~Kelly's~
My shift started at nine but I went in early. I could not stand to be alone with my thoughts. Bobbie instantly noticed on my arrival that something was off.
"Elizabeth, you're not on the clock until nine. Is everything all right?" She asked, concerned.
I use to be able to tell Bobbie anything. She had been there for me after my rape and helped me get through Lucky's 'death'. But things are different between us now. The advice is no longer concerning my relationship with Lucky. This is about Jason. But I desperately needed to speak to someone and she was offering.
"Can we sit?" I asked.
She followed me to a table and sat down.
"Honey, what's wrong?" She asked, concerned.
"I made a mistake." I said, bluntly.
"Everybody makes mistakes, Elizabeth. What happened?"
"Last night I caught Lucky *with* Sarah. We fought and I did something I shouldn't have done. I said some things that were untruthful and just intended to hurt him. And now I've jeopardized a relationship with someone else important to me because I was too weak to deal with everything and just needed comfort. And I'm sure I've ruined my relationship with Lucky."
Bobbie took my hand.
"Elizabeth, you are anything but weak. You are one of the strongest people I know. Everybody makes mistakes. What happened that made you think you jeopardized your relationship with Lucky?"
"I said some things that were mean, and far from the truth. I was upset and gave him no chance to explain what happened between him and Sarah. And I lied to him, purposely, to hurt him."
"When you see Lucky, and sort this out, you'll know his side and you can explain yours. It will be okay."
I tried to smile, to let her know that I appreciated her advice, but I knew that my problems were not that cut and dry, and she wasn't catching on.
"You mentioned someone else?" She asked.
"I have this really complicated relationship with someone. He is very important to me but last night I disregarded our relationship by going to him for comfort."
Bobbie caught on immediately, and looked at me momentarily with a shocked expression. I was all the sudden afraid that she might guess whom it had happened with. She knew that I was close with Jason. She was one of the few people who knew the truth to why he had stayed at my studio that first winter. If she figured it out, what would she think of me?
"Do you think that he perceived what went on between you as something more than it was?"
"I care about him, a lot. And I know he cares about me. But I wanted what happened last night to mean something, not be something that we both regret."
"Do you regret what happened?"
"I regret that it happened the way that it did."
"My advice is for you to talk to him, Elizabeth. Tell him what you've told me. See what happens, you might be surprised." She said, getting up to help a customer.
I noticed the influx of customers and decided to start my shift. I went behind the counter and put on the apron, grabbed a pen and pad, and pushed thoughts of last night to the back of my mind.
* * * The influx of customers had become a trickle by the time he came in. I had planned to tell him it was too busy and we'd have to talk later but it seemed as if that excuse wouldn't work anymore.
I knew he'd see right through it anyway.
"Hey." He said as he caught my eyes.
"Hey." I muttered, off guard by his arrival despite the fact I knew he was coming.
"Do you want anything?" I asked, poised with my pad ready for his order.
"I didn't come here for coffee." He said, simply.
Bobbie came out of the back and soon everything registered. She looked at me knowingly.
"Elizabeth, go, take a break." She insisted.
I took off the apron and shoved it under the counter. As I walked past the end of the counter he put his hand on the small of my back to lead me out. The gesture, however unexpected, was still appreciated.
We sat down at one of the tables outside. We both said nothing for a while. But eventually I decided to tell him how I felt about what had happened. He deserved the truth.
"I'm sorry." I said, looking away.
"Sorry for what? You've done nothing wrong." He answered.
"I've ruined whatever chance we ever had."
"Elizabeth," He started, waiting until our eyes met, "You didn't."
"I have. The moment everything was perfect, I ruined it. I was done with Lucky and finally we could be together. But it shouldn't have happened the way it did. I was vulnerable and Lucky pushed me over the edge. He came by after you left last night and got me upset. I said some things . . . I lied, and I feel horrible."
"Elizabeth, he hurt you too. Sure, it might seem like what you did was unjustified, but sometimes we do things we don't mean to do. The only way we stop this pattern is to learn from our mistakes."
I looked down and leaned on my hands. I let my fingers comb through my hair, "God, Jason. Why are you so good to me?"
He took one of my hands and held it within his own, "Because of all you've done for me. Because of what you mean to me."
I gather enough courage to look up at him and meet his eyes. I squeezed his hand.
"You mean so much to me, Jason. But I think there are some things that I have to figure out myself, and this is one of them."
"Elizabeth, we shared something special last night. And no matter what happens now, I never want you to regret that night. We made a decision- maybe not a rational one-but it was a decision. We shared something that you hold sacred, and I understand that. That does not change the way I feel about you."
"Elizabeth?" Bobbie called from the diner.
I turned, "Yes?"
"Sorry to interrupt, but we really need you inside."
"Sure. I'll be there in a minute."
I turned back to Jason as Bobbie went back inside.
"Sorry, but I am at work." I apologized.
He smiled slightly, "Don't apologize. I'll see you later."
We both got up and Jason took my hand to his mouth and planted a single kiss, squeezed my hand, and slowly let it go.
I smiled and walked back into Kelly's.
