Darahee: Thanks so much, your support is really appreciated.
Telhyandowen: I'm still waiting for you to start writing. I'm glad you are really enjoying this. I know what that's like with the reviewing. It is always SO embarrassing. As for Natalie and Belegmir, I don't know… Thanks so much for sticking with this.
RivendellWriter: Yeah, I've given my secret plan away. I was just so excited about them, that I couldn't bear keeping it to myself. That doesn't mean that they WILL get together, but they do have some sort of relationship.
DaughterOfKings: I agree about PJ. As for Natalie, thank you for sharing that. I was aware that some might dislike her, but I didn't think about her as similar to Eowyn. As for being close to Faramir, they have had a history, which will be explained in a companion to this, but they are more like brother and sister. I just felt like there wasn't anyone besides Arwen and Lothiriel who could really befriend Eowyn. She really needs someone who gets her.
Rebby: I hope this pleases you.
Picklesniper: Thanks for being a great reader.
Omara Eldu: If you are my loyal fan, you know I'll always be yours. Even if you hate my stuff I'll be your loyal fan. PLEASE WRITE!
Everyone: Last chapter, but stay tuned for the epilogue. Also, since this was already A/U, I decided back at the beginning to change something about Boromir's history. I have not mentioned it yet, because it was unimportant. But I just wanted to warn you. I have read the books and I know what happened. Believe me. This is important to the story.
Chapter Twenty-Two
To Lothiriel, it seemed that Faramir covered the whole distance between the library and Eowyn's room in two long strides. To Faramir, it seemed to take an eternity to reach his beloved's chamber. To Arwen, and in reality, it took him four minutes and fifteen seconds, according to the Grand Clock that could be seen from the windows that she passed as she secretly followed Lothiriel and her cousin.
It had taken Lothiriel long enough to convince Faramir to go; Arwen knew she could have done better, but that was what she got for placing a young mortal with little experience at this sort of thing, the only experience having been given by Arwen herself.
Four minutes after Faramir had taken off, he knocked softly at Eowyn's door. Lothiriel muttered an apology and said, "I have accompanied you for too long now, I really must get this book to Arwen."
Faramir nodded, and then he knocked again. There was no response. Faramir glanced over to Lothiriel who walked down the hall away from him, and then opened the door carefully.
What he saw made him gasp. No one lay on the bed, and the chamber appeared empty.
"Eowyn?" he said loudly, his mind racing. "Eowyn?" "Eowyn!" He began looking throughout the room, trying to find her. From behind him, Arwen came in and asked, "What has happened?"
"She isn't here," He snapped. Arwen appeared bewildered. Of course Eowyn could go as she pleased, but she had appeared truly ill.
"Eowyn?" Arwen called. But no answer came but the echo of her own voice off of the bare walls of Eowyn's bedroom.
"She is nowhere!" Faramir cried, devastated.
"Did you check the bathroom?"
"Aye."
"Did you check her dressing room?"
"Aye."
Then it hit Arwen hard, like a fist in her stomach. She almost stumbled under the force of the blow. What if Eowyn had never made it to her room? She was so sick, what if she had passed out in the halls? Arwen let out an un-elvish groan.
"She must have failed to reach her rooms! Oh, poor Eowyn, I was so wrapped up in all of the other details of the matter, that it totally slipped my mind to check and ensure she got there all right!"
Faramir blanched, and then dashed for the door. Arwen followed swiftly behind. With Faramir in such a state, he almost moved quicker than she could, Arwen noted grimly.
"Which way did she go, which way did she go?" Faramir demanded desperately. Arwen wondered briefly if she was supposed to answer both questions.
"I don't know, I wasn't with her. I believe she went this way."
Faramir nodded and darted on ahead. But early on, he realized that Eowyn was not lying anywhere unconscious. She just wasn't there.
