Chapter Four: What about Blue?
"Aunt Susan, what's wrong?" Susie asked as Susan sat down on the couch next to her. She should have been in bed, and she would have been, except for the fact that she knew something was wrong. It was obvious when Chuck had called Lauren, their sitter, the tone in his voice had made it clear to Susie that something was wrong. She was attune to these types of things, she had been there for far too many phone calls.
"Susie, I have to tell you…what happened today." She had found resolve from somewhere, somewhere she didn't know existed. She refused to break down in front of her niece, she could protect her from that. The knowledge that her mother had shot Abby, the knowledge that Abby's fate was still uncertain, those things were unavoidable. But Susan could show her resolve, love, and under all circumstances that none of this was her fault.
"How come you're home from work?" Susie asked, fishing for information.
"Something happened on the way to work." Susan said softly as she picked up Susie's hands and placed them in her own. "Abby and I were walking into the hospital, we were in the ambulance bay and…"
It had taken about an hour for Susie to ask her questions, and for Susan to bravely answered them. They had cried together, and Susan had held her. She whispered in her ear that this wasn't her fault. That her mother was sick. She couldn't imagine what was really going on in Susie's head.
Susie was asleep now, and her head was lying in Susan's lap as she gently ran her fingers through her light brown hair. Chuck had gone upstairs to check on Brendan, and take a shower. Sitting on the couch, once again she was alone.
"This is going to be your room." Susan said with a smile.
Susie looked around at the room with white walls, and the queen size bed. "This is for me?"
"Yep, I figure this weekend we could pick out some paint and decorate."
"What about blue?" She asked with a smile.
"Sounds like a plan." Susan agreed as she hugged her niece and kissed the top of her head.
"Susie, I want you to know that I love you, and that you're safe now. You're safe here."
"I know I am." Susie replied with a tone marked by both happiness and sadness. "What's going to happen to my mom…if I'm not there?"
"I don't know." Susan answered. "I hope she gets some help, but do you understand why you can't see your mom?"
"Yes."
"Just know that if you want to talk about anything, we can."
"Thanks Aunt Susan, for everything."
"I love you so much."
"Susan." Chuck whispered as he nudged her.
"Yeah!" She jerked as she woke up. "What's happening?"
"Nothing. It's six, in the morning." He explained.
"Oh," she sighed, "I need to get to the hospital. What about the kids?"
"I can't get out of work today. So Mrs. Taylor is going to come over."
"Thank you so much."
"Hey, my tragic flaw remember?" He said as he leaned down to kiss her. "You need to brush."
"Oh, shut up." She said as she got up. "Where's Susie?"
"She's up in her room."
"How did she seem?"
"How do you think? She's quiet, a little withdrawn. I think she was crying."
"Should I go talk to her?" Susan asked, hoping Chuck would have some insight into the right thing to do.
"Just give her a little time, besides there isn't anything new to tell her."
"Good point. I can't believe this is real." She said with a hint of disbelief that she still clung to.
"I know, but you should know more today, with Abby and Chloe."
"Chloe, I haven't even thought about her."
"When the police find her, we're all going to have to."
"God, that is going to make it even harder."
"I know." He said with an empathetic smile. "I'm sorry to just cut out like this, but I have to leave."
"Yeah go, be careful. I don't think I can handle anything else."
"You've got it." He said as he kissed her forehead. "Mrs. Taylor should be here anytime."
"I'm in the shower now."
The walk up the stairs and to her bedroom took an ounce of energy too much. She had had less than four hours of sleep and they had been sitting up on the couch. She had spent the past day in the hospital and she was half an hour from being there again.
The sound of the water hitting the tub as it flowed out made Susan want to get in and stay there forever. Slipping of the scrubs she noticed the dried blood on her abdomen and legs. Lightly running her fingers over the red a new wave of nausea ran through her body. She couldn't stop from gagging as images of Abby lying on the pavement ran through her mind, the images of life slowly slipping out of her.
"Help!" Susan yelled. "Somebody help!" She yelled again as she began breathing for Abby.
"Son of a bitch." She said quietly, forcing herself to move in opposition to the images. Adjusting the water she moved the shower curtain and slipped in. She scrubbed for what seemed like an eternity, but couldn't feel clean. Even after the blood was gone. She couldn't tell if it was guilt, shame or simple pain. She couldn't get clean, she needed to get to the hospital.