Chapter 5: Flash Flood
Blocking out the tedious drumming of rain drops, Zim could still hear their voices, even at night while he slept at his computer, back uncomfortable and cramped, but still unwilling to sleep in the weak Earthinoid sleep- chambers. Like an obnoxious bird outside your bedroom window, these lonely cries refused to be silent, and tortured the Irken infinitely, late into the night and at all times during the day. Sometimes the higher powers would grant him solace, and the droning calls would be muted, an especially favorable reprieve when he was fabricating his next plot for world conquest. They would be a mere whisper, more quiet then a pin drop, and Zim would be left to his planning without the nuisance these constant voices brought.
That happened infrequently at best.
Now "they" were shouting a bombastic chorus of pain into his brain, pounding against the sides of his skull as he tried with all his earnest to cast the penetrating noise away. He focused all his attention to locating his target, the girl by the name "Nel," one last dire attempt to drown out the hindering din with his own iron-will. Hovering over his computer's keyboard, his ruby eyes clamped shut, Zim felt like tearing out his own eardrums, plunge himself into eternal hush so that he may evade this horrible symphony, one in which he was the only audience member.
"Curse them..." he scowled, pounding a clenched fist onto the terminal, "How dare they delay me now! If only they were actually here..then they would face the wrath that is Zim!!! Just thinking of them causes my ears to burn like...like lumps of gastric acids!"
Straining his brain over the last hour or so, Zim had been struggling to form a plan to obliterate his most recent enemy, but had so far his brain had only collected lint and dust, cobwebs lining his cerebral cortex instead of ingenious strategies. Even GIR happened to notice his master's vehemence, and was safe upstairs watching whatever brainless TV program struck his fancy; it could have been an infomercial for a bellybutton-lint remover and the robot would have been satisfied.
And so Zim was alone with only his undesirable torment to keep him company.
"I never thought in all my Irken years that their song would still be audible..." Zim said through gritting teeth, rapidly typing at his console, as thousands of alien symbols cluttered the screen. "But I will not let their destroyed existence cause me such undo annoyance, not while I have other things to ponder...
"Those damned pieces of filth..not even worthy to be commandeered by the Irken Empire..."
Insults would do little to cease the nonstop clatter that flooded his aching brain. He wondered if it only worsened his problems, and he slammed the desk once more. How long had he been toiling over this internal nuisance? When had he first heard their song?
For as long as Zim could remember..
He could recall the day in which his Tallest decided to eradicate the entire Tristanum race..the day the Irken Empire had first tasted defeat..
Such a disgusting, peace-loving species..they had left themselves open to attack, with their non-warring ways, always believing in other options besides those that would shed blood and scar the land. They symbolized everything the Irkens despised; they were caring, moral, and honest.
So calm...resolute in their thrones of serenity, the perfect opposite to the helm of chaos the Irkens commanded. And even ~with~ their passive attitude they had evaded capture and demolition by the hands of his Tallest's Empire at every turn, without ever opening fire, just as an entire nation of humans had ~somehow~ dodged their own impending doom!
They reminded him ~so~ much of the human race, the very same species he was trying with all his fervent might to vanquish. Their semblance to the humans was shown through their devotion to such simple virtues.
So alike that it made his stomach squirm and flesh ripple.
And yet...so very un-human.
Their actions were so preprogrammed, like a robot. They had never questioned why they never picked up guns or cannons to retaliate. And even though they exuded love for all that surrounded them, it almost seemed hallow, not like the hunger the Irken's held for domination, or the lust humanity held for power and independence. It was as if they ~had~ to love..they would die without it..
They just lived, never wondering why...never stopping to question their own existence.
No emotions. No feelings. No free will. Not human. Not even remotely human now that Zim stopped to think about it.
The Tristanums the ones that were truly alien.
Zim hated that most of all. He felt a vein in his forehead begin to protrude with anger.
