TITLE: Sorrows Equilibrium
AUTHOR: wyntersun a.k.a csimiamie126
SUMMARY: During the last few scenes in Lost Son , Horatio Caine
contemplates on what happened and what he fears would happen. He seeks comfort to
the one person he could share his sorrows...
DISCLAIMER: I do not own CSI: Miami, it's characters, nor it's death scenes.
All of which belong to Jerry B. The plot though, is mine.
A/N: I haven't watched Lost Son in full detail (since it's only season 2 I am
watching), so I just based this fic with what I saw in
blows nose I hate it when characters die,
especially good Speed... So here's the fic where I toast to his character and
to my ship. I think it's obvious that this story is H/C, so if you don't like
the ships, please don't read. I don't enjoy flamers nor would I entertain them.
SORROWS EQUILIBRIUM
Horatio Caine: What I Fear the Most
The cold and desolate hallway of the Miami Crime
Lab welcomed me to it's inviting darkness. How I wish I could immerse myself
within that darkness and never to be found again. How I wish I could follow the
eerie song that haunts the deepest region of my heart… How I wish I could
escape the reality that faces me and taunts me even up to this moment.
I failed…
My eyes witnessed that terrifying sight. A body,
where beneath it was a pool of blood, slowly leaving its owner. A face, which
cannot seem to bear the fact that everything he feels around him will be lost
in a matter of time. A person, who I cared for, like a son of a proud father.
He was looking at me, like a frightened child
searching for his mother because he was hurt. But a small child's wounds could
not compare to what Timothy Speedle was experiencing then; a gunshot wound. He
tried to speak, perhaps to show that he was brave. But it seemed that his
efforts failed.
I just kneeled there, beside him, in a mess. My
calm exterior slowly gave way to someone completely new; a person who fears
everything. That time, I couldn't seem to put myself together, being a witness
to a comrade's slow death.
And then it happened. All my life, I have been
investigating deaths. I was used to seeing bodies in wretched positions,
indicating how they died. I have seen how thy died, I have known why they died.
I know who killed them. Yet this was different.
Life left Tim Speedle's body, his eyes, looking
perhaps towards the heavens to see the beauty of this earth one last time.
I slowly stood up, feeling useless. He was lying
in the simplest of death's positions.
The rest of the team examined another crime
scene. Irony of all ironies, we were investigating the death of one of our own.
Forensic terms were murmurs and mutters to me. The façade they put on does not
work as they have planned; their eyes express an unexplainable sorrow within
their hearts.
But I showed them a different face. A face of a
lone crusader, seeking justice for a friend's untimely death. A person, who
will not rest as long as the soul of the fallen did not rest at all.
And when everything was done, I still felt
unsatisfied.
I asked myself a million times. Why him? Why of
all the people, why him? He still has his life to live, so why did Death's
sharp scythe took him? Why not me? What has he done to deserve this? Why can't
this sorrow leave my heart and give me a few moments peace of mind?
My eyes were near to giving in to crying, but I
fought the urge when she came. She was doing her job, after all. She was giving
me a report, as the ballistics expert.
"Lt. Caine expended (6) rounds" her
report read. Within the six rounds, I never even protected Speed? The
word "useless" seemed to weigh more in my mind as I went on.
"Speedle's weapon malfunctioned"
Malfunctioned. His gun malfunctioned
Speed needed my help that time, more than ever.
Why didn't I do something more? Why did I not at least help him look for cover?
And maybe… Just maybe… I could have taken the shot for him.
And then, another dreadful thought dawned from
me. If I couldn't protect my friends, what more if I was to protect the one I
love?
Calleigh looked at me. her simple look made me
want to run to a dark place and stay there. Just for her not to see me as a
weak creature. A weak creature who cannot seem to protect others. What would
she think of me?
And yet, I reached out my hands to her, my heart
searching for her warmth and comfort.
And she held me close to her. For a few moments,
all the remorse I felt slowly left. All that mattered was she was near me. And
I wanted it to feel like it would last for eternity.
The thought of Speed's death entered that solemn
moment, then an image of Calleigh took place of everything. I saw Calleigh, in
a pool of blood, in the morgue, and eventually, in a cold coffin. And I was the
one witness of them all.
"Stop please… Make it stop…" I managed
to say, after the images were still fresh. My whole body suddenly became weak
as I slowly kneeled on the floor. All the events made me suffer, and I cannot
bear it anymore.
"Horatio…"Calleigh said softly. The
tears I kept behind were now escaping my eyes.
Then I felt a soft touch pass my check, as if an
angel's hand brushed against me.
When I opened my eyes, I saw something far more
beautiful than an angel. In an uncouth manner, I wiped away the remainder of my
tears with my sleeve. She held me close to her, trying to calm me down. I
regained myself slowly, yet all I can do was embrace her close to me.
"I don't want to lose you Calleigh…"
that random thought escaped from me. A soft reply followed, "You wont lose
me Horatio… Not now… Not ever…"
My hands brushed through her gold hair, as I felt
her her warm and loving embrace. How I wished all this could happen forever…
But a small tinge of fear seemed to be hindering it.
Hold me close… Hold me close and make the pain go
away…
Be with me forever, my love…
End notes: The Horatio Caine you have just
witnessed is my Fragile!Horatio, the Horatio who can't seem to contain himself
if something THIS serious has happened. It's my fic, my world… Please bear with
me
Fictionally yours,
Wyntersun aka csimiamie126