:: Where Do We Go From Here? ::
By: dreams-of-mist
Summary: Mamoru receives a letter that may change his whole world. Usagi finds it accidentally and confronts him. What will he choose: his dreams or his love?
Author's Note: Hello again! I can't believe I actually got reviews! YIPPEE!!! I was incredibly giddy after I got my first review from babygurl. Because she was the first one to R&R, this second chapter is dedicated to her! I hope she likes it. Thanks to everyone else who took a chance on a first time Sailor Moon fanfic writer. I'll try not to let you down.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters in the anime. To the people who do own the rights and trademarks, please don't sue me – I'm still just a poor, struggling university student trying to pay her fees and bills. The story below, however, is mine, and I can only ask that no one plagiarizes it; but then again, who would?
'...' – thoughts
"..." – spoken
Where Do We Go From Here? - Chapter 2
Knock, knock, knock!
Patiently, a young petite girl waited, all the while rocking back and forth on the heels of her feet. Her pigtails trailed down in long blonde swirls and brushed softly against her legs as she swayed.
Half a minute passed and still no answer. Usagi knocked once more, but again, there was no answer.
'Hmm...Mamo-chan must running late again today. I'll just let myself in and wait for him.'
She dug into her backpack and pulled out a small silver key. Once inside, Usagi called out loudly, just to make sure.
"Mamo-chan? Are you home? It's Usagi. We agreed to meet here first remember?"
An echoing silence was her reply.
With a dainty shrug, she dropped her bag off on the kitchen counter and wandered around the apartment. Mamoru had given her the extra key about 3 months ago, soon after the final battle against Galaxia. They were always meeting at his apartment, but lately, he had been running late, trying to make up for lost time by taking night courses so that he would be caught up with his peers. So, rather than having her stand around outside his door, waiting for him if he was late, Mamoru had given her the key.
However, there was this one embarrassing moment just a little over two months ago when Usagi had first started letting herself into the apartment. She couldn't think about the incident without blushing a deep shade of red. Seeing Mamoru almost entirely naked could do that to a girl.
With a deep calming breath, Usagi tried to cool her already warm face. She lovingly ran her hands over a picture frame that held a picture of her and Mamoru. It had been taken just last month when they had gone to the summer carnival with the other girls. She traced her fingertips over Mamoru's face.
'So handsome, my prince...'
In the photograph, his hair was slightly tussled from the night wind. His angular face was lean and his poet's mouth was in the usual charismatic smile. His stormy blue eyes were mysterious and dark, giving him an aura of hidden danger and power. But it was the possessive arm he had around her waist that caused her romantic heart to flutter.
Wistfully, Usagi stepped out onto the balcony and gazed at the moon that was only now starting to peak out behind the clouds as dusk fell. It was only as of late that she had finally started to feel fully at peace. The last two years of her life had been a giant rollercoaster, an emotional and physical ride that brought a mixture of happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow, truths and lies. From finding out her identity as Sailor Moon AND as the Moon Princess, discovering her former court and fellow senshi, meeting her future daughter, and fighting off all the evils that threatened Earth and its people, she hardly had a moment of time to be a simple school girl in love with her boyfriend. She wouldn't give up these moments for the world.
The sounds of the wind chimes wrested Usagi from her inner musings. She had bought it soon after Galaxia's defeat from Rei's temple for luck and good fotune. In their business, they needed all the luck and fortune they could get. Scattered throughout the once starkly furnished apartment were other little feminine touches of Usagi. In the last couple of months, she had put up some bright pictures that had added splashes of colour to the mostly black and white apartment. There were a few knick knacks strewn across the coffee table and kitchen counter. And only two weeks ago, she had also put a lovely afghan throw over the couch.
'Oh! That reminds me...'
Usagi went back inside and reached into her knapsack. She pulled out a small Tupperware container. Inside was a slice of triple fudge cake that she had personally baked (with lots of help from Makoto of course). Mamoru hadn't been able to make it to Minako's birthday party yesterday so she had decided to save him a piece. She put the container in the fridge, right at the very front so Mamoru wouldn't miss it. But just in case, she was going to put a little note on top of the container – just to remind him.
'I better go get a pen and some note paper from Mamo-chan's room.'
Usagi closed the fridge door quickly before temptations got the better of her and she ate the cake herself. Instead, she imagined the romantic dinner for two she was going to have with Mamoru once he got home, letting herself become all dreamy and starry-eyed. Riding on this amorous high, she danced across the apartment towards the bedroom, twirling in graceful circles and humming a soft, romantic tune
She found a small notepad and a single pen sitting on the neatly organized and dust-free desk.
'How do he and Ami do it? It's so...clean!'
"Dea....rest...Ma...m...m...m... Oh great, the pen is dry. Where does he keep his extra pens?"
She looked around Mamoru's bedroom but didn't find any pens lying around. She didn't want to snoop into his drawers but it couldn't be helped.
The first drawer...nothing but lined paper and notepads.
The second drawer...school notes and empty binders.
The third drawer...
'Finally! Pens, pencils, and...a letter?'
Usagi picked up the slim envelope, her search for a pen all but forgotten. She turned it over and let out a slight gasp at the return address.
Harvard Medical School
At this point, she couldn't care less if she was invading Mamoru's privacy or not. She ripped the letter out of the envelope and proceeded to read.
Dear Mr. Mamoru Chiba:
Last year, you were accepted into Harvard Medical School on a full scholarship. Your acceptance was based on several factors: your marks in your university courses, your internship at Tokyo General, and your extracurricular activities at the local drop-in clinic.