Impulsively, Zim's mind summoned the very day the Irken Armada had flown to the planet Triste, how they had hovered over the small ball of water and soil, like gigantic birds of prey. While not a part of this particular attack fleet--he had been astonished as to why he had been excluded, but the Tallest had later told him that such a pathetic race was not worthy of his "superior" Invader skills-- Zim had heard how not a single shot had been sent from the planet's surface, not one shell of ammunition or blast from a laser-beam.
And then the leaders of the Irken fleet had heard the voices-the song of Triste. It was like an invisible force forcing its way through the layers of protective gas surrounding the planet, effortlessly flying up into the intruding Armada. None of the Irkens had been prepared for this..this was no physical mortar colliding into their ships. But it was there nonetheless, and in a matter of minutes, all of the Irken's involved with the conquest were soon dead, with not a single wound apparent on their green bodies. The ships hung in space for days until they finally slipped through the upper stratosphere and collided into the planet..hundreds of gigantic vessels plummeting towards the Tristanums. None of the Irkens were alive to see their targets screaming and trying to flee their condemned planet.
It was said that only a single, small craft carrying a tiny portion of that world's population was able to escape. In the end, the Irkens could have claimed victory if they felt it necessary...but the loss of an entire regiment was impossible to overlook, and the Irkens had no one left to hate; that one faction of Triste's people had blinked out of existence.
The Irken Empire, after the rubble and dust had been cleared, had not been the ones responsible for snuffing out that candle of life.
Zim felt himself writhing with fever, a rage that was fueled by his own pride and dignity for his people..for his Empire. How could such a pathetic, un-demanding and submissive race of...of....space debris defeat the inhabitants of Irk?!
The answer had come years later, when a small division of the whitewashed fleet was retrieved from the remains of Triste, now reduced to the size of a small moon.
Using the gift of technology, Zim's people had been able to discover the one weapon the Tristanums had yielded..that song..an influence so powerful that it had relaxed the minds of all the Irkens attacking their planet, slowing down all processes of the body to the point of bereavement. No one could escape this deadly, and yet non-violent assault...not even the previously undefeated Irkens.
Had their arrogance deluded them? Was it their own fault that they had suffered such a humiliating downfall? Zim looked down at the ground, mind distraught, wondering if he was destined to meet this same disappointment....would he fail...all the other Invaders were so much farther ahead than he..
"Master, why you so saaad?"
A boisterous voice shattered Zim's jagged stream of consciousness, and he left his world of memories to find GIR standing before him, a look of absolute ignorance plastered across its face. The Irken's mind felt dull and sluggish at first, as if he had been asleep, but he soon overcame this zombie-fied state, eyes slanting with sullenness.
"GIR, how many times do I have to tell you? Do ~not~ bother me while I'm working! You're more annoying then that piece of Membrane-filth, Dib!" Zim snapped, and the robot recoiled in fear for having the dead weight of his master's animosity dropped on his tiny head. "Now...if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to formulating a plan to rid myself of the Nel-human...or...or..whatever she is..
"How do I discover that slime-child's home planet..I have no clues of her origin...that is, not yet..Damnit all...at this rate I'll never secure this planet's doom by the hands of the Irken Empire..."
"YAAAYYY!!" GIR screamed as he threw his hands up into the air.
"No, GIR, not "yay!" This is no time for a worm-baby celebration! We need to concentrate! We need to locate and destroy the target!"
Zim had been looming over her digitized picture for hours on end, all through Saturday and now into Sunday's noontime, processing scores of information additional probes had collected. But so far, all the data had been irrelevant, telling him things he already knew...
"Master! How about I sing you a song?" the automaton intruded once more into Zim's pool of thoughts, "It'll be a pretty song! Preeeetttteeeeee!!!"
"I don't want to hear one of your stupid so.."
His mouth froze half-shut, as the realization struck him like the bolts of lightning that were littering the daytime skies.
