A/N: okay, last chapter! hope you all enjoy! thanks for the reviews!
It was almost seven o'clock and neither Spike nor Xander were at the Magick Shop yet. Buffy waited anxiously, her eyes fixed to the door until she occasionally reverted her glance to the clock. As the bell to the front door chimed, Buffy looked up in anticipation but was let down by the figures of only Willow and Dawn. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Tara look up from the spell book and flinch slightly. 'Willow shouldn't be here,' she thought, but no one would dare tell her that.
Finally her hopes were lifted when Spike sauntered in. He locked her gaze and Buffy smiled inside as a feeling of relief washed through her. She was worried that perhaps Spike had paid a visit to Xander to get back at him for all he'd done, but that was not the case.
"Which one is this again?" she heard Anya ask.
"That's Spike," replied Tara.
Anya blushed inwardly. The vampire that inhabited her soon-to-be-husband was so much more. . .sexier than usual.
"Have we figured out a way to get me back to normal?" Spike asked. "I'm not much one for wearing whelp."
"Um, yeah. It's a pretty simple spell, actually." Tara said hesitantly. "The original was ment to make Buffy see her mistakes, n-namely you, Spike. B-but, um, the object used to represent Buffy was a photo of Xanders. His small influence caused the spell to backfire and be performed on him instead."
"I don't get it though," Dawn stated. "If the spell was ment to fix mistakes, how come they switched bodies?"
"Well, um--"
"Probably because Xander never gave Spike a decent chance," interrupted Buffy. "He always hated him even when Spike became good." She could feel Spike's eyes on her but she wouldn't look back at him. "So the spell made him take a walk in Spike's shoes, to see what its like to live that life instead of always being on the outside looking in? I don't know, that's my guess."
It was silent for just a bit too long and Buffy started to feel like she was on spotlight.
"Yeah, that makes sense," said Willow giving Buffy an understanding nod.
Dawn came over to sit next to Buffy and looked up at Spike. "So what is it like? To be alive and to be able to go out into the sun again?"
"Well, in all honesty I've been out in the sun before. Only for a short while though," remarked Spike.
"You mean when you tried to kill my sister wearing the Gem of A-something or other?" Dawn giggled to herself when Spike furrowed his brows. "It's not hard to find these things out."
"Yeah well . . . this is bloody different. Feelin' you heartbeat an' all," he chuckled. "Havin' to actually breathe."
When Xander entered the store things quickly quieted down. Buffy wouldn't look him directly in the eye and it seemed that he was doing his part to ignore her too. She hoped that this incident wouldn't ruin thier friendship. They've worked too hard to just throw it away over something like Spike. But if given an ultimatem, she wasn't sure of which man she would pick and that worried her.
"Oh come on! Don't be shy just cause I've arrived," declared Xander. "Look, I'm the un-life of the party!"
"L-let's just get you guys switched back again," said Tara as she started to finalize the preperations.
Anya casually walked over to Buffy. "You know, I've heard vampires can last all night and are very generous in the orgasm-giving department. Can I take Xander home and try him out?"
"NO!" yelled both Xander and Spike at the same time.
A misty-light rose from each of the candles within the circle. The different colors-- white, black, blue, yellow and red -- mixed together into one swirling light mixture. Tara sat in front of the circle chanting the reversal spell while Spike and Xander stood inside. The light seemed to grow more vibrant, swirling around the two males until it burst and eveloped them for a mere instant. Spike and Xander seemed to glow with a radiant energy and a second later, the light was gone.
Xander felt his body over, touching his face for any resemblance of his old self and checking his hands and clothing. Spike needn't check to see if he was back again, he felt it inside. Although he was as delighted as hell to be back in his own body, he did miss his heartbeat. He had died again, only this time the raw animal power and hunger was gone, leaving a slight void in its wake.
Xander looked Spike in the eyes, the urge hurt him was overwhelming. He knew he had no chance of doing that though with the others in the room. They stood very close so that Xander was able to whisper in a low, menacing voice that Buffy could not hear.
"If you ever hurt her, don't think that you'll get a quick and easy dusting. I will break every single bone in your body and cut off your manly pieces before you can escape to hell."
Spike could see in his eyes that he ment it. And somehow, that made him respect Xander a little more.
It now came to the awkward part of the night where no one knew exactly what they were supposed to do. They weren't sure if they were supposed to acknowledge the new relationship or act as if it was just another night with the Scoobie gang. It was getting late so Willow and Dawn took off, followed closely by Anya and Xander.
Buffy and Spike hadn't made direct contact all night, and now the pair stood out in the open. He tried to study her, but her face was deadpan. He inched closer, the need to be within her growing inside. But just before Spike could touch her, something inside Buffy was released. For some reason she was too uncomfortable with him back in his own body. She tried to swallow it down and took a deep breath before anouncing in a barely audible voice, "I have to patrol." She practically ran out the the Magick Shop, leaving a stunned Spike and worried Tara behind.
