miss Filia to do what?"

"He didn't say, but I believe I have him all figured out. He wanted to join the clan- I got that out of Milgasia. He also told me that Xelloss was turned down, repeatedly. I also know, from Luna, that there's no way he's ever going to be allowed into their training program. From talking to Lina, I've determined that he made a scene in front of Filia as if he was having an affair with Lina to drive Filia off and force a nasty breakup. He wanted her to really despise him, which considering their past, it shouldn't have been be too hard to rekindle those bad feelings again. A final cut-off so that Filia could find someone else to marry."

"That's... horrible!" Amelia gasped. "Everything about it is so unfair and...unjust! Nothing should come between true loves! And he must still love her or he wouldn't have stayed away. You think he's waiting for her to get a boyfriend or get married, right?"

I wondered if she had thought about 'us' in the same way (true love at odds with fate), but decided not to bring that sore topic up now, especially since the 'thing' between our 'true love' was actually our personal goals. "Yeah, and she may have, but we have lost contact with her. Well, Val feeds me bits of news, but even he's keeping pretty mum on the subject."

Amelia's eyes lit up, "Maybe Mr. Val and Miss Filia are getting back together! That's it! Val knows he has to give her lots of time to get over her break up. Or...he thinks he's her only choice. Oh, that's just too sad. How noble of Val to be willing to take her on the re-bound. He's not going to tell anyone that, especially you."

"Me? Why not me?" I was still trying to fathom a 'noble' Val. Him? Self-sacrificing?

"Because then you'll tell Mr. Xelloss, or so he thinks, and if he believes there's any chance that Mr. Xelloss might come back too soon, before he's secured Miss Filia's affections, then it would mess things up. Mr. Val wants Mr. Xelloss to stay away as long as possible. He told me so."

"Val told you that? When?"

"Well, you know he was really mad at Mr. Xelloss about messing up the band with a break up. I mean, he never tried to visit him in Sairaag in the hospital, right! Even when Mr. Gourry offered to drive him out there. And at the party, well you know..."

"Joey's graduation party? I hardly saw Val, then Xelloss went missing, then I left. Did something happen after I left?"

Amelia nodded, "Before. I was there pouring Mr. Xelloss some punch when Mr. Val came up and said...he said he should 'Get out of town and stay away,' although not in those words."

"Ah, so then Xelloss left. That may not have been pre-meditated on Xelloss' part then, as I had thought."

"Do you know where Mr. Xelloss is now?"

"Yes."

"Then you should go see him and talk to him. Tell him everything you know. Miss Filia's not happy; Mr. Val, him...and nobody will be as long as this isn't resolved."

"But I'm helping you. I can't just leave you with the bar exam a month away."

She beamed, "Sure you can! I feel real good about all this material. There's only one last part I need to focus on and Ms. Luna promised to help me with that. You don't have to be gone forever, just a week or so. Maybe when you get back, you and I can do something nice together."

"Just the two of us?"

She nodded.

"All right. With that promise, I'll go. I would hate to waste my entire summer on Xelloss when I have you to be with, but if I can take you someplace, then. All right. I'll check on flights and leave right away."

"Yes, the sooner you go, the sooner you'll get back," Amelia said.

I cupped her chin with a hand, "You really mean that? You want me to hurry back? You want to go on a vacation someplace with me?" I could have misunderstood. It's been known to have happened before." Man, had it!

"Yes, I really do. Zelgadiss, no matter whom else I've dated or been with, no one...absolutely no one has left a bigger mark in here than you." She held her hand over her heart.

I was convinced. I mimicked the gesture back and was gratified to receive her encouraging smile. Tentatively, I pressed my lips to hers. Was she still mine to love?

She let out a little sigh and returned my kiss. Yes, she was.

I wrapped her in my arms and squeezed her tighter, indulging myself in the sweetness of the supple contact. I shut my eyes, "Amelia...I have no right to say this, but I will. I love you. I love you and I need you. Please...another chance?"

"Let's talk about this when you get back. You know I love you too, but...without you around it's really hard to...I don't want us to get too serious when...Oh, I don't know. Just help Xelloss and hurry back and we'll see, okay?"

That was support enough for me.

