What Will It Take? Chapter 66: Comprehension, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

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Author's note: To all readers, I thank you so much for following this story through the previous 65 chapters! This story wove itself into an epic that I hope is interlaced with the Stargate universe in a credible fashion.

Serious shipping lies ahead, so all non-shippers are advised to disembark before we set sail. :) My original premise was a Sam/Jack storyline that would take them beyond the UST (unresolved sexual tension) canon by using the fabric and palette of Stargate science fiction. I haven't written much beyond UST in my other stories, so this was a new experience for me. What's coming up, is definitely beyond UST… but also stays within the story's PG-13 rating.

So… all shippers aboard? All non-shippers back on land? Allrighty then, the anchor has been raised, the longshoremen have released the mooring lines, and it's time to shove off!

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And suddenly Jack was back in the clearing around the Stargate on P8X-539. Sam was sitting on the stone steps watching him silently. He looked around and saw no evidence of Daniel, Teal'c, Dr. Rider or Lt. Hailey. Their makeshift shelter covered the DHD and the rest of the clearing was quiet, and just as it had been for their four and a half month stay on the planet.

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Ch 66: COMPREHENSION

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Bringing his eyes back to her, he walked over slowly and sat down next to her.

'Hi,' he finally broached the quiet.

'Hi,' she sent back with a small, shy smile.

'That was… fun….,' and he gave her an answering smile.

Her face colored as she blushed softly and then she met his eyes squarely, 'You… feel… real...,' but she spoke tentatively, sounding as if she was afraid that he was going to melt away before her eyes.

He quirked a smile, 'I am most definitely real,' he assured her.

She looked back at him intently and then looked away. 'Almost everything here feels real,' she pointed out and then brought her eyes back to his, 'but… I can feel that… fizzing that I know is you…,' and she studied the depths of his eyes for information.

He smiled gently, 'That's me, fizzing away like the Alka-Seltzer of your life,' and for that attempt, he was rewarded by one of those small smiles that she could never quite squash when he came up with his bad jokes.

'That sounds like you,' she agreed and let her smile grow a little more, but then the smile disappeared and she closed her eyes to hold back the tears that threatened to spill forth, 'But I've imagined you before,' she admitted, thinking back to the Prometheus.

He slid closer to her and slightly behind her and then pulled her into his arms, with her back to his chest. 'You're not alone,' he reassured her again as he wrapped his arms around her and held her.

'Where are we?' she changed the subject.

'Oooo… I am sooo not the best person to explain that,' he prefaced with and felt her amusement ripple through him and he smiled softly.

'Just think about it,' she prompted.

'Well, our bodies are on Thor's ship,' he started with the concrete and felt her surprise.

'Thor?' she couldn't help asking.

'Yeah, he came by to give us a lift after Danny, T, Dr. Rider and Lt. Hailey found us,' he elaborated.

'They found us?" she questioned.

'Well, sort of… although I think it was actually mutual,' he amended and could feel her perplexity. 'That last session with the 'Gate… when we were pulled to that other wormhole…?' and he waited for her reaction.

And then he saw the memories as they came to her… the inexorable pull across time and space to that graceful blue tunnel. 'That was a wormhole from Earth?' she was quickly putting the pieces together.

'Mmhm,' he confirmed, 'And Danny and T and the others were on their way to check out some volcano-planet P-something-something-,'

And she interjected and he saw the memories with her again, 'And we connected our wormhole to theirs…,' and he could feel the awe in her voice at what they'd done.

This time she saw his memories of what happened as he couldn't stop them from playing through his mind…. his memories of the sensations of being wrenched away from her and then… darkness followed by vertigo and nausea. He felt her concern and escalating worry over his well-being. 'I'm ok,' he reassured her and then he swiftly moved through images of what happened after he woke up alongside her next to the 'Gate.

He could feel her mind absorbing and analyzing the new information. 'I could have killed them… and you…,' she stated starkly and with deep remorse.

'Sam,' he spoke clearly to get her attention, 'Everyone is fine – everyone but you, and we're working on getting you back,' he qualified.

But her self-recriminations were not so easily swayed, and then she surprised him by chuckling darkly while shaking her head, 'Rodney McKay would have a field day with this,' she commented wryly.

