Rise and Die! 3
Important: Okay, so I got slightly more requests for PG-13, but I did get a lot of recommendations to bump this fic up to an "R" rating. I understand if you no longer want to read this, but this fic is really PG-15 or PG-16; I'm NOT moving it to R as of YET, but I PROBABLY WILL in the future, depending on how this goes. There IS swearing in this fic; if you have a problem with that, then please don't read any further! (I'm adding this to chapter 1 as well).
Although I do not have copious amounts of the f-word and stuff, I think that under the circumstances and based on my group of friends and such, they WILL be cursing. So, watch out! Anyway, if you're still here, fantastic, and on with the story.
Hermione gathered her things, at least what she could find (so far she had discovered shoes that looked slightly like her own, perhaps paler, sitting in the front foyer), and got ready to depart. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and just wanted to put this off.
Unfortunately Draco wasn't a procrastinator under any circumstances. "Hermione," he barked, "we need to see my parents. Right now. And I need to call Sally Anne."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Correction, you need to see your parents. I'm going home; I don't care about what your parents think of your inability to hold your liquor."
"It takes two to tango, my love," he responded with a smirk. Oh, how she wanted to pummel his sorry little face with that awful pointed nose right into the ground!
"Why do you need to see your parents anyway?" she asked exasperatedly. "And is dear Sally Anne the woman you happened to be engaged to?" Hermione in all honesty could not care less about the state of his personal affairs, the little unmentionable that he was. Well, perhaps a bit, but not much at all.
"If you must be ever so inquisitive—" he began.
"Only because I am your wife—"
"—I shall tell you only because I never want to hear your annoying voi—"
"—Filthy fool; I'm leaving now and I don't care about your parents or slutty old Sall—"
"She is not slutty! What are you talking about? I haven't even slept with the wench yet!"
"The wench? Do I detect another emotion besides love in this picture?"
"Shut up, shut up, shut up! Please go die!"
"Grow up, grow up, grow up! Can't you come up with a better insult than that, husband dearest?" Hermione shot back in fury. This was not the time for a heated verbal battle; all she wanted to do was take copious amounts of a dreamless sleep potion and sleep for all eternity. Never have to face this mess again. How perfect that would be.
His eyes narrowed and he glared ferociously at her. "Well then stop asking me stupid questions about my personal life, okay? Yeah, Sally Anne is my fiancée, and my parents are needed, because, you idiot, purebloods aren't allowed to get divorced!" he yelled.
Intense quiet followed his little outburst. "Oh," Hermione said meekly, and then anger bubbled up within her. "Excuse me? Why was this not mentioned earlier? All morning you've led me to believe that we're going to go look for the damn chapel in which we professed love to each other and now you tell me that it's illegal for you to get divorced?!"
He smirked. "Hey, always fun to play around."
"Go die," she fumed.
"Oh, Hermione, can't you come up with a better insult than that, wife dearest?" he taunted, repeating her very words.
She did not say anything, but was sure that by the way her nostrils were flaring right now, he was quite aware of the immense state of anger she was currently in.
"Oh, another thing," he said lightly, "polygamy isn't illegal. How would you like to be my concubine, oh, excuse me, second wife? I'll feed you three times a week."
She ground her teeth and clenched her fists in order to keep from hitting him. Although it pained her to think it she had to admit the bugger was indeed much stronger than she was and if she lifted a finger against him she was sure he would waste no time in knocking the wind out of her. "Actually," she scowled, "pureblooded polygamy was indeed made illegal in 1902, when Blosvik the Blasphemer took his three hundredth wife and there weren't enough purebloods to go around for the rest of them."
Draco frowned; he apparently hadn't expected her to know that tidbit of knowledge. "If you know that, then how come you forgot that pureblooded ancient families such as mine are not allowed to be divorced?"
Hermione refrained from hitting him again. Mocking her knowledge, was he? Oh damn him to hell! "Because," she said patronizingly. "I have been in a huge state of shock. I was, to put it bluntly, not really thinking."
"Well, obviously," he countered. "Are you ever thinking? You sure weren't thinking when you tried to give me head at three a.m. last night!"
She slapped him.
And went home with a quick pop, quite promptly.
Luckily she had found her wand in one of the Malfoys numerous closets; she shuddered to know how it had gotten there. Best not to wonder anyhow. She entered her flat, and somehow it seemed different…things had changed in a most unexpected and horrid fashion in the last fourteen hours. This was absolutely awful. She could not believe that she had given herself up to Malfoy, the bloody git. He did not deserve her virginity; for goodness' sake she still hated him! How could she have done this?
But she wasn't an idiot; she knew that however embarrassing it was, it was best just to use a pensieve and find out the truth, no matter how gruesome or unappetizing it turned out to be. So with a small sigh she dipped her wand into the silvery substance and prepared herself for the worst. She dismally remembered that this would tell them at what chapel they got married; however, that was a dud now that Draco had oh-so-kindly reminded her that he wasn't exactly in a situation where he could get divorced.
She pushed the thought away; there had to be some escape from this. She was bloody brilliant Hermione, she would come up with a plan that would save them from this misery. Oh yes she would.