(new scene)
Eowyn made her way slowly along the halls of Minas Tirith. Accidentally, she had begun walking toward Arwen's rooms rather than the library, so she had been forced to turn around and go a different path. She wondered for a moment if she was dreaming, but she dismissed the thought at once. People do not wonder if they are dreaming when they dream. That was the one way to tell a very realistic dream from a very improbable reality. People do not wonder if they are dreaming when they dream. Eowyn focused on that thought and let all others slip away, as though she was dreaming. I am not DREAMING! Eowyn insisted. People do not wonder if they are dreaming when they dream.
But everything moved so slowly. She felt as though it was a false sun that shone through the window's glass. A false draft that made her shiver and pull her mantle closer. As she did, she wondered where she recognized the smell that came off of it from. It smells like Faramir. She realized. It was then that she realized that she had not donned any normal mantle, indeed it had been the one that Faramir had given to her. She did not know the story behind the cloak, but she did know that it had belonged to the Lady Finduilas at one point.
Why did I choose this one? she wondered. Perhaps I just was not thinking about it, she then decided.
Finally, she reached the library door, part of her mind pondering the cloak and her choice's significance, and the other part reciting the line, people do not wonder if they are dreaming when the dream. Only a small corner of her brain registered that she was really in no condition to go out like this.
Quietly, hoping to sneak up on Faramir, Eowyn opened the door.
There was no one there.
Eowyn blinked several times and looked again at Faramir's favorite reading chair. Perhaps he's looking for a book, Eowyn figured. But after a thorough search of the library, Faramir was not to be found. Suddenly, Eowyn found herself on the verge of passing out. She hadn't realized how weak she had suddenly become. She had been pushing herself to far.
Sighing, Eowyn walked dazedly toward the door and out it. She meandered down the hall, again, not feeling anything. She focused on the one thought of reaching her own room, but she never succeeded. Ere she could reach her chamber, Eowyn found herself at a room that she knew would be deserted. A room that had a comfortable bed. A room that would not be disturbed. A room that called her to enter and lie down, if she could reach the bed without tripping over something.
(new scene)
Confusion swirled within Faramir's head. He had checked the stables, the halls, her room, the houses of healing, Beregond's, the dining hall, the practice courts, the armory, and even Aragorn didn't know where she was! Finally, as he strode down another hall, Faramir came across someone who might know something.
He was unsure as to whether Arwen still followed him, but it didn't really matter. As he walked briskly down this corridor, Faramir almost cried out with delight at the sight of Natalie walking towards him.
"Natalie! I cannot seem to find Eowyn. She is nowhere to be found! Do you know where she is?" he asked urgently.
Natalie paused, and then replied hesitantly, "yes, she was in her chambers--"
"I already checked there!"
"—but she said that she was going to the library to look for you. That is the last I know."
Faramir groaned softly.
What can I do? He wondered. he decided that there was nothing to be done but dash to the library and hope he caught up to Eowyn.
As he spun on the heel of his boot, he saw Arwen was no longer with him, so he ran on, wondering what had happened to her. But he did not have time to wonder for long before he was once again caught up in the chase that he had gotten himself into somehow.
More out of habit than reason, Faramir hesitated as he passed his brother's door. He wondered if he should just go in and let all of his troubles run right passed. He almost walked right by, but he could not resist just entering for a moment, just to catch his breath. Slowly, Faramir opened the door, and stood there, shocked out of his wits.
There, where there should be an empty bed, someone lay in the way Boromir always did when he was upset or angry. But rather than Boromir's dark hair, the woman on the bed wore her golden hair long and flowing, and it splayed all around her. It was at that moment that forced Faramir to realize what had first drawn him to Eowyn. She reminded him so of Boromir, his brother.
Eowyn lay there, body shaking with silent sobs. Faramir walked slowly over to her, worried for her. Eowyn groaned.
"Milady?" Faramir asked softly.
Eowyn's head snapped around, and Faramir got a clear look at her tear-streaked face, which was pale and sickly.
"Milady, what is the matter?"
Eowyn's eyes widened, and she touched her face, murmuring to herself, "Indeed I do admire your valor and your strength…"
"What?" Faramir asked, leaning closer.
