DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING YOU RECOGNIZE
AN: Hey everyone! guess what! this chappie is actually pretty long, so it makes up for the last one, which was kind of just a filler kind of thing. everyone, review and i'll have the next chappie out asap.
AN: umm.. i had something to tell you all, but i dont really remember what it was...so... yeah... um... I LOVE MY REVIEWERS!!!! YOU ALL ROCK!!!!!!
REVIEW RESPONSES:
dreamy-crazygirl: sorry about getting your name wrong- sometimes my brain thinks one thing and my hands type it all backwards. i just wasnt paying very close attention :-/ sorry. anyways, thanks SOOOOO much for your review :) made me so happy. it was a filler chappie, but this one is kinda the feed in to the big event [which i wont tell you what it is, cuz thats be ruining the effect] so now, its more plot [ot at least soon it will be]. hehe. you know, that quote seems like hinting at the marauders: peter would feel sorry for james, remus would bail james out, and sirius would be in the cell next to him, celebrating. lolz. i like laughable reviews :) whats livejournal? i'll try to get on the sites, but my computer is being screwy and it is evvvvviiiilll, but i promise to try as soon as i can. :) your ideas were fantabulous. oh, and there is no such thing as too much rambling!!!! ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one purple and one green:: [btw: the reviewer "James-RoxMySox" thanks you for your sock idea :)]
randomfrizzhead: i like the idea that james cant hold his liqour better than him being able to drink loads- its funnier and stops him from doing it a lot [plus, if you remember, sirius cant hold his own either- he was just as banged up as james. it was remmi who held his cool. see? both of them are incapable... hehe..] ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [i chose the colors for you, since you didnt tell me which ones you wanted. WHOO! GO GRYFFINDOR!]
Marshmallow: i know, spiking the drinks was such a sirius-thing i had to throw it in there. what else could he do but add some comic relief? hehe. [you know, you're the second person who asked for those colors? hm... interesting ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one purple and one green::
Marauderbab289: thanks :) here's the update! enjoy! ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [you didnt tell me which colors, so i picked them for you!!!! gooooo gryffindors!!!]
Anochera: im glad you like it. i hate the lily-clones!!! i like when she has unique friends who dont fall for james' best friends [tho i like osme stories that have that, but still]. here's the next chappie. ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [hardly anyone is telling me which colors, so anyone who didnt gets gryffindor socks!!! goooo lions!!!!!]
Flame of Desire: DUDE! hehe, i love calling ppl that. anyways, im glad you like my fic so much :) ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: enjoy your gryffindor socks!!!!
luvr of fanfiction: no problem. i'll email you when i post this chappie. :) ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [gooo lions!!!!!]
shadowphoenixstar: i know it was short, but this one is loooong so enjoy!!!!! ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [im all about house spirit, so everyone gets gryffindor socks if they didnt specify a color. gooooo lions!!!!]
KBS: im glad you liked it!! [all socks are hand knit and delivered by dobby :)] ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one purple and one blue::
James-RoxMySox: here's the update. im glad you love my stories [and i love your reviews, they are always so nice to read!!! hehe. now you wont be able to fit thru a doorway. -- not that your compliments arent feeding my ego ;) hehe. if you dont liek cliffies, you may not like the way this chappie ends :-D but dont worry, i'll update soon. ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one lilac- with polka dots- and one light blue- with stars:: hope you liek your socks [tho dobby was confused on which patterns to put on each sock, he pulled thru :) enjoy!!]
AN: THANKS EVERYONE SOOOO MUCH!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! please review and i'll update really fast, i promise!!!!!!
::dobby hands author a pair of socks, one yellow with books all over it, and one red with lions:: what can i say? i am a gryffindor [wannabe, at least], so of course my socks must be yellow and red. gooooo lions!!!!! whooo!!!!
Chapter 6: Explanations
By 7, James was getting a bit agitated. Dinner had been over for a bit, but he was still sitting in his seat- waiting for Lily to enter the Great Hall. She hadn't eaten, James was sure of it. She hadn't come to dinner, and James was positive she didn't know where the kitchens were. He sighed- he'd have to go find her now...
He was secretly hoping he wouldn't have to walk around the whole castle to find her, that she'd find him. No such luck. And he didn't even have the map! Thinking back, he couldn't remember when he'd seen it last... But, he wasn't too worried- Padfoot was probably drooling on it in his sleep. Pushing off the table, James stood up and walked to the kitchens. If Lily was going to avoid meals, then he'd have to bring her something to eat... a peace offering of sorts, he supposed.
With some food in a napkin, James left the kitchens, escaping the hundred of elves who were trying to stuff food down his shirt just to get him to take it.
