It was almost time to close and I was cleaning off the tables in
preparation. I heard the bell above the door jingle and I turned,
horrified to see Lucky. I wasn't ready to face him-but I guess I really
don't have a choice in the matter.
He attempted to just go upstairs but I stopped him, I could not stand leaving things the way they were.
"Lucky . . ." I started, and he turned to face me.
"I'm sorry about last night. I never gave you the chance to explain and I said some horrible things that I didn't mean, most of which were not true."
Obviously still upset, he took a jab, "Why should I be surprised? Elizabeth. When it concerns Jason, I expect you to lie."
"Lucky, that was a cheap shot and you know it."
"You took one at me last night."
I sighed, "That's what I'm trying to apologize for."
"Sometimes it's not as easy as 'I'm sorry'."
I threw down my dishtowel in frustration, "I'm not sure why I even attempted to apologize. You were the one in bed with my sister! You should be apologizing to me!"
"What do you want me to say, Elizabeth? You want me to say that it's always been her? That we've kept in close contact over the years and all you said last night was true? That you were always second best? Well, I'm not going to because that would be a lie. I'm not going to lie and give you a reason to run to Jason. I'm not going to give you a reason to hate me so you won't feel guilty. You were always number one-the only one-for me."
"I could never hate you Lucky, and not for lack of trying. I could never go behind you back and sleep with anyone-let alone your sibling-because it would hurt me too much to know what I was doing to you. You can think whatever you want about what happened between Jason and me-but the bottom line is, I never cheated on you. There was never a single kiss, let alone anything further."
(At least while Lucky and me were officially together)
"Nikolas told me what he walked in on while I was gone. A bare-chested Jason and you at your studio! So don't even try to pull a fast one on me."
"Jason was shot! I was fixing his bandage! Nikolas only saw what he wanted to see so he could have an excuse for hating Jason."
"He already had an excuse. He was almost killed by a bullet that was meant for Jason. He's dangerous Elizabeth---Why can't you get that? I don't want some stray bullet aimed at him to hit you!"
I let out a sigh, surprised by the revelation.
"Last night you said you wouldn't shed a tear if I died. What's changed, Lucky?"
"Nothing-Elizabeth, can't you see? No matter what Helena tries, or the lies we tell eachother, I still care about you. I don't remember loving you but I know in my heart that I did. Every time I see you I feel something vacant inside as if I should feel something but I don't. That was stolen-I didn't willingly remove it. We've tried, Elizabeth-God, we've tried. I want to be with you. I want so hard to remember the feeling of loving you. I have the memories, but I can't for the life of me recreate what we had."
He had to stop momentarily to get his thoughts into focus. Shocked, I remained speechless.
"With Sarah-I just wanted to feel something. I know it's not love-but it's the closest I have right now. And sometimes you have to feel something or you'll just close off your heart and be unable to feel anything. I've felt that and it's the worst feeling of all."
It took a moment for me to register everything that was just said.
"I want you to be happy Lucky, I do. But everyday I am faced with these memories and these feelings of what we once had. I cannot let go of them because it would be like saying I'm giving up on you. And the part of me that loves you won't allow that. For so long I pictured our wedding day, what our kids would look like, how it would feel to wake up next to you each morning-and I'll never have that. But the desire will always be there." I stated, the tears beginning to fall.
We were in arms length of eachother. He held out his arms and pulled me close. He wrapped his arms around me and for a moment I ventured back in my mind to the days that this simple gesture meant the world to me.
"I can't give you what you want, or what you need. Right now all I can offer is friendship-and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to offer you more. But I can honestly tell you that there will never be a time when I don't love you. That will always be true."
I guess in hindsight I did hear the bell above the door jingle. But at the moment it did not register. I'm not sure if Lucky heard it either. But the bell above the door did ring.
"I'll always love you, Lucky." I offered.
The door shut after this. The man had heard what was said and opted not to interrupt. He was on the other side of the door still, having never actually ventured inside.
The same woman had shattered his heart again. He was afraid if it happened again there might be no hope of it being pieced back together.
His options were clear-leave or watch on the sidelines as the woman he loved is once again caught in the tangled web known as Lucky Spencer.
He left the dozen sterling roses on the closest diner table and walked towards his motorcycle. He got on and started up the motor. This time he was sure he would never look back.
He took of into the night.
Just as he crossed the city line, I emerged from the diner. Lucky had gone upstairs to his room. I noticed the roses right away.
"Jason, you didn't have to do this." I called out to the shadows.
