Chapter 6: Cloudburst
The sterile walls seemed to be repressing Nel as she sat nervously on her Rose Room bed, swinging her legs back and forth rhythmically, her heels barely tapping the cold floor with each sway. She had been assigned to remain here for such a long amount of time...usually one of the scientists would have at least taken her to one of the several isolation rooms to be tested. It was there that all of her most significant memories had been etched, never from the world that lay beyond this facility. Heart palpitating, the noiseless girl fought to contain to anxiety, to allay her fears.
She pulled the black trench coat around her like a security blanket, and gave a momentary shudder. A click suddenly emitted from the only door; Nel felt herself jump unthinkingly, eyes flashing alive. In the dim glow, only the slight outline of her visitor was visible, cast off the light that shone from the hallway outside. Her eyes began to hurt from strain, and she turned herself away haphazardly.
That was her first mistake.
"Humph..Jerking your head away!" a voice cracked into and through the tangible silence like an ice pick, and Nel could barely prepare herself for the rough hand that soon fell upon her wind-chapped cheeks.
The sting of the woman's slap was agonizing, and her throat collapsed on itself as she tried to cry. But crying wasn't an option here, and Nel found that she was afraid to look up in fear of seeing the face that was glowering overhead.
"Those pitiful, so-called scientists obviously haven't instilled the virtue of discipline within you...you...you ingrate!" as the voice rose with tension, like some horrible crescendo of impending doom, Nel quickly scrambled to her feet. Standing before her bed with knees shaking, she managed to perform a swift curtsy; Nel tucked her left foot behind her and dipped her head down, never letting her eyes leave the woman before her. "Much better.."
"Mother..may I...may I see your face?" voice scarcely mounting a whisper, Nel should have known better to ask such a foolish question out of turn.
"My face? Why should you need that...This is strange for you Nel.." her mother's voice seemed to edge onto curiosity, as the tall, imposing figure began to walk forward, towards the low light the solitary, oval-shaped ceiling window permitted. Nel stood fast, nerves racing like thousands of grey-hounds bounding across a race track. Only a few inches away, the woman reached a long-fingered hand out, carefully thumbing the girl's swollen cheek. "Have I hurt you Nel..has mommy hurt you?"
Nel had never heard her mother speak like this; her tone had undergone a drastic metamorphosis. Her mother's touch was unexpectedly kind and loving, and Nel felt that she was finally subject to the thoughtfulness a mother should have for her child.
"Mother, why can't I see your face..." Nel placed her hand upon her mother's, fingers interlocking as soon slowly let her head nuzzle against the woman's side. Her fear a thing of the past, Nel found that she was slowly being embraced, and she found the emotions within forcing their way out.
"Nel..why are you crying?" arms encircling the shivering and weeping girl, the shadow-cloaked figure belatedly realized the garment her daughter was wearing. She kneaded the black fabric between the thumb and forefinger of her right hand, smoky eyes slitting like those of a snake. "Where..where did you get this coat? It was not issued to you from anyone in this building!"
Nel lost all desire to see her mother's visage now, as she sensed the woman's ire take shape. It had taken all the years of her life to finally receive such tender affections, and now they had been washed away in the blink of an eye; it seemed like a wasted effort now. She had forgotten to hide the boy's jacket, to stuff it underneath her mattress, and Nel could not help but feel incredibly stupid.
"Where did you get that jacket, Nel?" words piercing the girl's heart, the woman bitterly released Nel, pushing her away like some ragged doll. She then rushed forward, like a lunging cougar, and her daughter fell back in terror, stumbling on a disheveled pile of bed sheets. The mother did not spout any feelings of comfort now, as Nel tumbled onto the pitiless ground, the small of her back nearly cracking as it collided with the white tiles. "Get up!!!"
"Mother, please don't hurt me!!!" Nel finally shrieked aloud, holding a feeble hand in front of her face. But the woman clawed through this shield of flesh, as Nel felt herself being lifted off the ground by the front of the black trench coat. Face colorless with fear, she thrashed about wildly, arms whipping about, trying without abandon to free herself. But this only caused the woman to tighten her grip, moving her cold fingers so that they were actually wrapped about the girl's thin neck, slowly crushing her wind pipe. Choking for air, legs and arms falling lifelessly, Nel could feel her skin turn grey with suffocation.