"Crazy buggers." James muttered to himself as he walked away, going towards the library. If Lily was going to be anywhere, she'd be there. A quick sweep of the scene told James he was wrong- Lily wasn't buried under a mound of books like he'd expected. She wasn't even in the library.... Damn James thought. Where could she be?
Leaving the library, James was at a loss. Where would Lily go? His eyes flitted to a window nearby, the evening sky was lovely, but it wasn't quite dark yet- there were still some students outdoors. Taking a guess, James left the castle and walked near the lake, looking for a flash of red. Spirit's dampened, he was ready to give up until he saw a glimpse of auburn in the corner of his eye. Walking towards her, he saw Lily was standing and collecting the many books she had brought outside.
"Lily?" James called out to her once he was within a few yards. She lifted her head quickly, startled. Warily, she searched the trees until she saw James standing there uncomfortably with his hands in his pockets. She smiled uncertainly and shuffled over to him under the weight of the books.
"Lily, do you need any help with that?" James asked as politely as he could. He knew the answer, of course, because Lily wasn't exactly the damsel-in-distress type, but still, it couldn't hurt to ask. Lily shook her head and repositioned the books so that she could walk alongside James.
"No, I'm fine. There aren't really that many. Did you need to see me for something?" Lily asked as she began to walk towards the castle. James ran his hand through his hair nervously, unsure on how to phrase his question. Instead, he chose another one.
"Um, well. What have you been up to? Haven't seen you all day. Oh, that reminds me, I brought you some food from the kitchens." James sad offering Lily the napkin,
"Oh, thats sweet of you. Actually, I was about to stop by the kitchens for a bite, but now I don't have to. Oh, wait. Why don't we sit down? It'd be a bit easier to talk and all." Lily suggested, sitting down under a nearby tree. James joined her, handing her the food after she put down her books.
"Thanks. Anyway, I guess I hadn't realized how long I'd been out here. I ate a bit of lunch, but I forgot about dinner. I'm trying to figure out how to do this spell, and I haven't quite gotten it yet." Lily explained as she began to eat a dinner roll. James looked over at her, a bit confused.
"You spent the day trying to figure out a spell? Must be hard, if you are spending so much time on it." Leaning back on his elbows, James looked up at Lily, who chuckled.
"Well, it is. But I was reading a bit before that. I started working on this spell about... whoa. Two hours ago. I'm beginning to feel a bit bitter towards it, actually." Lily joked, resting her back on the tree behind her. She offered some of the food he had brought her, but James declined.
"Well, why don't you just chuck it? Why bother, is it for class or something?" James asked.
"No... but, still. I couldn't just give up. It could save my life someday or something if I learned to do it properly!" Lily defended her actions. Of course she couldn't just give up! (Though, it was a bit silly to try to learn a high-level spell they taught in your second year of Auror traning, but still! The principle of it!)
"Oh, I suppose you're right. Anyways, what's the spell? Maybe I could help." James offered as the pair stood up, Lily done with her meal.
"Well, it's kind of a combination of spells. Its almost like a Stunning spell, but more powerful- like stun-a-giant powerful- and it also has a truth-telling side effect, so after you wake them up, they act as if under a truth potion, plus it like zaps their powers for a bit. It sounds pretty simple, but the pronunciation is a pain, and the countercurse is simple, but I've been reading up on it and it takes some serious willpower to get either spell quite right." Lily sighed- she'd never get this spell right!
"Wait- that spell, isn't that taught in the Auror classes? I've heard it could have disastrous consequences if it's said wrong, it's supposed to be really dangerous!" James said, his nerves on end- that spell had a serious backfire when you didn't know what you were doing! Lily shrugged, turning a bit red.
"I know, that's why I stayed out here, so I couldn't hurt anyone. And it's not like I've blown anything up, nothing happens when I say the words, it's a right pain in the arse!" James just shook his head in amazment.
"Lily, you could have really hurt yourself! And blowing something up is like the lesat dangerous thing that could happen! Why are you trying to do this spell anyways? Its not like you are in Auror classes yet, if that's where you are going." James felt a surge of fear run through him at the idea of Lily getting hurt- it almost completely washed out his nervousness about bringing up what had happened the day before. Lily, on the other hand, was doing her best to steer the conversation away from that particular topic... The conversation was going smoothly, no need to make it all awkward by bringing those feelings into the mix.
"I'm preparing for Auror training. If I know this stuff ahead of time, the chances of me passing and becoming an Auror are that much better. I mean, I start training in like June, so it might be smart if I at least know something." Lily explained rationally as she stepped inside the Library.
"You're starting that early? Wow. I mean, I was planning on a career in either Quidditch or an Auror, but I thought I still had plenty of time to decide- it's not even November yet!" Lily looked at him sadly, shaking her head in a "oh, poor uninformed you" kind of way.