It was easy enough to just follow her scent. She knew that, but she was running from him anyways, for no apparent reason. It didn't make sense to him, and he guessed it probably didn't make sense to Buffy either. But that was what her was there for, to make her pain go away. When he was able to catch up with her, she was in Restfield Cemetary, patrolling alone in the dark comfort of the shadows.
"Whats wrong with you, Slayer?" he asked teasingly. "Your virtue flutterin' back again?"
She didn't respond.
"Buffy. . . " She stopped walking away from him but didn't turn around.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. "But I can't do this." He wouldn't understand. Spike stepped closer and Buffy inched back. If she let him near, she would grow weak and she didn't want to be that.
Spike tilted his head and looked at her longingly, "Do what?"
"Be with you," she choked out with a tear in her eye. "Or anyone," she uttered to herself as she started briskfully walking away. Luckily for Spike, and not so much for Buffy, he also heard it and followed.
He grabbed her arm and spun her around, holding on tight so that she couldn't flee. Spike looked in her eyes, and saw lonliness, desperation, and misery. All the things about her he thought he could control were now unreachable. Buffy felt now, more than ever, like a lost little girl. The Slayer in her washed away in that instant, leaving her fragile and vulnerable in his arms. She felt limp, like she had given up on life.
Spike rested his forehead against hers and she said to him, "I can't love you."
He sighed a breath of unneeded air. "Yes you do, Buffy. I can see it in your eyes and the way you move. You say you can't 'cause your not supposed to, right? A girl like you 's not supposed to love a monster."
"You're not a monster," she said quickly but deffiantly.
"Then tell me why."
He still held her tight against him. A part of Buffy didn't want him to let go either. She felt free in his arms. She hesitated, waiting until maybe Spike would give up on her and leave. But he didn't.
"The only thing you'll get from my love is pain," she said. "And then you'll leave just like the others."
It was true. It was what always happened. First it was her father. Every girl is daddy's little girl, he treated her special, adorned her with gifts, loved her completly. But then Hank left her and her mother. He disappeared from their lives, not even bothering to call or show up when Joyce died. Or when Buffy died for that matter. She always thought that, it was because of me. I must have done something.
Her mother had taken Buffy away from that scene when they moved to Sunnydale. Partially it was because of the burnt down school gym, but it was also because of him.
With Angel, Buffy had thought she had fallen in love. She did fall in love, with a souled vampire. Even though their relationship was towards the agnsty side, at that time it seemed everything was perfect. That was also when Spike first showed up. She would never forget the first time she saw him. But then everything changed. Angel became Angelus, he killed and taunted her friends until Buffy sent him to hell. When Angel came back it was a while before they could be together again. It was awkward at points, but both parties worked past it without really mentioning it. Maybe thats what went wrong. Maybe thats why he left, because she again did something wrong.
In college she met Riley. But by that time she had lost her father, the love of her life, and been humiliated by a boy named Parker. She didn't think she could love again. Buffy felt as if her heart was chained up inside, never to be revealed completely. Riley had stuck around a lot longer than expected. She was his very first love, but he was not hers. In fact, part of the reason he left was because Buffy never really loved him. Cared for him, yes, but not love. She never let him get close enough for it to be love.
Buffy was devastaed when her mother died. It was then that she dove into her responsability of taking care of Dawn. Her world had fallen apart, everyone she ever cared for had gone away and so she made a pact inside, to never get hurt again. That was why it was so east to jump. She knew her sister would be taken care of by her friends. And that they would be able to handle the Hellmouth until a new Slayer arrived.
Buffy never did get to see the way Spike mourned her death.
When she was pulled from Heaven she became a different Buffy. Her heart and emotions were closed. She told herself that she was different, that she was wrong. Because real living girls were never this ice-cold and alone.
Spike made all that vanish. He filled her head with images and light that no other being could. He filled her emptiness that had been growing since her father's departure. He knew what it was like to be dead inside. There was a sensation of someone tall standing in the shadows, of the smell of cigarettes, whiskey and leather waiting for her, and a desire to be enveloped by him that always made her escape into his confinds. He made her feel free. He made her feel loved.
Buffy did love Spike, and she knew it inside. But she didn't want to admit it because then he would leave.
Spike looked deep into her eyes, holding them for centuries. "I will never leave you. I love you Buffy Summers."
Thier mouths infused in that instant, exchanging secrets with thier tounges. Everything about the kiss was passionate as a spark passed between them.
He was on top of her, holding himself up by his arms on the bed. His tip slightly brushing her silken folds, teasing her. They had not stopped kissing until now, only being slowed down by tombstones and doorways. In one full thrust he filled her, groans emiting from each others throats. They kept eyecontact the entire time.
He moved slow and meaningful, but the effect was sensational. Rugged breathing escaped from both of them. She rested her hand behind his neck and brought him down, inviting him to become entangled with her soul. Spike licked the nape of her neck sending a chill through Buffy's spine before bitting her with solid teeth, breaking the skin just enough to send out a few dropplets of blood. He would not claim her, at least not tonight. He sucked on the spot, sending Buffy over the edge as she began to shudder within him.
Through the moans and gasps of their sexual melodies, one thing was heard clear as a bell.
"I love you Spike."
The End