My visit -- eventually as it turned out—took me circuitously to Copenhagen to see Xelloss, which was interesting, but I couldn't convince him to return with me. He revealed that he had married again, only after I vowed secrecy. I met his wife, Shanna, who reminded me of a shorter Kiki. And although she seemed taken with him, he seemed distant and unloving toward her. When in private I confronted him with my take on what had happened, he didn't deny it. He would not discuss it either. That was the unalterable past. Filia, he hoped would find a better mate and move on and when she had, I should let him know. Then and only then, he declared, would he return. I told him what he was full of and that Filia was wasting away and that Val was like a vulture waiting for her to weaken a bit more, before making his move.

And Xelloss answered, "Let him."

"So, you feel absolutely nothing for Filia. She could die for all you care?" Hey, it had worked with Lina. Guilt for driving a friend to death seemed to touch us all.

"I didn't say that. I don't want her to die, you know that, but she was wasting her life with me. If she has the barest chance at happiness, then it has been worth it."

"So, you do care?"

He nodded, would not meet my eyes, "I always will."

"And Lina? You wouldn't come back for her?"

"Does she want me to? Has she said that?"

I had to admit, "No, but there's something she's not telling me that has everything to do with all this. Luna too, what with the Volphied people."

"What's that about the Volphied people?" Xelloss looked interested.

"Apparently, you were the fall guy for all they did when the Supreme Elder was killed. The Cephied Believers and the Volphied people are trying to reform some bonds, and it's very convenient to push off all the blame for the bad deeds on the syndicate, that being you."

"That would explain the difficulties with passing the membership committee. I was blocked out from the start. Milgasia didn't know, or didn't tell me. I wonder if he knows now? He should if Luna does."

"I think this information would be new to him," I guessed. I didn't think Milgasia would withhold the reason for Xelloss' exclusion from him.

"Well, I have something to think about now. Thanks, Zelgadiss, for coming here. It's been, well, lonely, and it is good to see you again."

For those of you who have the notion that Xelloss was some kind of push-over, lackey-of-Lina, follower, or subservient slave of the women in his life with little or no free will of his own...you are only partly correct. Sure, he would always take orders from Lina, she was our band leader, and sometimes he even listened to my advice and Amelia's. He preferred to let the others do the planning for our Slayers events. But accompany him on a syndicate business trip, and you would meet the flip-side of his personality—the driver.

While visiting him at this time, he invited me along on one of his 'meetings'. Most of the circumstances must be kept a secret to protect identities and the delicate balance that he so cleverly maintained in the world. What I can tell you was that I watched him crush the hand of an opposition leader in a binding handshake as the other man tried to out-maneuver him. For Xelloss, a handshake was a deal, break it and he'd break you. He bridged all gaps, spared no expense, but also would not allow any ex-syndicate member out of whatever agreements he had made.

Many of the ex-syndicate guys were dissatisfied as Xelloss turned over their 'companies' to local governments to run and public policing agencies to secure. I saw one particularly resentful young man pull a gun on him. My heart nearly stopped, "Xelloss waaaaatch oooooout..."

Xelloss had the man disarmed and face down on the ground before his own security guards took a step to help him. Nothing was wrong with his hired help; Xelloss was just that good and fast. He exuded power. If anything, he reminded me of his father, Darkstar.

I was thankful that he was on 'our' side and relieved to return to my hotel unharmed that evening. What I had witnessed had a frightening effect on me. As a doctor in the making, I was torn between either helping Xelloss or his enemy combatants. Xelloss was a killer. He showed no mercy to those who defied him. I could also tell that it was wearing terribly on him to maintain this hard persona. I told him so, and he agreed.

"I am nearly done."

"Done with what? How is this job ever over, Xelloss?"

"When I have transferred everything to others. Currently, I personally own a handful of companies here, a few scattered about that are left to go."

"Who owns them? Don't you think the syndicate can just regroup after you leave?"

"No," he smiled. "Everything has been transferred to the country giving unintended refuge to the once-illicit business. Ousting the corrupt government officials has been a pain, but...the honest leaders are eager to get their hands on the wealth and do the job for me, much of the time. They get the added capital from the company and products, provided it was a real concern and not a thug hangout in the first place. Most the buildings are assets in and of themselves. The clearing houses become post offices, the spy networks are absorbed by the policing agencies. And on and on and so forth."

He looked at me with sorrow-filled eyes, "It's the only way out. If I try and hold on to the empire, it will take me over."