'What would that geek have to do with any of this?' he couldn't help asking in surprise and then watched as she shared some select memories with him.

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McKay: "Well, with all due respect Major, you spend most of your time in the field."

Hammond: "Major Carter spent two years working on the Gate prior to her five years of service at the SGC. She's the one who made this program viable."

McKay: "Actually the interface she designed is full of flaws."

Sam: "Well I admit it's not perfect but it's…"

McKay: "It has caused numerous unnecessary situations any of which could have ended in catastrophe."

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McKay: "The Gate wasn't meant to be used without a dialing device. Your computer system ignores 220 of the 400 feedback signals the Gate can emit during any given dialing sequence. It is a fluke that you picked up the buffer warning, for that matter, I'm surprised that you even bothered to abort the dialing sequence despite the error."

Sam: "What is that supposed to mean?"

McKay: "I've read the reports Major. You've ignored error data and bypassed dialing protocols on several occasions to get a lock."

Sam: "My job is to present the risks not to decide whether to take them. Now if you have something positive to add, do it. Otherwise, get out of my lab."

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Hammond: "Major?"

Sam: "Well theoretically…"

McKay: "Are you insane? He's a Goa'uld. He wants you to destroy yourself. If you remove the master control crystal there's nothing to regulate the energy distribution. You get straight current flowing the wrong conduit. The whole Gate could explode."

Jack: "That true?"

Sam: "Well technically it's possible sir, the Gate's a very powerful superconductor. But we could take steps to ensure the…"

McKay: "You are a certifiable whack job, you know that? And you're no better if you listen to her. Her judgment is being clouded by her personal feelings. Teal'c is toast, he's history."

Sam: "Sir, I think that we could make sure that the risk was very small."

McKay: "You try this harebrained scheme and you blow yourself up for nothing. No way I'm hanging around for that."

Hammond: "Your plane leaves for Russia in an hour."

McKay: "Russia?"

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'We didn't blow up,' Jack pointed out, but she quickly sent him another short set of memories.

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Jack walks in to find Sam working alone in her lab.

Jack: "Hey, how come you're not downstairs with the rest of the eggheads? Not that you're...an egghead..."

Sam looks at him.

Jack: "Well, you are...actually...but in a good way."

Sam: " I couldn't think down there...they all kept looking at me for the answer."

Jack: "Well, you do have a penchant for pulling brilliant ideas out of your butt."

Sam gives him a more incredulous look.

Jack: "Head...out of your head...when we need them."

Sam: "Not this time."

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'I was kind of hoping you'd forget that over time,' and he sent her an apologetic grimace.

'It's a little difficult to forget,' she returned, 'Especially when you and McKay were right.'

'Don't go putting me together with that self-centered geek – not even in the same sentence,' he objected.

'Still, you were right… a lot of my ideas are…just that - ideas… I get these… ideas… but I don't have facts or data to back them up…,' and he could feel her regret and remorse.

'Sam,' and then he paused, 'Here's the deal… we've been exploring… and you haven't been allowed to get all the data and trial runs that would allow the safer and more cautious approach.'

She couldn't deny that, but he could feel that she wasn't ready to let go of her self-flagellation. Silence passed between them for a few moments.

'I could have killed you all,' and he heard her voice as a whisper and then saw the images again of their glowing white wormhole as it connected to the blue ribbon. The flash of light and rippling of energy as he was blown away from her and their blue and orange-white ribbons merged and became one.

He felt the tumult of the passage of their four colleagues, although she hadn't known what it was at the time. He felt her consciousness shake as she held the connection until she passed out.

'Great exploration entails great risk,' he attempted.

But she returned sourly with 'Great explorers usually die… and usually take others with them,' and it was the last part that was grating against her conscience.

'I wouldn't have allowed you to do it alone if it was possible for me to help,' he pointed out, and then continued, 'Nor would Daniel or Teal'c,' and they both knew that she couldn't refute that.

'Even if I allow that,' she stated, 'I can't excuse the danger that I created for Doctor Rider and Jennifer Hailey.'

