Chapter 4: Technobabble 101
About an hour after leaving their quarters, Caitlin, DarkLegate and Cassandra found their lecture hall. There was a huge queue to get in. The air was so hot and stuffy that the students could barely breathe. Never heard of air-conditioning in the 24th century? Caitlin wondered.
Just then the doors opened, and Chief O'Brien beckoned the class to enter. The lecture hall was massive, but then it had to house over two-hundred or so students. They all walked in, filling up the rows from the back. It seemed that even outside of high school, the dreaded front row was best avoided.
When the hall was finally filled, Chief O'Brien said, "Right, silence now. Welcome to Technobabble 101. In this module, you'll be learning all about the technology behind Star Trek. How things work, why they work, and how to use them. I trust you've all figured out how to use the replicators in your kitchens?" A few red faces appeared when he said that.
"Now a bit more about the contents of this module," He continued, "The first lecture will be about household appliances and how to use them. After that you will all be required to learn about the Warp Drive and the physics behind it, the differences between the tricorders we use in Engineering and the medical tricorders, you will learn the basic differences between different categories of Starship and what they are designed for. Does anyone here know why the USS DEFIANT NX-74205 is different from the USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1701-D?"
The class fell blank. Nobody knew the answer, but with the bunch of drones in the classroom who didn't know synthehol from anything else it was hardly surprising.
O'Brien told them "The basic difference is, the USS-ENTERPRISE NCC-1701-D is a galaxy class starship used for deep space exploration. The UUS DEFIANT NX-74205 is a Defiant class starship used primarily for escort and battle duties. It is also considered to be more of a short range ship. If you see NX in the registration code of a starship, it means that it is the prototype of its class."
"Now back to the subject at hand, I'm going to explain to you about how to use your household technology. Firstly, I noticed that some of you seemed rather embarrassed when I mentioned the replicator. There is no shame in not knowing yet, that's why you're here. A replicator is an item that you use mostly for obtaining food; replicators can also make clothing and certain pieces of engineering devices. They cannot however replicate dilithium crystals, or antimatter. The replicators in your dormitories however, are set up so that they will not give you anything except for food. Has anyone here had success or partial success at using the replicator this morning."
Feeling a bit bold, Caitlin put up her hand, "I got it to give me some toast this morning."
"Good, anyone else?"
A strange boy from further towards the front said, "I got a Raktigino"
"Excellent. I trust that most of you shall now be aware of the fact that you can only get something from a replicator if you tell it what you want specifically. Replicators cannot read minds."
The majority of the class seemed to be near comatose with boredom. A couple of people were whispering at the back. O'Brien noticed this and asked, "Would you two at the back care to share what you're talking about?"
They fell silent. O'Brien said, "Well, perhaps you'd like to give me a three thousand word essay tomorrow morning about replicators and their uses? That goes for the whole class."
Everyone groaned at the prospect. Three thousand words about replicators? There can't be that much to them surely? Caitlin thought. DarkLegate whispered to Caitlin "That's not fair!"
"I know." whispered Caitlin. Fortunately, they didn't get caught whispering too.
"Right, class dismissed, the next lesson will be about Sonic Showers. I hope that by that time you won't all stink the room out."
The class began to move towards the door, towards their next class, 'Sickbay 101 by Julian Bashir.' At least in this class she could meet the man of her dreams, in person. She needed to get to the bathrooms ASAP, check that her hair was still okay.