I agreed that what he was doing sounded great and was the right thing to do all around, "But what of your wealth? What will you be left with?"

He brightened, "I'm retaining everything in the Seyruun-Atlas City area. I'll be fine. I mean, how much money does a guy need anyway?"

Yeah, peace of mind was far more valuable, as was his life.

After that I left, but I was taking with me a very special key. It would get me on Wolfpack Island. I knew Amelia would like going there and it was Xelloss' way of saying 'thanks little brother.'

It was good, those few days vacation on Wolfpack Island. We took our own supplies and camped out, not wanting to pay a staff person to open the resort. The key Xelloss had given me was for permission to cross the straight from the mainland and harbor on the island. How or why Xelloss still retained such a thing, I hadn't asked. It most likely would have been 'a secret' anyways. Amelia and I took long walks on the cold misty ocean side and warm, sunny ones on the cove side. The mountains... we stayed away from those in order to avoid running into the wild wolves, if they were still around. We had a good time and enjoyed one another's company, though we both skirted certain topics so as not to get mired in a stupid argument and end up fighting again. We found our love could be rekindled by a gentle fanning of the fires within. Just a few more years and I would be a doctor somewhere and she would be a lawyer and maybe then, we could make a life together...

I did learn something else new.

Amelia had been doing a little sleuthing on her own. "I didn't let on how much you and I had surmised about Miss Filia and Mr. Xelloss, so I think Miss Lina didn't know that what she was telling me might be important. You tell me what you think. Anyway, Miss Lina had overheard someone on the settlement, she wouldn't say who but I guessed her sister, say that this island was going to be worked on at last. That the financing was solved and that Miss Filia's signature was needed for every major step of the way, but that she had given them the go-ahead to hire studies made first. I didn't see anyone here, but maybe that hasn't happened yet."

"This place was given to her clan by Xelloss. That's odd...I wonder if he was responsible for that, making Filia's signature a requirement? Of course, he was behind that," I mused to myself.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing Filia never left her clan, then. They'd lose the island, wouldn't they?"

I agreed.

"Oh look at that waterfall!" she cried out.

It looked like the previous five to me, but they delighted Amelia, so I trotted off behind her to see what made this one so special.

Tiny droplets of water sparkled on the mossy rocks as a mist as fine as cobwebs shot out of a crevice above our heads. Amelia danced in the spray looking as lighthearted and youthful as she was. I leaned up against the rocks and watched, mesmerized by her. Her spirit and energy freeing my soul.

"Quit gawking at me and come here. Feel this!" she called out to me.

The cooling mist was exhilarating and I laughed at the sheer joy of being in love with Amelia and with all the living things around me. I felt boundless.

She touched my hair.

"It looks like you sprinkled your head with diamond dust!" she giggled. "It's so beautiful this way."

I blushed. My hair was not something I ever really cared for. There was no styling it. It just flared out on its own with a wiry texture so totally unnatural that only the weird fans seemed to want to replicate it on their own heads. I could remember it soft and dark and I missed that.

Still, it was good to hide behind; that is, it had been, but not any longer. I'd had to trim it once I started the residency program...to look more professional. The rock-star persona, which had served me well on stage, was the bane of my existence in medical school. It hadn't mattered so much in college. There were lots of other rock personalities wandering about there and most the students looked as alien as I, and that was on purpose! But in medical school, I wasn't taken seriously. My peers figured I had bought my way into the program, that it was some publicity stunt, and that I'd flunk out before long. Of course, I proved them wrong. I could do both the music job and the medical training and do them both well. But I wasn't well-liked by my classmates, until they learned that my appearance was real, not a creation for my act, and that I was real, too.

The staff encouraged me to look a little less 'out there' once I started doing 'rounds', so I trimmed my bangs and pushed them out of my eyes and narrowed down my everyday-earrings to a couple tasteful ones. Not that I looked any less 'out there' to me, but it shut them all up. No one had the nerve to ask me to clip my ears or to cover my face.

So, there we were on Wolfpack Island hiking a trail by some falls with Amelia gushing over my lilac-gray-colored hair, which was collecting water and looking like beads on wires.

"Oh! You still blush! I haven't seen you do that in a long time!" she giggled and teased me to flush darker still.

