Black. The water was back again, but all he could see was blackness. Like being trapped in night, without the stars, not mere dark, but a night that was thick and tangible. He flailed, trying to push his way to the top. Rough hands held him down, choking the life from him. He spluttered up to the surface briefly, coughing, choking, before being shoved back under.

"For God's sake, Jonothan, kill it!" screeched a panic-filled voice. Mother? He heard a hysterical sobbing sound, followed by a sharp slap. The pressure holding him under eased, and he gulped at the air like a fish.

"Get a 'old of yerself, woman!" hissed an angry voice, but the sobs continued. His breath regained, he joined the crying with a croaking wail of his own, and the hands returned, pushing him back under, but they we shaking now. "Mary!"

"Let me kill it!" He couldn't breathe; the black water filled his lungs, filled all of him.

"Mary for the love of God! That's your son!" Something pulling at the hands, but they were adamant. A laugh more like a sob, and more pressure.

"...Not mine! It's not mine it's not mine it's not mine..." The hands took on the rhythm of the crazed chant, shaking, jolting him under the water as it continued, like a mad song. "Not mine! Not mine! Not mine!" He moved his arms desperately, searching for a way back up to the air.

Let me up! I can't breathe! I can't breathe! No! NO!!

THUMP!

Toad landed on the ground next to the couch, breathing hard. The impenatrable blackness of the water faded and he could make out vauge shapes of the apartment around him. Outside the window, the soft whirr of traffic could be heard. Toad closed his eyes and hugged himself tightly, shaking. He clenched his teeth, trying not to cry. The nightmares had come back. It had been years since he'd had them, years since the memories had forced their way into his mind. He drew rapid, trembling breaths through his teeth and rocked back and forth, hunched into himself, willing it all to go away. But it wouldn't. He could still hear the woman's --My mother! he thought, anguished-- insane voice chanting it's maniacal song: "Not mine not mine not mine..." He felt himself sobbing dryly, no tears, just sharp, convulsing breaths. That was what he was... His own mother had tried to drown him.... What kind of a child deserves that? He knew. He did--a horrible, disgusting freak like him. Oh God...

"Todd?" yawned a sleepy voice. Gabby was standing in the doorway, the hall light on behind her, rubbing her head and blinking owlishly. "Y'kay?" He forced himself to relax and closed his eyes before he had enough confidance in his voice to respond."

"Yeah," he breathed. "Jus' a nightmare." Gabby nodded and grunted something, and left. Toad lay still for a long while, then rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes and up his forehead, pressing hard as if to squash the images back to the dark corner of his mind they had come from. With a soft groan, he raised himself to a sitting position, head between his knees, hands resting on his feet and forced himself to take deep, slow breaths, clenching and unclenching his fist.

"Here." Todd looked up to see Gabby holding a mug out to him. Her expression suggested sleepy concern.

"Wossat?"

"Tea." He took it, his hand curling around the mug, taking comfort in its warmth. Gabby helped him back onto the couch and sat down beside him. The scent of peppermint and cammomile wafted up from the steaming brew. He sat, hunched over his cup and stared at the brown liquid as if it held a secret, then took a sip, almost desperately, and sighed. It was good. He concentrated on the tension leaving his body, on letting the nightmares flow out of him. There would be no more sleep for him tonight, he knew that.

Suddenly he stiffened, feeling a hand on his head. Gabby gently ran her fingers through his spiky hair. He didn't look at her, but slowly relaxed as she lightly massaged his head. Neither spoke. He finished up the tea and put the cup down on the low table in front of him. Gabby stood up silently, and with one last brush of his hair, murmured goodnight and went back to her room. Toad sat, staring at nothing in particular long into the night.





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Author's Notes

Mmmmm...angst. And short. In case you can't tell, I absolutely love angst, and angst boys. What's the saying? "Girls like angst bishies because they need to be cuddled to feel better." Sumthin' like that. (However, note to all vou naive highschoolers out there: Do /not/ go for angst guys in real life. I promise you, it gets old fast. But this is the wonderful world of fiction). ...I need a cup of tea now (speaking of which Camomile and Peppermint are ingredients in SleepyTime(tm) Tea, which is just the thing for soothing a little toad's nightmares. I like this chapter just because, for once, Gabby doesn't talk much. Yay Nuisance.

Toad and X-men are (c) Marvel.