~No...the last faction was lost in space...it could never have...unless...Roswell..~
GIR could not understand his master's insane laughter as Zim ran through the house, towards the weapon's room. But then again, there wasn't much that GIR understood to begin with.
Dib had never felt so miserable in his life. Well, there was that time that someone had given him such a horrendous wedgie that he couldn't speak for the next 3 hours..but this was a different sort of misery, one that couldn't be seen on the outside.
He was cold..that was superficial as well..but it didn't help matters at all. Walking back to his home, with only his blue t-shirt to shield him from the elements, was clearly not the smartest of things to do during a rain storm..why had he been so stupid back then? Reassessing the situation, Dib realized at the time it had seemed like a noble thing to do, to offer his coat to that girl. She had incited some hidden feeling within him that he could only describe as pity. But was pity alone enough of a reason to lend out his coat to some stranger? Some girl that had just walked into his life?
No...he didn't think it was..
Something awful had been brewing within him the moment he had met the girl, the first day she had walked into his classroom...had it been only 2 days ago? It felt like he had known her for an eternity.
Was it her face, so shy and reserved? Her eyes, so doleful, slanted with the weight of some previous despair?
What was it about Nel that made Dib feel so insecure..like he could be doing things differently..like he ~should~ be doing things differently. Curled atop his bed, still clothed in his soaking wet clothing, he could still sense the stinging feeling that had shot through his entire arm the moment he had touched her face. It was like holding a block of ice in you hand until it grew so numb, that if a rusty knife had sliced through it, you wouldn't have been the wiser.
His throat was so dry..
"I'm getting really tired of trying to escape from myself...there's no much that I don't understand.." he said dryly, head throbbing from the cold, "Why do I even bother to fight it...to fight the inevitable..."
~Because you're afraid..~
"Afraid..afraid of what?" he turned onto his back; he realized that he was actually talking to himself now; maybe he was the insane freak his classmates thought he was. "Why do I keep going on..what's the use when no one cares about what you're doing, Dib? Is it all an excuse to feel important?"
This time a voice from inside did not reply. Dib felt alone once more.
"She's just like I was; maybe..maybe that's why I feel so bad...it won't be long before assholes like Torque start picking on her too..." he continued his monologue silently, as owls hooted and the last of the crickets chirped, the woeful hymn of the night. One would think it the perfect backdrop for his inner soliloquy. "Why had I been such a prick to her in the beginning...I'm not like the others..."
~Keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day you'll believe it, fool.~
"No..no, I'm not one of them. I'm not," Dib hissed, angry that his own mind would turn on him like that. It was his to control, his thoughts, his feelings..but did he even have those: feelings? "I want to believe it. Hell, I want to believe more than anything else in this fucked up world."
~Then stop denying yourself..~
"Denying myself of what, pray tell?" frustration building like a snowball descending a mountain's slopes, Dib closed his eyes, breathes becoming hot and agitated.
Silence.
"Oh...that," he smiled, a sardonic smile that simply reeked of irony, "..her..."
He had said before that he was sick and freaking tired of being lonely, that he had wanted someone, anyone..Dib would have been happy with a rock with ears. That and appreciation, and emotions. Screw the rock. He wanted a person.
And now he had this opportunity, this once in a lifetime chance to claim for his own. And what was he doing: Twiddling his stupid thumbs in bed. Dib couldn't help but laugh. It was a pointless laugh, though, a travesty.
"What if she liked me..I'm such a weirdo, she'd probably be disgusted if she knew that all I did day and night was dream up ways to put Zim on an autopsy table," commenting wryly, Dib rolled his eyes. "But..it would be nice if...if for once..."
~If you had a friend, right?"
"Yeah...a friend," the words almost didn't come out, Dib was so afraid to say them, as if he were staring into the face of an enormous beast.