Eowyn merely stared at him. Faramir was tempted to bring his hand up and touch his shoulder, for he felt almost certain that he had grown at least one more head.
"Did you say something my lady?"
She spoke louder this time. "Yes, I said 'Indeed I do admire your valor and your strength.' That is all."
Faramir frowned. It didn't make sense. Why would she be saying that she admired his valor and his strength? "I'm afraid you confuse me, milady."
At this more tears slid down Eowyn's cheeks as she explained. "You said that you admired my valor and strength. Yet, here you see me weak, ill, and frightened. Do you still admire me, milord? I am not the White Lady of Rohan, the Shieldmaiden from the north. I am Eowyn; that's all. I'm not valorous, my deeds are valorous. I am not brave, my deeds were brave. Is all I am to anyone my deeds?"
Faramir took a deep breath. Perhaps it was now or never. Perhaps he should tell her that he still loved her, and he always would even though she was going to reject him again. Maybe he should stop pretending and making things difficult. Maybe he should end this barrier in their friendship and put up a different, though honest, one.
"Yes, Eowyn," using her first name for this first time since she became so strange. "I do admire you. I more than admire you. I adore you. I love you with all my heart, and I shall never cease to feel so. You are valorous, and you are also many other things. You are a form of life. I do not characterize you as a woman, or even a human, for every being has weaknesses. That is the beauty of love, to love both the strengths and the weaknesses of someone. And that is how I feel for you. I want to help you, but I do not wish to help you change yourself, no one should do that to you. I also do not wish to help you become yourself, that was your responsibility. I wish to help you accept yourself. That is what I can do for you if you will let me; if you will accept me."
Faramir blinked at the realization that he had said all of that without even noticing. He didn't bother trying to stop though.
"I love you with all my heart, and you know this. I have loved you almost since I met you without ceasing. I have told you this, yet you have rejected me. I fully expect you to do so again, and I will accept your rejection without complaint, in addition to any other consequences of my declaration. But now you know the truth. I love you and I always will, no matter what you say now, or ever."
Eowyn looked at him warily. "Are you done now?" she asked.
Faramir looked up, thinking. "Yes," he responded.
She took a deep breath, and then launched into a speech of her own. "Oh Faramir, I've waited too long to tell you this. I just wanted to wait until you were well, and then you were engaged and then we found out about the Palantir, and then your father died, and then I thought you hated me, that's what Belegmir said, and then…"
"Belegmir said… Oh Natalie, you little trickster. She was trying to make me think you hated me, and she lassoed Belegmir into persuading you to think I thought that, so that we would talk to each other, or prove that it wasn't true! Oh…"
Eowyn leaned toward him, and he opened his arms and held her tightly. "Faramir?" she asked.
"Yes, Eowyn?"
"Did your brother know what the word 'clean' meant?"
"What? Oh. No. Or maybe he did and he just didn't care. Every time I asked him to clean up in here he would just laugh and say 'the maids can do it!' They would do what they could, but with Boromir, no one knew what ought to be washed and what could still be worn. He didn't really care though. When Elmir saw the room… She went nuts. But she lived in a different house, Boromir spent much of his time there himself, and so she didn't have to see it."
"Who is Elmir?" Eowyn asked.
Faramir drew a sharp intake of breath. "I never introduced you to Elmir? I never even told you she existed? I'm such a scatterbrain!" He exclaimed.
"Aye, that tells me what you are, but it does not tell me who she is," Eowyn pointed out.
"Oh, sorry. Elmir is Boromir's wife. They also have three children. Aramir, he's three, and Miriel and Dim. They're one. They are twins, but Boromir never met them. They were born on the day he died."
Eowyn thought for a moment, and then she asked, "Do you think we'll ever have children?"
Faramir hesitated, unsure how to respond. Should he say what he thought, and what he wanted, or should he take a wild guess as to what answer Eowyn would want?
The truth was what came out.
"Yes."
Eowyn smiled and held him tighter. "I love you. Faramir."
"I love you too, Eowyn."
Somewhere, a sea gull cried.