And it was then that Nel finally saw the face of her mother, the face that appeared less human and more bestial. Her eyes were razor thin, the pupils black like beetles. The lines of her skin were chiseled, like an unfeeling statue. Nel could see her mother's teeth grinding like two gears of a clock mashing together. Her face was blazing and livid with wrath, a craze that could only consume the heart of an enraged parent, disappointed with their child, their progeny, their only proof that they had existed.
"My ~other~ daughter would have loved me, Nel! She would have loved me and I would have loved her!" bellowing louder then a crashing waterfall, the frighteningly powerful woman did not lessen her hold, the girl's pulse racing fast under her constricting fingers. "What have I done to you, Nel?! I loved you like no one else could! I loved you and you shot it back at me!!! Who have you been seeing? Could they ever give you love like I have given you?!!!"
"M-Mother!!!" Nel gasped for air again, head spinning from the lack of oxygen to her brain, hands groping at her mother's, trying to pry herself loose. "I..I..."
Throat burning and the world rapidly slipping away, Nel resigned herself, giving in to her mother's animosity. She closed her eyes, no longer fighting.
It was bound to happen. Ever since her birth, she had been compared to this ~other~ Nel, a person she simply could not best. How many times had her mother screamed into her face like this...it didn't matter..this would be the last time.
"The other Nel was so much better then you!" spit flying into Nel's blanched face, the woman suddenly threw her daughter to the floor, and she lay there unmoving. But Nel could feel a shred of life still nestled in her worn body, although she refused to stir, hoping that assailant would leave her like this...maybe she would die afterwards...the thought seemed almost pleasant. "Get your hands off of me, uncouth dog!!!"
Nel blinked her eyes. Her mother had fallen back, as if she was being pulled away, but the girl's vision was too blurry, obscured by dizziness and fatigue.
"I said, get off of me!!! This is my daughter, ~mine~ you here!!!" the howls of the enraged mother were becoming less and less noticeable, dying in the distance as the only door to the Rose Room was slammed shut. The girl lay still..there was still someone in the room...
"Nel....Nel are you okay?!"
Her fingers twitched at the sound of another, less violent, voice.
"She's gone...your mother's gone.."
Her neck was incredibly sore from the mad woman's vice-like grasp; Nel was sure that there would be five, highly visible red lines on her skin for days. An excruciating pain was locked within her chest again, like before, but much worse now...was she dead? Was the voice she heard a dream?
"Dib..." senses hazy, Nel sputtered out a single word, her mouth hung open. Another pair of hands propped her up against her bed, and Nel finally reopened her eyes, but found that the boy from skool was not there. It was a man...tall with broad-shoulders. But she couldn't discern any other features...the darkness was consuming her like a ravenous horde of locusts engulfing a field.
"Try not to speak, Nel...we've got to get your injuries checked on.." the man placed a single, gloved finger against her lips, "Lord, I hope your body doesn't recede again...
"I-I need to return this to Dib," nodding with sleepiness, Nel touched the collar of the borrowed coat, but she could no longer stay awake, as her hand soon fell to her side afterwards.
Her eyes shut thereafter, long eyelashes brushing against pasty skin, face shining bright with the light of the moon overhead, as the man in the room cradled her head in his arms gently.
All children hate skool on Mondays; it's almost a universal law.
Right now, Dib felt like he loathed it more then any other person, dead or alive, as he trudged along the sidewalk towards his bus stop. Hopefully he wouldn't miss it like he had all last week. The conversation he had experienced the night before had left Dib terribly irresolute, and he had no way of planning his next few moves, not when he was so damn unsure. He wasn't even certain of his own feelings.
~Am I just lonely..is this all just trick, put on by my loneliness..~ pensive, his eyes pointed towards the dull cement below him, Dib was barely making sure that he didn't stray off into the middle of the road, his instinct leading him. ~Or is this a genuine need...God, I sound so fucking melodramatic...~
He had never questioned his feelings before because the need had never been there. Everyday was the same as the last, trying at all times to thwart Zim's plans. Why was he always reminding himself of this?
Could it be he was able to do so much more? That his life ~wasn't~ one long, monotonous cycle?
