Mark was so in shock that he couldn't move. This wasn't just a kiss made to prove a point. It had feeling, it was intense but had a direction, like something that had been bottled up for a life time. Mark didn't move. He was too taken by surprise to even respond, but he felt Nick's lips against his and he felt the time go on for what seemed like forever. He was sure that once Nick realized what he was doing, Mark was going to get slugged.

Nick pulled back, speechless, seemingly scared to death of what he had just done. It was almost a look of panic that painted his face.

"Nick... it's OK" Mark said gently.

"I don't know what... I'm not gay." Nick stood now. "I don't know what I..."

Mark pursed his lips. "You don't have to be ashamed. There's nothing wrong with being gay."

"I'm not gay!" Nick screamed.

Mark remained calm, his voice gentle and steady. "I wasn't the one who made the first move. You kissed me Nick." Mark paused. "You kissed me."

"I... no."

"Nick... look," Mark sighed. "I'm not going to tell anyone, OK. Whatever we say in here, whatever happens in here, it stays in here. I have no intention of outing you to anyone. But you have to know that there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with you. You're still the same person you've always been. Now you're just... you've been hiding this for so long, you've pushed this so far down that you've come to believe that it's not true. You believe it can't be true, but Nick, just now..." he paused. "Denying this to yourself isn't going to make it go away. It isn't going to change things. You are who you are. You were born that way. You can say it, Nick. Maybe if you just say it... outloud. Maybe that would help?"

"I'm not gonna say anything" Nick shook his head. "No way."

"Nick, if you just say it. It's not that bad. Really. You're gonna have to say it sooner or later. Just say it. You know I'm not going to judge you. If you just say it."

"I'm not going to say it."

"Just say it Nick."

"Alright! I'm gay! I'm a big queer. I'm a faggot, alright!" Nick sank back on his bed. He took a deep breath."

"It's not the end of the world," Mark said. "Nothing came to a crashing halt. We're all still here."

"And if you tell anyone about this I'll kill you."

"I told you Nick," Mark said. "What goes on in here, stays in here. You have my word. I know that it's not easy. Nobody has to know. Nobody has to know anything, Nick. This never happened, OK?"

"How am I supposed to pretend it never happened? You tell me that. I know what I did. I know what I did, Mark. I... did something that I thought I'd never do. Something I should have never done. "

"Be who you are? Nick, pretending that you're straight, trying to convince yourself that girls are the way to go, it's gonna scar you. You just admitted to yourself that you are gay. And that's a big step."

"But now I've opened myself up to so much. To a lifestyle, to disease..."

Mark shook his head. "You really are clueless, aren't you?" he said. "You're worried about AIDS... and HIV? Just because you're gay doesn't mean that you get AIDS. Plenty of heteros get it too. You know it's a tough reality, Nick, but if you shared that needle, you could have got it. If you slept with as many girls as you say you did... which I doubt... but if you had, you could have got it. Just because you're gay doesn't make you a breeding ground for it. It's all about safety and taking precautions, just like it is if you were straight."

"That doesn't make it any easier." Nick sighed. "I just admitted something to myself that I've been taught my whole life is wrong, and disgusting. I believe it. You tell me how I'm supposed to get over that."

"You live your life" Mark said. "You have your friends. Friends won't judge. The real ones anyway. You have me." Mark paused. "I know that doesn't seem like much, but my lifeline... with Marcie, it's been a big help when I came out to you guys. It still is." he paused again. "You got to let this soak into your brain. I'll do whatever I can to help you. Think of me as your inside source." He laughed

Nick shook his head, managing a laugh. "There isn't a book is there?"

"Being Gay For Dummies?" Mark said. "If there is, nobody told me about it. It sure would have helped though." He paused. "There's nothing easy about being different. But... for what it's worth, I won't judge you. And... I know if you ever were ready to come out, nobody in this house would judge you either. But wrap your brain around it first. I'll do what I can to help. Just ask."

"After everything I did to you" Nick said. "What I said, how I acted... You're still willing to help me with all of this."

Mark nodded. "We all need friends, Nick. There are always things that we can't do on our own. I just like to be there for mine. Because some day I might need somebody to lean on. Kinda like helping eachother. I cherish that."

"Well thank you," Nick said.

Mark smiled. He looked at his watch, surprised at how much time had passed. "We should get some sleep." he said "See how everything goes in the morning."