There was no answer. I looked around and called again, this time more urgent, "Jason?"
He never answered.
He attempted to just go upstairs but I stopped him, I could not stand leaving things the way they were.
"Lucky . . ." I started, and he turned to face me.
"I'm sorry about last night. I never gave you the chance to explain and I said some horrible things that I didn't mean, most of which were not true."
Obviously still upset, he took a jab, "Why should I be surprised? Elizabeth. When it concerns Jason, I expect you to lie."
"Lucky, that was a cheap shot and you know it."
"You took one at me last night."
I sighed, "That's what I'm trying to apologize for."
"Sometimes it's not as easy as 'I'm sorry'."
I threw down my dishtowel in frustration, "I'm not sure why I even attempted to apologize. You were the one in bed with my sister! You should be apologizing to me!"
"What do you want me to say, Elizabeth? You want me to say that it's always been her? That we've kept in close contact over the years and all you said last night was true? That you were always second best? Well, I'm not going to because that would be a lie. I'm not going to lie and give you a reason to run to Jason. I'm not going to give you a reason to hate me so you won't feel guilty. You were always number one-the only one-for me."
"I could never hate you Lucky, and not for lack of trying. I could never go behind you back and sleep with anyone-let alone your sibling-because it would hurt me too much to know what I was doing to you. You can think whatever you want about what happened between Jason and me-but the bottom line is, I never cheated on you. There was never a single kiss, let alone anything further."
(At least while Lucky and me were officially together)
"Nikolas told me what he walked in on while I was gone. A bare-chested Jason and you at your studio! So don't even try to pull a fast one on me."
"Jason was shot! I was fixing his bandage! Nikolas only saw what he wanted to see so he could have an excuse for hating Jason."
"He already had an excuse. He was almost killed by a bullet that was meant for Jason. He's dangerous Elizabeth---Why can't you get that? I don't want some stray bullet aimed at him to hit you!"
I let out a sigh, surprised by the revelation.
"Last night you said you wouldn't shed a tear if I died. What's changed, Lucky?"
"Nothing-Elizabeth, can't you see? No matter what Helena tries, or the lies we tell eachother, I still care about you. I don't remember loving you but I know in my heart that I did. Every time I see you I feel something vacant inside as if I should feel something but I don't. That was stolen-I didn't willingly remove it. We've tried, Elizabeth-God, we've tried. I want to be with you. I want so hard to remember the feeling of loving you. I have the memories, but I can't for the life of me recreate what we had."
He had to stop momentarily to get his thoughts into focus. Shocked, I remained speechless.
"With Sarah-I just wanted to feel something. I know it's not love-but it's the closest I have right now. And sometimes you have to feel something or you'll just close off your heart and be unable to feel anything. I've felt that and it's the worst feeling of all."
It took a moment for me to register everything that was just said.
"I want you to be happy Lucky, I do. But everyday I am faced with these memories and these feelings of what we once had. I cannot let go of them because it would be like saying I'm giving up on you. And the part of me that loves you won't allow that. For so long I pictured our wedding day, what our kids would look like, how it would feel to wake up next to you each morning-and I'll never have that. But the desire will always be there." I stated, the tears beginning to fall.
We were in arms length of eachother. He held out his arms and pulled me close. He wrapped his arms around me and for a moment I ventured back in my mind to the days that this simple gesture meant the world to me.
"I can't give you what you want, or what you need. Right now all I can offer is friendship-and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to offer you more. But I can honestly tell you that there will never be a time when I don't love you. That will always be true."
I guess in hindsight I did hear the bell above the door jingle. But at the moment it did not register. I'm not sure if Lucky heard it either. But the bell above the door did ring.
"I'll always love you, Lucky." I offered.
The door shut after this. The man had heard what was said and opted not to interrupt. He was on the other side of the door still, having never actually ventured inside.
The same woman had shattered his heart again. He was afraid if it happened again there might be no hope of it being pieced back together.
His options were clear-leave or watch on the sidelines as the woman he loved is once again caught in the tangled web known as Lucky Spencer.
He left the dozen sterling roses on the closest diner table and walked towards his motorcycle. He got on and started up the motor. This time he was sure he would never look back.
He took of into the night.
Just as he crossed the city line, I emerged from the diner. Lucky had gone upstairs to his room. I noticed the roses right away.
"Jason, you didn't have to do this." I called out to the shadows.
There was no answer. I looked around and called again, this time more urgent, "Jason?"
He never answered.