Twitch of the Love Nerve

Chapter 2

Mel sat on the end of her bed, kicking off her slippers. She had less than five minutes to get into her pajamas and make the bed sheets appear slept in before Mora came in.

Yet Mel's mind was too preoccupied with the previous conversation with 'Danric and she moved slowly. Mora entered the doorway promptly at her regular time.

Mel was still wearing her dinner dress. No pajamas. Her bed was pristine and neat, not in the slightest bit tousled.

"Um… I'll be back in a minute," Mora started for the doorway.

"No," Mel said, sighing. She sat down on the straightened bed. "It's alright. I must confide in you, Mora."

"Lady Meliara-," Mora began.

"No Mora! No! I can not keep up this charade! I must say this before another word is spoken," Mel braced herself. "Mora, I have been having a surreptitious relationship with our King. A sexual, surreptitious relationship," she finished lamely. Sexual, surreptitious relationship: that was a tongue twister.

"Lady-," Mora tried again.

"No! Please do not judge me, Mora," Mel felt hot tears well up behind her eyes. God, she was having an emotional morning. What the hell was wrong with her? "I simply could not bear it if you judged me, Mora. You have always been so understanding of my background and situation. So impartial-,"

"Lady Meliara!" Mora snapped. Mel ceased her ramblings. "We-," she amended. "I have had my… suspicions for sometime."

"What?" demanded Mel, aghast. "But we were so discrete! Never one did I literally spend the night, no matter how inviting his embrace was. Never did I "do it" in the gardens, as he asked me at one point. I declined because I believed that if I displayed my relationship and relations with the monarch in polite company I would be renounced! Yes, dismissed as nothing more than a common vixen! A wench playing in the King's bed! The old, washed-up, former Countess trying to win something back—" Mel paused and turned around, facing the wall. "Excuse my emotional breakdown. I've been under a lot of stress lately, but now I have resolved my dilemma."

She whipped out a fan and began performing the Utter Tranquility sequence. "You see, Mora, I've decided to decline the King's gracious offer in taking me to his bosom to live as his life companion. I shall be returning to Tlanth to live out the remainder of my short life in shame and repentance. With the Hill Folk, for I am too fowl to share the roof of polite company." She bent her head in shame.

Mora snapped the fan shut and whacked Mel over the head. "Have you gone mad, my lady?" she snapped. "Has that brain of yours cooked with the heat of the fervor and passion you feel for the king? You're marrying him. He wrote to your brother announcing the betrothal and asking for permission."

"He's not getting it, as I'm going to be a spinster and an old maid and return to the Hill Folk, if they'll have someone as vile as I," moaned Mel. "Oh, woe is unto me!"

"I'm going to go make you tea," announced Mora. "I really cannot tolerate you right now."

"Am I too despicable to be near?" asked Mel, picking her head up. "Tell me, Mora. Tell me how loathsome I am," she begged.

"Shut up, woman," scolded Mora. "You think I've never taken a man to my bed? You think my husband and I lived chastely until he finally proposed?"

Mel gasped. "So you're a fallen woman, too! It's just that…oh Mora! After the first time, I promised that it would never happen again! I promised Bran that I would live as befitted my station! And then Vidanric came into my life…"

"Banging the King is higher than you could have anticipated, giving your station," retorted Mora. "Now I shall see about your tea, my lady."

Hmm, pondered Mora as she wandered towards the kitchen, "The first time?" Her smile grew. "Now I have something to write to Tlanth about."

Vidanric was sitting in the Petitioner's Court. And he was really bored. The Petitioner's Court worked to preserve all the things that Vidanric wanted to uphold for the kingdom: Honor, Courage and Commitment. But honor, courage and commitment got boring after a while. As did boring, petty, uneducated farmers who complained about cows and pointless prattle like that.

It was during such ridiculous discussions that he would allow his mind to wander. And generally this would wander in the general direction of the giant tree in the middle of the room.

Really, it was hard to miss. Flauvic was a colossal fricking tree. It was really too funny to express. Vidanric snickered to himself and then stopped when the uneducated farmer, and most of the court, began to look at him funny.

"Whatever," thought Vidanric. "It's good to be King."

The uneducated Farmer made another ridiculous point and Vidanric discovered his deep, deep need to get out of the room. He was going to scream.

Instead, he amused himself by making up witty Flauvic-tree joke to tell Mel later. She was the only one who appreciated his Flauvic-tree jokes… maybe that was why he loved her.

"So Mel I was thinking…turning Flauvic into a tree was really brilliant. You know, as a human…he would never turn over a new leaf."

"So Mel, did you hear about the stupid tree in the Petitioner's Court today? What a sap! I mean what a total knot head! Every time I asked it a question, it was stumped!" Wait…. That was stupid, as Flauvic was not a stump, rather a fully grown, enormous fricking tree.

"Hey Mel, is Flauvic a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

"Neither," Vidanric mentally answered himself, "He is the best piece of ash I have ever put my… pecker in. Pecker? What the hell? Oh. Woodpecker jokes."

In reality, Mel was most likely have either slapped him by now or walked out, but in his little fantasy, she could laugh at his wit. And then she would stroke his long yellow hair and gaze into his grey eyes and would take advantage of him. Even though she would never agree to role-play….

He sighed and turned his attention back to the farmer, petitioning for a radish or something. Vidanric could not make himself care—as his spirit was lacking and his loins were a bit preoccupied.

A/N: Oh Brave New Fandom that has such people in it! You have all been so sweet. Thank you for the reviews and the warm welcome to this amazing community! Alright, now that we have gained your trust, your love and your reviews, we throw this at you. Sorry, it's just who we are.

Rayvenia: Thank you for pointing out the misspelling of Mora's name. I can not believe we actually missed that. I fixed the spelling on these chapters and plan to change it in chapter one as well. As for mocking the book…

Oh? Did we forget to mention that this was a PARODY?

I only say this now, because we always anticipate flames, but if you missed the memo: this story is parody! A lampoon! It's humor and supposed to be taken lightly. I think that the parody of this will come out soon enough as the plot thickens (appears).

Sweet Deal. Enjoy the Tree-jokes! ;)

(Reviews are like… candy! Or Crack.)

–L&Z