"Amelia," I growled. "Stop it--" I tried to look serious, but it was hard when my face was determined to smile and laugh.

It was beneficial for us to have spent that time together. Amelia and I renewed our love and felt more closely bonded than we had in years. And that was important because the next year would be an extremely demanding one, a difficult one for us to get past with our relationship intact. But I decided there on that island that I couldn't wait until I was done with my residency. I couldn't wait any longer. I would just have to convince Amelia she didn't want to wait either. I wanted to make a life together. It was time to reset a few of my priorities.

Unfortunately, soon the time for summer dreaming was over, and as usual we were all so busy that the band stopped performing. There simply were no times the entire band could get together, and without Xelloss and Filia it wasn't the same...at all.

I was set to go back for my second year of residency in Sairaag, which was much like the previous one, although I was requested by Dr. Lester to spend more and more time training in my chosen field with him in Seyruun.

Lina published the Seyruun High Jinx Trilogy. She sent us all copies, signed of course. For a publicity stunt, she had us meet at a downtown bookstore for her 'signing' and screaming fans nearly tore the place apart! It had been awhile since we'd created mayhem and Lina looked thrilled to be the cause of it.

Oh, and just at the end of summer, Lina was awarded a full professorship at Seyruun University two weeks before the start of the new school year. That sent her into another whirlwind of activity to get prepared for teaching her first freshman English class.

And guess who was showed up front row and center that first day of classes? Joey Gabriev. He began his first year at SU and had Lina for a teacher. If you recall, Lina's house, the one she grew up in and still possessed, was right down the block from the Gabriev's. Gourry no longer lived there, of course, since he and Sylphiel had married and moved into a fixer-upper in the neighborhood, but Joey and his two brothers still did. His sisters were at a fashion design college in Atlas City.

Back to Joey. To save gas and share expenses, he caught a ride into the university with Lina each morning. If he could, he'd catch a ride back as well, but if not, he'd bus home. As a kid he may have been enamored of Xelloss, but by the time he was in college he had a crush on Lina. Another one to lose his heart to the Lina sink hole. Not that it mattered much to her. She either ignored the rumors circulating about their 'affair' or she basked in them. It was hard to tell.

Gourry didn't like what he'd heard and encouraged Lina to try and stomp them out or at least not give anyone any reason to believe them, advice which did not sit well with Miss Lina. She would do what she liked, with whom she liked, and if he or anyone else had a problem with that, then too bad. I personally didn't know at the time whether or not Lina and Joey were lovers, I only heard rumblings to the contrary from Gourry. I doubted that Lina was that...way, but then what did she know about my love life? My closest dealings with Lina at this time were in my dreams. (Ha! No, I wasn't fantasying about Lina anymore because I had Amelia, the real thing.)

Amelia, I was proud to hear, passed her bar exam on her first try. We celebrated during a quiet moment in the ER. Ah, that was a joke; it was never quiet in the ER. We air-kissed, and promised to have dinner and talk more.

The upshot was that now she had to face applying to different law firms for a job, and she wanted to know if I would mind if she took the one in Sairaag, if they wanted her, which they probably would since they begged her to return each summer to intern. I said...that would be wonderful. It would give us more opportunities to see one another than if she was in, say... Atlas City.

Winter—Amelia took the job at the Sairaag firm where she had done her internship. One might call that loyalty to the company that had taken a chance on her in the beginning, and I knew it was only partially that. She really wanted a break from Seyruun where, she sighed, "Everybody knows my name, my face, my family, even the foods I like!"

Which was true also, but I know she did it to be nearer to me in Sairaag. I still needed to meet with Dr. Lester in Seyruun, but that was Friday through Sunday. Amelia set up her schedule to match mine enabling us to talk as we rode into town and back, if nothing else had worked out for us all week. It certainly made that the best winter for me since starting medical school.

I hardly noticed when suddenly, spring was once again upon us. It had been nine years since the musical. I was reminded by Lina that it was time to plan our ten year reunion, if we wanted one. I said that I did, but I had no idea how different an event it would evolve into...and earlier than anticipated.

"That's fine with me. Whatever you want, just make it late in June when the residency is on break."

"Just for you, I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, Lina. And for that I'll share some breaking news with you."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"Xelloss is flying into Seyruun in...just about one hour he should be landing." I loved being the one to tell her that.

"What! Xelloss! After, a year, huh?"