'Both of them volunteered, Sam,' Jack clarified. 'And neither of them has complained or made any accusations. Sam, they understand the unique position that we are all in… we're on the frontier of human exploration… there's danger and risk every time we go through the Stargate… none of us is expecting a safe, protected life.'

He felt her heavy sigh, but she didn't reply in any other way. He could feel her thoughts stewing around.

'To be honest, I'm proud of you,' he put it out there and waited. Puzzlement came from her and then the mental equivalent of eye-rolling as she started to dismiss his claim. 'I meant it, Sam. I'm proud of you. You actually controlled the Stargate – with your mind! According the Thor and the Nox, there are very few who can do that.'

'I couldn't do it alone,' she wouldn't take all of the credit for herself – and then immediately saw the trap.

'Exactly,' he answered triumphantly. 'And you can't have all the blame for yourself either,' he concluded. And then he could have sworn he felt the mental equivalent of a gently indignant 'harumph,' and that only made him smile a little wider.

'Anteaus, Lya and Thor said that it took all four of us to make it happen… that we are all connected in unique ways… from the unique events of our lives… connected in ways that allowed us to 'feel' each other here in this… space… wherever this is…,' he attempted to explain again.

'But I-,' she started and he interrupted with, 'You were you… and I was right there with you Madam Magellan.'

'He died exploring the Philippines,' she returned cynically.

'You're going to shoot down Earhart, Curie and just about anyone else I can come up with aren't you?' he responded with affectionate frustration.

'Only if all of your examples are of people who died in the pursuit of their explorations,' she qualified.

Quickly acknowledging that he didn't know as much scientific history as she did, he shrewdly decided to change the direction of the conversation. 'This is all McKay's fault,' he asserted.

Startled in spite of the fact that she could feel his intentions, 'How is this his fault?'

'Look at what happened… you mention that arrogant geek and we end up talking about old dead people,' and he could feel her amusement at his turn of words.

'He actually turned out to not be so… horrible…,' she admitted.

'Yeah, as I understand it, he finally admitted that he thought you were a genius-,' he started but was interrupted by memories she couldn't stop.

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A nurse bandages Sam's hand as McKay enters.

McKay: (Nervously) "Hi."

Sam: (in a hospital gown ...) "Oh, Man! I was just starting to feel better!"

McKay: (Sits on the bed across from the one she's sitting on) "Are you gonna be OK?"

Sam: "At least until the gate explodes, yeah."

McKay: "Look, I ne ... I never meant for anyone to get hurt ... much less you."

Sam: "It's OK. We had to try something."

McKay: (takes a deep breath, appearing to be relaxing) 'I always wanted to be a pianist."

Sam: "Excuse me?"

McKay: "A concert pianist --- you know, a guy who plays the piano (makes like he's playing the piano) in front of lots of people?"

Sam: (smiles ...) "Right."

McKay: "What did you think I said?"

Sam: "Never mind."

McKay: "I had a not-so-comfortable childhood. My parents hated each other, blamed me. Music was my salvation. It had this ... perfect order for me."

Sam: (Smiles) "That's nice, really."

McKay: "When I was 12, my teacher told me to quit. A fine clinical player, he said, but no sense of the art whatsoever."

Sam: "Why are you telling me this?"

McKay: "I'm just ... trying to bond."

Sam: "Why?"

McKay: "Hospital gowns turn me on." (Smiles) "I turned to science because I thought it would be different than music, but it isn't. It's just the same, it's just as much of an art as anything else."

Sam: "Look, it's not your fault that the EM pulse didn't work."

McKay: "You're an artist, Major. Maybe the best I've ever seen. I'm just critical because I'm jealous."

Sam: "I'm touched, really. I wish I had a brilliant plan to draw up for you."

McKay: "And you're funny, too. Even electrocuted. I mean, I've ... I've got nothing."

Sam: "You're creeping me out, McKay."

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'Ah, so that's how it went,' Jack commented as the images faded and he could feel her blushing again. 'Well, the geek finally got something right,' he allowed. 'You are an artist when it comes to your physics and math-stuff.'

She didn't reply and he could feel her discomfort at the praise. He tightened his arms around her and felt his feelings for her wash over him. She was smart, beautiful, deeply caring... and his thoughts stopped abruptly as he realized that he was broadcasting his feelings to her.