Dib shrugged inattentively, knowing that his sister, who almost always accompanied him to and from skool, whether she like it or not, wouldn't pay any attention to anything he said or did. He was cloaked from society's eyes, like some phantom, one that would only become visible when someone needed to be picked on or ridiculed. Every community needed a freak, and Dib played the part so well it hurt. To be quite frank, Dib didn't mind it that much...at least they noticed him, even if it was for a less then favorable reason.
Why was he satisfied with this? His own voice had interrogated him, asking him the same questions, questions that seemed so easy to answer, but in fact led only to further confusion.
~What do I do?~ he asked himself again, wondering if his little advisor would be there to guide him, but it was vain; silence was the only response.
His heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again, but there was no knife, no blade being thrust into him. But the pain was still there, the pain you felt when a thousand mistakes were finally being realized for the first time. He clenched his chest, as if the wounds were actually physical, that he could remove his torment by removing the knife.
But there was no knife.
Only the pain.
~What good are feelings if I can't comprehend them...~ Dib thought, as he then crossed his arms, so unused to not wearing his characteristic coat. He felt naked without it, and yearned to retrieve it from the very same girl that was the cause of all this mess. ~It's all her fault...~
But Dib knew that wasn't true...was there even anyone to blame now? Or was this all meant to happen, ordained in some wicked god's book of fate? Dib felt a knot growing in his stomach, thin arms moving to rub his belly.
"Hey, Stupid..." his sister called to him by one of his more popular names, and he halted abruptly, "Isn't that the girl from your class?"
"Huh?" Dib raised an eyebrow inquisitively, as he looked in the direction Gaz was pointing with one, uninterested hand, quickly going back to her Game Slave. As his vision followed an invisible path along the walkway, it stopped at a pair of slippered feet, and then trailed upwards along two thin legs, legs that belonged to the girl he couldn't explain. "Nel?"
She stood there timidly, stepping to the side as Gaz passed by, muttering a diminutive "excuse me," a small bundle of black fabric held closely to her body. Dib fought the irresistible urge to snatch back what was his. Why was he always meeting her when he least expected it? Moving towards the adamant girl, Dib saw that the girl had some sort of bandage covering her neck, and he wondered what had happened; she had seemed fine just the other day.
"I've...I've been thinking about you these past few days.." pent up words finally surfacing, Dib refused to look foolish....he couldn't hide any longer, not behind any wall.
"Thinking?" Nel seemed peculiarly stunned, clutching his belonging to her chest, as she averted her eyes, unable to meet his gaze with her own. She felt her bruised cheek blush red, hoping that her nervousness wasn't too noticeable.
~Say it, Dib...you've got this one shot...~
"I mean...Nel..." Dib felt like kicking himself. Why couldn't he say it? What force was he fighting now? "I..I..you..."
~Do it, Dib...don't you deserve this chance?~
Nel couldn't see the fight that was raging within Dib's complicated mind, didn't understand why he was stuttering like a machine gun. Trying to read his expression, the girl was at a loss at what to think and what to say.
"What I'm trying to say is..." Dib tried to start over, taking a deep breath, clearing his throat, which had become hoarse with nervous tension.
~Do you love her, Dib?~
Years of solitude numbing his mind, Dib clawed for the words to say, but found he could not do anything but trip head first over his apprehension.
~Do you?~
"Nel...Do you..do you.."
~SAY IT~
"Do you have any friends..I mean.." Dib felt his arms becoming heavy, his whole body weighed down by this continuous struggle to be seen and recognized..to be love by someone that possibly didn't even know the meaning of that affection.
~Do you want to be the one to show her?~
"Dib...what are you trying to say?" Nel finally said, as she finally looked into his eyes.
That was all he needed...
"Nel...I love you.."
A figurative upper-cut was delivered into Nel's stomach as the air seemed to be sucked from her lungs, the enormous weight of those three little words worked their magic on her. But she did not run. And she did not look away, but instead allowed her eyes to remain locked with Dib's. Her heart skipped a beat. To the girl this seemed like a fantasy, a dream that would never come true.
But he had said it.