"Yes, and what's more, he is bringing his wife."

"WHAT! Wife? He got married again?"

"That's right. Her name is..."

"I don't care. I'll just forget anyway. Tonight?"

"I'm certain he'll be bringing her around to introduce her to everyone."

"I'll bet. Well, thanks for the warning.. And...tell him to met here first. I'll collect the others."

"Anytime, bye Lina."

What I didn't tell her was that I had called Xelloss earlier. I had told him it was time to return and begin repairing the broken friendships he had left behind. I also told him that Filia had found someone. She had, if I understood things correctly. Amelia had spotted them at the shopping mall recently, while I waited in the car to read up on some case studies.

"That's okay, Amelia. I'll be occupied here. Take your time shoe hunting."

Nice girl that she was, Amelia didn't pressure me to accompany her on a trip she knew I'd hate. Besides, without me along, she was faster. She was on her way out with a new pair of shoes for work, when Val's distinctive hair caught her eye. She knew they didn't want to be disturbed so she waited until Val had left and Filia was about to enter a department store.

"Miss Filia! Hi!"

"Amelia? Oh, hi." Filia seemed distant and not really pleased to be found out.

"It's so good to see you again. You look...thinner," Amelia said in a conciliatory manner.

"Oh, I do? How are you doing?"

"Fine. I finished law school and have a job in Sairaag. Zelgadiss is giving me a ride back there. It keeps us in touch. Would you like to come on out and see him? He's in the car..."

"Ah, no. Just tell him hi for me. I'm in...a hurry. Bye, Amelia." And Filia scooted off.

I was in the car waiting to pick up Amelia for our return to Sairaag, "And that was all she said? Do you want to go back and say more or something? We have that much time."

"No, if she isn't ready to tell us about herself or Mr. Val, then they aren't ready. Let's just go."

That evening, Xelloss returned to Seyruun. Lina had contacted and invited everyone over to her place for the occasion, everyone being me, Amelia, Gourry, Sylphiel, Val, Kiki, whom Xelloss had brought with him from a stop-over in France, and Lina playing the hostess. There, Xelloss informed everyone that he had remarried some time ago and introduced us all to his wife, Shanna. I caught the strangest look on Val's face. I couldn't tell if he was surprised, pleased, or angry. He whispered something in Lina's ear and snuck out of her house.

"He's going to go tell Miss Filia, don't you think?" Amelia asked me in private.

"It's possible." But I had really lost touch with Val.

Later I learned that Amelia's guess had been correct. Val met Filia at the settlement to give her the news just about the same time that Luna heard from Lina. I suppose Luna thought it was time Filia gave up on Xelloss and so she called to impart the news of his marriage to her as well. Filia, who had been under the impression that Xelloss and Lina had married, and then learned from Milgasia how many times Xelloss tried to join clan and was rejected and that he had a deadline. When time had run out, Xelloss had made the move on Lina, driving Filia off.

Lina didn't miss a cue either. Shortly after Lina watched Val leave the gathering at her house, she placed a call to her sister, and then came back out to the gathering to yell, "Hey, guys! You can stay, but I gotta go. Emergency thing. Just lock up after yourselves, okay?"

That's really all that she said before she took off. I hoped that it was a good sign. I hoped Filia and Lina could work things out. I didn't know what the hell to make of Val and his part in the game, but I would be soon involved in another Lina scheme.

What happened was that Filia met with Lina and the two made up. They were friends again. Filia also learned what I had pieced together—that Xelloss meant to give her a chance to meet others before it was too late, after learning he couldn't join her clan. One thing led to another and Lina reformed the band with a single message: "Filia's coming back, so's Xelloss. Band meeting Sunday, downtown studio. Oh, and our reunion party's been moved up to this coming October."

Oh double, ding-dang joy.

I wasn't looking forward to the first meeting of Xelloss and Filia that day, but they forgave one another. Or seemed to, even though they didn't speak more than a word or two. They didn't have to. Even I could feel the electricity between them...I could have powered my amp off Filia alone. Attraction or animosity? I wasn't sure. The following practices were nearly as edgy, but not so much so as to distract the band from playing music again. It felt good to play. Lina and Sylphiel had arranged a couple gigs for the near future, which gave us all something to work toward, and look forward to.