"You haven't decided yet? What have you been doing these past two years. After OWLS, you're supposed to take the classes best fit for your field. Plus, applications for the Auror program are due in Decemeber, at latest. Mine have been in since the end of last year, but they need my NEWTS scores before I can start training." Lily pulled her hair back in a ponytail and began to sort through the books she had brought into the library so that she didn't return any of her own books.
"I guess I'm a bit behind, but you're too way ahead of the game! You won't even be enjoying your last summer, you'll be spending it training and working! Besides, if you are preparing for training, why not start out with the more basic stuff, the stuff you'll be learning first?" James asked as he sat down in a chair across from Lily, who shrugged.
"I've done most of the basic stuff already. I've even been doing some extra work with a few of the Professors, because it's not like I can teach myself all of this. And I'm prepared for the future is all. Ever since 5th year, I've wanted to become an Auror." Lily explained, then got up to return the books to Madame Pomfrey. She came back to an astonished James.
"Lily, do you mean to tell me you've covered a large portion of the curriculum of training already? That's bloody insane! No wonder you hardly ever leave the library." James muttered, but not quietly enough. She felt a pang in her heart, as if someone had flung a rubber band at it. Blinking a few times, Lily turned from James and began to search the selves, putting various books away and taking others out. James quickly followed her.
"Wait, Lily. I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. Sometimes my mouth talks without my brains permission and..." Lily just looked at him, her eyes a bit sad.
"So, you did mean it. It's okay James, sometimes we say the most truthful things when we don't think about what we're saying." Turning back around, she continued to browse the many shelves. James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair yet again, trying to calm it absently.
"I just meant... I'm sorry. I guess I feel a little inferior. I mean, look, you've got your whole life planned out and you are like three seconds from graduating Auror training without ever attending a course. It's not a very pretty comparison when held up to myself." Lily just rolled her eyes and dumped the books she picked out on a nearby table.
"James, don't worry about it, I wasn't really very offended. And you shouldn't evny this workaholic. At least you have a life." Lily said as she situated herself in a chair and opened one of the books she picked out.
"Yeah, now. But what happens once I graduate? I don't have a plan or anything. I'll probably end up living with my parents and my sis- well, with my parents until I figure out what I want." James corrected himself with a note of sadness. Lily put her hand over his comfortingly. He looked up and she smiled sadly at him. Their eyes met and she just stared at him for a few minutes until she had enough sense to pull her hand away.
"I doubt it. Everything you do, you do well. You shouldn't be worried." Lily said soothingly, her voice quiet and her hand still holding his. He sighed, then decided to change the subject.
"What about you? Where do you go after graduation?" James asked, suddenly very aware that she was still holding his hand.
"Well, an apartment if I can manage it. Anything to get away from my sister and her new husband. Neither are very fod of me, nor I them. Drive me up the wall." James suddenly pulled his hand back, his face showing a mix of sadness and anger.
"You know, you shouldn't take advantage of her. You never know when someone you care about won't be there." He said, his voice breaking. Lily looked at him, her face emotionless, but her eyes screaming sorrow.
"I know. Sometimes, people are just taken away much too quickly. It isn't fair. But, it's also not fair to be stuck with my sister. You don't know her, so don't judge my feelings for her. I love her, yes, but not by choice." Lily informed James, her voice tight, almost as if she was struggling to keep composure. James sighed and leaned back in his chair.
"You're right. I'm sorry I snapped. Family is a bit of a sore subject for me." James sratched the back of his neck, looking at the tabletop. Eye contact would break him, and he oculdn't have that in such a public place.
"Yeah. Me too. But, it's better to concentrate on the happier memories. Or not think of it at all." Lily said, turning back to her book. James liked the latter.
"What are you reading?"
"Some self-defense tips. My mum... she was very big in being able to defend yourself and standing up for what you believe in. She forced me into all types of martial arts courses and the like, since I was like 5. Now, though, I only go over the summer and breaks. My sister isn't very happy about it, but it was really important to my parents.." Lily trailed off, staring out into space.
"Oh... I suppose I should be a bit frightened of you. Not only can you kick my butt if we fought muggle, but your duelling skills are probably much higher than my own. It seems like you've spent your whole life training to be an Auror." James said, trying to lighten the mood. She looked so depressed when she talked about her parents...
"Well, I actually never planned to be an Auror until 5th year... stuff happens that gives your life direction, I suppose. Before that, I didn't know what I was going to do. Everything seemed to just fall into place afterwards..." She sighed deeply.
"Yeah, stuff happens. But, it doesn't always make sense and it doesn't always serve a purpose. Sometimes, it just happens." James commented quietly, thinking of his own sister. What purpose could her death have?
