A/N: Hi guys…. Well I don't own Beyblades or the characters linked to it. I don't own the poems at the end of every chapter unless stated otherwise. I own my characters.... Bret, May, Kate and the others that aren't from any Beyblade series… I own the plot and story line as it was my very creative juices that came up with it XP… well so yeah R&R

Can I Ever Forgive You?

Part 12

I watched as the dark shadows on the road whipped by, each seeming to hold their own little piece of trouble.

Why has life decided to turn on me?

Why do I muck up everything?

Why do I ruin everyone else's life?

Is life even worth living?

Why did May leave?

Why can't my parents come back?

Why? Why! Why! WHY!

Vicious thoughts ripped through my mind as Bret continued to drive, weaving in between cars.

I didn't even register that we had stopped until Bret shifted awkwardly in his seat.

"Are you ok Kitten? Seriously you don't look to good."

Bret asked, worry apparent in his tone.

"It's nothing."

I muttered sliding slowly off the bike.

"It doesn't look like it, do you wanna go do something?"

I shock my head and handed him back Lee's helmet.

"You have school."

"Yeah, well that doesn't really matter, if you want to do something we can."

"I don't feel like doing anything, but thankyou for the offer."

I forced a small smile onto my face before turning and slowly making my way up the stairs.

"Thankyou Bret."

I said softly, turning slightly to look at him. I could see worry and concern running through his eyes.

"Anytime."

He smiled.

I nodded lightly and turned back around proceeding to climb the stairs to the front door.

I opened the door, the sound of Bret leaving rang through the air as I closed the door behind me.

Now that I was along I started to crumble. Tears like a new wave of despair washed over me and I broke, I fell back and slide down the wall.

Cupping my face in my hands as I sobbed, my shoulders shook furiously as I sat there. Absorbed in my sorrows.

I slowly lifted my head and with great difficulty pulled myself to my feet. I made my way to the stairs and started to climb, dragging my bag behind me.

The paintings, which lined the walls, didn't look cheerful any more. They looked more like blank faces laughing at me.

Tears streamed down my face as I pushed my door open, stumbling I fell to the floor. I layed their in a sprawled heap on the carpet.

'Have you ever wanted to die when you were without your friends?'

'Haven't you said goodbye to the one who your life depends?'

A soft voice whispered hauntingly in the back of my mind.

"Why? Why? Why leave me?"

'Could it be that I don't wanna save you anymore?'

'Could it be that we don't have what it takes?'

The haunting voice whispered through my mind again.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I screamed, quickly stumbling to my feet.

I raced over to my desk and fumbled around as I searched for any sharp object.

'Take it away 'cause I don't like this anymore

'Take it away and throw it away!'

"Get out of my head! Am I going mad!"

I screamed, finally finding something that looked good enough.

'I dunno, you tell me!'

I quickly walked over to the bed and sat on the end.

I placed the sharp object on the top of my thigh. Pushing it lightly in, I smiled slightly as I pulled it down in a straight line, instantly drawing a thick line of crimson blood.

I smiled in satisfaction, as all thoughts, voices, were drowned out of my head. Replaced with a fussy, warm feeling, tingling through my body and veins.

I dropped back onto the sheets and closed my eyes, getting lost, losing all feeling, drifting away into a world of now worries or fears.

The harsh sound of knocking rang through my ears, causing the unpleasant feeling of doubt, self displease and many nasty thoughts to come back to me all at once.

"Leave me alone."

I whispered hopelessly. Pulling my legs to my chest, I closed myself into a tight ball, trying to block myself off to the world, but like that was going to happen.

The knocking continued, but this time I could hear the doorknob being turned and the creaking as the door opened slowly.

"Miss? Ah Miss!"

I continued to lay on the bed in a ball, my back facing the maid as she continued her futile attempts of getting me to communicate with her.

After a short while of her continuing to say 'Miss, Miss' over and over again, she finally gave up and stated what she had come to say.

"There is a young gentlemen down stairs, he says he needs to speak to you, he says it is quite important."

I groaned and stayed still, staring ahead, out the window and at the blue sky that looked so far away from my world and me.

"Shall I send him away or shall I tell him you will be down shortly."

I shifted my eyes to my knees, I didn't feel like seeing anyone, I didn't feel like talking, but… I had to see them and I could easily send them away.

"I'll be down shortly."

I spoke, my voice harsh and bitter.

"Alright."

The maid said as she turned and left the room.

I stayed in my ball for a while before moving painfully into a sitting position, hissing I stood up.

Walking out through the doors I roughly grabbed a tissue, soaking the now thin line of blood up off my upper leg.

I made my way slowly down the stairs to the front door. I grasped the brass handle and quickly opened the door, being instantly faced with the back of a very familiar red head.

My automatic groan triggered him to slowly turn around, a glum, half-exhausted face turned and looked at me. His strange unnatural sky blue looking eyes were slightly dull and looked tired.

"I haven't come here to fight."

He stated, taking a step closer.