Summer—By the time summer arrived, I was ready for the break with the grind of being on call and just plain on all the time at the hospital. The next would be my last year or residency, but already I knew what I wanted to do. Two things. I knew that I would become Dr. Lester's junior partner. He had already made me the offer and after talking it over with Amelia, I accepted. Now, all I had to do was finish the program. Amelia and I decided that like it or not, she would have to stay on in Sairaag. Unless something very important came up in Seyruun, she didn't feel right leaving the law firm she was devoted to. Knowing how quickly things could change in a year, we put our future on hold again.

"Hello? Lina?" I hadn't heard from her in a week, and then it was just to clarify a date and time for a job.

"I haven't got much time so you gotta do this."

"All right..."

"Xelloss dropped by. Alone. And...he was okay but I could tell there was something he needed to say but I had to run. Call him, okay?"

"Maybe it's to you that he needs to talk, not me," I suggested.

"Talk! Call me later and tell me what he says. Bye."

"Bye." All right, Lina. I just live to carry out your plans... "Xelloss?" I was pleasantly surprised that he picked up the call.

"Hi, Zelgadiss."

"You have time to meet me somewhere?"

We set a time and location and I headed out to a hamburger joint on the edge of town. I bought some fries and waited for him to appear.

"Hi-i!" he waved.

"It's been awhile, big brother," I nodded.

"Oooooh, when you call me that that means trouble, am I right?"

"You tell me. You're back. Filia's back. Lina's nervous. Val's sullen. Only Gourry and Sylphiel seem un-phased by the turmoil (knowing they had their own sorrows still to get past.)"

"So it seems. I'm sorry. It seems I really screwed up this time."

"Maybe," I looked him over hard. "Do you mean your personal or professional life this time?"

He smiled and closed his eyes, "Personal. I'm not happy. I am in love with someone and it's not my wife. Aaaaand...she knows it, or certainly suspects something."

"Why's that?" Not that I wanted to know about his adulterous affairs.

He gave me a curious look, then turned serious when he asked, "Can I talk to Dr. Zelgadiss a moment? Um...I have this mental block. Since I got married I can't perform. So, my wife and I haven't had sex. And, I know it's just her because I react in a normal manner toward other women, ah...a particular woman. What I mean is, I can get it up, just not with her." He stopped and smiled, waiting for me to react.

Most guys couldn't have told their best friend that, but he really wasn't ashamed, just sensitive to my discomfort. I sighed, "Xelloss, when I met you two abroad, I could tell you weren't in love. Shanna was your crutch in your time of need. You shouldn't have married her in the first place, and wouldn't have had I been there to put a stop to it. Now you find you married your little sister or something and of course you have no sexual appetite for her! You'll have to ask her for an annulment. I'm sure she'll understand."

He shook his head, "I set up the prenuptial agreement so that I'd get screwed if I instigated a separation. It would have to come from her," he said as his eyes hid behind a fringe of bangs.

"What? That wasn't how...oh...I see. You really wanted to never be available again. But what a stupid way to go about it." I could see him cringe. "However, I bet there's a solution to all of this."

"Thanks, Zelgadiss."

"What's changed?"

Xelloss met my eyes, "Hope. I have hope."

He wouldn't or couldn't be more specific that day. I promised him I'd be back with a solution, I promised. Gods, there I was going to doom another marriage for my best friend while I really wanted to kick-start my own somehow.

Then I had a brilliant idea; I could do both! I called Amelia and made a date—just the two of us. I went shopping for a few items and met with the pastry chef of a special little place.

We parked amazing close to the cozy, spendy restaurant called the Adriatic, seating for only a dozen or so. We had a very fine lemony, chicken soup for starters. She ordered quail and I lamb; that's all I recall of the food until desert.

"This is such a lovely place, Zelgadiss. I just love it here," Amelia said.

"It is nice. I hope you want desert, because I ordered us something special...ah...because they only make it up if it has been pre-ordered." I was nervous and trying to be smooth—that rarely worked for me.

"Okay. I love deserts and if you chose it, I'm sure it will be great."

Thank you, Amelia...

The waiter set two enormous-looking slices of lemon meringue pie in front of us. With a twinkle in his eye he said, "Enjoy and ...best wishes!"