"It all has a reason- everything does. Maybe not one we understand, or maybe one that isn't good enough for us, or maybe the reason seems stupid compared to what happened, but there's always a reason. It all leads to something. You never know what is going to happen." James just snorted, unbelieving,
"Are you trying to tell me there's a reason for people to die? Or for them to get killed? That there's a justified reason some nutter is going around, killing people because he feels like it?" James demanded, getting a bit angry. Nothing could justify Rose's death. Nothing. Lily felt frustrated. Thats not what she meant!
"No, of course not! I never said anything about it being justified! I said there was a reason, an effect to everything that happened because of the event or the action or whatever. I don't think there's a JUSTIFIED reason for Voldemont to go around killing people! He has his reasons, and people's actions were effected by his. Those people's murders can't be justified! My family's murder's can't be justified! That's not what I bloody meant!" Lily hissed at James, refusing to yell. He just sat straightbacked in shock. What did she just say? Lily seemed to realized her slip up too, because her hand was over her mouth and her eyes wide.
"Lily. I'm sorry. I hadn't realized. I mean, I knew you have dealt with death, but how many people did he take?" James asked, trying to comfort her. Taking a deep breath, Lily began to gather the books, preparing to put them back on the shelves.
"Forget it. I was just proving my point. It's not something I want to discuss." Lily said, careful to keep her face and voice emotionless. Show no weakness.
"Don't try that shit with me. I know what it feels like, Lily, to lose someone. You feel hurt and sad, lost." Lily was already putting one of the books away, with James right behind her. She laughed softly, her laugh cold and dead.
"I'm not hurt, James, and I'm not sad. I got over that a long time ago. I don't see why you suddenly bloody care, but I lost everyone except my sister, the one who HATES me, two years ago." Lily said, placing the last book back on its shelf.
"Everyone?" James repeated softly, trying to imagine what it must have felt like to be fifteen and completely alone in the world.
"Don't stand there and think you know how I feel, James, because whatever grief you're feeling, I got over a long while ago- and I managed to do it all by myself. You wanna know how I feel now? I'm angry. I'm fucking pissed off. How DARE Voldemont think he can just swoop down and murder everyone who I ever cared about and think he could get away with leaving me alive? No. You think I spent the last two years training to be an Auror? Becoming an Auror is only another step to getting my hands around his scrawny little neck and causing him as much pain as possible." Lily said viciously, her voice full of anger and loathing. Her eyes flashed with disdain at the very thought of Voldemont, and it scared James to the very bone.
"Lily, you don't seriously think you can take on you-know-who by yourself? He'd kill you as soon as you got within yards of him!" James whispered, his voice worried. Lily practically shook from supressed anger.
"I'm not stupid, I never said anything about killing him. I said I wanted to cause him pain- even if I get killed in the process. He took everything from me, James, I can't just let him get away with it." Lily's voice was one of pain and outrage. She was really serious.
"That's bloody suicide! Lily, you can't keep holding onto this pain and anger, you gotta let it go. It can't be healthy!" James pleaded. His mind raced. She didn't put any value on her life! How could someone just be so angry and not care about anything else? She was going to end up killing herself or something! Lily's eyes flashed again.
"Who the hell do you think you are? Telling me what I should and shouldn't do? I can be as angry as I bloody need to be! You said it yourself, I've got a plan! I know where I'm going in my life. If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to be a part of his downfall. And don't you bloody tell me otherwise!" Lily was so angry. She couldn't control how she felt any more than he could! She just needed to get out of the library, get away from James and out into the fresh air.
Not caring that it was dark outside or thinking about the dangers of being outside (even though it was only 8:30), Lily pushed passed James and ran out of the castle. Unfortunately, James was just as fast and followed her. She kept running until she realized she was a bit too close to the Forbidden Forest. Out of habit, she looked up and was relieved to see the moon wasn't full. Since she stopped so abruptly, James ran right into her. Aggravated, Lily pushed him off and jumped to her feet. Her keen ears heard a twig snap and her body went on high alert. She barely listened as James tried to apologize, suddenly searching around her for the source.
She didn't see anything, or anyone. Putting a finger to James' lips, she motioned silently for him to be quiet. She turned towards the castle, looking for anything unusual. James did the same, so neither of them saw the white, hooded figure appear from behind a group of trees and point his wand at the pair.
"STUPEFY!"
AN: dundundun dun duuuuuun hehe. sorry about the cliffie- they are evil, i know, but very necessary!!! it felt like a good place to leave the chappie. warning: next chappie has a very lame fight scene, but its only lame because im not good at writing ... fight scenes. anyways. vote: who thinks i should change the summary? im not really sure if i should keep it or not...
REVIEWERS GET... GIANT STUFFED MAGICIAL CREATURES!!! [JUST YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT CREATURE!!!!]