With a jolt she found herself in El Coconut, the snazzy new bar that she knew she was never going to set foot in again. Oh, there she was… who had she gone with? Oh yes, just some friends from her work as a researcher, there they were in a corner…yikes, she was heading over to the bartender. Uh-oh. She had not just flirted with that bar-tender, for goodness sake the man wasn't even remotely attractive!
Sadly she observed herself ordering drinks, and that was when she first noticed the blonde idiot sitting on the stool next to her. "Hallo," she heard herself saying.
"Hey," he replied. "Oh, do you happen to have a band-aid because I hurt my knee when I fell for you."
Oh no-no-no-no-no-no-no. If he had won her over with a line like that then… then…wow, that was an extreme drop of self-esteem and confidence. She had to refute it… but oh no, what if she hadn't?
Her previous self smirked and shook her head. "Get some new lines," she giggled.
He shrugged. "Never works, but it got your attention anyway. The name's Draco Malfoy, and you?"
A frown crossed her previous self and she shook her head, evidently confused and remembering something that the alcohol struggled to block. "Oh," she finally said. "I'm Hermione Granger."
Obviously alcohol had impeded his judgment as well. Damn him! Damn him damn him damn him!
After a round of drinks (okay, three rounds of drinks) the two had decided to exit the building. As they were walking out, they linked arms (she shuddered as she watched with complete distaste) and (oh, horror of horrors!) leaned on one another as well. "A bit tipsy," Hermione joked.
Previous Draco was slurring his words slightly. "Me too! Hey do you want to do something fun?"
Ah-ha, Hermione thought venomously, it had been him that had come up the idea! Wait till he heard about this!
"Like what?" previous Hermione giggled. Enough with the giggling, outraged watching Hermione growled miserably.
She so had him; wait till he said the inevitable; wait till…oh she was going to rub this in his face till it hurt him. He was really going to pay for this one. Fucking devil.
"I don't know," he replied with a half-laugh.
"Let's do something soo wild," she stressed. "Like, oh, I know, let's get married! Haha, wouldn't that be so much fun! We can wear cool rings and be in that you know, that bliss that married people get!"
Watching Hermione was stunned. Well, then, drop that whole rubbing-it-in-his-face idea that she'd come up with. Perhaps she just wouldn't mention that she'd used a pensieve.
Unfortunately, she knew how the rest of the night turned out. She stumbled as she followed them through their hunt for a chapel; oh, they'd finally found one near the corner of Birmingham Street and Chester Road. She committed the place to memory although she had no inclination of ever stepping into it again. As she followed them in, she looked unhappily at the seedy décor, the grinning priest standing a few feet away.
Somehow Draco came up with two rings; she expected he'd transfigured them from pocket lint or something of the sort, and a few minutes later they were together until "Death do you part."
If only she'd known how literal that would turn out to be.
Watching the kiss, Hermione thought miserably, was like watching herself die. She could not believe she was seeing it, but it was true, her lips had actually glued themselves to his in a disgusting manner, and it was a long one too. The priest looked very pleased as he watched. Hermione fought the urge to at least attempt to disembowel him.
As they stepped out into the cool air, Draco suggested they go to his place. "Come on, it's where you live now," he laughed. "Ready to hit the sheets?"
She mock-slapped his arm. "Don't be crude," she teased. "Anyhow, let's go."
Well at least she had some decency at that moment, the watching Hermione consoled herself. She found herself apparating, and soon all three of them, although two were quite oblivious, were at the Malfoy manor. She noticed that she ran around looking into all of the Malfoys' closets (well, that explained quite a bit, such as how her wand had ended up in the third from the right in the sixteenth corridor to the left closet). After depositing her stuff here and there (Hermione made a mental note to go back and retrieve it all; hopefully her memory would not fail her), they headed up to the Malfoys' guest bedroom.
Hermione shut her eyes. Was she ready to see this? She most emphatically didn't want to, but curiosity got the better of her. She bitterly remembered the saying, "curiosity killed the cat." Well…in this case curiosity could make her pregnant. Fantastic.
Half-unwillingly half-willingly she forced her eyes opened and saw herself kissing the git. Kissing, okay, that was still…all right, she supposed, not awful. Uh-oh. It had escalated to a little more than kissing, a little messing around here and there…
Okay, so a lot of messing around, nothing in which she could… hold it…
They were done messing around. He switched off the lights and apparently the booze had taken its toll on them because they had both fallen asleep.
She was going to kill Draco, the liar! How dare he make her believe that she had done some awful, wild stuff? They hadn't even slept together! Just messed around, which somehow she felt that she'd be able to handle.
Oh, that awful little son of a bitch was really in for it.
She was going to kill him!
A/N: Yeah, I sort of left the "messing around" bit as vague because I don't think I'm particularly apt at writing smut, and that would definitely guarantee that R rating! Anyway, use your imagination, seriously, like stuff that comes before actual sex and all that jazz. What you do with your significant other ;) Anyway, finally updated this thing, hope you all liked it. By the way the Sally Anne that is referred to is the same Sally Anne Perks that was assigned to Slytherin in the 1st book. You'll find out more about this later! Anyway, thanks and please review.