Amelia wasn't listening, though. Her attention was transfixed upon the pie. Each piece was adorned with a tiny floweret of candied lemon slices and bright green mint leaves, with hers being arranged around a sparkling center of...

"Oh Zelgadiss! Is it...? Is it... a diamond?" she gasped in a hushed tone.

"On the ring, yes," I smiled. You bet! It's one hell of a diamond! With more carrots than Bugs Bunny ever ate. That was a good start.

She picked it out and licked off the sweet, white froth. "It's beautiful...so big..." Her eyes met mine, "But why? What does this mean?"

All right. This was it. The moment I'd been deliberating over since she turned me down the first time. "Ah, it's for you; that is, if you'll have me this time. Amelia, I want to share my life with you...now...not in a year or when the planets align or ... when we aren't too busy. I love you. I've been in love with you for so long I can't...well I could calculate it but...that's hardly romantic, is it?"

She was smiling and blushing and looking from the ring to me. I didn't want to stop talking and hear her answer. "Amelia, I can live without you, I've had to, but it's dreadful. You make my life complete and whole and worthwhile. If you say 'yes', I'll do whatever I can to make time for you, for us. I'll tell Dr. Lester I must stay in Sairaag. I'll..."

"Yes."

"I'll..." Did she say 'yes'? She did! She DID! "Yes? You..."

"Yes, I want you too, Zelgadiss! I'm ready this time."

And I know, sitting there holding her hand, the candlelight flickering in her jubilant eyes, that I was the happiest man on the planet, the luckiest too. And I know, it wasn't all because I did it right this time, I know it wasn't the size of the rock, it was because I meant what I had said, the time was right, we were both ready to build a life for each other...that and it was a really great stone, I had to admit. We finished the meal, left a gigantic and well-earned tip, and took a walk.

The warm evening had sent hundreds of patrons out for a stroll to window shop or to dine and watch the passersby. We held hands and talked, my mood bouncing between ecstatic and euphoric.

We had come to a stop in front of one shop windows. I could see both of our reflections- two people, a man and a woman glowing in love. I didn't see beauty and the beast. I didn't see the lovely girl taking pity on the freak. I saw a couple joined in the excitement of their pending future together, making a new life together, forever. I felt six feet tall, unscarred, un-mutilated by accident or on purpose. I saw myself as Amelia did for the first time in my life. I was just a guy, in love with a most remarkable woman and I thought my heart would just plain burst standing there. I thanked the gods for bringing Amelia into my life, giving me the love of this truly wonderful person and making me worthy of her at last.

She agreed to move into my apartment in Sairaag as soon as we got back. I could hardly concentrate on anything after that. I agreed to whatever she was saying without question, thinking or even caring to question or think. Which is possibly why after only an hour, we had settled on a plan of action for our future, beginning with...

"Mr. Xelloss. We have to get him settled once and for all or we'll have him living with us for the rest of our lives," Amelia said resolutely. "And we should keep our engagement a secret a little while longer."

Not that I wanted to, but I could see her point and approved of her logic. Besides, I wasn't thinking so clearly, so I cheerfully agreed. "Secret? Well, all right. Xelloss living with... Yes, I had thought of that. If I could get a copy of that prenuptial agreement—"

"I can get that, no problem there. I'll bet his lawyer didn't write it so that he's in as bad a shape as he thinks. Still, let's say that we do spring him, then what? Who do you think he's in love with? Lina or Filia?"

"My gut feeling is...Filia. So, then...It all hinges on whether or not Filia wants Xelloss."

Of course, there was always the likelihood of a snag like that screwing things up.

As it turned out, Amelia was able to read over the document the very next day. "Zelgadiss? I have an idea that should work. It doesn't matter if it's Lina or Filia, just that both of them are in the same place at the same time. The one that loves him the most, will let him know by her actions. It's the just way to do it, don't you think?"

"Yes, depending on what the plan is. What do I need to do?"

"How can I get them all in one place soon?" Amelia asked.

"Our next job will bring us all together. I'll get him to bring Shanna."

Next, I needed to get to do some skulking and look into Xelloss' agreement with the Cephied Believers when he gave away Wolfpack Island. Something wasn't kosher there, I knew it. But you know what? Amelia was going to marry me and that knowledge gave me the perspective I needed to carry on. It gave me hope that all would turn out just fine.

End -- SHJ Ten Year Reunion-- Chapter Fifteen.