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AN: Hey everyone! guess what! this chappie is actually pretty long, so it makes up for the last one, which was kind of just a filler kind of thing. everyone, review and i'll have the next chappie out asap.
AN: umm.. i had something to tell you all, but i dont really remember what it was...so... yeah... um... I LOVE MY REVIEWERS!!!! YOU ALL ROCK!!!!!!
REVIEW RESPONSES:
dreamy-crazygirl: sorry about getting your name wrong- sometimes my brain thinks one thing and my hands type it all backwards. i just wasnt paying very close attention :-/ sorry. anyways, thanks SOOOOO much for your review :) made me so happy. it was a filler chappie, but this one is kinda the feed in to the big event [which i wont tell you what it is, cuz thats be ruining the effect] so now, its more plot [ot at least soon it will be]. hehe. you know, that quote seems like hinting at the marauders: peter would feel sorry for james, remus would bail james out, and sirius would be in the cell next to him, celebrating. lolz. i like laughable reviews :) whats livejournal? i'll try to get on the sites, but my computer is being screwy and it is evvvvviiiilll, but i promise to try as soon as i can. :) your ideas were fantabulous. oh, and there is no such thing as too much rambling!!!! ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one purple and one green:: [btw: the reviewer "James-RoxMySox" thanks you for your sock idea :)]
randomfrizzhead: i like the idea that james cant hold his liqour better than him being able to drink loads- its funnier and stops him from doing it a lot [plus, if you remember, sirius cant hold his own either- he was just as banged up as james. it was remmi who held his cool. see? both of them are incapable... hehe..] ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [i chose the colors for you, since you didnt tell me which ones you wanted. WHOO! GO GRYFFINDOR!]
Marshmallow: i know, spiking the drinks was such a sirius-thing i had to throw it in there. what else could he do but add some comic relief? hehe. [you know, you're the second person who asked for those colors? hm... interesting ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one purple and one green::
Marauderbab289: thanks :) here's the update! enjoy! ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [you didnt tell me which colors, so i picked them for you!!!! gooooo gryffindors!!!]
Anochera: im glad you like it. i hate the lily-clones!!! i like when she has unique friends who dont fall for james' best friends [tho i like osme stories that have that, but still]. here's the next chappie. ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [hardly anyone is telling me which colors, so anyone who didnt gets gryffindor socks!!! goooo lions!!!!!]
Flame of Desire: DUDE! hehe, i love calling ppl that. anyways, im glad you like my fic so much :) ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: enjoy your gryffindor socks!!!!
luvr of fanfiction: no problem. i'll email you when i post this chappie. :) ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [gooo lions!!!!!]
shadowphoenixstar: i know it was short, but this one is loooong so enjoy!!!!! ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one yellow and one red:: [im all about house spirit, so everyone gets gryffindor socks if they didnt specify a color. gooooo lions!!!!]
KBS: im glad you liked it!! [all socks are hand knit and delivered by dobby :)] ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one purple and one blue::
James-RoxMySox: here's the update. im glad you love my stories [and i love your reviews, they are always so nice to read!!! hehe. now you wont be able to fit thru a doorway. -- not that your compliments arent feeding my ego ;) hehe. if you dont liek cliffies, you may not like the way this chappie ends :-D but dont worry, i'll update soon. ::dobby gives you a pair of socks, one lilac- with polka dots- and one light blue- with stars:: hope you liek your socks [tho dobby was confused on which patterns to put on each sock, he pulled thru :) enjoy!!]
AN: THANKS EVERYONE SOOOO MUCH!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! please review and i'll update really fast, i promise!!!!!!
::dobby hands author a pair of socks, one yellow with books all over it, and one red with lions:: what can i say? i am a gryffindor [wannabe, at least], so of course my socks must be yellow and red. gooooo lions!!!!! whooo!!!!
Chapter 6: Explanations
By 7, James was getting a bit agitated. Dinner had been over for a bit, but he was still sitting in his seat- waiting for Lily to enter the Great Hall. She hadn't eaten, James was sure of it. She hadn't come to dinner, and James was positive she didn't know where the kitchens were. He sighed- he'd have to go find her now...
He was secretly hoping he wouldn't have to walk around the whole castle to find her, that she'd find him. No such luck. And he didn't even have the map! Thinking back, he couldn't remember when he'd seen it last... But, he wasn't too worried- Padfoot was probably drooling on it in his sleep. Pushing off the table, James stood up and walked to the kitchens. If Lily was going to avoid meals, then he'd have to bring her something to eat... a peace offering of sorts, he supposed.
With some food in a napkin, James left the kitchens, escaping the hundred of elves who were trying to stuff food down his shirt just to get him to take it.