~But you also want to be a friend to someone...not just have a friend, don't you? You want to mean something...~
"Wonder what that feels like," a gush of wind pressed itself against the Membrane household, and all the walls began to groan. Dib didn't give it a bit of his concern; the conflict within had stolen all of his attention.
~You want to feel something other then emptiness?~
"I'm all too familiar with that; it's like a next door neighbor that's never moving away..there's no use trying to get rid of it.." Dib sighed again for what seemed the hundredth time that evening. "I don't deserve feeling anything else."
~Aren't you lonely now?~
"I've forgotten everything else ~but~ that....what does it matter..."
His throat was still so dry. Dib didn't understand why until a single tear rolled off his cheek.
~Do you like being alone?~
"Not always."
~You want the loneliness to go away. You don't want to be alone anymore. Just admit it...~
"No shit, Sherlock..but what can I do...I'm Dib...that's all I'll ever amount to..." Dib didn't bother to grab a tissue; he just let the tears flow like a river of sorrow.
~Just take it in your hand...just this once...~
"I can't...I don't know how..."
~Why not?~
"Because..because I.." Dib choked, clenching his blanket like he had the night before, not understanding anything, except for the cold, harsh certainty that couldn't deal with such unused emotions..that he was a victim to it.
~Because you're weak...you're nothing like her...she at least wanted to know your name..~
"Yes, I'm weak...but what's the use of knowing that now...if I've known that for so long.."
He twisted in place, his face smashing into his pillow, completely immersed into the cotton material. Already he could feel the water dripping and saturating the fabric, but the tears just kept on coming.
"What do I do.."
This time the voice did not return. Even the nighttime sounds had disappeared to leave the air stagnant and lifeless.
If anyone had seen him during the entire spectacle, he would have been in the Crazy House for Boys in seconds flat. He must have looked so feeble, crying in his bed like never before...the only time he had been so sad had been that day his mother had...
"Why..she doesn't mean anything.." throat scratchy, Dib sniffed a little, "But then again...what do I know ..what a joke.."
Dib felt like laughing again.
Instead, it just hurt.
Blocking out the tedious drumming of rain drops, Zim could still hear their voices, even at night while he slept at his computer, back uncomfortable and cramped, but still unwilling to sleep in the weak Earthinoid sleep- chambers. Like an obnoxious bird outside your bedroom window, these lonely cries refused to be silent, and tortured the Irken infinitely, late into the night and at all times during the day. Sometimes the higher powers would grant him solace, and the droning calls would be muted, an especially favorable reprieve when he was fabricating his next plot for world conquest. They would be a mere whisper, more quiet then a pin drop, and Zim would be left to his planning without the nuisance these constant voices brought.
That happened infrequently at best.
Now "they" were shouting a bombastic chorus of pain into his brain, pounding against the sides of his skull as he tried with all his earnest to cast the penetrating noise away. He focused all his attention to locating his target, the girl by the name "Nel," one last dire attempt to drown out the hindering din with his own iron-will. Hovering over his computer's keyboard, his ruby eyes clamped shut, Zim felt like tearing out his own eardrums, plunge himself into eternal hush so that he may evade this horrible symphony, one in which he was the only audience member.
"Curse them..." he scowled, pounding a clenched fist onto the terminal, "How dare they delay me now! If only they were actually here..then they would face the wrath that is Zim!!! Just thinking of them causes my ears to burn like...like lumps of gastric acids!"
Straining his brain over the last hour or so, Zim had been struggling to form a plan to obliterate his most recent enemy, but had so far his brain had only collected lint and dust, cobwebs lining his cerebral cortex instead of ingenious strategies. Even GIR happened to notice his master's vehemence, and was safe upstairs watching whatever brainless TV program struck his fancy; it could have been an infomercial for a bellybutton-lint remover and the robot would have been satisfied.
And so Zim was alone with only his undesirable torment to keep him company.