I just rolled my eyes and glared at him.

"I have nothing to say to you, I don't even know why you dare to come close to me."

I seethed, narrowing my eyes.

"Why can't you just let me talk?"

Tala asked, standing still, staring at me with wild emotions swirling in his eyes.

"Because I know that what you have to say is nothing of importance."

I snapped stepping back, I was getting tired of looking at him and in my physical state I didn't know what I was going to do if the situation got out of hand.

"Kitten…"

He said softly, placing his hand on the door so I couldn't shut it.

"Just hear me out."

I just looked at him, moving to try to close the door again.

"May contacted me Kate, she contacted me."

Instantly when I heard her name I froze.

She had contacted him, HIM! Out of all people, the person that hurt her, the person that made her go! HIM!

"Really, I don't believe you."

I snapped, slamming the door in his face.

Why him? Why not me? What had I done? Was I the reason she left? No! It was Tala, I was told it was him! It was him! But why had she contacted him instead of me? I don't understand.

Thoughts buzzed through my head at a million miles an hour. May, why had she contacted him!

I was utterly speechless! I was shocked! I slowly turned around and ran up the stairs back to my bedroom. I flung the door open and ran to the bed.

I dived on it and instantly buried my head in one of the fluffy pillows, my sobs muffled by the silky material and feathers.

"Why him? Why? Why not me? Him…"

I slowed down my crying and rolled onto my back, staring at the white ceiling.

Images of May and I laughing and the time when we picked on Johnny flooded in front of me. A small smile graced my lips before it was replaced with a sad frown as the recent events crashed back onto me.

"Why?…"

I looked over at the window, the light fluffy clouds outside making odd shapes on the now darker light blue.

For some strange reason it due me in, I slowly got up and walked over to the sill. Staring down at the driveway below.

My heart dragged as I saw Tala still standing there, staring up at the house, his mobile now limply placed in his hand as he returned his arm to his side.

"Leave…"

I whispered to myself.

Tala looked up at the window I was standing at.

I moved to the side and peered around the side of the curtain at him, it looked like he hadn't seen me. He just continued to stare before slowly turning around and walking away towards his car, which I could see, parked down near the front gates.

I tore my gaze away at the pathetic sole below and stared ahead at the blank wall across the room. Who am I calling pathetic, the most pathetic person here is me.

The sound of my mobile humming across the tabletop and the melody ringing into the air brought me out of my depressing thoughts.

I walked quickly over to it, flipping the lid open I read the message.

Kitten, I didnt get 2 tell u everytin

as I can c u hav set ur mind 2 not

talkin 2 me. But all I wanted 2 say

was 2 chek ur e-mails.

It will clear the air alittle and

explain things.

XX Wolf

"Tala."

I hissed, reading his preferred nickname that May and I gave him.

E-mail? I hadn't checked my e-mails in ages but why would I want to check my e-mai…..

Then something inside clicked, I whipped around and basically ran towards the computer. I jumped into the chair and pressed the on button.

The computer beeped to register that it had been turned on, the formatting information slowly printing it's self on the screen.

"Hurry up you stupid piece of…ah ha."

The screen appeared with that stupid lightning sound that it always comes up with when it boots. I quickly scooted the curser over the Internet button and clicked on it.

The screen appeared and I typed in the address, my e-mail instantly being brought up onto the screen.

95 e-mails but only one I am looking for. Junk, Junk, Junk, Junk, Max, Junk, Old Ray, Robert…

The next name made all the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

May…

I clicked on the link to open the e-mail, the words slowly being brought up on screen.

I sat there for awhile, just staring at the screen, not reading the e-mail but slowly registering that May had sent me an e-mail and I was stupid enough not to check my e-mails often.

21st Mon

It was only a day old, it wasn't that long ago.

Hey Kitten,

I know I went away with out saying anything and not contacting you but I needed time to think things over and the best way to do things…

Well I'm ready and I want to tell you everything, I want to come back.

So, yeah, well I'll be at the Rock Punk concert singing with my cousin's band, we had this organised from the start so I can't weave my way out of this…

Well so if you want to see me then I'll see you there and I'll tell you everything…

If you don't come then I'll know that you don't want me in your life anymore and I'll disappear forever… so well I hope to see you there

The darkness hides everything, Mi

(May)

I don't know how many times I kept reading over that e-mail before it finally soaked in… Explain everything, I already knew what happened couldn't she just come back.

Of cause I am going to come, how could she ever think I didn't want her to be in my life! She is basically my backbone!

I shut the screen down after reading over it a couple of more times. I got up slowly and like a brainless zombie walked over to my bed and layed down. I stared blankly ahead at the wall near the window. It was a true emotion over load for me I didn't know what to do.

My face had no emotion but tears were streaming down my face. I was confused, angry and upset all at the same time and I didn't know how to cope.

The last three days went by painfully slow. Mariah and Ray have made up, I guess that is a good thing, but Mariah isn't talking to me.