"Crazy buggers." James muttered to himself as he walked away, going towards the library. If Lily was going to be anywhere, she'd be there. A quick sweep of the scene told James he was wrong- Lily wasn't buried under a mound of books like he'd expected. She wasn't even in the library.... Damn James thought. Where could she be?
Leaving the library, James was at a loss. Where would Lily go? His eyes flitted to a window nearby, the evening sky was lovely, but it wasn't quite dark yet- there were still some students outdoors. Taking a guess, James left the castle and walked near the lake, looking for a flash of red. Spirit's dampened, he was ready to give up until he saw a glimpse of auburn in the corner of his eye. Walking towards her, he saw Lily was standing and collecting the many books she had brought outside.
"Lily?" James called out to her once he was within a few yards. She lifted her head quickly, startled. Warily, she searched the trees until she saw James standing there uncomfortably with his hands in his pockets. She smiled uncertainly and shuffled over to him under the weight of the books.
"Lily, do you need any help with that?" James asked as politely as he could. He knew the answer, of course, because Lily wasn't exactly the damsel-in-distress type, but still, it couldn't hurt to ask. Lily shook her head and repositioned the books so that she could walk alongside James.
"No, I'm fine. There aren't really that many. Did you need to see me for something?" Lily asked as she began to walk towards the castle. James ran his hand through his hair nervously, unsure on how to phrase his question. Instead, he chose another one.
"Um, well. What have you been up to? Haven't seen you all day. Oh, that reminds me, I brought you some food from the kitchens." James sad offering Lily the napkin,
"Oh, thats sweet of you. Actually, I was about to stop by the kitchens for a bite, but now I don't have to. Oh, wait. Why don't we sit down? It'd be a bit easier to talk and all." Lily suggested, sitting down under a nearby tree. James joined her, handing her the food after she put down her books.
"Thanks. Anyway, I guess I hadn't realized how long I'd been out here. I ate a bit of lunch, but I forgot about dinner. I'm trying to figure out how to do this spell, and I haven't quite gotten it yet." Lily explained as she began to eat a dinner roll. James looked over at her, a bit confused.
"You spent the day trying to figure out a spell? Must be hard, if you are spending so much time on it." Leaning back on his elbows, James looked up at Lily, who chuckled.
"Well, it is. But I was reading a bit before that. I started working on this spell about... whoa. Two hours ago. I'm beginning to feel a bit bitter towards it, actually." Lily joked, resting her back on the tree behind her. She offered some of the food he had brought her, but James declined.
"Well, why don't you just chuck it? Why bother, is it for class or something?" James asked.
"No... but, still. I couldn't just give up. It could save my life someday or something if I learned to do it properly!" Lily defended her actions. Of course she couldn't just give up! (Though, it was a bit silly to try to learn a high-level spell they taught in your second year of Auror traning, but still! The principle of it!)
"Oh, I suppose you're right. Anyways, what's the spell? Maybe I could help." James offered as the pair stood up, Lily done with her meal.
"Well, it's kind of a combination of spells. Its almost like a Stunning spell, but more powerful- like stun-a-giant powerful- and it also has a truth-telling side effect, so after you wake them up, they act as if under a truth potion, plus it like zaps their powers for a bit. It sounds pretty simple, but the pronunciation is a pain, and the countercurse is simple, but I've been reading up on it and it takes some serious willpower to get either spell quite right." Lily sighed- she'd never get this spell right!
"Wait- that spell, isn't that taught in the Auror classes? I've heard it could have disastrous consequences if it's said wrong, it's supposed to be really dangerous!" James said, his nerves on end- that spell had a serious backfire when you didn't know what you were doing! Lily shrugged, turning a bit red.
"I know, that's why I stayed out here, so I couldn't hurt anyone. And it's not like I've blown anything up, nothing happens when I say the words, it's a right pain in the arse!" James just shook his head in amazment.
"Lily, you could have really hurt yourself! And blowing something up is like the lesat dangerous thing that could happen! Why are you trying to do this spell anyways? Its not like you are in Auror classes yet, if that's where you are going." James felt a surge of fear run through him at the idea of Lily getting hurt- it almost completely washed out his nervousness about bringing up what had happened the day before. Lily, on the other hand, was doing her best to steer the conversation away from that particular topic... The conversation was going smoothly, no need to make it all awkward by bringing those feelings into the mix.
"I'm preparing for Auror training. If I know this stuff ahead of time, the chances of me passing and becoming an Auror are that much better. I mean, I start training in like June, so it might be smart if I at least know something." Lily explained rationally as she stepped inside the Library.
"You're starting that early? Wow. I mean, I was planning on a career in either Quidditch or an Auror, but I thought I still had plenty of time to decide- it's not even November yet!" Lily looked at him sadly, shaking her head in a "oh, poor uninformed you" kind of way.
