Chapter 3: Monday Morning Replicator Ridiculousness

"The time is 0600 hours." What is that? Caitlin thought. "The time is 0600 hours and seven seconds." Shit, we have to get up this early? She thought, as she pushed the bed sheets away.

She headed for the bathroom; she needed a good warm shower to start the day. She fumbled around trying to find the light switch. Upon finding none, she wandered out of her room into the brightness of the rest of the flat. A couple of fellow students were already awake.

"Hi, what room do you live in?" Asked the black haired girl sitting closest to her.

"B and you?"

"I live in A, and Cassandra here lives in D."

"What was your name again?" Caitlin asked sheepishly.

"Oh, sorry. I'm DarkLegate."

"Caitlin Barker. By the way, did either of you figure out how to switch the lights on in your room?"

"No" Cassandra said, "but it gets far worse than that."

"Worse?" Caitlin asked, "What do you mean worse? I need a bloody shower. I probably stink to high heaven by now. How the hell am I supposed to look my best?"

"Well, there's nothing to eat here. Notice anything about this kitchen?"

Caitlin took her first proper look around a typical 24th century kitchen. Where was the cooker, the microwave, the toaster, the food even? There was only a device sitting in the corner of the room. That looks familiar. She thought. Perhaps if I ask it for food. She said, "Hold on, I think I know what that is. I've seen it work in a couple of episodes." She walked up to the replicator and said nervously, "Two slices of toast and a cup of coffee please."

The device spoke "There are fourteen varieties of toast and five-hundred varieties of coffee available from this replicator."

"Two slices of white toast with butter and a normal white coffee with two sugars please." Caitlin asked, trying to be helpful.

The toast materialized, but the coffee didn't. "Where is my coffee?"

"Please re-state the question." The replicator said.

"WHERE IS MY COFFEE?" Caitlin shouted. She was getting seriously pissed off now.

"Please re-state the question." It repeated. Caitlin was near to punching the damn thing when the door chimed.

"It's Sito, care to let me in?"

"Enter." Cassandra said.

Sito came in, "Oh, I see you've figured out how to use the replicator."

"Not Quite." DarkLegate said, "It's not giving Caitlin her coffee, she explained to it exactly what she wanted and it isn't working. It keeps asking her to re-state the question."

Sito looked at Caitlin, "What sort of coffee did you ask for?"

"Just normal coffee with milk and two sugars."

"What it wants is the brand name. What kind of coffee do you drink at home?"

"Kenko."

"Right, then ask it for Kenko coffee." Sito explained.

Caitlin stood in front of the replicator having re-gained her composure somewhat. "Kenko coffee with milk and two sugars."

Right before her eyes, her coffee materialized. Finally, I can actually have a fucking drink now. She thought sarcastically.

DarkLegate spoke up, "Now we've sorted that problem, we have another problem. We can't find the light switches anywhere."

Sito smiled, "I had the same problem five years ago when I was a beginner student myself. The truth is, there is no switch, you just ask the computer for lights."

Caitlin left her coffee and toast on the table, and walked into her room. "Computer, lights." She said, and the room instantly illuminated. Now she could actually see what she was doing she headed towards the small bathroom pod. The basin and toilet were there, but there appeared to be no shower, just a small looking cubicle. Then she noticed the instructions left on the wall. It was a Sonic Shower, and it used no water.

After she'd figured out that she need only press a button and have done with it, she showered and wrapped her towel around herself. She brushed her teeth and then decided to look for what to wear.

Upon opening the wardrobe she nearly collapsed into a fit of rage, for inside the wardrobe there was only Starfleet Cadet Uniforms. Even the underwear was Starfleet Issue! These stupid underpants will probably itch like hell! Damn things. Why can't I have my thongs? She got dressed anyway and tied her hair back into a pony-tail.

Now it was time to look at the floor plans and lecture timetables. Her first lecture was 'Technobabble 101 with Miles Edward O'Brien.' Should be interesting, perhaps then I'll know how to live in this crazy universe.

A few minutes later she reconvened with her flat mates in the kitchen, to find that they were going to the same lecture as she was. At least I'll be able to sit by DarkLegate and Cassandra and not on my own. She ended that thought with finishing her toast and coffee, before it went too cold. Now, how did they do the dishes in the 24th Century?