My shift started at nine but I went in early. I could not stand to be alone with my thoughts. Bobbie instantly noticed on my arrival that something was off.
"Elizabeth, you're not on the clock until nine. Is everything all right?" She asked, concerned.
I use to be able to tell Bobbie anything. She had been there for me after my rape and helped me get through Lucky's 'death'. But things are different between us now. The advice is no longer concerning my relationship with Lucky. This is about Jason. But I desperately needed to speak to someone and she was offering.
"Can we sit?" I asked.
She followed me to a table and sat down.
"Honey, what's wrong?" She asked, concerned.
"I made a mistake." I said, bluntly.
"Everybody makes mistakes, Elizabeth. What happened?"
"Last night I caught Lucky *with* Sarah. We fought and I did something I shouldn't have done. I said some things that were untruthful and just intended to hurt him. And now I've jeopardized a relationship with someone else important to me because I was too weak to deal with everything and just needed comfort. And I'm sure I've ruined my relationship with Lucky."
Bobbie took my hand.
"Elizabeth, you are anything but weak. You are one of the strongest people I know. Everybody makes mistakes. What happened that made you think you jeopardized your relationship with Lucky?"
"I said some things that were mean, and far from the truth. I was upset and gave him no chance to explain what happened between him and Sarah. And I lied to him, purposely, to hurt him."
"When you see Lucky, and sort this out, you'll know his side and you can explain yours. It will be okay."
I tried to smile, to let her know that I appreciated her advice, but I knew that my problems were not that cut and dry, and she wasn't catching on.
"You mentioned someone else?" She asked.
"I have this really complicated relationship with someone. He is very important to me but last night I disregarded our relationship by going to him for comfort."
Bobbie caught on immediately, and looked at me momentarily with a shocked expression. I was all the sudden afraid that she might guess whom it had happened with. She knew that I was close with Jason. She was one of the few people who knew the truth to why he had stayed at my studio that first winter. If she figured it out, what would she think of me?
"Do you think that he perceived what went on between you as something more than it was?"
"I care about him, a lot. And I know he cares about me. But I wanted what happened last night to mean something, not be something that we both regret."
"Do you regret what happened?"
"I regret that it happened the way that it did."
"My advice is for you to talk to him, Elizabeth. Tell him what you've told me. See what happens, you might be surprised." She said, getting up to help a customer.
I noticed the influx of customers and decided to start my shift. I went behind the counter and put on the apron, grabbed a pen and pad, and pushed thoughts of last night to the back of my mind.
* * * The influx of customers had become a trickle by the time he came in. I had planned to tell him it was too busy and we'd have to talk later but it seemed as if that excuse wouldn't work anymore.
I knew he'd see right through it anyway.
"Hey." He said as he caught my eyes.
"Hey." I muttered, off guard by his arrival despite the fact I knew he was coming.
"Do you want anything?" I asked, poised with my pad ready for his order.
"I didn't come here for coffee." He said, simply.
Bobbie came out of the back and soon everything registered. She looked at me knowingly.
"Elizabeth, go, take a break." She insisted.
I took off the apron and shoved it under the counter. As I walked past the end of the counter he put his hand on the small of my back to lead me out. The gesture, however unexpected, was still appreciated.
We sat down at one of the tables outside. We both said nothing for a while. But eventually I decided to tell him how I felt about what had happened. He deserved the truth.
"I'm sorry." I said, looking away.
"Sorry for what? You've done nothing wrong." He answered.
"I've ruined whatever chance we ever had."
"Elizabeth," He started, waiting until our eyes met, "You didn't."
"I have. The moment everything was perfect, I ruined it. I was done with Lucky and finally we could be together. But it shouldn't have happened the way it did. I was vulnerable and Lucky pushed me over the edge. He came by after you left last night and got me upset. I said some things . . . I lied, and I feel horrible."
"Elizabeth, he hurt you too. Sure, it might seem like what you did was unjustified, but sometimes we do things we don't mean to do. The only way we stop this pattern is to learn from our mistakes."
I looked down and leaned on my hands. I let my fingers comb through my hair, "God, Jason. Why are you so good to me?"
He took one of my hands and held it within his own, "Because of all you've done for me. Because of what you mean to me."
I gather enough courage to look up at him and meet his eyes. I squeezed his hand.
"You mean so much to me, Jason. But I think there are some things that I have to figure out myself, and this is one of them."
"Elizabeth, we shared something special last night. And no matter what happens now, I never want you to regret that night. We made a decision- maybe not a rational one-but it was a decision. We shared something that you hold sacred, and I understand that. That does not change the way I feel about you."
"Elizabeth?" Bobbie called from the diner.
I turned, "Yes?"
"Sorry to interrupt, but we really need you inside."
"Sure. I'll be there in a minute."
I turned back to Jason as Bobbie went back inside.
"Sorry, but I am at work." I apologized.
He smiled slightly, "Don't apologize. I'll see you later."
We both got up and Jason took my hand to his mouth and planted a single kiss, squeezed my hand, and slowly let it go.
I smiled and walked back into Kelly's.