He reached out tentatively and felt her stunned surprise. And suddenly he knew what he had to do… He relaxed and shared his feelings with her… his feelings for her… He felt his love for her and let her feel it.

'Sam?' he questioned and reached out for her mentally. She was trembling and he knew that tears were falling silently down her face. He held her and said it simply, 'I love you.'

She turned in his arms and met his eyes, hers shining bright with emotion. Their lips met in a gentle kiss… one of tenderness, one of promise, one of love. It seemed to last a lifetime and yet only an instant.

As he pulled her into a hug, she opened her mind to him and he felt her feelings for him. He felt her attraction to him, he felt her admiration and respect for him, and he stopped when she allowed him to see the hero-worship… and the associated feelings that she couldn't be what he wanted or needed…

And he couldn't help the flash of anger that went through him and he felt her mentally flinch in response. He pulled away and stared into her eyes and then quirked a small grin and felt her bewilderment at his shifting emotions. 'I guess we're more alike than we realize,' he prefaced and then explained, 'because I always figured that I wasn't good enough for you.'

'Huh?' and that was simply the best interpretation that he could make of her befuddled response.

Smiling wider, he elaborated, 'Here I am…older than you…a beat-up, old soldier… and you're this young, beautiful genius…'

And he felt a little anger ripple through her at his comparisons, 'Jack, you're an intergalactic hero,' she stated.

But he interjected, 'Never wanted any of that – and I still don't.'

'That doesn't change the facts,' she stated simply.

'It should,' he countered. 'If I don't see myself that way, shouldn't that be what counts?'

She mulled that over and then came back with, 'And you're not so beat-up… or old…,' and he could feel an undercurrent of humor with her thoughts.

They sat in silence, each pondering the newly discovered revelations. And then he felt her doubts returning and he growled in frustration. He felt her wince and then she recognized the undercurrent of affection and love. "Sam, I don't feel this for anyone else,' and he let his feelings wash over her again.

Feelings of admiration, love, affection, appreciation, pride…
…and he let her feel the truth…
…his frustrations when she worked too hard, (she rolled her eyes)
…or when she treated him too properly once he became a General, (and here she winced)
…and he let her feel his jealousy as every new alien fell for her.

And she started to protest the range of his last statement, but then she stopped, 'You were jealous?' she asked with both surprise and curiosity.

'Very,' he confirmed.

'You didn't show it,' she couldn't hide her thoughts.

'Special Ops training,' he explained dryly.

'Ah,' she returned speculatively.

'Were you ever… jealous?' he asked tentatively.

Silence answered him but images of Kynthia, Laira and Kerry flashed through her mind and then his before she could stop them.

'You did a good job of hiding it,' he commented.

'No, I didn't actually,' she countered and then added, 'You just weren't looking for it,' and he felt no accusation or condemnation in her tone, just a simple observation of fact.

'I was an idiot,' he stated.

'No, you were my CO, expecting his 2IC… and not…,' and she let her feelings wash over him again. He felt her warmth, her affection for him, her acceptance of who and what he was, her admiration and respect… and her hero-worship that was now tempered by the experience of four and a half months of learning who Jack O'Neill, the man, was. He felt her love and it took his breath away.

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TBC

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Author's Note: I highly recommend 'The Red Triangle' by T.M. Potter archived at Heliopolis. This wonderfully written fic describes the feelings the Sam and Jack have for each other in a superb exposition… exceptionally well written and with clever comments and phrasing. Sequels (in order): "For Better or For Worse", "Because You Told Me So," "No Good Deed" and "Full Fledged Strangers". All on Heliopolis and/or Gateworld.

As always, a Special Thanks to SG-1 Yahoo Transcripts
wwwdotmoon-catchindotnet/transcripts.htm (just replace the dots with periods)
Episode 514 "48 Hours", Transcript by Liz
Episode 601 "Redemption, part 1", Transcript by Sarae
Episode 602 "Redemption, part 1", Transcript by AQ

And, credit also goes to
-- the Episode Guide & Synopses at the SciFi Channel's Stargate SG-1 website
-- and Gateworld's Omnipedia

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