"Love..love?" Nel repeated the word several times, a deep, crimson tint now covering her face. Dib was sure that his skin was the same, if not worse. He felt sweat beginning to build up in his arm pits and palms, worried that he had said all the wrong words, that he was going to be cast off, like so many times before. Now that he really thought about it, he felt like he was doing all the wrong things. What had he been smoking? How could she ever love him...him, a social reject! What good could he bring to her life, Dib thought frantically, hands suddenly trembling.
It was then that Dib realized that Nel was offering his trench coat back to him.
~This is it, say good bye to your one chance, Dib..you sure as hell screwed things up..~ he dreaded, worried that he might faint any moment now, as he adjusted his glasses incessantly.
"I...I want ..." arms raised, Nel felt waves of uneasiness crawl along her skin and into every fiber of her being. She bit her lower lip, so tightly that it almost drew blood. "I want to be loved...by you.."
"Y-you do?" Dib thought he had strayed into his own dreams, like he had left the world behind him. If he was indeed dreaming, half of him didn't want to wake from this reverie...the other half strained to awaken, to find out if what she had just spoken wasn't just some made-up delusion.
"I love you.." Nel continued, her voice cowering and low, as she tentatively watched the boy take the coat out of her thin hands. Dib swore he could see the smallest of smiles on the girl's face.
His confidence building with renewed hope, Dib now realized that this was no mere illusion. He slowly unfolded his coat, slipping it over his shoulders, and as if it had magical properties, he felt whole once more. Cautiously putting a hand on her shoulder, Dib squeezed it tenderly, feeling her skin warm to his touch. He looked into her eyes again.
No words could explain what he felt, the feelings that coursed through his mind and up and down his body, and the utter disbelief that he was experiencing. His mouth became dry once more, but this time out of pure happiness, the inability to speak now welcome with open arms. Dib didn't need to say anything else...and he suspected Nel felt the same way, for she mimicked his action, mechanically placing a hand on his own shoulder. She traced a finger slowly up his neck and along the smooth curve of his chin, and Dib ignored the fact that he was going to be missing the bus once more. He let himself to be touched by this girl..by this glorious child..so innocent and mysterious. It was as if she gave him purpose.
Dib realized he was starting to like Mondays.....
The sterile walls seemed to be repressing Nel as she sat nervously on her Rose Room bed, swinging her legs back and forth rhythmically, her heels barely tapping the cold floor with each sway. She had been assigned to remain here for such a long amount of time...usually one of the scientists would have at least taken her to one of the several isolation rooms to be tested. It was there that all of her most significant memories had been etched, never from the world that lay beyond this facility. Heart palpitating, the noiseless girl fought to contain to anxiety, to allay her fears.
She pulled the black trench coat around her like a security blanket, and gave a momentary shudder. A click suddenly emitted from the only door; Nel felt herself jump unthinkingly, eyes flashing alive. In the dim glow, only the slight outline of her visitor was visible, cast off the light that shone from the hallway outside. Her eyes began to hurt from strain, and she turned herself away haphazardly.
That was her first mistake.
"Humph..Jerking your head away!" a voice cracked into and through the tangible silence like an ice pick, and Nel could barely prepare herself for the rough hand that soon fell upon her wind-chapped cheeks.
The sting of the woman's slap was agonizing, and her throat collapsed on itself as she tried to cry. But crying wasn't an option here, and Nel found that she was afraid to look up in fear of seeing the face that was glowering overhead.
"Those pitiful, so-called scientists obviously haven't instilled the virtue of discipline within you...you...you ingrate!" as the voice rose with tension, like some horrible crescendo of impending doom, Nel quickly scrambled to her feet. Standing before her bed with knees shaking, she managed to perform a swift curtsy; Nel tucked her left foot behind her and dipped her head down, never letting her eyes leave the woman before her. "Much better.."
"Mother..may I...may I see your face?" voice scarcely mounting a whisper, Nel should have known better to ask such a foolish question out of turn.
"My face? Why should you need that...This is strange for you Nel.." her mother's voice seemed to edge onto curiosity, as the tall, imposing figure began to walk forward, towards the low light the solitary, oval-shaped ceiling window permitted. Nel stood fast, nerves racing like thousands of grey-hounds bounding across a race track. Only a few inches away, the woman reached a long-fingered hand out, carefully thumbing the girl's swollen cheek. "Have I hurt you Nel..has mommy hurt you?"