"I never thought in all my Irken years that their song would still be audible..." Zim said through gritting teeth, rapidly typing at his console, as thousands of alien symbols cluttered the screen. "But I will not let their destroyed existence cause me such undo annoyance, not while I have other things to ponder...
"Those damned pieces of filth..not even worthy to be commandeered by the Irken Empire..."
Insults would do little to cease the nonstop clatter that flooded his aching brain. He wondered if it only worsened his problems, and he slammed the desk once more. How long had he been toiling over this internal nuisance? When had he first heard their song?
For as long as Zim could remember..
He could recall the day in which his Tallest decided to eradicate the entire Tristanum race..the day the Irken Empire had first tasted defeat..
Such a disgusting, peace-loving species..they had left themselves open to attack, with their non-warring ways, always believing in other options besides those that would shed blood and scar the land. They symbolized everything the Irkens despised; they were caring, moral, and honest.
So calm...resolute in their thrones of serenity, the perfect opposite to the helm of chaos the Irkens commanded. And even ~with~ their passive attitude they had evaded capture and demolition by the hands of his Tallest's Empire at every turn, without ever opening fire, just as an entire nation of humans had ~somehow~ dodged their own impending doom!
They reminded him ~so~ much of the human race, the very same species he was trying with all his fervent might to vanquish. Their semblance to the humans was shown through their devotion to such simple virtues.
So alike that it made his stomach squirm and flesh ripple.
And yet...so very un-human.
Their actions were so preprogrammed, like a robot. They had never questioned why they never picked up guns or cannons to retaliate. And even though they exuded love for all that surrounded them, it almost seemed hallow, not like the hunger the Irken's held for domination, or the lust humanity held for power and independence. It was as if they ~had~ to love..they would die without it..
They just lived, never wondering why...never stopping to question their own existence.
No emotions. No feelings. No free will. Not human. Not even remotely human now that Zim stopped to think about it.
The Tristanums the ones that were truly alien.
Zim hated that most of all. He felt a vein in his forehead begin to protrude with anger.
Impulsively, Zim's mind summoned the very day the Irken Armada had flown to the planet Triste, how they had hovered over the small ball of water and soil, like gigantic birds of prey. While not a part of this particular attack fleet--he had been astonished as to why he had been excluded, but the Tallest had later told him that such a pathetic race was not worthy of his "superior" Invader skills-- Zim had heard how not a single shot had been sent from the planet's surface, not one shell of ammunition or blast from a laser-beam.
And then the leaders of the Irken fleet had heard the voices-the song of Triste. It was like an invisible force forcing its way through the layers of protective gas surrounding the planet, effortlessly flying up into the intruding Armada. None of the Irkens had been prepared for this..this was no physical mortar colliding into their ships. But it was there nonetheless, and in a matter of minutes, all of the Irken's involved with the conquest were soon dead, with not a single wound apparent on their green bodies. The ships hung in space for days until they finally slipped through the upper stratosphere and collided into the planet..hundreds of gigantic vessels plummeting towards the Tristanums. None of the Irkens were alive to see their targets screaming and trying to flee their condemned planet.
It was said that only a single, small craft carrying a tiny portion of that world's population was able to escape. In the end, the Irkens could have claimed victory if they felt it necessary...but the loss of an entire regiment was impossible to overlook, and the Irkens had no one left to hate; that one faction of Triste's people had blinked out of existence.
The Irken Empire, after the rubble and dust had been cleared, had not been the ones responsible for snuffing out that candle of life.
Zim felt himself writhing with fever, a rage that was fueled by his own pride and dignity for his people..for his Empire. How could such a pathetic, un-demanding and submissive race of...of....space debris defeat the inhabitants of Irk?!
The answer had come years later, when a small division of the whitewashed fleet was retrieved from the remains of Triste, now reduced to the size of a small moon.
Using the gift of technology, Zim's people had been able to discover the one weapon the Tristanums had yielded..that song..an influence so powerful that it had relaxed the minds of all the Irkens attacking their planet, slowing down all processes of the body to the point of bereavement. No one could escape this deadly, and yet non-violent assault...not even the previously undefeated Irkens.
