A/N-Screw it, I'm just gonna go with my heart on this whole ending thing. Besides, I might have a trilogy in the works.
Chapter 33
Mandy's POV
I sat alone on the couch and almost started to cry. I wanted nothing more than for Adam to be sitting next to me and for him to hold me in his arms, but I knew I had ruined the chances of that happening. Why oh why had I told Chris that I loved him? Why did I have to bring back all of those feelings? I suppose part of me had to know what could have been. What it would have been like, had Chris not have left that day. When I woke up and Chris was next to me, I felt as if I was going to be sick. It didn't feel right. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at my front door. When I opened it, Adam stood with Jay and Trish close behind him. I resisted my initial urge to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him and instead move out of the way and allow them to enter my house.
"We need to talk," He stated as we all sat down around my kitchen table.
"I thought that was apparent," I replied. He rubbed his face with his hand.
"Mandy, don't make this more difficult than it has to be. I just want to work things out between us because I realize now what a huge mistake I have made and I love you too much to let you go now," He exclaimed. I inhaled and closed my eyes for a minute trying to hold back tears. "Jay told me about the miscarriage." He stated as his voice cracked a bit. I knew he was hurt that I hadn't said anything to him about it. I sighed and turned away from him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Adam, I had to deal with it myself before I could tell anyone. Chris only knew because he was the only one that was there. He helped me more than you will ever know."
"I could have helped you, but you never told me about it. We could have helped each other. Instead you acted as if you were pushing me away. I didn't know what to think. I talked to Jay and he said you were being distant with him as well. When I came to visit you, I thought you and Chris were being extremely friendly, but later Jay told me that you hated each other. When he started saying that you were getting closer to Chris, I felt as if I was losing you to him. Then when Alanah showed up at my door claiming to have nowhere to go, I just lost my inhibitions. God Mandy, I slept with her..." his voice trailed off. He turned away from me in shame. "I was so sure you were sleeping with Jericho and she was there and I was hurt. I wanted to hurt you back. I kicked her out right afterward. She wasn't you and I didn't want her there. Then he shows up at my door and starts punching me. He started telling me things I didn't want to hear. He told me about the night you spent together. I couldn't take it. I kept seeing him kissing you and touching you the way I want to and I felt like I wanted to kill him. And then I find out how you are treating Jay and Trish and I have to wonder what has happened to you, but after talking to Jay nearly all night I realize what has happened. You are hurting and it kills me to know that you didn't want me to help you. I don't know if you can ever forgive me for the things that I did, but I want you back more than anything in the world."
Somewhere in the middle of his speech, I started crying. I couldn't help it; I was going to have to tell him about what had happened the night before. "Adam, I slept with Chris last night," I announced. He gasped so quietly that it was almost unnoticeable and I realized that his worst fear must have been coming true. He took my hand in his and squeezed gently. Trish and Jay looked on in shock.
"I guess we're even now," He responded, still not looking me in the eye. "Even so, I still love you. Do you still love me?" He asked finally looking up at me, waiting for my answer.
I didn't know how to answer him. The night before I had slept with another man. I had told Chris that it wasn't about Adam and I guess in some sick way it wasn't. It was about me trying to see what being with Chris would have been like. But at the same time, everything was about Adam. Everything was always going to be about Adam. He and Danny were my life. They were what I lived and breathed for. "Adam, I never stopped loving you, but you have to understand that I loved Chris three years ago and he is always going to have a part of me that does." I could see in his eyes that he was totally crushed by my words.
Chapter 33
Mandy's POV
I sat alone on the couch and almost started to cry. I wanted nothing more than for Adam to be sitting next to me and for him to hold me in his arms, but I knew I had ruined the chances of that happening. Why oh why had I told Chris that I loved him? Why did I have to bring back all of those feelings? I suppose part of me had to know what could have been. What it would have been like, had Chris not have left that day. When I woke up and Chris was next to me, I felt as if I was going to be sick. It didn't feel right. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at my front door. When I opened it, Adam stood with Jay and Trish close behind him. I resisted my initial urge to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him and instead move out of the way and allow them to enter my house.
"We need to talk," He stated as we all sat down around my kitchen table.
"I thought that was apparent," I replied. He rubbed his face with his hand.
"Mandy, don't make this more difficult than it has to be. I just want to work things out between us because I realize now what a huge mistake I have made and I love you too much to let you go now," He exclaimed. I inhaled and closed my eyes for a minute trying to hold back tears. "Jay told me about the miscarriage." He stated as his voice cracked a bit. I knew he was hurt that I hadn't said anything to him about it. I sighed and turned away from him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Adam, I had to deal with it myself before I could tell anyone. Chris only knew because he was the only one that was there. He helped me more than you will ever know."
"I could have helped you, but you never told me about it. We could have helped each other. Instead you acted as if you were pushing me away. I didn't know what to think. I talked to Jay and he said you were being distant with him as well. When I came to visit you, I thought you and Chris were being extremely friendly, but later Jay told me that you hated each other. When he started saying that you were getting closer to Chris, I felt as if I was losing you to him. Then when Alanah showed up at my door claiming to have nowhere to go, I just lost my inhibitions. God Mandy, I slept with her..." his voice trailed off. He turned away from me in shame. "I was so sure you were sleeping with Jericho and she was there and I was hurt. I wanted to hurt you back. I kicked her out right afterward. She wasn't you and I didn't want her there. Then he shows up at my door and starts punching me. He started telling me things I didn't want to hear. He told me about the night you spent together. I couldn't take it. I kept seeing him kissing you and touching you the way I want to and I felt like I wanted to kill him. And then I find out how you are treating Jay and Trish and I have to wonder what has happened to you, but after talking to Jay nearly all night I realize what has happened. You are hurting and it kills me to know that you didn't want me to help you. I don't know if you can ever forgive me for the things that I did, but I want you back more than anything in the world."
Somewhere in the middle of his speech, I started crying. I couldn't help it; I was going to have to tell him about what had happened the night before. "Adam, I slept with Chris last night," I announced. He gasped so quietly that it was almost unnoticeable and I realized that his worst fear must have been coming true. He took my hand in his and squeezed gently. Trish and Jay looked on in shock.
"I guess we're even now," He responded, still not looking me in the eye. "Even so, I still love you. Do you still love me?" He asked finally looking up at me, waiting for my answer.
I didn't know how to answer him. The night before I had slept with another man. I had told Chris that it wasn't about Adam and I guess in some sick way it wasn't. It was about me trying to see what being with Chris would have been like. But at the same time, everything was about Adam. Everything was always going to be about Adam. He and Danny were my life. They were what I lived and breathed for. "Adam, I never stopped loving you, but you have to understand that I loved Chris three years ago and he is always going to have a part of me that does." I could see in his eyes that he was totally crushed by my words.