"You haven't decided yet? What have you been doing these past two years. After OWLS, you're supposed to take the classes best fit for your field. Plus, applications for the Auror program are due in Decemeber, at latest. Mine have been in since the end of last year, but they need my NEWTS scores before I can start training." Lily pulled her hair back in a ponytail and began to sort through the books she had brought into the library so that she didn't return any of her own books.
"I guess I'm a bit behind, but you're too way ahead of the game! You won't even be enjoying your last summer, you'll be spending it training and working! Besides, if you are preparing for training, why not start out with the more basic stuff, the stuff you'll be learning first?" James asked as he sat down in a chair across from Lily, who shrugged.
"I've done most of the basic stuff already. I've even been doing some extra work with a few of the Professors, because it's not like I can teach myself all of this. And I'm prepared for the future is all. Ever since 5th year, I've wanted to become an Auror." Lily explained, then got up to return the books to Madame Pomfrey. She came back to an astonished James.
"Lily, do you mean to tell me you've covered a large portion of the curriculum of training already? That's bloody insane! No wonder you hardly ever leave the library." James muttered, but not quietly enough. She felt a pang in her heart, as if someone had flung a rubber band at it. Blinking a few times, Lily turned from James and began to search the selves, putting various books away and taking others out. James quickly followed her.
"Wait, Lily. I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. Sometimes my mouth talks without my brains permission and..." Lily just looked at him, her eyes a bit sad.
"So, you did mean it. It's okay James, sometimes we say the most truthful things when we don't think about what we're saying." Turning back around, she continued to browse the many shelves. James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair yet again, trying to calm it absently.
"I just meant... I'm sorry. I guess I feel a little inferior. I mean, look, you've got your whole life planned out and you are like three seconds from graduating Auror training without ever attending a course. It's not a very pretty comparison when held up to myself." Lily just rolled her eyes and dumped the books she picked out on a nearby table.
"James, don't worry about it, I wasn't really very offended. And you shouldn't evny this workaholic. At least you have a life." Lily said as she situated herself in a chair and opened one of the books she picked out.
"Yeah, now. But what happens once I graduate? I don't have a plan or anything. I'll probably end up living with my parents and my sis- well, with my parents until I figure out what I want." James corrected himself with a note of sadness. Lily put her hand over his comfortingly. He looked up and she smiled sadly at him. Their eyes met and she just stared at him for a few minutes until she had enough sense to pull her hand away.
"I doubt it. Everything you do, you do well. You shouldn't be worried." Lily said soothingly, her voice quiet and her hand still holding his. He sighed, then decided to change the subject.
"What about you? Where do you go after graduation?" James asked, suddenly very aware that she was still holding his hand.
"Well, an apartment if I can manage it. Anything to get away from my sister and her new husband. Neither are very fod of me, nor I them. Drive me up the wall." James suddenly pulled his hand back, his face showing a mix of sadness and anger.
"You know, you shouldn't take advantage of her. You never know when someone you care about won't be there." He said, his voice breaking. Lily looked at him, her face emotionless, but her eyes screaming sorrow.
"I know. Sometimes, people are just taken away much too quickly. It isn't fair. But, it's also not fair to be stuck with my sister. You don't know her, so don't judge my feelings for her. I love her, yes, but not by choice." Lily informed James, her voice tight, almost as if she was struggling to keep composure. James sighed and leaned back in his chair.
"You're right. I'm sorry I snapped. Family is a bit of a sore subject for me." James sratched the back of his neck, looking at the tabletop. Eye contact would break him, and he oculdn't have that in such a public place.
"Yeah. Me too. But, it's better to concentrate on the happier memories. Or not think of it at all." Lily said, turning back to her book. James liked the latter.
"What are you reading?"
"Some self-defense tips. My mum... she was very big in being able to defend yourself and standing up for what you believe in. She forced me into all types of martial arts courses and the like, since I was like 5. Now, though, I only go over the summer and breaks. My sister isn't very happy about it, but it was really important to my parents.." Lily trailed off, staring out into space.
"Oh... I suppose I should be a bit frightened of you. Not only can you kick my butt if we fought muggle, but your duelling skills are probably much higher than my own. It seems like you've spent your whole life training to be an Auror." James said, trying to lighten the mood. She looked so depressed when she talked about her parents...
"Well, I actually never planned to be an Auror until 5th year... stuff happens that gives your life direction, I suppose. Before that, I didn't know what I was going to do. Everything seemed to just fall into place afterwards..." She sighed deeply.
"Yeah, stuff happens. But, it doesn't always make sense and it doesn't always serve a purpose. Sometimes, it just happens." James commented quietly, thinking of his own sister. What purpose could her death have?