Nel had never heard her mother speak like this; her tone had undergone a drastic metamorphosis. Her mother's touch was unexpectedly kind and loving, and Nel felt that she was finally subject to the thoughtfulness a mother should have for her child.
"Mother, why can't I see your face..." Nel placed her hand upon her mother's, fingers interlocking as soon slowly let her head nuzzle against the woman's side. Her fear a thing of the past, Nel found that she was slowly being embraced, and she found the emotions within forcing their way out.
"Nel..why are you crying?" arms encircling the shivering and weeping girl, the shadow-cloaked figure belatedly realized the garment her daughter was wearing. She kneaded the black fabric between the thumb and forefinger of her right hand, smoky eyes slitting like those of a snake. "Where..where did you get this coat? It was not issued to you from anyone in this building!"
Nel lost all desire to see her mother's visage now, as she sensed the woman's ire take shape. It had taken all the years of her life to finally receive such tender affections, and now they had been washed away in the blink of an eye; it seemed like a wasted effort now. She had forgotten to hide the boy's jacket, to stuff it underneath her mattress, and Nel could not help but feel incredibly stupid.
"Where did you get that jacket, Nel?" words piercing the girl's heart, the woman bitterly released Nel, pushing her away like some ragged doll. She then rushed forward, like a lunging cougar, and her daughter fell back in terror, stumbling on a disheveled pile of bed sheets. The mother did not spout any feelings of comfort now, as Nel tumbled onto the pitiless ground, the small of her back nearly cracking as it collided with the white tiles. "Get up!!!"
"Mother, please don't hurt me!!!" Nel finally shrieked aloud, holding a feeble hand in front of her face. But the woman clawed through this shield of flesh, as Nel felt herself being lifted off the ground by the front of the black trench coat. Face colorless with fear, she thrashed about wildly, arms whipping about, trying without abandon to free herself. But this only caused the woman to tighten her grip, moving her cold fingers so that they were actually wrapped about the girl's thin neck, slowly crushing her wind pipe. Choking for air, legs and arms falling lifelessly, Nel could feel her skin turn grey with suffocation.
And it was then that Nel finally saw the face of her mother, the face that appeared less human and more bestial. Her eyes were razor thin, the pupils black like beetles. The lines of her skin were chiseled, like an unfeeling statue. Nel could see her mother's teeth grinding like two gears of a clock mashing together. Her face was blazing and livid with wrath, a craze that could only consume the heart of an enraged parent, disappointed with their child, their progeny, their only proof that they had existed.
"My ~other~ daughter would have loved me, Nel! She would have loved me and I would have loved her!" bellowing louder then a crashing waterfall, the frighteningly powerful woman did not lessen her hold, the girl's pulse racing fast under her constricting fingers. "What have I done to you, Nel?! I loved you like no one else could! I loved you and you shot it back at me!!! Who have you been seeing? Could they ever give you love like I have given you?!!!"
"M-Mother!!!" Nel gasped for air again, head spinning from the lack of oxygen to her brain, hands groping at her mother's, trying to pry herself loose. "I..I..."
Throat burning and the world rapidly slipping away, Nel resigned herself, giving in to her mother's animosity. She closed her eyes, no longer fighting.
It was bound to happen. Ever since her birth, she had been compared to this ~other~ Nel, a person she simply could not best. How many times had her mother screamed into her face like this...it didn't matter..this would be the last time.
"The other Nel was so much better then you!" spit flying into Nel's blanched face, the woman suddenly threw her daughter to the floor, and she lay there unmoving. But Nel could feel a shred of life still nestled in her worn body, although she refused to stir, hoping that assailant would leave her like this...maybe she would die afterwards...the thought seemed almost pleasant. "Get your hands off of me, uncouth dog!!!"
Nel blinked her eyes. Her mother had fallen back, as if she was being pulled away, but the girl's vision was too blurry, obscured by dizziness and fatigue.
"I said, get off of me!!! This is my daughter, ~mine~ you here!!!" the howls of the enraged mother were becoming less and less noticeable, dying in the distance as the only door to the Rose Room was slammed shut. The girl lay still..there was still someone in the room...