Max is avoiding me, Robert hasn't been at school as he has been on a holiday and is getting back… about now.

But everything had been eating at me, I admit I have dropped more weight now and is close to looking like a stick, my face is pale and I've been in an extremely foal mood to close friends.

I dunno I just haven't coped well with this weeks facts and outs, it has emotionally and physically drained me.

I've hurt myself nearly every night trying to escape this nightmare I'm living. It's still eating at me why May contacted Tala instead of me. Least tomorrow I will see her.

Ozuma hit the drums hard, braking me viciously out of my thoughts.

"Ozuma!"

I snapped, glaring at him.

"What!?!"

He said, smiling sheepishly and flipping his drum sticks catching them perfectly.

It is now Friday afternoon and I've been forced to come and watch Bret and his Band practise for their gig tomorrow night at the concert.

"You are hopeless."

I hissed, crossing my arms angrily over my chest as I layed stretched out on the couch again. It had started to become my usual spot when ever I came.

"Oh we know."

Hitoshi smiled, chucking a music file at Ozuma. Ozuma glared back at Hitoshi before throwing one of his drumsticks, hitting Hitoshi straight on the forehead.

I rolled my eyes as Salima burst out laughing, while Hitoshi and Ozuma glared daggers at each other.

"You ok Kate?"

Bret asked, sitting beside me.

"Fine."

I shot back, avoiding his gaze.

"Are you sure, you have been acting weird this week."

"I've been just peachy ok and I don't think you can judge how I feel without being me."

"I was just asking… Seriously Kitten are you ok?"

"Don't call me kitten and I told you before I'm fine."

I seethed, shooting a glare at him.

"I thought I could call you kitten as we are close friends now right? Or have I mistaken you."

"Maybe so."

"Kate are you ok? Seriously this is not like you."

I dunno I was on the verge of exploding, my temper reached a peak as I felt Bret's comforting hand rest on my shoulder.

"Kate…"

"Don't you touch me!"

I suddenly just exploded, my feelings venting through this sudden angry out burst.

"Don't you ever touch me! Just leave me the hell alone! Leave me alone!"

I shouted quickly standing up and running up the stairs, slamming the door at the top.

I could hear the muffled voice of Hitoshi asking what he had done, followed by Lee asking if I was ok.

I just stood there in the entrance hallway, staring blankly at the door as if waiting for it to open and swallow me whole.

The faint sound of footsteps climbing stairs grew louder as Bret appeared from the door beside me. I turned slowly and looked at him.

No emotions in my eyes, just a blank lifeless look.

One of those looks, only a person who believes that their life in nothing contains, a look, those people who have lived hell can only hold and emit from their being.

Those looks, which can make any joyful person be swallowed up by depression and spat out again in a howling mass of darkness.

"Kitten… you're scaring me… are you ok… you can tell me anything… I told you."

Bret's soothing words didn't seem to penetrate my hard casing of hatred, hatred to nearly anything.

"Cause you told me doesn't mean I have to tell you… Your problems are your own… deal with them."

My voice was toneless, just one steal cold sentence.

I looked blankly at him before proceeding to the front door. As I opened it I could hear Bret's painful murmur from the spot he was still standing in.

"That was harsh Kate, just harsh."

My face stayed stone like. My whole body the same emotionless zombie. But my brain a complete jumble. Many thoughts whizzed around, feelings, reasons, a complete huge mass of non-connecting beliefs.

I closed the door silently behind me before walking down the driveway and out the gate.

I continued to walk, to where…

I don't know, just away…

Trying to leave all my troubles behind…

I need to leave…

Just leave…

If they won't leave me alone I'll just leave them…

I moved my feet silently, not even thinking, just staring ahead.

Devoid

By someone on Netpoets

The serrated edge digs into my skin
Let the hurt wash over me
Kiss the cuts upon your arms
Shiny red, against stark white
Make all your pain, just go away.
Entrapped in this world of misery and fear
Alone we stand
Together, apart
Wanting, needing, knowing
But devoid of having
Crying inside, screaming for help
Blank smiles cover all, they think you're fine
I see through your hardened shell
I feel your desperation
Can you feel mine?

Hidden

By me….random I know

Void,

Empty,

Dead,

Lifeless,

Screaming,

Silence,

It's there,

Can't you see it,

It's her…

A/N: Heyo dudes so wadya think?? It's very heavy right now and the nex chapter is the concert where everything happens… hehehehe and the big twist is revealed… oh I know mwahahahaha… well thanks to those people who reviewed… which is:

x1nfernal: I know her life is really messed and it just got worse… just great L but it does get better… I promise… hehehe… well hope you liked this one in someway even though it's sad…

The-Dark-Fire-Elf: Hello missy… by the way loved ur updated chapter sorry haven't had time to review but now I do XP so will now… but thank you for reviewing

And guess what that was all the reviews WHAT HAPPENED!!! Did I offend some1??

Well fine then... well thanks again and please review XD I like them a lot... they rox

Until nex tim

Red