"It all has a reason- everything does. Maybe not one we understand, or maybe one that isn't good enough for us, or maybe the reason seems stupid compared to what happened, but there's always a reason. It all leads to something. You never know what is going to happen." James just snorted, unbelieving,
"Are you trying to tell me there's a reason for people to die? Or for them to get killed? That there's a justified reason some nutter is going around, killing people because he feels like it?" James demanded, getting a bit angry. Nothing could justify Rose's death. Nothing. Lily felt frustrated. Thats not what she meant!
"No, of course not! I never said anything about it being justified! I said there was a reason, an effect to everything that happened because of the event or the action or whatever. I don't think there's a JUSTIFIED reason for Voldemont to go around killing people! He has his reasons, and people's actions were effected by his. Those people's murders can't be justified! My family's murder's can't be justified! That's not what I bloody meant!" Lily hissed at James, refusing to yell. He just sat straightbacked in shock. What did she just say? Lily seemed to realized her slip up too, because her hand was over her mouth and her eyes wide.
"Lily. I'm sorry. I hadn't realized. I mean, I knew you have dealt with death, but how many people did he take?" James asked, trying to comfort her. Taking a deep breath, Lily began to gather the books, preparing to put them back on the shelves.
"Forget it. I was just proving my point. It's not something I want to discuss." Lily said, careful to keep her face and voice emotionless. Show no weakness.
"Don't try that shit with me. I know what it feels like, Lily, to lose someone. You feel hurt and sad, lost." Lily was already putting one of the books away, with James right behind her. She laughed softly, her laugh cold and dead.
"I'm not hurt, James, and I'm not sad. I got over that a long time ago. I don't see why you suddenly bloody care, but I lost everyone except my sister, the one who HATES me, two years ago." Lily said, placing the last book back on its shelf.
"Everyone?" James repeated softly, trying to imagine what it must have felt like to be fifteen and completely alone in the world.
"Don't stand there and think you know how I feel, James, because whatever grief you're feeling, I got over a long while ago- and I managed to do it all by myself. You wanna know how I feel now? I'm angry. I'm fucking pissed off. How DARE Voldemont think he can just swoop down and murder everyone who I ever cared about and think he could get away with leaving me alive? No. You think I spent the last two years training to be an Auror? Becoming an Auror is only another step to getting my hands around his scrawny little neck and causing him as much pain as possible." Lily said viciously, her voice full of anger and loathing. Her eyes flashed with disdain at the very thought of Voldemont, and it scared James to the very bone.
"Lily, you don't seriously think you can take on you-know-who by yourself? He'd kill you as soon as you got within yards of him!" James whispered, his voice worried. Lily practically shook from supressed anger.
"I'm not stupid, I never said anything about killing him. I said I wanted to cause him pain- even if I get killed in the process. He took everything from me, James, I can't just let him get away with it." Lily's voice was one of pain and outrage. She was really serious.
"That's bloody suicide! Lily, you can't keep holding onto this pain and anger, you gotta let it go. It can't be healthy!" James pleaded. His mind raced. She didn't put any value on her life! How could someone just be so angry and not care about anything else? She was going to end up killing herself or something! Lily's eyes flashed again.
"Who the hell do you think you are? Telling me what I should and shouldn't do? I can be as angry as I bloody need to be! You said it yourself, I've got a plan! I know where I'm going in my life. If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to be a part of his downfall. And don't you bloody tell me otherwise!" Lily was so angry. She couldn't control how she felt any more than he could! She just needed to get out of the library, get away from James and out into the fresh air.
Not caring that it was dark outside or thinking about the dangers of being outside (even though it was only 8:30), Lily pushed passed James and ran out of the castle. Unfortunately, James was just as fast and followed her. She kept running until she realized she was a bit too close to the Forbidden Forest. Out of habit, she looked up and was relieved to see the moon wasn't full. Since she stopped so abruptly, James ran right into her. Aggravated, Lily pushed him off and jumped to her feet. Her keen ears heard a twig snap and her body went on high alert. She barely listened as James tried to apologize, suddenly searching around her for the source.
She didn't see anything, or anyone. Putting a finger to James' lips, she motioned silently for him to be quiet. She turned towards the castle, looking for anything unusual. James did the same, so neither of them saw the white, hooded figure appear from behind a group of trees and point his wand at the pair.
"STUPEFY!"
AN: dundundun dun duuuuuun hehe. sorry about the cliffie- they are evil, i know, but very necessary!!! it felt like a good place to leave the chappie. warning: next chappie has a very lame fight scene, but its only lame because im not good at writing ... fight scenes. anyways. vote: who thinks i should change the summary? im not really sure if i should keep it or not...
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