Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! This is in response to A-Blackwinged-Bird's dare to put my song in a story, so here ya go! And thanks for the nice review for my fruitcake story, yay! You doth rock indeed! Hope you guys enjoy! I've always wondered whether Hutch bought his car like that, or if he bought it new and then made it that way, the world may never know! I feel sorry for it, it's so unloved! Anyway, please read and review! REVIEW OR SUFFER THE TERRIBLE WRATH OF… THE CURSE OF CHRISTMAS FRUITCAKE!!! Oh yeah, The Curse of Christmas Fruitcake is my other new S&H story, go read it! It's funny! Now on with the story! The song is sung to the tune of Jingle Bells, and mocks Rusty Chevrolet, so it's kind ofa parody of a parody. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own Starsky or Hutch. I mean, come on, they came out a decade before I was born, people! Do you really think I'd be able to travel back in time and purchase them? I wish, but alas, no. I do own most of the song though,and I do own a fruitcake!At least I own one thing, yay!
Junky LTD, Revamped!
Hutch looks around at all of the dangerous and rather large people beginning to surround his car. "How do I get myself into these messes?", he mumbles to himself as the men draw closer. "Starsky?", he yells, but his partner is nowhere in sight. The men start to close in, he can see the glint of sunlight bouncing off the metal torture devices in their hands. "Starsky, help!", he shouts desperately, looking around for an escape route, but not finding one.
"Sorry, Hutch. It's for your own good, you know.", a voice says from behind the circle of men. Two of them move aside to reveal a sinisterly smiling… Starsky? "Just give in, Hutch. You're outnumbered!" "You?", gasps Hutch, looking at his partner, "You're behind this maniacal scheme? How could you do this to me, Starsk?" "Because," says Starsky, "I can't take this anymore! I've been wanting to do this for such a long time!" He cackles evilly and then looks at the people around him. "Alright, boys," he tells them, "Do your job!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!", Hutch screams as they pry him away from his car and start to GASP clean it up and fix it! "But why, Starsky? Why'd ya do it?" "Why? That's easy, Hutch. I'll tell you why!" The curly haired man then dons a hat and cane and jumps onto the hood of Hutch's battered car. He now starts to dance and sing…
We putter down the roads,
In this junky LTD,
Backfiring as it goes,
As slow as it can be!
It needs a brand new muffler,
And really needs new tires!
I think you hold it together with,
Shoe strings and chicken wire!
He now jumps down from the car and begins dancing around it, pointing out the faults in the car as he sings about them!
Oh, rust and smoke!
The 8-track's broke!
The door flies open and beeps!
You light a match,
To see the dash,
And I pray down on my knees!
Oh, the frame is bent!
The roof's a dent!
The fumes are killing me!
Oh how I hate riding in,
This junky LTD!
Now two of the mechanics have stopped working on the car and have mysteriously pulled an accordion and a tuba from out of nowhere. They start to play along with the song!
We were heading down to Huggy's,
To get a couple beers,
When wejust lostthe left front tire,
You were struggling to steer!
Skidding down the streets,
Almost running into shops!
I had to drag my sneakers,
Just to get the car to stop!
Now, as well as the two instrumental mechanics, three more stop their work to start singing with Starsky, and begin to dance behind him! Hutch does not look amused.
Oh, rust and smoke!
The 8-track's broke!
The door flies open and beeps!
You light a match,
To see the dash,
And I pray down on my knees!
Oh, the frame is bent!
The roof's a dent!
It's torture, can't you see,
How much I hate riding in,
Thishorrid LTD?
Starsky now continues alone, but the others are still dancing creepily around the two detectives. Hutch looks extremely angry at Starsky for the verbal bashing of his car.
Bouncing 'round Bay City,
In a big blue cloud of smoke!
People laugh as we go past,
But you can't see the joke!
We're always late for work,
Dobey constantly blames me!
I should tell him why we're really late,
Your blasted LTD!
The mechanics continue singing with him for the rest, and Hutch looks ready to strangle them all with his bare hands!
Oh, rust and smoke!
The 8-track's broke!
The door flies open and beeps!
You light a match,
To see the dash,
And I pray down on my knees!
Oh, the frame is bent!
The roof's a dent!
I hope no one sees me,
Riding down the street in,
Such an ugly LTD!
Oh, rust and smoke!
The 8-track's broke!
The door flies open and beeps!
You light a match,
To see the dash,
And I pray down on my knees!
Oh, the frame is bent!
The roof's a dent!
Oh, Hutch, why can't you see,
That you would be much better off,
With a tomato,
Just like me!
Now Starsky is dancing right in front of his partner, not noticing his anger. As he finishes his song, the mechanics who weren't singing, dancing, or playing instruments have finished working on Hutch's car. They move aside to reveal… the junky LTD is junky no more! It is now in tip-top shape, and even has a spiffy new paint job! Yup, you guessed it, tomato red with a white stripe! "See," points out Starsky, "I told ya you'd be better off with a tomato! Doesn't it look great? I think it's terrific!"
Hutch, who's face has slowly been turning as red as his revamped car, now turns to his partner with unbridled fury! "STARSKYYYYY!!!!!", he bellows angrily, reaching for his partner who, fortunately, saw him coming and got a head start. "You get back here, you little weasel!", he screams, beginning to chase after the frightened man, "You tell them to fix my car!" "But Hutch, they already fixed it! Doesn't it look much better?", the poor man yells back to his pursuer, unintentionally angering him even further! We can hear the pleas of mercy and the screams of death threats echo all around the garage as their chase continues.
Did Hutch ever catch Starsky? Who is the real victim here? Will the poor LTD ever be the same again? No one really knows, that's a story for another day. Until next time, remember, be nice to your car and don't let it end up like… the junky LTD!!!
Another Author's Note: Thanks to all reviewers, except Happy, who was not so happy. I have this to say to the not so Happy- I know the song Rusty Chevrolet, and clearly state that this song is based on it. If you want to correct someone and blame them for plagarism, go do it to someone without a disclaimer! And if you want to do so to me, at least have the decency to leave your email adress so I can yell at you for your stupidity! Gee, some people are so thick! Anywho, please review if you haven't, and go read my other S&H fics! Happy Holidays to all, and may your computer screens be full of fanfiction!