"Nel....Nel are you okay?!"
Her fingers twitched at the sound of another, less violent, voice.
"She's gone...your mother's gone.."
Her neck was incredibly sore from the mad woman's vice-like grasp; Nel was sure that there would be five, highly visible red lines on her skin for days. An excruciating pain was locked within her chest again, like before, but much worse now...was she dead? Was the voice she heard a dream?
"Dib..." senses hazy, Nel sputtered out a single word, her mouth hung open. Another pair of hands propped her up against her bed, and Nel finally reopened her eyes, but found that the boy from skool was not there. It was a man...tall with broad-shoulders. But she couldn't discern any other features...the darkness was consuming her like a ravenous horde of locusts engulfing a field.
"Try not to speak, Nel...we've got to get your injuries checked on.." the man placed a single, gloved finger against her lips, "Lord, I hope your body doesn't recede again...
"I-I need to return this to Dib," nodding with sleepiness, Nel touched the collar of the borrowed coat, but she could no longer stay awake, as her hand soon fell to her side afterwards.
Her eyes shut thereafter, long eyelashes brushing against pasty skin, face shining bright with the light of the moon overhead, as the man in the room cradled her head in his arms gently.
All children hate skool on Mondays; it's almost a universal law.
Right now, Dib felt like he loathed it more then any other person, dead or alive, as he trudged along the sidewalk towards his bus stop. Hopefully he wouldn't miss it like he had all last week. The conversation he had experienced the night before had left Dib terribly irresolute, and he had no way of planning his next few moves, not when he was so damn unsure. He wasn't even certain of his own feelings.
~Am I just lonely..is this all just trick, put on by my loneliness..~ pensive, his eyes pointed towards the dull cement below him, Dib was barely making sure that he didn't stray off into the middle of the road, his instinct leading him. ~Or is this a genuine need...God, I sound so fucking melodramatic...~
He had never questioned his feelings before because the need had never been there. Everyday was the same as the last, trying at all times to thwart Zim's plans. Why was he always reminding himself of this?
Could it be he was able to do so much more? That his life ~wasn't~ one long, monotonous cycle?
Dib shrugged inattentively, knowing that his sister, who almost always accompanied him to and from skool, whether she like it or not, wouldn't pay any attention to anything he said or did. He was cloaked from society's eyes, like some phantom, one that would only become visible when someone needed to be picked on or ridiculed. Every community needed a freak, and Dib played the part so well it hurt. To be quite frank, Dib didn't mind it that much...at least they noticed him, even if it was for a less then favorable reason.
Why was he satisfied with this? His own voice had interrogated him, asking him the same questions, questions that seemed so easy to answer, but in fact led only to further confusion.
~What do I do?~ he asked himself again, wondering if his little advisor would be there to guide him, but it was vain; silence was the only response.
His heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again, but there was no knife, no blade being thrust into him. But the pain was still there, the pain you felt when a thousand mistakes were finally being realized for the first time. He clenched his chest, as if the wounds were actually physical, that he could remove his torment by removing the knife.
But there was no knife.
Only the pain.
~What good are feelings if I can't comprehend them...~ Dib thought, as he then crossed his arms, so unused to not wearing his characteristic coat. He felt naked without it, and yearned to retrieve it from the very same girl that was the cause of all this mess. ~It's all her fault...~
But Dib knew that wasn't true...was there even anyone to blame now? Or was this all meant to happen, ordained in some wicked god's book of fate? Dib felt a knot growing in his stomach, thin arms moving to rub his belly.
"Hey, Stupid..." his sister called to him by one of his more popular names, and he halted abruptly, "Isn't that the girl from your class?"
"Huh?" Dib raised an eyebrow inquisitively, as he looked in the direction Gaz was pointing with one, uninterested hand, quickly going back to her Game Slave. As his vision followed an invisible path along the walkway, it stopped at a pair of slippered feet, and then trailed upwards along two thin legs, legs that belonged to the girl he couldn't explain. "Nel?"
She stood there timidly, stepping to the side as Gaz passed by, muttering a diminutive "excuse me," a small bundle of black fabric held closely to her body. Dib fought the irresistible urge to snatch back what was his. Why was he always meeting her when he least expected it? Moving towards the adamant girl, Dib saw that the girl had some sort of bandage covering her neck, and he wondered what had happened; she had seemed fine just the other day.