Had their arrogance deluded them? Was it their own fault that they had suffered such a humiliating downfall? Zim looked down at the ground, mind distraught, wondering if he was destined to meet this same disappointment....would he fail...all the other Invaders were so much farther ahead than he..
"Master, why you so saaad?"
A boisterous voice shattered Zim's jagged stream of consciousness, and he left his world of memories to find GIR standing before him, a look of absolute ignorance plastered across its face. The Irken's mind felt dull and sluggish at first, as if he had been asleep, but he soon overcame this zombie-fied state, eyes slanting with sullenness.
"GIR, how many times do I have to tell you? Do ~not~ bother me while I'm working! You're more annoying then that piece of Membrane-filth, Dib!" Zim snapped, and the robot recoiled in fear for having the dead weight of his master's animosity dropped on his tiny head. "Now...if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to formulating a plan to rid myself of the Nel-human...or...or..whatever she is..
"How do I discover that slime-child's home planet..I have no clues of her origin...that is, not yet..Damnit all...at this rate I'll never secure this planet's doom by the hands of the Irken Empire..."
"YAAAYYY!!" GIR screamed as he threw his hands up into the air.
"No, GIR, not "yay!" This is no time for a worm-baby celebration! We need to concentrate! We need to locate and destroy the target!"
Zim had been looming over her digitized picture for hours on end, all through Saturday and now into Sunday's noontime, processing scores of information additional probes had collected. But so far, all the data had been irrelevant, telling him things he already knew...
"Master! How about I sing you a song?" the automaton intruded once more into Zim's pool of thoughts, "It'll be a pretty song! Preeeetttteeeeee!!!"
"I don't want to hear one of your stupid so.."
His mouth froze half-shut, as the realization struck him like the bolts of lightning that were littering the daytime skies.
~No...the last faction was lost in space...it could never have...unless...Roswell..~
GIR could not understand his master's insane laughter as Zim ran through the house, towards the weapon's room. But then again, there wasn't much that GIR understood to begin with.
Dib had never felt so miserable in his life. Well, there was that time that someone had given him such a horrendous wedgie that he couldn't speak for the next 3 hours..but this was a different sort of misery, one that couldn't be seen on the outside.
He was cold..that was superficial as well..but it didn't help matters at all. Walking back to his home, with only his blue t-shirt to shield him from the elements, was clearly not the smartest of things to do during a rain storm..why had he been so stupid back then? Reassessing the situation, Dib realized at the time it had seemed like a noble thing to do, to offer his coat to that girl. She had incited some hidden feeling within him that he could only describe as pity. But was pity alone enough of a reason to lend out his coat to some stranger? Some girl that had just walked into his life?
No...he didn't think it was..
Something awful had been brewing within him the moment he had met the girl, the first day she had walked into his classroom...had it been only 2 days ago? It felt like he had known her for an eternity.
Was it her face, so shy and reserved? Her eyes, so doleful, slanted with the weight of some previous despair?
What was it about Nel that made Dib feel so insecure..like he could be doing things differently..like he ~should~ be doing things differently. Curled atop his bed, still clothed in his soaking wet clothing, he could still sense the stinging feeling that had shot through his entire arm the moment he had touched her face. It was like holding a block of ice in you hand until it grew so numb, that if a rusty knife had sliced through it, you wouldn't have been the wiser.
His throat was so dry..
"I'm getting really tired of trying to escape from myself...there's no much that I don't understand.." he said dryly, head throbbing from the cold, "Why do I even bother to fight it...to fight the inevitable..."
~Because you're afraid..~
"Afraid..afraid of what?" he turned onto his back; he realized that he was actually talking to himself now; maybe he was the insane freak his classmates thought he was. "Why do I keep going on..what's the use when no one cares about what you're doing, Dib? Is it all an excuse to feel important?"