When you failed to register at the university, we rescinded your acceptance to Harvard. However, we recently learned that unfortunate circumstances prevented you from attending out institution. Our condolences on the death of your grandfather. I hope that the last few months of retreat in the mountains has helped healed the wounds.
Also, may the following news help you to move on.
It is my pleasure to offer you full-time admission to the second year of graduate medical studies at Harvard Medical School of Harvard University. I sincerely hope that you will choose to become a member of the Harvard community in September.
You may be surprised to receive this letter since you did not apply again this year. However, your night class professor, Professor Kaname, and your supervisor at the hospital, Doctor Kanzaki, applied to Harvard Medical School on your behalf. Both have written excellent recommendations detailing the hard work you have put into catching up on your studies.
Congratulations on your achievements! Should you choose Harvard Medical School, we will have a warm welcome for you in September as you begin your university studies.
Yours Sincerely,
C.K. Richardson
Associate University Registrar
Admission Services
'Oh my god...'
Usagi's mind was reeling from the news. She sat down on the corner of the bed, her legs unable to support her anymore. Her silvery yellow locks cascaded around her, the ends dragging on the hardwood floors. Her mind couldn't seem to absorb the information, thoughts and words swirling chaotically in her head. Unable to take it anymore, she put the letter aside and put her head in her hands, desperately trying to piece her now shaken world back together.
'Mamo-chan's been accepted to Harvard again. Why didn't he tell me? He got this mail more than two weeks ago; why hasn't he said anything? Is he leaving again? Is he leaving me again?'
On an on the litany of words continued, her mind bombarding her with questions she had no answers to.
Until, suddenly, a moment of clarity cleared the haze and a shining truth could be seen.
'Two days ago, Mamoru told me he was looking forward to returning to normal classes at Tokyo U. So that means he's NOT going to Harvard. But why? He always said that his dream was to go to the top university in the world and become the best doctor possible. Then why is he giving up on this chance to go to America? It doesn't make any sense.'
Usagi knew she had two choices.
She could forget about finding this letter, put it back exactly where she found it, pretend nothing happened, and have Mamoru stay in Tokyo with her.
Or...
She could confront him about the letter and find out why he was giving up on his dream, force him to reconsider.
And lose him in the process.
'I can say nothing so that he'll stay by my side, but never fulfill his deepest wish. Or I can speak up and watch him walk away from me and towards his dream. Could I bear it? Could I live with the ache of loneliness his absence would bring? The chill that would replace his warmth? Could I face the demons of my own insecurities? We've fought so hard to finally be together. It took us a thousand years to find each other again on Earth and then the Dark Kingdom came, and once again we were thrown into the heat of battle, into a war not of our making. Once again, we had to fight for our love, our future. I'm so tired of fighting. I want peace and happiness. I have achieved peace now, but happiness? It seems like it's always out of reach, like there's always something between me and the happiness I seek with my beloved. So... the question becomes: can I have it at his expense?'
And deep down, she already knew the answer.
She wanted to be selfish, to think of herself first. She wanted to keep Mamoru all to herself forever. She wanted to have the comfort of his presence whenever she needed it. She wanted to feel secure and protected in his arms.
She wanted his love.
But the cost would be too high.
Every time he bumped into her on his way to Tokyo University, she would have to live with the knowledge that he should be heading to the Harvard Medical building. Every time he used the old laboratory facilities in the Tokyo U medical building, she would know that he should be using state of the art equipment at Harvard. And every time he went out on a date with her, saw her, touched her, kissed her, she would feel the heavy weight of guilt, knowing what the sacrifice was for him to do those things with her.
Usagi went back out into the living room, carrying the letter with her. Who knew such a small sheet of paper could have the power to change everything in her life?
Once more, she held the picture of herself and Mamoru at the carnival and stared into his handsome face.
"I love you," she said softly, all the while running stroking his face through the glass, "Enough to let you go. There's a saying that if you let something go, and it returns to you, then you know that it will stay with you and be yours forever. Would you return to me, my Mamo-chan, my Endymion? Do you belong to me as much as I belong to you?"
As she put the picture back down...
"Usako? Are you here?"
Usagi turned around, surprised. She had completely forgotten that she was waiting for Mamoru.
"Mamo-chan!" It came out almost like a high squeak. "You're back. Um...how was your day?"
If Mamoru noticed that his girlfriend seemed nervous, he didn't say anything. He dropped his backpack and his books on the floor, the loud thud causing Usagi to jump a little.
"It was tiring. But I'm glad it's finally over. I'm starving! Let's head out for dinner now okay, U-"
It was then he saw the letter in Usagi's hand. And he knew, without a doubt, without being able to see the letterhead or anything written on it, exactly which letter it was.
Usagi also noticed Mamoru's sudden speechlessness.
'I guess I might as well get this over with,' she thought warily.
"I think dinner can wait a bit. Do you want to explain what this is?."
:: end of chapter 2 ::
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this second instalment. Just to clarify a few things: I don't know much about Tokyo U or Harvard beside the fact that they exist (probably). I wrote this out of my head so if it turns out that Tokyo U has great equipment too, well good for them! Also, if there are discrepancies with how Mamoru's apartment looks, I'm sorry for that. I haven't watched the anime for a while and I've never read the manga. Oh, and did anyone notice my little tribute to Full Metal Panic and Escaflowne? Hehe...I hope so. In any case, if anyone finds errors or farfetched ideas in this chapter, let me know. It'll help with my future fics and possibly with the rest of the story. Thanks again for reading. I'll try to have the next chapter up within a week's time (like before). Ciao.