"I've...I've been thinking about you these past few days.." pent up words finally surfacing, Dib refused to look foolish....he couldn't hide any longer, not behind any wall.
"Thinking?" Nel seemed peculiarly stunned, clutching his belonging to her chest, as she averted her eyes, unable to meet his gaze with her own. She felt her bruised cheek blush red, hoping that her nervousness wasn't too noticeable.
~Say it, Dib...you've got this one shot...~
"I mean...Nel..." Dib felt like kicking himself. Why couldn't he say it? What force was he fighting now? "I..I..you..."
~Do it, Dib...don't you deserve this chance?~
Nel couldn't see the fight that was raging within Dib's complicated mind, didn't understand why he was stuttering like a machine gun. Trying to read his expression, the girl was at a loss at what to think and what to say.
"What I'm trying to say is..." Dib tried to start over, taking a deep breath, clearing his throat, which had become hoarse with nervous tension.
~Do you love her, Dib?~
Years of solitude numbing his mind, Dib clawed for the words to say, but found he could not do anything but trip head first over his apprehension.
~Do you?~
"Nel...Do you..do you.."
~SAY IT~
"Do you have any friends..I mean.." Dib felt his arms becoming heavy, his whole body weighed down by this continuous struggle to be seen and recognized..to be love by someone that possibly didn't even know the meaning of that affection.
~Do you want to be the one to show her?~
"Dib...what are you trying to say?" Nel finally said, as she finally looked into his eyes.
That was all he needed...
"Nel...I love you.."
A figurative upper-cut was delivered into Nel's stomach as the air seemed to be sucked from her lungs, the enormous weight of those three little words worked their magic on her. But she did not run. And she did not look away, but instead allowed her eyes to remain locked with Dib's. Her heart skipped a beat. To the girl this seemed like a fantasy, a dream that would never come true.
But he had said it.
"Love..love?" Nel repeated the word several times, a deep, crimson tint now covering her face. Dib was sure that his skin was the same, if not worse. He felt sweat beginning to build up in his arm pits and palms, worried that he had said all the wrong words, that he was going to be cast off, like so many times before. Now that he really thought about it, he felt like he was doing all the wrong things. What had he been smoking? How could she ever love him...him, a social reject! What good could he bring to her life, Dib thought frantically, hands suddenly trembling.
It was then that Dib realized that Nel was offering his trench coat back to him.
~This is it, say good bye to your one chance, Dib..you sure as hell screwed things up..~ he dreaded, worried that he might faint any moment now, as he adjusted his glasses incessantly.
"I...I want ..." arms raised, Nel felt waves of uneasiness crawl along her skin and into every fiber of her being. She bit her lower lip, so tightly that it almost drew blood. "I want to be loved...by you.."
"Y-you do?" Dib thought he had strayed into his own dreams, like he had left the world behind him. If he was indeed dreaming, half of him didn't want to wake from this reverie...the other half strained to awaken, to find out if what she had just spoken wasn't just some made-up delusion.
"I love you.." Nel continued, her voice cowering and low, as she tentatively watched the boy take the coat out of her thin hands. Dib swore he could see the smallest of smiles on the girl's face.
His confidence building with renewed hope, Dib now realized that this was no mere illusion. He slowly unfolded his coat, slipping it over his shoulders, and as if it had magical properties, he felt whole once more. Cautiously putting a hand on her shoulder, Dib squeezed it tenderly, feeling her skin warm to his touch. He looked into her eyes again.
No words could explain what he felt, the feelings that coursed through his mind and up and down his body, and the utter disbelief that he was experiencing. His mouth became dry once more, but this time out of pure happiness, the inability to speak now welcome with open arms. Dib didn't need to say anything else...and he suspected Nel felt the same way, for she mimicked his action, mechanically placing a hand on his own shoulder. She traced a finger slowly up his neck and along the smooth curve of his chin, and Dib ignored the fact that he was going to be missing the bus once more. He let himself to be touched by this girl..by this glorious child..so innocent and mysterious. It was as if she gave him purpose.
Dib realized he was starting to like Mondays.....