This time a voice from inside did not reply. Dib felt alone once more.
"She's just like I was; maybe..maybe that's why I feel so bad...it won't be long before assholes like Torque start picking on her too..." he continued his monologue silently, as owls hooted and the last of the crickets chirped, the woeful hymn of the night. One would think it the perfect backdrop for his inner soliloquy. "Why had I been such a prick to her in the beginning...I'm not like the others..."
~Keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day you'll believe it, fool.~
"No..no, I'm not one of them. I'm not," Dib hissed, angry that his own mind would turn on him like that. It was his to control, his thoughts, his feelings..but did he even have those: feelings? "I want to believe it. Hell, I want to believe more than anything else in this fucked up world."
~Then stop denying yourself..~
"Denying myself of what, pray tell?" frustration building like a snowball descending a mountain's slopes, Dib closed his eyes, breathes becoming hot and agitated.
Silence.
"Oh...that," he smiled, a sardonic smile that simply reeked of irony, "..her..."
He had said before that he was sick and freaking tired of being lonely, that he had wanted someone, anyone..Dib would have been happy with a rock with ears. That and appreciation, and emotions. Screw the rock. He wanted a person.
And now he had this opportunity, this once in a lifetime chance to claim for his own. And what was he doing: Twiddling his stupid thumbs in bed. Dib couldn't help but laugh. It was a pointless laugh, though, a travesty.
"What if she liked me..I'm such a weirdo, she'd probably be disgusted if she knew that all I did day and night was dream up ways to put Zim on an autopsy table," commenting wryly, Dib rolled his eyes. "But..it would be nice if...if for once..."
~If you had a friend, right?"
"Yeah...a friend," the words almost didn't come out, Dib was so afraid to say them, as if he were staring into the face of an enormous beast.
~But you also want to be a friend to someone...not just have a friend, don't you? You want to mean something...~
"Wonder what that feels like," a gush of wind pressed itself against the Membrane household, and all the walls began to groan. Dib didn't give it a bit of his concern; the conflict within had stolen all of his attention.
~You want to feel something other then emptiness?~
"I'm all too familiar with that; it's like a next door neighbor that's never moving away..there's no use trying to get rid of it.." Dib sighed again for what seemed the hundredth time that evening. "I don't deserve feeling anything else."
~Aren't you lonely now?~
"I've forgotten everything else ~but~ that....what does it matter..."
His throat was still so dry. Dib didn't understand why until a single tear rolled off his cheek.
~Do you like being alone?~
"Not always."
~You want the loneliness to go away. You don't want to be alone anymore. Just admit it...~
"No shit, Sherlock..but what can I do...I'm Dib...that's all I'll ever amount to..." Dib didn't bother to grab a tissue; he just let the tears flow like a river of sorrow.
~Just take it in your hand...just this once...~
"I can't...I don't know how..."
~Why not?~
"Because..because I.." Dib choked, clenching his blanket like he had the night before, not understanding anything, except for the cold, harsh certainty that couldn't deal with such unused emotions..that he was a victim to it.
~Because you're weak...you're nothing like her...she at least wanted to know your name..~
"Yes, I'm weak...but what's the use of knowing that now...if I've known that for so long.."
He twisted in place, his face smashing into his pillow, completely immersed into the cotton material. Already he could feel the water dripping and saturating the fabric, but the tears just kept on coming.
"What do I do.."
This time the voice did not return. Even the nighttime sounds had disappeared to leave the air stagnant and lifeless.
If anyone had seen him during the entire spectacle, he would have been in the Crazy House for Boys in seconds flat. He must have looked so feeble, crying in his bed like never before...the only time he had been so sad had been that day his mother had...
"Why..she doesn't mean anything.." throat scratchy, Dib sniffed a little, "But then again...what do I know ..what a joke.."
Dib felt like laughing again.
Instead, it just hurt.